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Spray It
Scouts Honor
yupper
good question?
hahahaha
How bout a good pick up line... When God made u, he was just showing off!
CANDJ23 wrote:
How bout a good pick up line... When God made u, he was just showing off!
when seeing your pics,, same thoughts come to mind,,,, he was showing off his skills for sure
oh yeah!
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...
headache
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an adult shop.
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering and trembling,she asks the sales clerk,
"Ddddooooo youuuu havvvve dilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos.
Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Ddddoooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do.."
the old lady says "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn iittt offfff?"
Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.
Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering and trembling,she asks the sales clerk,
"Ddddooooo youuuu havvvve dilllldosss?"
The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, "Yes we do have dildos.
Actually we carry many different models."
The old woman then asks: "Ddddoooo youuuu carrryy aaa pppinkk onnee,
tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by bbaatteries ?"
The clerk responds, "Yes we do.."
the old lady says "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn iittt offfff?"
0
P
So how many people actually dress for the day?
simple 'nuff
Bounce
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I wonder who will win the battle for the batteries?.......
Everyone needs this mistake to happen to them once in awhile!
some of these are super funny
Fries
Ok, sorry. This one's old school (text). Stop me if you've heard it.
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein starts counting. Pascal runs off and hides really well. Newton just stands there with a stick doodling in the dirt, drawing a box about 3 feet wide. Einstein finishes counting and opens his eyes. "Sir Issac Newton, I've found you!" "No." replies Issac. "What you have found is Newton per square meter, you've found Pascal!"
Hey nerds like jokes too. BAZINGA!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein starts counting. Pascal runs off and hides really well. Newton just stands there with a stick doodling in the dirt, drawing a box about 3 feet wide. Einstein finishes counting and opens his eyes. "Sir Issac Newton, I've found you!" "No." replies Issac. "What you have found is Newton per square meter, you've found Pascal!"
Hey nerds like jokes too. BAZINGA!
pretty stupid jokes.. come on folks...
lets see some good stuff...
lets see some good stuff...
Ok, how about this then? Not a joke per se but we're going to Florida the end of this month and just bought matching t-shirts that say...."Recreational Hoodie Wearer. Please Don't Shoot." :-)
I've always said that you Na'vi are the most sapient species on Pandora. :-)
EVILDOERS wrote:
Ok, how about this then? Not a joke per se but we're going to Florida the end of this month and just bought matching t-shirts that say...."Recreational Hoodie Wearer. Please Don't Shoot." :-)
We'll be watching for ya.
That's what we're afraid of...
A small boy walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.
"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
"God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!"
"Mommy, Mommy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son," she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they
inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite
satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes
into the kitchen. "Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her
balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling,
"God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!"
hahaha
WINNER!!!
In a nutshell!
Oops....haven't had my coffee yet. LOL Oh well, the link still works. ;-)
EVILDOERS wrote:
Oops....haven't had my coffee yet. LOL Oh well, the link still works. ;-)
hahaha i <3 The Oatmeal!
Received email earlier in regards to my previous posting of animation
NOTED
s
barbie
yuyp
AZWETNWILD wrote:
My kind of girl. Thank you for this thread. You make our day.
I'm glad you liked it... LOL so did I.
Swallow Next Time!
I knew it!!!
r
d
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being
a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'
This made me laugh out loud.
I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting
for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being
a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts
for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.'
Not sure if any of you like some of the reviews on Amazon as much as I do but some of them are freakin' hilarious! Here's a recent fav.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R2DJUDCZ2YBMW4
http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/B000KKNQBK/ref=cm_cr_dp_synop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending#R2DJUDCZ2YBMW4
f