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That little nudge many of us need - - [quote=PARTYINLV]We think honesty is the best way to be. If she found out about the meeting without her knowledge, your tryst into the lifestyle may be over. Plus, she might feel the pressure to play at some point anyway. Also, she will always wonder if the next meeting is arranged without her knowledge.
Evildoers is correct in meeting with zero chance of playtime. Take their advice. She will feel more relaxed and could enjoy herself with the pressure off. We will take it a step further:
Step 1: Set up a date with ZERO playtime opportunity and let the other couple know that. Do something fun (a hike, Topgolf, etc) and get to know them. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you don't feel you are a match.
Step 2: If you send a message to meet again, let them know your intent and your boundaries. For example, (kissing ok), (fondling ok), (bi kissing ok), (same room, separate room, either room ok), (nudity ok or not). But, speak honestly with each other about this. It's not nice to lead people on after you have committed. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you are not ready to go further.
Step 3: If you send a message to meet again, let them know what is acceptable. For example (full swap or soft swap), (same room, separate rooms or either ok), (kissing or no kissing), (bi play) etc. Again, you will have to be honest with yourselves if you can do this. By a third date, the other couple has invested a lot of time in you. So, be nice and don't lead them on. Enjoy the playtime. Save enough time for the afterglow sex with them relaxing, chatting, and laughing.
By this point, you may have found a couple that you can see multiple times. Doing vanilla activities with them might be a bonus. They may even introduce you to their lifestyle friends too.
The other option is attending a house party where play is not expected. You will be able to speak to several couple and perhaps, use the process above. Or you can play that night.
When we entered the lifestyle, we never had that couple who could mentor us. After we considered ourselves as no longer newbies, we became the newbie "whisperers" to offer what we never had. However, we've gotten away from newbies since our circle is with experienced swingers now. But with covid, we would date newbies again.[/quote]
Sounds like an excellent plan to avoid those one and done awkward meet ups👍
single males - - Thank you for opening the topic. I hope that it will be used shed some insight and not just complain.
In a place like Habits there are vanilla singles that have no clue that swingers congregate there. So there will naturally be more problem in that environment than a private party.
At a house party the only people that should be there are those that are invited by the host and hostess. Every one of the guests should have known the rules or etiquette of this lifestyle. If you had complaints, they should have been addressed last night with the hosts. Evidently the balance you were looking for was not there.
Sadly it is difficult for most singles to figure out how to talk to a swinging couple. There are no schools or training centers to teach this. As a single male, conversation at a vanilla party with a couple is much easier. Most often the men and women separate and we talk with one or the other without expectations on either side. Sometimes conversation is just conversation.
I find that making friends is generally more difficult in this lifestyle because of the sexual expectations of many. I think that you will find a number of the single men, after getting the cold shoulder from many husbands, find it easier to attempt to talk to the women because they lack the skills to talk with both. It is a mistake but it is also part of the learning process.
There is no excuse for rude behavior on the part of the single male but neither is there an excuse for the typical married male attitude. Single males are always and have always been a pariah and dam few couples want them at any party. I came into this lifestyle as a single male looking to make male friends to hang with that would help me understand the rules. I found most of the males were cold and suspicious and difficult to talk with.
I was not looking for women to play with nearly as much as I was looking for a girlfriend that was already in the lifestyle. But I am sure that as far as most were concerned all I wanted to find was their wife
Girls that are into DP - How common is this activity among the swingers? - we love it as well....
Fly-fishing Swingers - New Swingular Group - ummmmmm... Garden Hackle girls! Luv em!
Friend collectors or swingers - - We actually enjoy collecting friends. These are the J thru M's. Please be our friends.
[img]https://townsquare.media/site/622/files/2011/11/blade07-1322435124.jpg[/img]
Notice that they're all COVID safe and mint condition cuz we never take them out of the wrappers.
Swingers dying out? - Is the utah swinger community dying or becoming to needy? - [quote=MORKANDMINDY]I think the fact that the site hasn't offered lifetime membership specials for so long has really impacted people's ability to connect with newer couples. [/quote]
Contrare, Mr. Mork. Last month, our lifetime membership was $35.
just sayin...
Featured Couple - - We agree that the featured Members seem to be a VERY SMALL SELECT FEW who cycle in and out. But we do also believe it\'s nice to see who is sincere in this lifestyle. Because we believ if your willing to have your face posted upon a SWINGER SITE that pretty much says you still believe in the TRADITIONAL BELIEFS of the swingers, it\'s all about fun and if someone contacts you UNLESS they are totally freaks your gonna meet them and try and establish a link between you and then F^&K each others brains out.
OK SORRY we don\'t even believe that........................
Swingers cars??? - What ya driving?? - yeah..... it's got a hemi.......
Tooele swingers party 2 - Doing our second party - So we were going to try for the 20th but unfortunately my wife will be workingso were going to rry to move it up or do it the following weekend. But it will be this month ;-p ill be sure to contact thos interested and we will make a kik group once we hammer out our plan.
Vegas clubs - Which are the best? - [quote=PARTYINLV]If you are looking for a swingers club, check out Whispers. If you desire single guys, don't go there since they are not allowed. Also, their naked pool parties on Saturday and Sunday afternoons are really fun. We've heard a lot of good things about Playhouselv, but have not been there yet.[/quote]
Thank you XOXO
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