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Wannabes and net fakes - Will the real lifestyle members please stand up - Well said!----We agree completely. We have another term to add to your list: cyber-swinger. It's a wanna-be that doesn't really have the balls to be in the lifestyle so they hide behind their computer screen. We try to sort them out very quickly. After an introduction email or two we talk on the phone and then offer to meet for drinks. If there's any reluctance---they're done. We have neither the time or energy to waste on cyber-swingers. Fortunately for us they have been the rare exception. We have been lucky enough to meet some wonderful people so far and are looking forward to meeting lots more! ;)
A Place In The Lifestyle - - Which club, and where?
Sadly this sounds a lot like Caliente, which isn't a swingers club but does host swinger parties pretty much every Saturday night. It also sounds like Miami Velvet, which is mostly mainstream people who just want to say they are swingers and pretend.
And no, I don't think most of them have any place at actual lifestyle clubs. While some do say up front they are not swingers a much larger portion will claim to be swingers so they can be seen as more of the "in crowd".
Facebook group - - Seems like we read where there is a swingers Facebook group. Does anyone know if this true? If so, how do we find it?
S#!% swingers say - - I don't know how many have seen the youtube video "Shit Swingers Say," but it's pretty funny.
I don't know if I can embed video on this forum, but I will try. If this doesn't work, just search youtube for "shit swingers say." You will laugh, or your money back!
Swingers In Uniform - Pay your memorial day respects here. - to all those out there,
after spending 11 yrs in the corps, and serving in the last Gulf war, kudo's to all of those serving and to all of you supporting them. To mr DON Juan go jerk off and die
trying to pick a place to honeymoon - - I would say it depends on what kind of weather and scenery you want. If you want mountains for hiking/camping/skiing and that sort of thing, pick Utah. If beaches and such are more your thing, pick Florida. Both have great groups of swingers as far as what I know via here on Swingular. Personally, if I could have a honeymoon (we eloped and skipped that whole deal), I pick Hawaii. :P
LDS Swingers Survey - Will any former/active LDS swingers take my survey? - Can't wait to see the results. I have often wondered this too
What about the lifestyle didn't meet your expectations? - Preconceptions and disappointment. - I'm home bored, so stop here if you don't want to read a bunch of shite. lol.
I think we both entered the lifestyle with some preconceived notions of what the people in the LS would be like, but that was mostly from our limited experience with being vanilla and having LS peeps try to hit on us. It just seemed creepy, desperate and gross at the time. We assumed most of the players would be super aggressive, ready to fuck anyone and have zero interest in relationships outside of sex. Our initial entry was simply to watch and be watched. We quickly learned that there are just as many wonderful people in the LS as out of it. Maybe more. There will always be the outliers, the few percentage on each end of the spectrum that are more extreme, but that happens in any population. Overall, it was a happy surprise. So that would be a negative expectation that wasn't met.
As far as things we were hoping would happen or expectation that weren't met, we have very few. But we also went into the labyrinth without really expecting or assuming anything. I don't think we were naive enough to think that this segment of the population was somehow immune from the social characteristics that reveal themselves in any other social class or group. You will always have the "cool kids" the "shy people" the "jocks" the "geeks" the people who classify themselves as the "pity party" and blame the world for their problems. Those things will exist anywhere and should. Swingers are a diverse group of people with a few, maybe very few, common goals. Those goals I think are to meet others with social deviancy and those interested in expanding their sexual experiences or simply to meet new friends. Swinging, in itself, doesn't solidify your beliefs in anything else (politics, food preferences, choice of travel location, or even how or what you are looking for as swingers). I think that is where expectations can fail. If a person goes into a situation thinking, "I/we think "x" so everyone else must think "x" as well", they are bound to be disappointed. I've said this a lot of times, the lifestyle is not black and white. Life isn't black and white. There will be frustrations around every turn if you allow yourself to be duped into thinking your way of thinking is more than just your viewpoint, that it is universal to everyone. I see people complaining of flakes, people who meet once then run away, etc. That's how they roll. That's their truth. It's what they are comfortable with or wanting and who am I to judge. That being said, I don't have to associate with them and hopefully learn how to avoid that situation or become more efficient at finding people with similar interests. The lifestyle is work. Sometimes a lot of work. I think it's foolish to think that it should be easy to find 4 people who all jive. Think about how many people you have dated before settling on the right one for you. And to assume that somehow changes in the lifestyle and that after chatting on kik for a few weeks then meeting over drinks will somehow magically connect you. Ugh. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes not. But I wouldn't expect it. For others, the thought of any connection past the one-nighter is absurd. Why would you want to make friends with your fuck-buddies? It may be too risky and cause too many emotions. Point is, we are all different and that is what makes the journey so beautiful.
And, just a note about flakes, since it is a recurrent theme. Yes, maybe there are more flakes in the lifestyle, but I'm guessing it's specifically related to the nature of the LS. Swinging for some can be very intimidating and frightening. Sometimes the chase is much more fun than the fucking. Not excusing them that do flake, it seems a problem for sure, but I think I understand, at least in part, why it happens so much. There is so much social pressure not to be in the lifestyle and most were brought up without it being the normal way to live. So society is telling us we are wrong, gross, deviant, etc. Add to that the fear of actually getting naked and fucking someone else and it can cause a lot of anxiety in some. When we first started we were petrified to even go the parties thinking it was going to be a fuck/rape fest. lol. Turned out we were wrong but it was a learning process. Lastly, if you are already treading carefully and the couple/person you are supposed to be meeting gives off any bad vibes, maybe flaking is best. It's hard not to hurt someone's feelings and honesty isn't always what happens. I know we have been honest with couples and it turned into a shit-show. Why don't you like us? If you only meet us and give us a chance we can prove we are wonderful. Other's like us, why don't you. It's hard to be honest at times about why there isn't a connection. May flaking be a way to spare feelings? I don't know. There are probably a plethora (Hefe, do you know what a plethora is?)of reasons people flake and some of those my be that they are just douches. But likely there are other people that aren't and are just trying to get out of a situation they are unfamiliar with. Avoid the douches but maybe give those others a second chance.
Evil: always good topics you bring to the table. So you think because people like sex they should be good at it? I know a lot of people who love food but suck at cooking. haha. Maybe having too many options on the table can also make people lazy. I don't have to try hard if I know tomorrow is another partner. To some it's the quantity and not the quality. But I can see why the expectation would be there.
All in all we really have no complaints. It's been a fascination journey. Some ups, some downs, but always and adventure. We will keep our expectations low, both of ourselves and those around us. Less disappointment that way. I'm going back to sitting in my underwear, drinking a beer and watching TV. Zero expectations. haha. :)
Mr. SRO
Ideas on Swingers Car Rally..... - Ideas on Swingers Car Rally..... - I think that is a great idea! I haven't heard of an event with 2 and 4 wheelers together, but hey why not?! Is your event going to be a rally ride or a show? I would prefer to get some road time in together and then hang out. What if we could get some parking space at Tastbuds to have us all park at?
C & D
Monogamy in marriage - An interesting article on the subject - I think the number one reason that a marriage goes off track is the lack of communication. It could show up in fights over money, one or the other cheating because their needs are not taken care of in the marriage, or just about any of the rocks that so many couples run into along the path of married life. One reason I think that swingers tend to be happier and more secure is because without good, open communication swinging can be a minefield. Most that stay in the lifestyle for any amount of time learn to communicate better with each other than many others that do not have the experience of sharing. This summer we'll have been married 35 years so I guess it works :-)
Diane & Max
