When "Daily Chuckles" hit 20 pages - I put it to sleep and started "Daily Chuckles 2".
Then it hit 20 pages, and.................... - it was time for (drum roll, please) "Daily Chuckles 3". Guess what?
Then it hit 20 pages, and.................... - it was time for (drum roll, please) "Daily Chuckles 3". Guess what?
We keep Pushing It!
Isn't it the truth.....!
Head is always good!
.
Completely Inappropriate Jokes
______________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all his beer had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"
______________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. ....
It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"
______________________________________________
I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
_____________________________________________
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said,
"I don't know if I am coming or going.
"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're
going - 'cus when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" .... Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer .
_______________________________________________________________
Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, "Fuck that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
____________________________________________________
What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
______________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all his beer had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"
______________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. ....
It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"
______________________________________________
I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.
_____________________________________________
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said,
"I don't know if I am coming or going.
"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're
going - 'cus when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" .... Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer .
_______________________________________________________________
Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, "Fuck that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
____________________________________________________
What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
ewww
.
yup all sex wrong.... I mean six
Actually, there's NOT a lot of humor to this.
Why women have headaches...
/
.
a
b
c
a
b
c
d
yup
might work for you youngsters... but not me...
..
q
a
A variation of the theme.
I always wondered.....
Kinda nasty but I still lol'd
these are hilarious, thanks for the laughs.
look closer....
If you don't ride, you don't understand-haha
.
say what?
This says it all.
I guess this could work too foe I have a headache.
A whole new viewpoint to a squirrel just trying to get a nut, and go figure, it happened on a Monday.
Maybe a new twist on an old game.
...
[video]http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d182501dfe/world-war-g[/video]
Damnit!
[video]<iframe src="http://www.funnyordie.com/embed/d182501dfe" width="640" height="400" frameborder="0"></iframe><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:640px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d182501dfe/world-war-g" title="'from Andy Maxwell, Ally Hord, and Funny Or Die">World War G</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a> <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2Fd182501dfe%2Fworld-war-g&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:90px; height:21px; vertical-align:middle;" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>[/video]
[video]<iframe src="http://www.funnyordie.com/embed/d182501dfe" width="640" height="400" frameborder="0"></iframe><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:640px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d182501dfe/world-war-g" title="'from Andy Maxwell, Ally Hord, and Funny Or Die">World War G</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a> <iframe src="http://www.facebook.com/plugins/like.php?app_id=138711277798&href=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.funnyordie.com%2Fvideos%2Fd182501dfe%2Fworld-war-g&send=false&layout=button_count&width=150&show_faces=false&action=like&height=21" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="border:none; overflow:hidden; width:90px; height:21px; vertical-align:middle;" allowTransparency="true"></iframe>[/video]
Fudge knuckles! Who do I have to blow around here to get a video to embed?!!?
[video]http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d182501dfe/world-war-g[/video]
[video]http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/d182501dfe/world-war-g[/video]
I can't even get a photo to embed....
Things you don't want to hear your top say when you are naked and tied up
by Lady-Kimberly
#1: "Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere..."
#2: "Oops."
#3: "Um. You didn't *really* need that, did you?"
#4: "Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"
#5: "Don't worry. I'm sure there's a locksmith somewhere that's open at 2AM..."
#6: "I promised not to do any permanent damage - but you know, hair grows back."
#7: "Oops. I *thought* that was the lube."
#8: "Uh oh. If that's the KY tube, what did I just put up your....."
#9: "Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"
#10 "Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"
#11 "And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph. I know you'll just love Ralph."
#12 "Oh fuck. You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?"
#13 "Oh shit. You do know CPR, don't you?"
#14 "Heh heh heh. You didn't tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?"
#15 "I do too know what I'm doing. I've read five whole Gor novels!"
#16 "Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"
#17 "Uh oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?"
#18 "Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"
#19 "Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."
#20 "Oh, um, hello, Officer."
#21 "My real name? It's Bates. By the way, I'd like you to meet Mother."
#22 "No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."
#23 "You *said* you could service my pussy.....c'mere, Fluffy."
#24 "You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."
#25 "Phn'glui mgwlnath Cthulu R'lyeh."
#26 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Huitzilopochtli, didn't I?"
#27 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Kali-Ma, didn't I?"
#28 "Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."
#29 "I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"
#30 "Groovy. This crop leaves colored trails in the air when I swing it."
#31 "Well golly gee! This is more fun than pullin' the wings off-a butterflies!"
#32 "Dang it, this is more fun than settin' cats on fire!"
#33 "You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."
#34 "You don't need a safeword; it's groovy. I'll just watch your mood ring."
#35 "Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."
#36 "I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you."
#37 "Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"
#38 "Heh heh. Look, Beavis, a tied up naked chick. Now what do we do?"
#39 "I'm not really a mad scientist. I just want to see what happens."
#40 "I promised no permanent marks, but I bet I can sew that back on."
#41 "You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master. I've read ALL the Gor books!"
#42 "You don't need safewords; I'm a True Mistress. I have WEEKS of experience."
#43 "I don't use safewords; I'm Betazoid. I look human so They won't get me. Shh."
#44 "Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."
#45 "I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."
#46 "If it doesn't fit, it just needs more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"
#47 "Don't worry if your hands go numb. You won't be needing those."
#48 "Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."
#49 Ill let you guess this one......lol
#50 "Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"
#51 "Oops. It escaped. I think I see it slithering off in the corner."
#52 "Darn it, where DID my pet tarantula get to?"
#53 "Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"
#54 "You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."
by Lady-Kimberly
#1: "Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere..."
#2: "Oops."
#3: "Um. You didn't *really* need that, did you?"
#4: "Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"
#5: "Don't worry. I'm sure there's a locksmith somewhere that's open at 2AM..."
#6: "I promised not to do any permanent damage - but you know, hair grows back."
#7: "Oops. I *thought* that was the lube."
#8: "Uh oh. If that's the KY tube, what did I just put up your....."
#9: "Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"
#10 "Safeword? Um, what's a safeword?"
#11 "And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph. I know you'll just love Ralph."
#12 "Oh fuck. You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?"
#13 "Oh shit. You do know CPR, don't you?"
#14 "Heh heh heh. You didn't tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?"
#15 "I do too know what I'm doing. I've read five whole Gor novels!"
#16 "Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"
#17 "Uh oh. If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?"
#18 "Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"
#19 "Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low. It turns me on."
#20 "Oh, um, hello, Officer."
#21 "My real name? It's Bates. By the way, I'd like you to meet Mother."
#22 "No, really. Trust me. I saw this work in a movie once."
#23 "You *said* you could service my pussy.....c'mere, Fluffy."
#24 "You like my straitjacket? Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."
#25 "Phn'glui mgwlnath Cthulu R'lyeh."
#26 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Huitzilopochtli, didn't I?"
#27 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Kali-Ma, didn't I?"
#28 "Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."
#29 "I'm sorry. Are the voices in my head bothering you?"
#30 "Groovy. This crop leaves colored trails in the air when I swing it."
#31 "Well golly gee! This is more fun than pullin' the wings off-a butterflies!"
#32 "Dang it, this is more fun than settin' cats on fire!"
#33 "You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."
#34 "You don't need a safeword; it's groovy. I'll just watch your mood ring."
#35 "Oh, um, hi Mom. We were just, um, uh....."
#36 "I'm not crazy. Yes I am. Shut up, all of you."
#37 "Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"
#38 "Heh heh. Look, Beavis, a tied up naked chick. Now what do we do?"
#39 "I'm not really a mad scientist. I just want to see what happens."
#40 "I promised no permanent marks, but I bet I can sew that back on."
#41 "You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master. I've read ALL the Gor books!"
#42 "You don't need safewords; I'm a True Mistress. I have WEEKS of experience."
#43 "I don't use safewords; I'm Betazoid. I look human so They won't get me. Shh."
#44 "Uh oh. I think it's stuck there."
#45 "I always keep the speculum in the freezer. It's more fun that way."
#46 "If it doesn't fit, it just needs more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"
#47 "Don't worry if your hands go numb. You won't be needing those."
#48 "Did I mention my crucifixion fetish? Now, where did I put those nails..."
#49 Ill let you guess this one......lol
#50 "Bye. I'm taking off for the weekend. Isn't suspension bondage fun?"
#51 "Oops. It escaped. I think I see it slithering off in the corner."
#52 "Darn it, where DID my pet tarantula get to?"
#53 "Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"
#54 "You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."
Everyone on earth dies and goes to heaven God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! The other line had only one man. Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Stopped trying !!!
A blond man is in jail.
Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT the hell are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT the hell are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
z
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
Says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are
Millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
Planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
Quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
Insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have
A beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
"You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole
The tent."
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
Says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are
Millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
Planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
Quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
Insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have
A beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
"You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole
The tent."
had to....
YEAH....
ummm yeah....
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse does as told. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
This time they got my attention
Haha
Chuckles? Nothing funnier than watching the Mormon's faces as 4000+ people "run" up to the capitol in their undies after Conference today. Check out the post in the event section of the forums and please comment so it will go onto the main Swingular page so people can see it. :-)
So true
Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I
lol
A man comes home after a long ten hour day of work to find his lovely bride sitting at the door with a big suit case and her coat on, puzzled he asked were on earth she thought she was going.
With a big smile she responded I am on my way to Las Vegas, Ok the man asked I will bite, why are you going to Vegas. His wife smartly response they are paying $600 bucks for a blow job and I want some money. The man frantically scrambles up the stairs and begins to make a huge racket, his wife yells up the stairs at him, what on earth are you doing, a few seconds later he comes down the stairs dragging a big suit case of his own, She asked what the hell are you doing with that, he says I am going to Vegas as well, she looks puzzled at him and asked why he would want to go. He loudly explains because I cant wait to see you live on $1200 bucks a year.
With a big smile she responded I am on my way to Las Vegas, Ok the man asked I will bite, why are you going to Vegas. His wife smartly response they are paying $600 bucks for a blow job and I want some money. The man frantically scrambles up the stairs and begins to make a huge racket, his wife yells up the stairs at him, what on earth are you doing, a few seconds later he comes down the stairs dragging a big suit case of his own, She asked what the hell are you doing with that, he says I am going to Vegas as well, she looks puzzled at him and asked why he would want to go. He loudly explains because I cant wait to see you live on $1200 bucks a year.
VOYEURS4U wrote:
Ouch, but VERY funny! I'm guessing KRAZYGIRL would be one rich woman
KRAZYGIRL wrote:
A man comes home after a long ten hour day of work to find his lovely bride sitting at the door with a big suit case and her coat on, puzzled he asked were on earth she thought she was going.
With a big smile she responded I am on my way to Las Vegas, Ok the man asked I will bite, why are you going to Vegas. His wife smartly response they are paying $600 bucks for a blow job and I want some money. The man frantically scrambles up the stairs and begins to make a huge racket, his wife yells up the stairs at him, what on earth are you doing, a few seconds later he comes down the stairs dragging a big suit case of his own, She asked what the hell are you doing with that, he says I am going to Vegas as well, she looks puzzled at him and asked why he would want to go. He loudly explains because I cant wait to see you live on $1200 bucks a year.
She does just fine for herself, but I am the rich one with all that fun.lol
When every thing else fails.
Needs no explanation.
yes
So true.. 
A Utah Mormon was seated next to an Irish Catholic on a flight back to States from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey and a glass of Guinness, which were promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drinks back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
The Irishman asked for a whiskey and a glass of Guinness, which were promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drinks back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Some places not to eat
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