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Staying a couple in the lifestyle - - Our experience so far:
Religious > naturist > meet naturists/nudists who are swingers > soft swap > non-religious > full swap with couples same room > full swap separate room
Many lifestyle couples we know have followed a very similar path.
The rest of some of their evolution concerns us, especial polyamorous couples, triples, etc.
The tendency seems to be (very generalized) is to date and play separately. If the relationship becomes polyamorous, divorce seems VERY common.
We like having more than physical chemistry. Personality and interests are part of the package, but it is difficult to get an 8 way connection (chemistry between all 4 people).
We actually like the friendships more than playing, so we are comfortable where we are at the moment.
Thoughts?
Staying a couple in the lifestyle - - [quote=zugzug]We've been at the LS nearly our entire 15 year marriage.. and we've always done things as a couple. Even way back when we were newly hatched swingers, we've always done it as a couple, and we've used our real names from the beginning, mostly because we're not creative enough to come up with fake names. Neither of us would make good actors, because we'd never respond to anything but our real names either 🤣
We started this together with equal gusto with the idea of having fun together while having sex with other people at the same time, and with people we want to be friends with, and not exclusively in the bedroom either.
Has it always worked out that way? No but that's okay. We've always still managed to have fun. Anything that we can experience with each other and share together has made it 100% worthwhile. The day we can't have fun doing this together is the day we go back to being sexually monogamous. Simple as that.
But the REAL secret to why we're still happily married is that there is one thing we do separately, which may be problematic for some.
It's scary sharing this, but here goes....
We don't share blankets. We can't do it. We've tried, and it doesn't work for us. We're both very needy in regards to tossing and turning and being wrapped in our own blankets. Plus, we've got our individual blanket needs that can't be met with exclusively with the same one.[/quote]
We also draw the line at blankets because we saw how well that worked out for so many Native Americans back in the day. :-( But we do share other stuff because, well...sharing is caring.
[img]https://i.imgflip.com/41icsj.jpg[/img]
Why did you join Swingular? - Wondering what brings people here - lol..everyone here started out as "We joined....." well, I joined because I am looking to enrichen my life with new friends, new people, and have fun in the meantime. There are so many people out there who are stuffy individuals; swingers just let loose and whatever happens, happens! (Not to mention a friend of mine reccommended this site and convinced me to join.....)
swingin - thought this site was a swingers site - now one more time to virgin isn't the definition of ironic and i quote no one:what women in the old days did to get the wrinkles out of your ic
Phil
We have heard about it many times........... - Couples that are swingers - Well the first and biggest thing i can see is communication, especially between the couples before they play. I dont know why its so hard to ask your partner whether it be a girl or guy if this is ok and if not just let them know. Your partner needs to know you are here together to expand your experiences and for them, not so you can be selfish and have it all for yourself.
I dont know why someone would put themselves in a situation they know from the get-go that they are gunna get jealous about. I mean your not stupid you know if your a jealous person either talk with your partner about it or dont do it.
I think the stupid male ego comes into play alot hence why you see it being us guys that start the drama. Ow is he bigger than me, ow is he better than me, ow is she gunna be thinking of him when we have sex, I mean get over yourself!!!! I saw a topic in one of the forums here bout dick size and couldnt believe how many guys are worried bout it. Personally I could care less my woman is with me cause she loves me, its a mutual agreement that we are in this lifestyle not a onesided decision.
I am sorry that you had the bad experience but dont blame yourself and roll with it not all of us are like that. As someone already said body language is a HUGE tell tale sign.
Vanilla Party pickups - Vanilla Party pickups - I doubt it, unless they are already in the lifestyle and attending as vanilla. I have known people that were not in the lifestyle do it with someone that they have known for a while but you would not consider and they do not consider themselves swingers. So maybe it is possible. If it happens to you let the rest of us know.
Tooele swingers party 2 - Doing our second party - So were going to host a second party at our house in tooele. Now that we've got a better on idea on what to do going forward. So were looking for couples to join. Please feel free to message if interested.
Have you ever.... - - Have we ever? Nope. For the simple reason that we think it's a little bit unfair. Especially when we're somewhere where alcohol is being consumed and there is a chance that the person we're picking up isn't making a fully sober, informed decision. Yes, I know many will say that we're all adults and adults can make their own choices sober or not. But Ms. Evil and I consciously and soberly made the decision to explore the lifestyle, together. Why doesn't every other person deserve the chance to do that as well? Now if we were to meet someone, identify ourselves as swingers, and then that person or persons goes home and thinks about it and THEN contacts us to tell us they are interested in knowing or doing more then hell yes, game on! This lifestyle is NOT for everyone. The VAST majority of people simply cannot handle it. If someone wants to explore it alone or especially with their significant other then they deserve to do it on their own terms without undue influence by other people (and by booze or drugs). We know that's not the popular opinion by the "all is fair in love and war" crowd but it's how we feel. Just our opinion.
Soft swap - Soft swap vs Full swap - Top definition according to our Unabashed Urban Dictionary via google search and everything is according to google, right?
SOFT SWAP:
To share spouses/mates with another to the point of digital and/or oral copulation only.
This term comes from the home of Stephen, SuperGenius, who invented it spontaneously while referring to timid wanna-be swingers unwilling to take the PLUNGE
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HARD SWAP:
When you trade sexual partners...as opposed to soft swap where you just watch, or be watched, the other couple having sex. Sometimes soft swap does entail the trading of oral sex between the different couples.
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No Seriously, everyone most likely has their own definition of these "soft swap", "hard swap" terms. So rather than leave it up to each individual's own version or opinion...wouldn't it be a good idea to simply discuss with all what each is comfortable doing and what the boundaries may be on a particular night and/or with a particular couple or play partner? We believe communication is the key and everyone should feel comfortable and that there should be no pressure and no expectations.
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