Manly Swingers in Iowa

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What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol. I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met. As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful. And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance. Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there. All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :) Mr. SRO

How to get started? - - We would recommend to find someone interesting to you, write and meet. We have found, and this is not scientific, but it is our experience, that if they do not want to meet for drinks or coffee after an email or two, they are not really interested but do not know how to say as such. This is not to say that you should meet and jump into the bed, but meeting is key. We have found very few people who are what their pics and profile say, us included, we hear many times, "Boy glad we took a chance, you should get better pics" and such. Those who post old pics are easily identified, they have the old hair styles, clothes, etc. As to single men, we have found that MOST of them are unreliable at best. Few are truly swingers, rather they are men who want sex without a relationship. If something they see as better comes along, they will not show for you. The going to the club idea is probably your best bet, aside from an email intro, a few minutes on yahoo, AIM, or MSN messenger to set up a meeting time and place. WHo knows, maybe you just live in a crappy area for lifestyle activities...Come to Tampa, it has the most adult orriented businesses per capita than any other metropolitan area in the USA, at least in 2004 it did, according to Playboy.

again this web site - profiles - First off your attitude would certainly deter us from wanting to meet you. As addressed in another post, a lot of people told you to post pictures and to get validated, it appears you have not done either, which is probably why you have not had any luck meeting anyone. Another thing to consider is that no swingers website guarantees you to hook up if you join, they give you the tools to meet others but in the end it is up to you. So before you place blame on swingular for your problem, you should take a look in the mirror first.

YOLO Cruise April 26 2009 - swingers cruise - WE WON the swingers cruise, from CLUB ELITE!! We are so excited!!!! This will be our first ever cruise and wanted to know who was going, and any advice to "virgin" cruisers... Hope to meet many long lasting friends..... hugs Liz :z :z

Kik group for UT swingers. - Contact me if your interested in joining a KIK group for Swingers - Contact me on Kik. Urnewsecret and I can add you in.

A little help please Naughty by nature camp out - - Hey you could do some recruiting and missionary work. Spread the swinger gospel. jk I totally understand where you are coming from. Wish I could give you some details. I would personally contact some of your fellow swingers from the other post and they would be happy to give you details I'm sure. There are fantastically fun people going.

YOLO Cruise April 26 2009 - swingers cruise - we won the cruise in October. Can't wait for it!

KUTV News Story on Swingers - News - We could all just get a big group together to go make out with each other outside the studio tonight.

Ever Been Roofied At A LS Party?? - - I'm posting this question on a swinger site because it was at a SWINGER party with other SWINGERS. Thankyouverymuch, Rick and Jess. So here's how it went down: We (me and husband) went to dinner with another LS couple we're very good friends with and have known a long time. While waiting at the restaurant, she and I went to the bar and got 1 glsss of wine. We watched the bartender open and pour the wine (although 1 of us had the bottom of 1 bottle before the next was opened to finish both glasses). We finished our wine while all four of us shared the same sushi. The guys didn't get sick. So we do not believe it was the sushi. We ate at 7:30 After dinner, the four of us went back to our hotel to change for the Casino Royale LS party. She and I had different drinks, but we both used the glasses in the hotel room. Our husbands used the plastic cups. She had 1 shot. I had 1 very small glass of champagne as the glass was barely bigger than a shot glass. Possibly contaminated glasses? By 10 we were at the party. I played poker, and had 1 1/2 drinks while I played for 1 1/2 hours. One was brought by my husband, the last drink was brought to me by another good friend who I've known about 2 years. My girlfriend had 1 drink made right in front of her by the bartender and that's it. Within 1/2 hour of arriving, my girlfriend was in the bathroom puking her guts out for about an hour. She almost had to be carried out. Went home and fell asleep on the floor w/o being able to move at all. She had had only 2 drinks the whole night, WITH dinner. She says she wasn't drunk at all when the sickness hit. About 45 minutes after that, I suddenly felt very ill and had to rush to the bathroom, where I evidently puked for quite a while. I recall bits and pieces of that part, but most of my memory from that portion of the night is gone. That part is suspicious to me. I recall about 10 seconds of my husband helping me out to the car, I recall 2 seconds of puking again at the hotel, and that's it. I don't remember him getting me ready for bed or anything else until morning. I awoke at 5am thinking I was having a heart attack and went to the ER. So....yes, lots and lots of puking. NO diarrhea. Some memory loss. We both doubt alcohol poisoning as neither of us were drunk when the puking hit. We both felt woozy and weak for about 2 1/2 days. It was Tuesday before I really ate again (her too.). I can't figure out WHY someone would roofie me or her as we were with our spouses. But the fact that we got so violently ill so fast, and the fact that both of us lost our memory for a couple of hours before falling asleep does make us suspicious. The symptoms are just unclear enough that it could be food poisoning, or it could be a drug. The three drugs I looked up as date rape type drugs have differing symptoms. But I can't imagine anyone giving a woman something that made her violently ill and hoping to benefit from it. That's why I thought I'd see if anyone else in the lifesyle had heard of this or had it happen. Thanks!

Are we really as judgmental as vanilla people? - - [i][b]In answer to the OP, YES. Swingers are just as judgemental if not more so than the vanilla people that we live with. The Lifestyle is just a smaller version of the regular world. And because there are less people in it, it may actually seem like the predjudices are more pronounced. All you can really do, is the same thing that you'd do in regular society...try to avoid the assholes. Cinnamon[/b][/i]