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Thank you Lifestyle. - A commentary about our journey - Thanksgiving just passed us by and Xmas and the New Year are quickly approaching. I thought I would take a long moment of my time, and your time if you are reading this, to tell this massive entity, called the "Lifestyle" how it has changed me this year. We have been in the Lifestyle for a little over a year and a half. We don't even like the name lifestyle. We prefer "kinky" or "adventurous" or even just "fun as hell", but it seems the term will be around for awhile longer. The wife and I often ponder what exactly the Lifestyle is. Is it a certain set of rules and guidelines that we all live in? Is it the same for us as it is for everyone else? How often does it hurt marriage or relationships and how often does it help? Do we regret our decision to enter into it? When we first tip-toed into the waters we were intimidated, in awe and totally unprepared for what we would experience. It all seemed magical and sometimes scary. We have and had a great marriage and thought we wanted a new, kinky adventure together. We planned to go slow and we would be fine, we were certain. But we were nervous. We were so sloshed at our first Sinful party that we irritated a few people there, no doubt, and probably made asses of ourselves. We still do that sometimes, but now we do it conscientiously. But we grew and learned quickly and have morphed into what we are today (huge asses). Interestingly enough, a few years before we entered the LS, we thought swingers were all gross, dirty, sexually infected people ( I am still not ruling some of you out). We had met a couple that harassed us at every opportunity and were the "creepy" type. Now we know people may think of us the same way if they found out, which is sad, because we like to be honest and open with all of our friends. So, like many of you, it is a secret we keep. It is a trade off for doing what we do. So what have I learned? How have I changed? I have always been a non-judgmental person by most standards, but still I had strong opinions about certain things. One spouse, one partner; that is how it should be done. So what changed? First off, our communication started to blossom about all sorts of things once my wife left her religion. I won't mention names, but it begins with an L and ends in DS. We talked and talked and talked and the more we talked the more we realized that we both had kinky minds and that maybe we should "experiment". So, we made some rules, actually a LOT of rules, and entered the ring. Still thinking one spouse, one partner, but maybe, just maybe we could play in the same room as other people. How kinky is that? Hence our name...sameroomonly. Well, as some of you know, the lifestyle is a monstrous, living, breathing beast and can quickly drag you to places you never thought possible. We made some mistakes, had some great times and just fumbled our way through for a few months trying to figure out where our lines were and what we should or shouldn't do. Then we got smart. We learned to communicate again, like we used to do privately, only now we could do it with other people around. And it was refreshing. No more secret code words (well, sometimes) and no more wondering if what one of us was doing was not condoned by the other. So that is the first thing I think the LS has helped us with. Communication. We communicate like mother fuckers. Better than all of our non-lifestyle friends, for the most part. Are we always amazing and never have bumps? Of course not. Anyone who says they never have drama are either liars or delusional. So thank you lifestyle for our ability to exchange ideas and to be more honest with each other, always. The next thing we found was that we were making friends at a very fast pace. We made a kik group and had our first party with about 40 people up in Park City only 5 or so months after joining the website. It was a blast. We still host parties and invite new people all the time. We enjoy introducing new friends with old friends. Wait, did I say friends or fuck buddies? Don't we sleep with all of our friends? Isn't that the expectation? Not for us. We have made friends that we know will be around until we are all old and gray. We have lost friends because we wouldn't fuck. There are whole discussions on these forums about how some just want to meet and fuck, because this is a swinging site, not a friend site. And to each their own. We don't judge, but for us the rewards of our friendships have far outweighed the 10 or 20 seconds of amazing sex. We have friends around the world that we never would have met without the LS. So to the lifestyle, I say thank you for all of the wonderful friends we have made. Love you all, some more than others ( you know who I am talking about). :) The LS has also taught me to be less judgmental and to avoid using words like "never" or "always". Life is full of gray areas and has lost much of its black and white features. Oh sure, I still judge, have preferences and prejudices, but we all do. I just really believe in walking in another's shoes before I make any decisions about someone's life. So lifestyle, thank you for making me more understanding of other people. Last of all, I just want to say that the sexual journey has been amazing. We have shared many hot, sexy and intimate times with some of you and we have come to realize how similar we all are. We all like sex, we all have a kinky side, or else we wouldn't be here. I have done things that I never imagined would ever happen, with some of the sexiest, most beautiful people I have ever met. I have shared intimate moments with people I care deeply about and others that were just passing through. All have their high points. I have experienced more than most people would even dream about, as have most of you. We are the select who choose to follow our dreams and fantasies. I think we are fortunate. So lifestyle, thank you for all the amazing sex. In the end the lifestyle is different for everyone. It is a whole sub universe in the middle of a "normal" society. Sometimes we have to walk among the shadows to keep our secret, but totally worth it. I would never trade the LS for my wonderful marriage and think I am the luckiest man alive to be married to my beautiful, amazing wife who has shared this journey with me. Love you, Babe. As with everything in life, there will be people who read this and like it, some who don't care and some who disagree or will want to pick it to pieces. That is what makes this amazing. There are so many wonderful, different people and the lifestyle is a perfect diving board to jump into the sea of waiting bodies and personalities. So if you are new, jump in, explore and learn. If you are old school, help others to weather the bumps and keep exploring. Long live the lifestyle. That is a little about my journey, how about you? I encourage anyone to add what they think or feel the LS has done for them, even negative things. Merry xmas to everyone and hope to meet some of you new people. And to my friends, I care about each and every one of you. The Mr.

See life issues please help - Wife needs help understansing - I wanted to comment on a specific thing the OP said; many swingers are not swingers because they were "bored". Imagine a couple that vacations every year to the south of France and have a wonderful time, but one year decide to try Puerto Rico. Did they do something new because they were bored with their usual spot? No, they were looking for an adventure, to meet new people, to experience something different. Most swingers, the ones that are in a good place, are happy in their lives and also want to explore and expand their horizons. If you are afraid your spouse is "bored" with you then everything in the swinger lifestyle is going to appear more exciting and this is a recipe for jealousy and resentment. Remember that NRE is electrifying and exciting but ORE is just as valuable, if not more; it gives us real joy and comfort and that is sexy too.

Just for shits and giggles? - Why are you in the lifestyle? - We got into a car accident and the judge told us we either had to be the butler of the guy we hit or become swingers. [em]Emo_79[/em] [img]https://media.giphy.com/media/OIgrXH1eszO6s/giphy.gif[/img]

Where to go, what to do. - Non club activities - We through a Halloween party with vanillas and swingers we used glow stick brackets they are cheep and you can get them almost any place they worked great.

A paradigm shift - polyamory - Your thoughts? Here are mine... - Hitting the topic of Poly.... I am poly my wife is not. We swing. I have a lady friend, spice if you will who is also married and her husband is not poly and they do not swing. We, all 4 of us are fast friends and both my wife and her husband have no problem with her's and my arrangement. THey also know that We swing. Now how did that person come into our life.. we met and became friends almost immediatly. I fell in love with her but am sill "IN love with my wife as well. I< we, like to become friends with people before we jump into the sack with them... BTW they both know that we swing. Could I fall in love with another woman, definitely.. Could I fall for a woman who we might swing with....I could and have. No biggy...If she is not into that I understand... Not everyone can handle the situation Some one mentioned that jealousy are natural.... Only in the sense that by example we are programmed to them, just as we are not "taught " not to eat other people but we kind of get that impression...Canibalism(sp) is not acceptable any more than is marrying ones own sister or brother. Possessiveness is about owning somthing that is not yours to own. No one owns anyone else and especially not their spouse. Is it natural to own a person? I say no. Somehow when people get into a relationship the idea creeps in that says that the other person is your exclusive property. One need to put that aside if one is a swinger. As for jealousy.... Jealousy is a combination of both possessiveness and ones own insadequacies. Maybe one could describe that as fear.. Fear that she or he will meet someone better. Fear that we are not good enough, etc etc etc. So Jealousy is a reaction to these fears and the possessiveness not a true emotion at all. Everyone thinks of Jealousy as an emotion, which it is not. So polyamory is very possibly with swinging but may purists of poly will say that poly and swinging are difinitely two different things... Maybe but they can exist simultaneously. Just a note; More than 60% and I've seen figures up to 77% of all married couples, and I'm sure that it extends to LTR's as well...maybe even swingers, are at some time in their life engaged in serial monogamy..; i.e., either cheating or getting ready for the split-up. Isn't this a simpler form of or something like poly? ... THink about that....

Other activities? - Do you only meet swingers for sex? - we also meet most for friendship. we play if we have the chemistry, but that\'s not a given We like to boat and go out on the town with our lifestyle friends. We have them over for dinner and stuff as well...

Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - WELL ,for me its the name you choosed,, ULUVBIGBLKDICK,, i have been with single men from here, and it's my first impression that i go with. I never like nicknames, to me it was something that just didn't fit right in my thinking. I'm sure i will get alot of lip for this as usual. But you wanted me to be honest so I am. The name you choosed is something i would find on a porno site, To me it's something that tells me something about your personality. I maybe wrong but that's the impression I get with your name. kristy

trying to pick a place to honeymoon - - I would say it depends on what kind of weather and scenery you want. If you want mountains for hiking/camping/skiing and that sort of thing, pick Utah. If beaches and such are more your thing, pick Florida. Both have great groups of swingers as far as what I know via here on Swingular. Personally, if I could have a honeymoon (we eloped and skipped that whole deal), I pick Hawaii. :P

The Vent part II - Secrecy - Small towns are a real pain in the posterior. We were asked if I was at the hospital when we came in at about 4am. We told tham that we were at a party that lasted a bit longer than we had expected. People here talk about other people on the other side of town... I think they can tell what you ate last night, and will tell everyone they comeincontact with about it. A for this specific case... I think I would just tell them that you have plans that do not involve them but maybe another time when things are not planned. Being good friends with "vanilla" people who are so hanggie oners can be a real drag if you are in the lifestyle. As for telling most people that you swing... well to say the least..... DOn't... I wouldn't tell my right winged brother that we swing... He would probably have a conniption. If friends ask if you swing, they alreasy have the notion and they are still there so if you think it's prudent... OK. Never just tell anyone just so that you are honest with you and in a small town.... you will probably be ostrisized. We have contacted people in this town who are on other sites and they usually will not answer a note. Afraid that people will find out who they are. We have met people on the streets that we know from clubs and generally just say hi or exchange pleasantries.... Happened yesterday at a local restaurant...met a guy with his daughter and we said hi and were very warm but the daughter looked very confused by it all... His wife wasn't there so we figured that his daughter was taking Dad out for FathersDay. Have met people we have played with and just said hi and little more and moved on... I haven't aclue why anyone would duck out of a club if they see some one they know, even a relative. They are there for the same reason as you and might be just as imbarrassed but your secrete is safe with them. One of my girlfriends and my wife and I were at a club social and she ran into her husbands boss... Nothing ever came of it and they didn't even ask why he wasn't there or who we were. We swingers are a very descreet lot, for the most part.. and seeing someone you know, at a club, generally results in nothing but another friend. We go to socials/dances/parties just about every week but in towns not too far away... If we meet people we know we are most likely to talk to them and say hi and talk about how great the music is that night or even hook up.... So one never knows ... Life is a joke within a joke sometimes.... and one need to learn how to laugh at what it brings to the table.

This one time at Swingers Camp - Discussion about N by N camp out - Awesome fun, Thanks to Lang, Dre, Suz, and everyone that pitched in to help out. A special thanx to Gary for the Tiki Bar,and Joey for being such a great sport. For everyone we met please drop us a note or friend request so we can stay in touch. Bob and Rachel