The Swinging Lifestyle is as diverse as there are species on this earth. Attitudes, cultures and expectations vary from one end of the spectrum to the other. While recognising this fact and accepting it, and after years of experience in this lifestyle we are going to opine from our particular point of view. Having discussed this often with others in the Lifestyle it is an opinion which is widely espoused. And that is aggression – in particular, male aggression and pressure to have sex.
The latter is no one’s right, it is a privilege not to be abused.
We have experienced situations where the male sex partner seems only interested in one thing to the shut-out of all else, and that is his own cravings, satisfaction and performance.
Many will assert that aggressive males can be appealing in fact, some women we have spoken to have told us that they like male aggressiveness, however, the majority go on to point out that only when they (the partners) are wanting it. Love-making or sex moments are ideally meant to give and receive sexual pleasure but if either of the partners is unduly aggressive in their sexual acts, the entire experience ends up causing discomfort and marring sexual bliss.
Research has established that generally speaking, women must choose between two types of men: dads and cads (Psychology Today). On the one hand, dads are typically more respectful, warm, caring, and aware of their partner’s needs and feelings. Yet they usually appear as less charismatic and dominant than their caddish counterparts. On the other hand, cads can generally speaking be – or appear to be sexier, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy, shallow and exploitative of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism. This in turn leads them to resort to painfully satisfying their sexual cravings. Sadly many men do not even recognise that they have this problem.
Some gender theorists go as far to argue that ostentatious displays of aggression are not because men feel powerful, but precisely the opposite – because they lack societal recognition or power. This generally has a parallel with antisocial behaviour.
All relationships require some measure of reciprocity. Sex partners should enrich each other’s experience not merely perform, otherwise ‘objectified’ becomes the result and the woman feels used - not necessarily abused, but used and it is as if she was there merely to be the chattel for being fucked. If this is the case and since brothels are legalised in this country, they are an option for the aggressive male. Don’t bring it on my wife/partner.
Treating your sex partner with respect, reverence, kindness and caring – that’s where the magic of pleasure begins. And this is precisely where we as a couple in the lifestyle fit in!
We just love the friendship aspects of this style of life, talking openly and being ‘sassy’; meeting for a meal or drinks with our friends when the meeting is not just a means to an end but rather is the ‘end’; just sitting around talking with no sex involved; the soft-sex times; interesting and intelligent conversation and storytelling; pash-ups in the kitchen; a good old ‘scrag’ on the living room floor; our hot-tub sessions; sex under the stars; romance and foreplay; naturally bedroom play; the occasional pink bum; puppy piles when no one knows whose hand is on whom or on what; not really into one nighters except when we are travelling; and generally as we say, ‘to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for us.’
So what do we ideally look for in this way of a modern open and accepting life?
Ideally, we look for like minded intelligent couples that love and respect their partner and are ready to enjoy new friendships and relationships in and out of the bedroom.
We are a fun loving, mature, professional couple with an incredible group of friends all over the world – aged from 28 to late 70’s and across the full culture, social and economic spectrum of life – after all, it’s the individual that counts ... ... the people we have great synergy with tend to be friendly and social; open minded rather than hard-core; laughing rather than full-on intensity; intelligent and interesting; no pressure or drama; are not aggressive and have absolute respect for the individual. And we are quite happy to lead those feeling their way. We are not a pressure, must fuck couple!
Aggression is not on our list! In fact, a partner that turns out to be aggressive is afterwards picked up by the collar and flicked like a weasel into the disregard-until-change bucket!
We enjoy hosting compatible travellers from out-of-town with no pressure, no expectations and definitely with no strings attached!
We know from our experience this scene is amazing for the deep friendships one can form with friends from near and far - and the benefits are definitely a plus!
Comments ... ... What are your experience/s?
The latter is no one’s right, it is a privilege not to be abused.
We have experienced situations where the male sex partner seems only interested in one thing to the shut-out of all else, and that is his own cravings, satisfaction and performance.
Many will assert that aggressive males can be appealing in fact, some women we have spoken to have told us that they like male aggressiveness, however, the majority go on to point out that only when they (the partners) are wanting it. Love-making or sex moments are ideally meant to give and receive sexual pleasure but if either of the partners is unduly aggressive in their sexual acts, the entire experience ends up causing discomfort and marring sexual bliss.
Research has established that generally speaking, women must choose between two types of men: dads and cads (Psychology Today). On the one hand, dads are typically more respectful, warm, caring, and aware of their partner’s needs and feelings. Yet they usually appear as less charismatic and dominant than their caddish counterparts. On the other hand, cads can generally speaking be – or appear to be sexier, with their narrow eyes and strong jaws but they also tend to be flashy, shallow and exploitative of others. Even worse, these masculine men often embody the Dark Triad, a personality constellation that encompasses Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and narcissism. This in turn leads them to resort to painfully satisfying their sexual cravings. Sadly many men do not even recognise that they have this problem.
Some gender theorists go as far to argue that ostentatious displays of aggression are not because men feel powerful, but precisely the opposite – because they lack societal recognition or power. This generally has a parallel with antisocial behaviour.
All relationships require some measure of reciprocity. Sex partners should enrich each other’s experience not merely perform, otherwise ‘objectified’ becomes the result and the woman feels used - not necessarily abused, but used and it is as if she was there merely to be the chattel for being fucked. If this is the case and since brothels are legalised in this country, they are an option for the aggressive male. Don’t bring it on my wife/partner.
Treating your sex partner with respect, reverence, kindness and caring – that’s where the magic of pleasure begins. And this is precisely where we as a couple in the lifestyle fit in!
We just love the friendship aspects of this style of life, talking openly and being ‘sassy’; meeting for a meal or drinks with our friends when the meeting is not just a means to an end but rather is the ‘end’; just sitting around talking with no sex involved; the soft-sex times; interesting and intelligent conversation and storytelling; pash-ups in the kitchen; a good old ‘scrag’ on the living room floor; our hot-tub sessions; sex under the stars; romance and foreplay; naturally bedroom play; the occasional pink bum; puppy piles when no one knows whose hand is on whom or on what; not really into one nighters except when we are travelling; and generally as we say, ‘to enjoy our sexuality and to share it in as many ways as may fit for us.’
So what do we ideally look for in this way of a modern open and accepting life?
Ideally, we look for like minded intelligent couples that love and respect their partner and are ready to enjoy new friendships and relationships in and out of the bedroom.
We are a fun loving, mature, professional couple with an incredible group of friends all over the world – aged from 28 to late 70’s and across the full culture, social and economic spectrum of life – after all, it’s the individual that counts ... ... the people we have great synergy with tend to be friendly and social; open minded rather than hard-core; laughing rather than full-on intensity; intelligent and interesting; no pressure or drama; are not aggressive and have absolute respect for the individual. And we are quite happy to lead those feeling their way. We are not a pressure, must fuck couple!
Aggression is not on our list! In fact, a partner that turns out to be aggressive is afterwards picked up by the collar and flicked like a weasel into the disregard-until-change bucket!
We enjoy hosting compatible travellers from out-of-town with no pressure, no expectations and definitely with no strings attached!
We know from our experience this scene is amazing for the deep friendships one can form with friends from near and far - and the benefits are definitely a plus!
Comments ... ... What are your experience/s?
Very good read and you made a lot of good points. One thing I would like to point out in your "Dad or Cad" example, I find that most people are on a sort of sliding scale in this kind of comparison. There are those who are very kind and sweet and gentle but when certain situations arise can immediately become aggressive or shallow etc. Men and women can also have a healthy mix of all of these traits so it puts them somewhere between aggressive and submissive for lack of a better term.
What we have found tends to be our best indicator on if a couple is a good match for us, is if they both are very kind and respectful to each other and other people in general. They treat each other kindly and are very open and genuine with the other people they interact with, lifestylers or not.
What we have found tends to be our best indicator on if a couple is a good match for us, is if they both are very kind and respectful to each other and other people in general. They treat each other kindly and are very open and genuine with the other people they interact with, lifestylers or not.
Thanks - well said. The thoughts came from a recent not-so-good experience we had. The Dad/Cad example - as referenced, is from Psychology Today. Felt they could make the point better than a 'bush-psychologist'!
One of the best lessons we learnt came when we were living and working in Malaysia (we have lived/worked on 5 continents) was that of cultural respect - mainly because it such is a defined multi-cultural country. Now we believe that respect for and of the individual is absolute, Stylers or not. How about that for a change the world concept!!!!
One of the best lessons we learnt came when we were living and working in Malaysia (we have lived/worked on 5 continents) was that of cultural respect - mainly because it such is a defined multi-cultural country. Now we believe that respect for and of the individual is absolute, Stylers or not. How about that for a change the world concept!!!!
Thoughtful read, Kiwi. On several points I hesitated to concur, but your reasoning was sound. Now expand the thought to apply to all aggressive people -- men and women -- in the lifestyle. Mrs. Enlightened can tell some bizzarro stories about aggressive women that have ruined her evening (and ours by inference) because the XX chromosome made aggressive plays that were not reciprocated and refused to accept polite rejection. Those negative experiences have, with a couple of rare exceptions, chased the missus away from her curiosities. What names would you put on kind/sweet women and shallow/aggressive women? Gender equity, gender respect.