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The statistics of swinging - Relationship longevity in the lifestyle. - One thing we've noticed (and even had a few close calls with ourselves) is that, once the initial thrill of swinging/swapping wears off a little bit, many people look for the NEXT big thrill...usually separate play. And THAT, if you're not really prepared for it and don't go into it with your eyes wide open, is when things can get really sticky.
I have an acquaintance in the lifestyle who is a professor of physiology who likes to talk at length about the "love hormone", oxytocin, and how powerful it can be in some lifestyle circumstances. I guess a subset of this issue might be how many swingers who break up do so because they fall in love with someone else in the lifestyle.
One particularly insidious behavior that we've, unfortunately, encountered are men, both single AND married, in the lifestyle who attempt to ply Ms. Evil by saying things like, "If you were mine I would never want to share you.". There are probably a fair number of women (and probably men) who might be susceptable to that type of talk if they're insecure in their primary relationship.
Friends Lists - - We looked through the list of people who have us on their friends lists and thought perhaps we would drop them a note.
Guess what?We got no response from any of them.Not even a "not interested or no thanks" note.
I don't know..Are there any real swingers on this site?We don't get these problems elsewhere.
swingers defined - - CDI has been doing funny vids for quite a few years and they're all hilarious. He's been a swinger for quite a few years and is a member of another site we're on. Check out their earlier vid on how to become swingers. I think it's called "The Lifestyle and You." Too fucking funny!
Is this one of your rules? What is it? is it fear? or something - Does everyone feel this way? - For the record, we're fuck first, friends later types. We didn't become swingers to make new friends. We could have joined the Rotary Club for that. LOL Frankly, we like our non-swinging life. We became swingers to add a few special "others" to our already great sex life. It was about fulfilling some group fantasies and the wife's bi-curiousness that did it for us.
It's a LOT more serious for us to decide to be friends with someone than it is for us to decide whether or not to fuck them. It takes a LOT longer than deciding "do 'em/don't do 'em" does.
With that said, we HAVE made a few great friends from swinging that we wouldn't have met otherwise and wouldn't trade for the world. And that fact that we are good friends AND swingers makes these relationships really cool.
But we have found that most folks don't actually "get real" until after the first sex anyway. Before that, everyone is guarded and on their best behavior. We're too old and wise to choose our friends based on first impressions.
Why are there so many swingers from Utah? - - It's either mormons or swingers in Utah and sometimes both!! Have no idea why but I'm glad lol...
A paradigm shift - polyamory - Your thoughts? Here are mine... - This is a big big topic... good one.
It is true to say that an amazing thing about being human (thank any God figure you'de like :)) is that we have an INFINITE capacity to love. It is most obvious in women but exists in us all.
I understand all of the comments about walking a path together, finding the one and only, etc and that is a great way to live but the fact is, we can love more than we do. We can choose to want to be with a certain person more than any other but we can love many. The easiest way to show this is that when a child is born they make the parents feel as if they could never love like they do this first beautiful child but when others come along what we experience is an expansion of our capacity to love. It is limitless. As mothers and parents can love many children so can we all love many others. We dont need to, some dont want to, but some feel it is a natural and Godly way to live. The biggest obstacle to it is jealousy or feelings of ownership which Swingers have largely learned are "lower thinking" attributes and, at least as far as the physical goes, they are beyond jealousy etc (of course I mean the healthy ones).
Big Love is a real deal. It scares many people, even swingers but it is the next and logical progression in the more enlightened thinkers out there, which many swingers are. We swingers have at least tackled the threat that comes from "physical" sharing but many are scared to death to hear their loving sharing spouse express feelings of love for another man or woman.
A great book on this topic is "The Future of Love" by Daphne Rose Kingma. It's excellent.
Im sure this idea (polyamory) is not for everybody but it is natural and can be as rewarding and freeing as swinging is I'm told...(Jealousy, guilt and ownership are unnatural 'learned' behaviors).
I already know I cant be 'everything' to my loving partner but am I strong enough to allow her "love" someong else? Oh wait... is that really my decision?
Thats my 2 cents...
Dave
LDS Swingers Survey - Will any former/active LDS swingers take my survey? - done
Swinging with Vanillas - Any success stories? - I know this probably won't be a very popular point of view but I kind of have a problem with vanilla hunting. If you meet some vanillas and talk to them, hell tell them you are swingers or whatever, and they're interested and then you leave it there and they have time to go home and consider what you've told them and make a sober rational decision then great. Where the line becomes blurred to me is approaching vanillas in say a bar situation where there is plenty of alcohol or whatever and then sort of guiding (pushing?) them into a situation where they might not be thinking completely rationally. I think the majority of us probably approached swinging from the perspective of making a conscious decision to try it out or whatever before we were put in a situation where sexual play might happen. I just think it's only fair for others to have that same consideration "space", if you will, before they jump into something they might not be ready to handle. Swinging is great. We have an awesome little hobby that is DEFINITELY NOT for everyone, no matter how much we think it should be. The truth is very few people can actually handle the intense dynamics of swapping spouses. JMO
asking your swinger friend if you can join them. - - [quote=EVILDOERS]"I am not in the lifestyle and don't think I ever really fully would be"
"K USSIR your not a swinger but you wanna have sex with you friends wife with your friend there? HMMMMMMM I smell a swinger in the making"
Naw, I smell a single guy who just wants to get laid. If you aren't really interested in swinging just leave it alone and get your jollies elsewhere. There are plenty of ways for you to get your rocks off in bars and clubs and on Craigslist. It's your VERY common SM attitude that makes it tough for the very few single guys who get it and really want to be part of the lifestyle. No wonder so many people constantly say that singles aren't really swingers. But don't worry. You aren't alone. We've met TONS of single dudes over the years who've admitted that they would NEVER allow their wife (if they ever got married) to fuck another man. Swinging is an attitude and a mindset. A guy who would let you fuck his wife is risking a lot and sharing with you the most important thing in his life. If you can't grasp that concept you should just stay home and jerk it to online porn.[/quote]
Yeah, that was well put
And thanks deliciouslywet for your response too.
I guess I'll leave it alone and if I'm hanging out with them and it happens great if not that's fine too.
Cuckolding - - Enjoying seeing one's wife/partner have sex with another man (despite the definitions one usually finds in the vanilla world) doesn't reach the level of what true cuckolding is or has come to mean, especially in the context of the lifestyle. While there definitely IS a small subset of swingers who enjoy cuckold-type play it often involves more of a humiliation vibe directed towards the husband and sometimes even some bondage as well, i.e. husband tied up and "forced" to watch wife fucked by a more virile man, etc. while being told how inadequate, small, unmanly he is compared to the "bull".
This misconception of mainstream swinging denoting a cuckholding component for married male swingers is not only way off the mark but it's also a little dangerous in that it far too often gives a very false picture of what the scene actually is to many single males who then treat women/couples accordingly. This, in turn, perpetuates the stereotype of the single male who doesn't really "get" what the scene is about and leads to trashing ALL single males.
We've been AMAZED over the years at how many single males think that married male swingers are cucks when that couldn't be further from the truth.
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