Southbury Swingers in Connecticut

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Why are people afraid to give out their email address - - Ohhh...I forgot to mention: How very timely things can be sometimes....just recently, on another website (for swingers), I had given a new contact our email address. I did this at his request (a single male), so he could send pictures. He did... ...what he sent was an email that - I really could only guess why - was forwarded not less than 16 times. Apparently, our new found friend has been very busy. Now, I'm sure you've all seen the emails where the subject line is FWD:FWD:FWD:RE: (etc, etc...) I've never realized anyone could be thoughtless enough to simply forward an email with pics to us, when the same email has been forwarded to 16 other people. And it's all right there, "in the clear" so to speak, in his email. Now, think about this: Here's a guy who is telling us he's sincerely interested in her, how he's only interested in making friends and not the typical wham-bam kinda thing. Funny, he seems to cover a lotta ground for someone so sincere. All in the past week or so, I might add. It gets better: at some point...I don't know, maybe he's got two machines and was bouncing pics between them, or whatever...he's also unwittingly included a different email address for himself (which, by the way, told us right away he's not been honest about his name). He's put his own, 'real' email address in there as well! But that's not the part that really relates to the subject of this thread. What does relate is the issue of emails, making rounds you can't even imagine, because of one careless person. I made the mistake of trusting this person - and imagine my horror when I saw how careful he was with the other 16 people's info in there...what if some were completely unaware he was doing that? I bet they are! And now, HE'S GOT OUR EMAIL ADDRESS!!! How many of his emails to others will have our address in it? Ever hear of 'social engineering'? Well, if you haven't, do some research. This is how talented computer people can take a little shred of info about you from here, and a little from there, and next thing you know, your private affairs aren't so private. Sure, we're only talking about swinging sites, right? But, didn't someone above mention work email? Tell me no one ever got the two mixed up - or that no one ever forwarded your email - the one you sent in total confidence - to their work address, intentionally or unwittingly!! Of the 16 email addresses right there in his email, 13 were Yahoo email addresses...now, it's a hop, skip and jump over to their profiles - and now I know even more about the people our friend listed in his email. Interesting to see who all he's been in touch with. Ohhh, by the way? Two of them were crossdressers, says so right there in their Yahoo profiles. What if that somehow found its way to where someone worked? I'll tell you what, I know how these people - the 'social engineers' - go about finding out all sorts of stuff. It so happens I'm not into messing with people like that, or I could have a field day with this stuff. I'm not interested in it, but what if I were? Someone who was a real low-life could start contacting these people, saying things like "I know you've been in touch with X"...or they try to play a confidence game, by dropping names picked up from various sources: "Hey Jimmy told me you're..." after seeing an email from "James" so-and-so. There are countless variations, but these people are relentless - and they're not stupid! Think it doesn't happen? Think again. Every word of what I say above is absolutely true. May not sound like much until you consider all the possible ways it could be exploited. And it happened, just about the time I took interest in this thread. So, I hope this little story helps illustrate my point. I hope it helps answer the original question; *This* is why people are reluctant to give out email addresses. And, maybe they damn well should be.

The lifestyle: A single mans perspective - - Well said, brother...This lifestyle is what you make of it, and some make more than others. While we are all grownups on this site (obviously, you have to be 18 or over to sign on), you'd think there would be less of a high-school mentatlity than in, say....high school? yet, we get some of the DORKIEST , misspelled emails I've ever seen. Couple that with the responses we've gotten to some posts (like the one critisizing us for getting our vip status), and we wonder how some have remembered to breathe long enough to pass high school. So, here are some very basic tips on enjoying this lifestyle: (not that I'm an expert, but obviously some need etiquette lessons) 1) The first email / chat with someone, DON"T ask idiotic questions. And don't get TOO personal. Remember, this is like dating. If a woman at a bar showed some interest, would the next thing out of your mouth be 'What size is your bra?', or 'Do you like it in the ass?'. it's no wonder some of you are in this lifestyle, you'd never get laid otherwise. 2) Keep SOCIAL meetings SOCIAL. No one cares how long you've been a proctologist, or how much money your kids have stole from you. That's YOUR business. Polite conversation is one thing, but there's nothing worse than hearing a 3 hour lecture on YOUR life experiences, followed by 'So, would you guys like to play with us?' Yeah, as if 3) There ARE other things besides sex to chat about. In person or on the computer. That's right, SWINGERS HAVE BRAINS. and we're very able to carry on converstaion (well, some of us anyway) We were at a party once, and my other half said 'I've heard sex mentioned until I'm not turned on at the thought anymore' ...it happens, just a tip 4) Unless you're planning a very long trip, or own your own private jet, don't add someone to your friend's list here OR on yahoo that lives 3,000 miles away. Let's face it, we'll never meet. Hell, we'll probably never even talk. so what's the point? Air sex? gimme a break. 5) And probably the most important. From the first meeting, to every visit you have (if someone's lucky enough to invite you back, RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE!. Just because we have a wild orgy at the pool of a local motel with wild monkeys and lots of cool whip, it DOES NOT MEAN TO GROPE US EVERYTIME YOU SEE US. We're in couples for a reason, to be in a couple. And just because we're turned on by you, or have sex, doesn't mean you own our bodies afterward. That's what your spouse/gf/bf is for. And most of us aren't here for love. NEWSFLASH...WE'RE HERE FOR SEX! These are just off the top of my head, after recieving some horrible emails, and experiencing some terrible meetings. Oh, yeah, and in response to the post, most single guys DO get a hard time in the lifestyle. But good, they should. This is about the couples, single guys are VERY easy to come by. And those who have treated us with RESPECT have been treated EXCEPTIONALLY WELL. Bravo on a great post, and good luck to you sir! Him p.s. anything I missed? list it below!

Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - Bunny, just a couple of thoughts on this. First: When he picks a screen name that defines him as an object ( his dick) and not as a human, he has degraded himself in the eyes of many, especially those who seek to meet new people and make friends. It says that he in only interested in one thing, and that pigeonholes him from the beginning. Second: There are literally thousands of sites for singles only, obviously meaning that couples aren't allowed. Singles can be seen by some to be interlopers, predators, or worse. Third: Loathing or distain might be more accurate to describe the situation. Jumping on the use of hate sounds like self vicitimization. If he is so proud of what he is or has, don't play victim if someone doesn't automatically feel stimulated by him.

Professionals - - Some of our best friends work in retail and construction trades. Some are "professionals." But it IS relevant to how we interract and what everyone's expectations and comfort levels are. If we were construction workers or farmers (for example), we wouldn't give a rat's ass who knew we were swingers. But our livelihoods could and would be dramatically impacted if it became common knowledge that we are swingers. This means a few things are done differently than they would be otherwise: 1. No public face pics. 2. No public names or detailed descriptions. 3. "You show us yours...we'll show you ours" policy with locals. 4. 99.9% "no locals" play policy. 5. When we do entertain locally, it must be discreet. If we go to a public place, there is no cross-couple PDA. If it were not for our status in the community as "professionals" being a matter of eating and living indoors for us, we wouldn' have ANY of these guidelines. We know couples who have met couples publicly who are NOT "professionals" who simply could not respect their boundaries and risked their reputations (thus livelihoods) with inappropriate behavior even after being asked not to. It freaking happens! And it is one of the gravest forms of disrespect/disregard for someone to do this. You think I'm gonna walk into the convenience store where your wife works and stick my tongue down her throat in front of her boss? NOT! And it's the same thing for us when couples disrespect our discretion boundaries. It could force us into bankruptcy. If you have a problem with that and think we're snobs because of it, screw you! Please don't contact us. :@ Rather than say all that in a profile, we tend to just play nice and say "we're an attractive professional couple..." ;)

dancing - - According to the rumor mill, Habits is where the swingers go to go clubbing. My wife and I usually go social ballroom or swing though, when we go out dancing.

It's an age, old, question. - No, I'm NOT 94.... - We respect others opinions on age preference. For us we certainly admire the looks of younger swingers but we prefer those with a little more maturity. We don't want to get naked with people our kids age, just our preference. Thats the great thing about about being in the lifestyle, you get to meet those that fit your preference and walk away if it's less than what you thought.

real members? - - You've struck on an interesting topic. I call them cyber swingers. They are swinger wanna be's . They find the thought of swinging erotic and interesting but they don't have the balls to actually get involved in the lifestyle. They like to hide behind the safety of their computer screen. They'll exchange email with you as long as you're willing or dumb enough to keep writing them. They'll never actually meet you or anyone else. That would be way too personal and would force them to crawl out from behind the security of their computer. Or you ocasionally run into the single guy that has created this fictional "couple". It's all a big game for him. He's just there to collect photos or maybe trick someone into playing with him because his wifes is "unavailable " at the moment. Whatever their game they're all the same because they both violate the principles of honesty and trust that the lifestyle revolves on. We get email all the time from couples that "have read your profile--think you guys are great and want to get to know you better". That generally sends off alarm bells for us. We'll respond and exchange an email or two. If the other couple doesn't have pics posted or pics of just one of them we ask for additional photos in the first email. Since we have good pics of both of us in our profile we never send any other pics other than those posted. If we get the "don't have any pics of him or he's camera shy or don't have a camera yet" or any one of the other lame excuses we've gotten over the past year or so--that's it--you're done as far as we're concerned. We'll give out our cell phone number right away and tell them to call us or give us theirs and we'll call them. We want to speak to both of them. If we can't because one's not there we'll call back at a more convenient time when we can talk to both of them. If everything seems ok during the conversation we'll make a date to meet at a convenient restaurant or club and take things from there. This seems to work well for us. It tends to weed out the "cyber swinger" right away. John & Colleen

Swingers Party Club - Sin City Resort - Does anyone have any Intel on Sin City Resort and Swingers Party Club? They seem to have recently showed up in the Vegas Swinger scene and we don't know what to expect. Thanks

What is up with Utah?! - Swingers in Utah and nowhere else? - We use this site mainly for forums seeing as most seem to be in the Utah area we have been there one time to ski and that's been our only time in Utah. We have very good results on a another swing site where we actually do meet swingers here in Florida seems that the swingers in our area of Florida on this site must feel we are too old or ugly lol. It's ashame as we are a fun cpl and love to play. Norm&Sharon

Physical Attributes vs. Personality - How important is being H/W proportional - The HWP cliche that we read in so many profiles is, in our opinion...totally lame. It's overused...over-rated...and a total yawner. Often...when we're contacted by couples whose profile states anything about HWP...we'll simply disregard them. Honestly...can't anyone come up with something more original and authentic than the good ol' HWP bit? Although Siren and myself consider many to be our friends (platonic)...with all types of swingers...it's always been what's inside that counts (play-wise). Personality is and always will be the deal breaker/maker.