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single males - - Thank you for opening the topic. I hope that it will be used shed some insight and not just complain.
In a place like Habits there are vanilla singles that have no clue that swingers congregate there. So there will naturally be more problem in that environment than a private party.
At a house party the only people that should be there are those that are invited by the host and hostess. Every one of the guests should have known the rules or etiquette of this lifestyle. If you had complaints, they should have been addressed last night with the hosts. Evidently the balance you were looking for was not there.
Sadly it is difficult for most singles to figure out how to talk to a swinging couple. There are no schools or training centers to teach this. As a single male, conversation at a vanilla party with a couple is much easier. Most often the men and women separate and we talk with one or the other without expectations on either side. Sometimes conversation is just conversation.
I find that making friends is generally more difficult in this lifestyle because of the sexual expectations of many. I think that you will find a number of the single men, after getting the cold shoulder from many husbands, find it easier to attempt to talk to the women because they lack the skills to talk with both. It is a mistake but it is also part of the learning process.
There is no excuse for rude behavior on the part of the single male but neither is there an excuse for the typical married male attitude. Single males are always and have always been a pariah and dam few couples want them at any party. I came into this lifestyle as a single male looking to make male friends to hang with that would help me understand the rules. I found most of the males were cold and suspicious and difficult to talk with.
I was not looking for women to play with nearly as much as I was looking for a girlfriend that was already in the lifestyle. But I am sure that as far as most were concerned all I wanted to find was their wife
couples gf? - has any couples thought of this or had/have a gf - [quote=ABCMAN][quote=ASSETS][quote=VIRANI]is it wrong of me to believe that no girlfriend of a couple should expect anything beyond sex?[/quote]
nope. I think the same... if a girlfriend expects more, then she is just setting herself up for a broken heart and disappointment.[/quote]
It's not that easy. What if the man falls for the girlfriend. It is possible to love more then one person romantically, it happens all the time. Even friends of mine who have cheated on their wives, still love their wives, it's not just sex to some of these men.
Sometimes I wonder if "Swingers" or "lifestylers" get so paranoid about falling for someone that they miss some of the fun that comes with sexual play with those you care about or ...cough...love. Love isn't something that is always controllable or a feeling that always can be tamed. I've read these posts for years, and it happens all the time in the lifestyle. Couple "A" plays with single male or female, they play often, soon one of the couple is in love with the secondary, then all hell breaks loose. I just asked myself, why? That person you fell in love with originally is still the same person, they may love someone else as well, but they in most cases still love you as well. Shut down the social conditioning that tells you it's wrong! So is swinging by the way if you listen to those religious cultural voices. Talk it over with your spouse, let them know it's okay to feel what ever they want to feel. Keep those communication lines open, and often the "fallen" partner will realize they love two and they do not have to love only one person. Sorry for the sermon, but I just cringe when I read these replies where people attempt to deny what makes them fundamentally human. It's okay to love others, even if they are not your spouse. Just remember who you are going home with and who was by your side the last umpteen years.[/quote]
I used to work for a MORMON sex therapist... his usual statement" Love is easy... for the most part it requires the right emotion and the right impetus.... It's the RELATIONSHIP that is hard." I love many of the bodies/minds that I've touched... but I've never found a satisfaction better than what I've discovered with a husband of 17 years and our two amazing kids. I don't need anything from outside sources but a chance to see "what's out there..."
Perhaps that's the real difficulty... analyzing our motives and admitting our jealousies. For example, I consider myself flat chested... It's why I LOVE encounters with buxom women... but I am willing to admit that my interest comes from a place of jealousy ... I don't ignore jealousies...I use them to my advantage. I am not girlfriend material... Monogamy bores me. But I do fit in with the group of couples who want full honesty.
Swingular Changing name to: - I think Swingular should change it's name to "Hateular" - We have seen some of the more negative posts. We have also made the mistake of stating our position on a subject and had some folks come down on us. It is nice to see that most of the folks on Swingular take exception to that behavior.
As for single guys ......... Right time, right place, from time to time ........ we enjoy the company of a polite single male. Unless they whine about being a single male on a swingers site designed primarily for couples.
It is simply a social expression of an economic law -- Supply and Demand. Within swinging the supply of single males far exceeds the demand. Thus their value within the world of swinging is greatly deminished.
It is not my intention to demean any single male as an individual. As individuals each has their own worth. It is just that we are in the "business" of swinging here and business is business.
Combining Lifestyle & Non-Lifestyle Friends - - This seems a bit more "adventurous" than I would likely try. There are just such different standards ... comparing swingers and vanilla friends. Recipe for possible embarrassment, trouble ... or whatever, if you ask me.
Do you think they're swingers? - - This really doesn't have ANYTHING to do with swinging but it's just SO FUCKED UP that I had to post it for anyone who missed it.
[url=http://mirror.ninja/726i]Randy Quaid fucks his wife while she wears a Rupert Murdock mask[/url]
KUTV News Story on Swingers - News - To each there own. But My husband and i have only tried swinging once. We were not in a rut we were not looking to spice things up it just kind of happened. But i can say the experiance actually brpught us closer together. And we are looking forward to trying it again in the future.
This one time at Swingers Camp... - N By N Camp out - on my calendar for next year....im even going to buy camping stuff....including some dramamine. apparently a rocking trailer screams to helped along. hello motion sickness...lol. thank you to those who held my hand, rocked my world, and looked out for my welfare. and yes, I do now understand the difference between my battery light and low radiator fluid. ~blush~
xox
tammy
If your family or non swinging friends found out you swing - - In UT it has some different connotations because of the predominant religion here. Although a few of the people we have met are still practicing, it is definately frowned upon and the majority have parents or family that are still card carrying (*UT JOKE) members.
So, that the big risk of being found out, but they way we look at it, if my family came to me and said "so and so said that you were swingers...." my response would be "my sex life is private, just like yours, and if you want to tell me how your wife likes it and give me all the sordid details of your sex life, then I can answer your question, if not, we both can go on our merry way and not delve into each others sex lives, where it is none of our business anyhow!"
How do you spot a Swinger..?! - tell tell signs of the lifestyle - I really think that we should go with the wristband idea because even when I got to our clubs I cannot tell who is or isn't! Nothing is worse then having a gf yell at you to quit looking at her man because they aren't swingers...my come back was, I wasn't checking him out, I was looking at you! That shut her up! But seriously, the wristbands would be wonderful!
MFM Threesome Etiquette - MFM Threesome Etiquette - In some circles the husband gets treated just like every other male in the group and in some they get special privileges. If it is something you worry about then discuss it first. A man may not be homophobic but that does not mean that he wants to suck your husband off either. So consider this, if both men ware condoms it removes a potential problem and the discussion is not necessary.
Remember that for many swingers it is not a matter of pregnancy or a matter of safe play but what we simply like or dislike. Etiquette is about how we interact with others and that interaction is not always logical, especially when it comes to sex.
It should be OK for anyone to politely say that something is out side their comfort zone without offending the others in a group setting.
There are things that can be done in a MFM that simply can not be done as a couple. If you want to have the best sex then you need to speak up and guide your BF and Husband some and let them experiment some. If you do not let them know what you desire then you may not get it.
If you decide that you like or you don
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