Saint Ansgar Swingers in Iowa

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Why swingers are happier. - - Damn - I have seen some great screaming smiles - and I know it makes me happier :-D

MFM Threesome Etiquette - MFM Threesome Etiquette - In some circles the husband gets treated just like every other male in the group and in some they get special privileges. If it is something you worry about then discuss it first. A man may not be homophobic but that does not mean that he wants to suck your husband off either. So consider this, if both men ware condoms it removes a potential problem and the discussion is not necessary. Remember that for many swingers it is not a matter of pregnancy or a matter of safe play but what we simply like or dislike. Etiquette is about how we interact with others and that interaction is not always logical, especially when it comes to sex. It should be OK for anyone to politely say that something is out side their comfort zone without offending the others in a group setting. There are things that can be done in a MFM that simply can not be done as a couple. If you want to have the best sex then you need to speak up and guide your BF and Husband some and let them experiment some. If you do not let them know what you desire then you may not get it. If you decide that you like or you don

What's the universal swinger signal? - How can you spot a swinger?? - [quote=FUN4MWF][quote=SOUTHERNFUN]FYI, If you see a man and woman grab their crotch and spit, they are probably redneck swingers

The statistics of swinging - Relationship longevity in the lifestyle. - One thing we've noticed (and even had a few close calls with ourselves) is that, once the initial thrill of swinging/swapping wears off a little bit, many people look for the NEXT big thrill...usually separate play. And THAT, if you're not really prepared for it and don't go into it with your eyes wide open, is when things can get really sticky. I have an acquaintance in the lifestyle who is a professor of physiology who likes to talk at length about the "love hormone", oxytocin, and how powerful it can be in some lifestyle circumstances. I guess a subset of this issue might be how many swingers who break up do so because they fall in love with someone else in the lifestyle. One particularly insidious behavior that we've, unfortunately, encountered are men, both single AND married, in the lifestyle who attempt to ply Ms. Evil by saying things like, "If you were mine I would never want to share you.". There are probably a fair number of women (and probably men) who might be susceptable to that type of talk if they're insecure in their primary relationship.

What are swingers really looking for ?Are they looking for frien - Has the happen to you. - Punctuation. Try it. It's cool. Do what's best for YOU. Don't justify yourself to others. Don't explain yourself. Chock it up to a learning experience and move on. Pondering motives in the lifestyle is a waste of time. -R

Dancing in SLC - - As a club promoter for many years in SLC, there are some great clubs. Depends on what type of music, atmosphere and crowd you are looking for. Habits is a hit amongst the many on this site and is a great club I have worked with since its opening. The owner doesn't want it to be known as a swingers club, but it is the only upscale higher end club (with a dress code) where you will find very classy and sexy people. On any Fri and or Sat you will find about 20-30 couples from this site that frequent it. Music consists of the top 40 and some hip hop with some oldies (70's - 80's) thrown in the mix from time to time. They do have dinner menus. Port-O-Call is a great one on Friday nights and you will find more of the college crowd there. Top 40 and techno. Be there before 10:00 or you will wait in line for about an hour plus. They do have dinner menus. Area 51 is more of a Fetish type club that have many different parties. Music consists of more techno and house. Sky Bar on the 13th floor of the RedLion downtown is a great club as well. Just talked to the owners of that club this week and they have a great crowd and many sexy and classy people they say. They also have dinner menus. Contact us if you want some more insight.

Swingers - a couples only lifestyle? - Are singles considered to be swingers? - well, I think it depends on the person. I've met many a single guy who thought joining a swingers group was an easy way to get laid. And I met one last night who has been a member of swingers groups for 13 years, and has been a swinger with many of his girlfriends, even though he is single now. So is the single guy who wants to get laid a swinger? No. But the single guy who has been a member of swingers groups for 13 years and had previous been a swinger with several girlfriends.....yes I consider him a swinger. mrs. garnet

Willing To Earn It??? - We're willing to play...but... - You need to stick to what you believe in & what works for you. There are lots of different types of swingers out there. Some like to dive into a dark room with a bunch of naked bodies that they can't even see & go to town. Others just about want to know your whole life story & be reassured 9 different ways to Sunday before the clothes start to come off. Most are somewhere in between. The right ones for you are out there somewhere. You just need to find them. Look on the bright side. You know what you are looking for. That's a good start.

So what attracted you to swinging and at what point in your life - - I married the man who helped me escape my virginity....we were each others first time. We had college friends who were swingers and when I started to feel trapped and agitated about monogamy at age 21, it was natural for us to consider the lifestyle as the best of both worlds.

Single Males - - [quote=CTA313][quote=EVILDOERS] ...get a girl to join you....Not only do you now "bring more to the table", but you have the added credibility that if you can find and finesse a girl into joining you in this little adventure we call swinging (whether it be a girlfriend, a wife, a second cousin twice removed, or just a hot fwb) you might just not be a giant douchecopter.[/quote] Ignoring the need to "finesse" someone and unhealthy gender stereotypes in general, this line of reasoning is a little troubling as it presumes that a male's company is inherently worth less. Or that an absence of semi-romantic relationships somehow speaks poorly of his character. I personally think approaching someone whom you aren't already fairly close with and soliciting to go to a swingers party is a bit out of line. Especially if her company is sought as an accessory to demonstrate to others that he is not, as you say, “a douchecopter”. Call me old-fashioned. [quote=EVILDOERS] I know we can't be the only people who secretly wonder just a little bit about some single guys and why they aren't with somebody. Do they secretly hate women (yes, we've met some that actually do), are they just too lazy (or busy, maybe...but hey, we're all busy) to find someone, are they serial killers and/or just not very nice guys? [/quote] Oh, I hope you are! That's a really unfortunate outlook to have. Promising relationships take time to find, let alone build to the requisite amount of trust and stability to try things like this. In the mean time, I don't see anything wrong with someone pursuing their interests while still holding out for someone worthy of their emotional investment. To me, that behavior is quite attractive should be respected! It doesn't get any better than someone who is confident, self-actualized, and motivated to pursue their desires. Sadly, it sounds their gender influences whether this is seen as a desirable trait. I'm not sure how long you've been out of things (30 years?), but it's easy to forget the struggle when you're comfortable in a marriage. Things are more fluid. People don't feel the need to settle down like they used to. [quote=EVILDOERS]I know many will say they've tried and swinging is a deal breaker for most women. After almost 3 decades in the swinging trenches meeting and talking to other people, both couples and singles, we would disagree....many, if not most, women could eventually come around to the idea of swinging once they feel safe and secure in a relationship.[/quote] This is just confirmation bias if the evidence comes from a sample of people you have met while swinging. [quote=EVILDOERS]...those of us who DID put in all the blood, sweat, and tears into a relationship and allow it to grow to the point of daring (don't think for a second we aren't risking a LOT in opening up our relationships to other people!) to allow others access to our significant other sometimes wonder why some others want to take a shortcut to all the sweet swinging bennies with little or no risk on their own part.[/quote] If you're not comfortable sharing your wife with someone you might view as a potential competition, you definitely don't have to. On the other hand, there are a lot of people enjoy it :) This smacks of the old “you must suffer as I did” chestnut. [/quote] Yes, I agree, "finesse" was a poor choice of words. In my defense, I was at work and rather in a hurry to make a point...that apparently I didn't make well (and my attempts to also be humorous apparently fell flat too). Rereading my post it does smack a little of mild gender bias but I can assure you that it wasn't my intent in any way and most certainly is not my outlook on women, relationships or life in general. My intent was simply to advocate approaching swinging as a mutually desirable activity that two partners desire and share equally in. And not that it matters, but I've shared my wife with probably over a hundred men, married and single, and I've never thought of any of them as competition. But I never thought of swinging as "sharing" my wife either, but instead as her deciding to be sexual with another person and me being totally okay with her decision to do so. Sharing her, to me, almost denotes some sort of ownership or at very least some kind of permission that I would have to give. Both those ideas are not a part of our relationship. Perhaps the concept of "competition" in swinging interactions is a single male attitude? I don't know. And I didn't mean it in any way, shape, or form as a "you must suffer as I did" trope but simply as the idea that we invested a LOT of hard work and time making our marriage what it is and together deciding to risk opening it up to the excitement and also the possibility of harm that is swinging. I think, perhaps, that sometimes single people in the lifestyle don't quite understand the very real possibility of permanent damage (or worse) to the relationship that couples who swing are flirting with. For many (most?) of us, our marriages/relationships are THE most precious thing we have. What, if anything, are you risking? A bruised ego?