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What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol. I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met. As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful. And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance. Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there. All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :) Mr. SRO

Photographer/Videographer/Cinematographer - Want a pro shoot and a really low cost? - Hey swingers, I (Don) am a pro photographer. I also do video work as well. Would love to shoot some stills or vid for ya. I have a background in nudes, implied nudes, boudoir etc. I will provide some examples in my port for your review. I do not expect any "play time". It's strictly professional. You get all the photos! :) I will also post process (color/exposure correct). If you are interested, give me a call. Don 801-807-8057 P.S. I am shooting with the new Nikon D800, so you will be getting amazingly sharp, 36 Megapixel shots! Tools of the trade: Nikon D800 Canon 7D

Girls that are into DP - How common is this activity among the swingers? - done it ones, was the best thing ever

New Profile Game - Utah/Non-Utah - New Profile Game - Utah/Non-Utah - Utah swingers just look eternally happier

Young swingers party - sold out, who still wants to party ? - [quote=EVILDOERS][quote=LOOKIN4FUN369][quote=RECON]It's funny how it says young swingers party for those under 45. Such a percentage of the peeps who RSVP'd are over that, or are lying. [/quote] They are wanting to creep up on the attractive 20's and 30's olds. [/quote] Well they ARE pretty easy to creep up on. Most of them have their noses buried in their phones 24/7. [img]http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/be-very-calm-because-i-m-creeping-up-behind-you.png[/img] [/quote] Welcome to modern society

Simpsons: Is Marge going to be a Swinger? - - [quote=GINGERG][quote=SEXPERIMENTORS]In the shows season finally on Sunday, May 19th Marge joins a swingers on-line dating site. Seth MacFarlane, the shows creator, lends his voice to a married man that Marge meets on the site. This should be interesting. Mr. Sexperimentors [/quote] I don't think Seth MacFarlane makes that show, and i'm pretty sure the creaters mom who he named marge after just died[/quote] You are correct. Marge Groening died recently in her 90s. The show's creator is Matt Groening of Portland, Oregon, who named the character after his mother. Mrs. Enlightened, in her college days, worked at an all night Portland diner and one of her regulars in the wee hours of the morning was a struggling young cartoonist who would doodle images on the napkins and get her thoughts. Yep, Matt Groening. She remembers panning his idea of a woman with big blue hair. Good thing he did not listen to her. Groening no longer writes the episodes. There are about 16 writers, and occasionally they have a guest writer (quite often it is Joel Coen of Fargo and Big Lebowski fame). Always possible Seth MacFarlane is a guest writer.

Utah Soft Swappers meet and great - Button up 134 Pierpont, Salt Lake City - [quote=Smartflirts]Recon knows what’s up. They have been around a while and they are trolling you. LOL. Our profile talks a little about softswap and how some fullswap couples can be douchebags to those who don’t full swap. Some of those douchebags WISH they had been more open and cool to us when we first started. The truth is the LS is and should be just fun. No matter your level of play or even no play and just social fun...social fun, flirting, and being open and dressing sexy is our favorite thing. Swapping, at any level, is great as is any sexual experience with the RIGHT people. It’s all the other fun stuff that surrounds those experiences that really makes it fun.[/quote] Fwiw, We know RECON. We've actually met once or twice IRL and know his (her?) sense of humor. In fact, we even know the origin of their screen name. It's, like, short for 'recondition' or 'reconstruction' or 'recontour' or something like that. Anyway, I just thought I would use his/her acerbic comment as a teaching moment to help anyone new to the scene with some of the jargon or slang, if you will, that swingers use so that they'll know which tab (usually A) goes into which slot (usually B)...and when. Nobody ever told us this valuable insider info when we were noobs and we made a LOT of swinger faux pas. We were taking off our clothes at wholly inappropriate times (and places), tabs were going into the wrong slots (often even into the wrong genders!), dogs and cats were sleeping together...it was MAYHEM. It took us many years to figure it all out on our own and by the time we actually did figure it out we were old and decrepit and nobody wanted to swap (soft OR hard) with us anymore. Now all we're left with is ULTRA soft swap which usually involves using sock puppets, pantomiming sex, while we watch another couple...also using their own sock puppets. It's quite sad and pathetic. [img]https://www.askideas.com/media/25/They-Love-To-Get-Fisted-Funny-Sock-Puppets.jpg[/img]

seniors - why is it so difficult to find senior swingers or single ladies? -

KITTYWOO,

I don't think you can generalize people by locale. Political position also has nothing to do with tact. Both Dems and Reps can "mud sling" and both can be vulgar. You can't say that all southern people are well-mannered and cordial, after all they still have the highest levels of open racism in their states, to include forms of self-imposed segregation. We know first hand, we moved from the south to Utah. A year in the South Carolina (An Uber Republican State), we saw racism, like we've never seen it. Does that mean all Southern people are ignorant racists??? No, just as it means that not all are good well mannered, polite individuals. The same applies to the more liberal states. Locale has absolutely nothing to do with it. Thinking like that... generalizing... sterotyping is what breeds hate and intolerance. Using these forums as an example; most people that claim that they are above the mud slinging, name calling or other social taboos, are a regular source of it. They are the first to critisize everyone they interact with, yet pull no punches and often hypocritically violate the rules they try to impose on everyone. I've learned that there are a lot of people here that like to dictate to others what swinging and social interaction should be, yet they do not wish to be generalized or categorized within those confines. Regarding the subject of this thread... I think that if you have an attractive quality a "draw" and there is someone available that is draw to said quality, then you will be successful. We all have factors which attract or repel others. Unfortunately, sometimes this is age. Just as it maybe financial means, material possessions, breast implants, flawless skin, sense of humor or a million other things... We just have to keep our bait out their and someone will bite.


-Don-

Girls that are into DP - How common is this activity among the swingers? - thanks justlooking

Ways to point out Swingers in public - - ^ all true, but if we see a black ring on a right hand AND a wedding ring on the left hand, we’re going to ask a few subtle questions to see if they are LS or not. It’s just for fun, chances are still low they are LS. As far as picking LS couples out...pre-LS we wouldn’t know what to look for but now it’s not that hard. Watch them at a club and you can often tell. It’s a fun game to play.