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That little nudge many of us need - - [quote=PARTYINLV]We think honesty is the best way to be. If she found out about the meeting without her knowledge, your tryst into the lifestyle may be over. Plus, she might feel the pressure to play at some point anyway. Also, she will always wonder if the next meeting is arranged without her knowledge.
Evildoers is correct in meeting with zero chance of playtime. Take their advice. She will feel more relaxed and could enjoy herself with the pressure off. We will take it a step further:
Step 1: Set up a date with ZERO playtime opportunity and let the other couple know that. Do something fun (a hike, Topgolf, etc) and get to know them. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you don't feel you are a match.
Step 2: If you send a message to meet again, let them know your intent and your boundaries. For example, (kissing ok), (fondling ok), (bi kissing ok), (same room, separate room, either room ok), (nudity ok or not). But, speak honestly with each other about this. It's not nice to lead people on after you have committed. At the conclusion of the date, let them know that if they do not receive a message from YOU within 24 hours, you are not ready to go further.
Step 3: If you send a message to meet again, let them know what is acceptable. For example (full swap or soft swap), (same room, separate rooms or either ok), (kissing or no kissing), (bi play) etc. Again, you will have to be honest with yourselves if you can do this. By a third date, the other couple has invested a lot of time in you. So, be nice and don't lead them on. Enjoy the playtime. Save enough time for the afterglow sex with them relaxing, chatting, and laughing.
By this point, you may have found a couple that you can see multiple times. Doing vanilla activities with them might be a bonus. They may even introduce you to their lifestyle friends too.
The other option is attending a house party where play is not expected. You will be able to speak to several couple and perhaps, use the process above. Or you can play that night.
When we entered the lifestyle, we never had that couple who could mentor us. After we considered ourselves as no longer newbies, we became the newbie "whisperers" to offer what we never had. However, we've gotten away from newbies since our circle is with experienced swingers now. But with covid, we would date newbies again.[/quote]
Sounds like an excellent plan to avoid those one and done awkward meet ups👍
Why so much hate in the swingers world... - - Not to mention insecurity.
-D-
Taking It Like A Champ - Best and worst ways to say "no thanks" - So I'm sure we've all been the recipients of a "Ya, we're just not interested" type of rejection after meeting a hot, fun couple that we thought we clicked with. No? Just us? Well then maybe you've handed a few of those out. So what ways have you successfully told a couple they're just not good enough, or how have you been nicely rejected in a way that didn't devastate you? We want to find a way to let a couple down that doesn't leave a them bawling their eyeballs out or pinning our picture to the wall and throwing darts at it. Especially if we like them...we just don't LIKE them. You know? Share your experiences, oh wise swingers!
Help us out.. Take this Survey - For Utah Swingers - Done
Lifestyle Cruise in November - Anyone going? - - So excited!! It's definitely gonna be a party... and for those who aren't booked... I believe there are still a few dozen cabins still available.
(Can you imagine, 3,800 swingers all trapped on a cruise-ship for 8 days??)
Why are people afraid to give out their email address - - Ohhh...I forgot to mention:
How very timely things can be sometimes....just recently, on another website (for swingers), I had given a new contact our email address. I did this at his request (a single male), so he could send pictures. He did...
...what he sent was an email that - I really could only guess why - was forwarded not less than 16 times. Apparently, our new found friend has been very busy.
Now, I'm sure you've all seen the emails where the subject line is FWD:FWD:FWD:RE: (etc, etc...) I've never realized anyone could be thoughtless enough to simply forward an email with pics to us, when the same email has been forwarded to 16 other people. And it's all right there, "in the clear" so to speak, in his email.
Now, think about this: Here's a guy who is telling us he's sincerely interested in her, how he's only interested in making friends and not the typical wham-bam kinda thing. Funny, he seems to cover a lotta ground for someone so sincere. All in the past week or so, I might add.
It gets better: at some point...I don't know, maybe he's got two machines and was bouncing pics between them, or whatever...he's also unwittingly included a different email address for himself (which, by the way, told us right away he's not been honest about his name). He's put his own, 'real' email address in there as well!
But that's not the part that really relates to the subject of this thread. What does relate is the issue of emails, making rounds you can't even imagine, because of one careless person. I made the mistake of trusting this person - and imagine my horror when I saw how careful he was with the other 16 people's info in there...what if some were completely unaware he was doing that? I bet they are!
And now, HE'S GOT OUR EMAIL ADDRESS!!! How many of his emails to others will have our address in it?
Ever hear of 'social engineering'? Well, if you haven't, do some research. This is how talented computer people can take a little shred of info about you from here, and a little from there, and next thing you know, your private affairs aren't so private. Sure, we're only talking about swinging sites, right? But, didn't someone above mention work email? Tell me no one ever got the two mixed up - or that no one ever forwarded your email - the one you sent in total confidence - to their work address, intentionally or unwittingly!!
Of the 16 email addresses right there in his email, 13 were Yahoo email addresses...now, it's a hop, skip and jump over to their profiles - and now I know even more about the people our friend listed in his email. Interesting to see who all he's been in touch with.
Ohhh, by the way? Two of them were crossdressers, says so right there in their Yahoo profiles.
What if that somehow found its way to where someone worked?
I'll tell you what, I know how these people - the 'social engineers' - go about finding out all sorts of stuff. It so happens I'm not into messing with people like that, or I could have a field day with this stuff. I'm not interested in it, but what if I were? Someone who was a real low-life could start contacting these people, saying things like "I know you've been in touch with X"...or they try to play a confidence game, by dropping names picked up from various sources: "Hey Jimmy told me you're..." after seeing an email from "James" so-and-so. There are countless variations, but these people are relentless - and they're not stupid!
Think it doesn't happen? Think again. Every word of what I say above is absolutely true. May not sound like much until you consider all the possible ways it could be exploited. And it happened, just about the time I took interest in this thread.
So, I hope this little story helps illustrate my point. I hope it helps answer the original question; *This* is why people are reluctant to give out email addresses. And, maybe they damn well should be.
Nightclubs - - Area 51 is great! So is Hukka bar and grill. Not many swingers there, but it is really fun. Their rules are more lax, so it's easy to catch a quick kiss or fondle. I have not been to Habits yet, but I hear it's a great place!
Disappointments! - - Hello everyone, :) we just wanted to say HI and ask a simple question.
OK ............ we have been in the life style for about three years now, and too this date we continue to have a problem with meeting people. We (well we think anyway) discribed exactly what we wanted but we still have people who want one-night stands and quickies. Were not into that at all. We enjoy getting to know people, we don't have a problem with playing on the first date if we feel it will lead to other dates. But so far NO LUCK, We feel we've been used and abused. And now we've really clamped down, but now our problem seem to be meeting people who are just PLAIN FLAKES. Were in Texas as our profile says, and trust me folks the swingers in Texas arn't what they claim to be. They either want a quick screw or are people who drag you into meeting them and then you discover that they are SPACE CASES. One or the other has a sever problem with there mate being with someone else. ANYWAY.............
I guess what were really asking is what are we doing wrong. And are we LOSER magnets ??
Other activities? - Do you only meet swingers for sex? - Yes we agree with Dar Dorn we have met people to swim at our place, BBQ, get dinner, a movie, and just stroll around the Mall looking for deals. Some we have slept with others we have not. As we posted before, for us it\'s A FRIENDSHIP first, and if it develops into sexual play then we know that everyone will have a good time.
Age - New to the swingers community - is age a factor in how a couple is viewed? -
Don said...
We view the lifestyle as a multifaceted creature. The sex part being a benefit. In order for a person to want to have sex, they have to be attracted to the other person in some way shape or form.
For some, age is an issue. Should we fault them?? I think not. Just as we've discussed in other threads about D&D, Smoking, Sexual Practices etc. The list is long. I think this has to do with preference. Are some people picky yes. Don't let their decision hamper your good time. There are many couples that this is an issue. Most people's taste doesn't change because someone complains. I say move on.
We don't have an issue with age so much as we do attitude and personality. As some of you well know, I (Don) am very opinionated and love to say what's on my mind. Some don't like that. Some thing I am a prick. For those of you that think that...
Anyway, as we say in the Army, suck up and drive on. Don't let rejections rule your outlook, let your successes. Good luck.
