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Comfort level of casual vs relationships? - - We are still fairly new to this whole lifestyle shindig; just under a year. Trying to figure what aspects we like, don’t like and are just meh. I’m curious though, when it comes to forming emotional connections with other people how open are you to the idea?
If it’s a scale of 1 - 10. One being completely casual, “what was your name again” sex and two being “I deeply love you and want you to come live with me and my other two wives” sort of deal... where do you fall?
:::
For us we are discovering that we prefer the more connective experiences and don’t shy away from words like “love” or “relationship”. But we also love just super casual fun experiences. All of it entirely contingent on the people involved. So not quite true swingers but also not quite true poly.
Trying to see how common or uncommon that is.
Swinging/Polyamory - I just wanted to hear other people thoughs on this....... - I was looking through the forum subjects and when I came upon this one and looked I wondered why I hadn't commented, since I am a swinger and am poly for quite a few years and I am involved with 2 women as secondary relationships. Someone said "poly is about being monogomous within a plural relationship." The term monogamous doesn't even enter into poly. Poly relationships can be primary, secondary or tertiary. Further people can be added on add-infinitem, so long as everyone involved in particularly primary and soemtimes secondary relationships are consentual about that aspect. In tertiary relationships it is necessary that that they be aware of all other relaionships and OK with that concept.
I also belong to a Poly group that is not like Yahoo or AOL groups. It is privately owned and is open to poly and poly friendly people. While I know that a small number of the group does swing, they do not advertise. Poly people generally take issue with swinging as be strictly recreational SEX! and no love where as poly, supposedly, is love based not necessarily any sex....but sex usually is involved at some level. The attitude is that swinging is not a good thing that swinging is diametrically opposed to poly.
We definitely do swing and I have 2 secondary relationships. One could be a primary if she could get over the hurt from a failed..abusive marriage of 18 years. We met thru swinging and will continue until I can't walk talk or motovate. My wife while not professing to be poly is in love with that lady as well as I am. We would invite her to join us as a primary relationship and have mentioned that to her... She is afraid to "lay my heart out and have it stomped on again".
So while there are some similarities in swinging and poly in that more and more swingers are looking for relationships, i.e., "friends with benefits" ; "Friends in and out of the bedroom". These friendships are based on attraction and sex after the attraction. Poly people take the concept that poly is based on loving someone and if sex happens then OK, but that love is the key and sex is at best secondary. I don't have any problems with poly and swinging. We have met people while swinging and I have fallen in love or they have fallen in love with my wife or me.
Swinging and poly are definitely compatable..at least for us.
Church Swingers, are they out there? - - I myself, believe that things such as religion (or spiritualality if you prefer) and sexuallity are a personal thing. I think the comments made by SHRED sum it up rather nicely. Having studied religion for 12 years in the catholic school system it seems that most of the organized religions I have any knowledge of, have lost the real point made in the New Testament anyway. It seems often that what is being preached is not what is being practiced or in some cases things have been taken out of context to stress some point of faith or morallity in a distorted way. I personally can not believe that God would want us to live our lives this way. I have to agree with those who say "live and let live" or "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". That seems to be the message I got out of all that religious instruction, but not necessarily what I saw being practiced.
To those who feel they can balance religious practice with this lifestyle, I would say do so if it works for you. It is your personal choice. and thats the way it should be.
Enough about religion from me,
Mr. Lusty
Ways to point out Swingers in public - - The problem with the whole black ring thing is twofold. First, many people wear them now who aren't even close to being swingers. We see the silicone versions at the gym fairly often because you can lift with them without hurting your finger and I have at least half a dozen vanilla friends who wear black wedding bands (albeit on their left hands).
Second, if black rings for swingers (or ANY other surefire way to ID other swingers) ever really caught on it would quickly become common knowledge and most swingers would prefer their little hobby stay discreet and not public knowledge to their friends, family, and coworkers.
We were once at a lifestyle hotel takeover in San Diego and they issued wristbands to the guests. It took approximately two hours for the entire hotel staff to figure out what the wristbands meant (they were color-coded for sexual preference) and by the next morning you could walk to the adjacent mall and restaurants and people would look at you then immediately look down at your wrist and smile or even laugh and stare. People started trying to hide their wristbands and a few even removed them because they didn't enjoy the attention.
And all this was before social media became a thing. How long do you think it would take nowadays for black rings, or whatever, to become common knowledge? Don't get me wrong. I would LOVE a foolproof way to know who else is a swinger as I walk down the street but swinging is still looked down upon by most other people in the world and most swingers still don't want their private sex lives exposed to the world.
Playing with \"swingers\" vs \"nonswingers\" - - Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! We are not \"seasoned\" swingers by any means, and I appreciate more veteran input. I knew my guts were telling me something was not right, and honestly, I now really regret having said anything to him at first.
Yes there are plenty of hot swingers here on this site and it wasn\'t that I needed to go outside of it to find action..it was my drunken flirting that got the best of me
:p Wont do that again!
Thanks again guys!
Swingers In Uniform - Pay your memorial day respects here. - Intelligence comes in all forms, and all that drabble that oozes from your mouth tells me you might just be book smart, but you like so many other's who become Educated through our wonderful highly expensive schools seem to end up loosing common sense. I'd love to see you spend a long winter in the mountains of Colorado or the Back Hills of Tennessee with nothing but the clothes on your back and a few bare necessaties. Let's just see how DARN SMART you are then. I believe that the people who you seem to think are NOT INTELLIGENT, the ones who know how to take care of themselves, are also the ones who CHOOSE to defend your rights to sprew such BS. All your book learning won't mean anything when some asshole comes knocking on your door. So all I can say is WELCOME to this COUNTRY, and to all the STUPID MF'S (according to you anyway) who are DUMB enough to stick out their necks when it's really your's that is the one in trouble. I'm sitting here shaking my head because ONCE AGAIN I've been STUPID ENOUGH to allow myself to be drug into a discussion with someone who can only insult others with his HIGH DOLLAR EDUCATION.
Where I come from we had a saying, "That person just don't have any fetching up".
Totally agree with you BLVLCPL let's do that. And yes the style of argument does have a very similar ring to to doesn't it.
Looking to establish a group of safe swingers - - This sounds like a fantastic concept. We have had some groups over the years that have been a great time. Unfortunately people move or leave the lifestyle so it never lasts forever. We are interested though
Interacial Sex - - agree
[quote=SHAZAMER]I have played with guys and gals from every race, color, type of cultural upbringinging, etc. that can be found in Utah. The stereotypes are just silly and stupid. There are hot & not so hot men of every race. What I do find intriguing is that most guys of races other than white, keep themselves physically fit after marriage and take pride in their appearance. This seems to be much more rare in married white men. A shame! Also, seems like white swingers like to smoke. A lot. This is a turn off for me, so I tend to steer clear.
xoxoxo
Monika[/quote]
Mormonmomtok - Tiktok mormon swingers - Okay I have seen lots of swingers on tiktok but just now finding out about the mormonmomtok. What is going on there? Please share all the details especially if you know any involved!
Chat - - Same for us, even lesser people in the chatbox. We were always the only ones. Come on swingers, where are you???
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