Bevington Swingers in Iowa

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Adulter or Swinger? - - I'll probably catch a lot of flack for what I'm about to say but here goes. SWINGING is or was started by servicemen in the late 50 and early 60's . Two MARRIED couples would SWAP wives for the night. Generally, the odd couples would repair to different rooms and play. The only thing sharred about it was that they had swapped... Then it progressed to parties and shoe parties or key parties and couples would go with the person whos shoe or keys they would get from the pile. Over the years single women were welcomed into the swinger ranks since swinging/swapping had evolved to simply recreational sex.... They were welcomed because women were looking for bi sexual experiences and men like the idea of 2 on one and watching women together. Enter the single men.... When I was younger we called young single men and women getting together dating... Now we have singles "dating" swingers???? Enter the married guy who isnot happy with what he has at home and thinks swinging is a legal/moral way to get strange.... Bottom line one needs to be married or in a committed relationship to cheat. Cheating is where one of the couple goes out and plays with someone other than their partner.... So for a married woman, not in a "relationship" to have sex with anyone, another single, randomly is not cheating but in a very broad sense, is in fact swinging. I would also say that one could also say that that person is dating.... regardless of the sexual connotations. One thing to note here is that swinging has evolved to something more than recreational sex. It now has the connotation of friends or friendship involved. In fact, there are actually people who wish to have closed sexual relations with one or more couples. Exclusive in nature where each couple involved only has sex with their partner and with ONLY people who have agreed that they willl do the same... So cheating is the only cut and dried issue... Non consensual sex with other than ones own partner of a committed relationship. The rest is either dating or swinging/swapping... I'm sure we all knew this but it needs to be reiterated from time to time...

What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol. I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met. As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful. And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance. Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there. All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :) Mr. SRO

Eden House - What's it like, honestly from people that have attended? - Does anyone have anything good to say about Eden House? We were thinking about checking it out one of these weekends. Where we lived before we had 3-4 options for swingers clubs to go to. All of which had sex on premise. From what I've read Eden House is a "church". What gives? What's the average age would you guys say of people that attend? Is it like a bad 70's porno where you walk in and it's all 45+yrs and over weight with molestor-staches and 5 rolls a girl?

AA Unicorn Visiting SLC - Looking for a good time - Not sure how much you know about Utah in general and swinging here specifically but, in case you didn't know, there are no on-premises swing clubs Utah. Also, we recently lost our "unofficial" off-premises club where many swingers would hang out and, as of yet, there isn't one specific club that has replaced it thus far. Your best bet might be to perv a bunch of profiles and see if there are any couples who strike your fancy and ask if any are available to hang out with on a school night. Good luck.

Help With Wife - Wife has fantasies but is super hesitant to experiment. - Personally I think you might be a little too eager (can't blame you, we all were when we started) and pushing just a little too hard to make her fantasy a reality. Rather than trying to find a way to get around the "Catch 22" of her fantasy maybe just explore it more verbally and see if it evolves into some kind of scenario that she is comfortable with that more easily can happen in the real world. The most successful swingers we know, ourselves included, arrived at where they are by being open and supportive of each other's fantasies and desires without forcing them in any way. In other words, be patient, explore your fantasies verbally and maybe role play, a LOT, with each other before you jump into anything that either of you isn't quite ready for. You might be surprised as you fantasize openly and honestly how your fantasies might evolve and become something that you eventually can and will make a reality. You know your wife better than anyone and maybe she does need a little nudge but most of the swingers we've known over the years who've crashed and burned did so because one partner pushed the limits too fast and didn't wait for the more hesitant partner to catch up. In our case we were quite surprised and what our fantasies morphed into when we really dug deep and talked about the truly deviant (by local standards anyway-lol) aspects of our fantasies. Sorry, I know that's probably not the kind of advice you were hoping for but it's been our observation over a rather lengthy swinging career. Another thought, if you're bound and determined to make your first swinging experience a MFM, is to find a guy who is okay with just watching you two play or maybe getting involved in some soft swinging...i.e. back rubs and or touching but no intercourse. We were soft swap for the first year or two of our swinging life and it was great fun and took the pressure off until we were ready to take the next step. Best of luck! edit- Sorry about what now seems like a long rambling response. In my defense it was pre-coffee. [em]Emo_79[/em]

kids and pets - why - *Yawn*....oh...is this topic still being discuessed? I thought we moved on to the next one already.... Regardless of anyone's personal feelings on the matter, Swingular has policies in place regarding pics. If it states no kids...well then...there should be no kids. It's kind of a no-brainer folks. Relative legality and other gobbeltygook is pure nonesense. It's part of the rules of the site we all agree to by signing up. If you don't like pics of pets...simply browse past them. If you don't like pics of messy houses or looking at the relative slob-like nature of your fellow swingers...simply browse past them. It's that simple. Now quit your damned whining and party!

Wannabes and net fakes - Will the real lifestyle members please stand up - Well said!----We agree completely. We have another term to add to your list: cyber-swinger. It's a wanna-be that doesn't really have the balls to be in the lifestyle so they hide behind their computer screen. We try to sort them out very quickly. After an introduction email or two we talk on the phone and then offer to meet for drinks. If there's any reluctance---they're done. We have neither the time or energy to waste on cyber-swingers. Fortunately for us they have been the rare exception. We have been lucky enough to meet some wonderful people so far and are looking forward to meeting lots more! ;)

Calling all losers! - LS and club scene - We have said to ourselves before that 'we must be the worst swingers in the world'. We say this because sometimes we will get a text or email at 11pm and all it says is 'we are horny, lets meet and fuck'...hell we are already in bed and sometimes hubby is asleep. For us it is about friendship first..dinner to get to know each other...movies, bowling, etc, etc and than when we all decide to play it is really fun and you actually know the others you are with and want to see them again. Seems like a lot of pressure to always be on call to play. We have very busy with work and life, a friend or two would be great. Don't get us wrong, we have met some amazing people through the lifestyle. If you are close to us and would like to be friends...let us and let's met. Thanks T and B

Another Swingers Show on TV - - [quote=CALLETSPLAY]Can't DVR it kids will ask questions. Hey how's about a party where we can all sit around and watch it!!![/quote] I'm up for that, not at our house, sure the kids would be like "ummmm why are all these people here, and what the heck are you watching." Would be a great M&G/potluck idea.

Is anyone interested in a "Lifestyle only" bike ride? - - hell ya that would be a blast, swingers and harleys it dont get any better does it