Say it ain't so.
Hope everyone has a fun April Fool's Day!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
Oh, oh..........
A man sitting on his porch, in front of a country road, see a young boy walking by, twirling a large roll of duck tape. The man asks the boy, "where u goin with that there roll of duck tape?" the boy responds,"I'm goin to go catch some ducks." The man says "U can't catch ducks with duck tape!" The boy ignors the remark and goes on his merry way. Two hours later the man sees the boy walking by with a long stretch of duck tape behind him with 4 ducks all tangled and caught. The man stares in desbelief. The next day the man sees the same boy walking by with a bunch of chicken wire. Again he askes the boy "where u goin with that there chicken wire?" and the boy responds "I'm goin to go catch some chickens"..the man replies "u can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"..About two hours later the boy comes walking past dragging the chicken wire behind him with 5 chickens caught in the wire. The man can't believe his eyes. The next day the man again sees the boy walking past, this time, carrying pussy willow...the man says "HEY KID!!! WAIT FOR ME!!!"
You can run - butt you can't hide!
Thank God for friends.
San Quentin Quail?
Makes sense to me.
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"
To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
Uh Oh!
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling."
The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds." and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?"
The bartender said, "Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling."
The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not nerds." and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.
The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?"
The bartender said, "Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."
Ya think??????
For your voice mail in the sexiest voice:
"Hello
Sorry we cannot answer the phone right now we are in middle of something. While (She) likes it side to side slowly, I enjoy it up and down very fast. When we are done brushing our teeth we will return your call"
"Hello
Sorry we cannot answer the phone right now we are in middle of something. While (She) likes it side to side slowly, I enjoy it up and down very fast. When we are done brushing our teeth we will return your call"
Oh, oh.........................
Hi ho the merry o...................
What if 1 bag isn't enough?
Pass the spuds.
Sorry for the lapse in chuckles for a week or so folks, butt I'm visiting family in Wilmington, NC and have them all stored on my desktop back home.
To be continued.......................
To be continued.......................
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3." When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine, and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3." When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."
The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Happy Earth Day!!
Eve talks to her creator:
"Lord"? "Yes, Eve" "I know you created me and provided a beautiful garden and all the wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious snake but I am just not happy. I am lonely and sick to death of apples".
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you. A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He will lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but I'll create him in such a way as to satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will always need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great Lord", Eve says with an ironically raised eyebrow, "but what's the catch?"
"You can have him on one condition" says the Lord. "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring... so you"ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secrete. You know, Women to Woman"
"Lord"? "Yes, Eve" "I know you created me and provided a beautiful garden and all the wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious snake but I am just not happy. I am lonely and sick to death of apples".
"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you. A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He will lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he is aroused, but I'll create him in such a way as to satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will always need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great Lord", Eve says with an ironically raised eyebrow, "but what's the catch?"
"You can have him on one condition" says the Lord. "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring... so you"ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secrete. You know, Women to Woman"
Getting ready for a big night tonight.
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am.
AMEN!
Sad - butt true.
If only.............
Gonna be some MAD bears.
Seems appropriate this morning
Love it! MWAH
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
I believe all God's creatures have a very important place in this world. Right next to my mashed potatoes.
Hmmmm.........
Seasonally wrong, butt........
?
Got milk?
Most people don
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blond was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
WTF?
Know the feeling well.
Is there a difference?
It's a miracle!!!
A little Airport humor
DANG!
BUSTED!
Nose candy?
MEN IN HEAVEN
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared
and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line is for the men who
were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were
dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of
men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of
men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the
head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled
your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replied,
"My wife told me to stand here".
When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared
and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line is for the men who
were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were
dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of
men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of
men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the
head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled
your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this
line?"
The man replied,
"My wife told me to stand here".
Where's Bullwinkle?
This is what it's coming to.
I had a polster come to the door the other day, asking a question.
The Question:
"If your best friend slept with your significant other would you let it go because he once helped you move a couch"?
My answer:
"How big of a couch"?
The Question:
"If your best friend slept with your significant other would you let it go because he once helped you move a couch"?
My answer:
"How big of a couch"?
One of my favorites!! I can just picture this for some reason..
DUH!
I love nature.
Congress designs a car: The all-new 2012 Filibuster SE.
BEEP BEEP!
An old lady is being examined by a doctor who asks her: "Have you ever been bedridden?"
The old lady smiles and says: "I certainly have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!"
The old lady smiles and says: "I certainly have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too!"
A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."
?
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Men always miss them.
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?
There was a man sunbathing nude on a beach...A little girl walked by so he quickly covered himself with a newspaper then the girl asked what u got under that newspaper mister? he replied nothing but a silly little bird, now be on ur way little one...so she left...the guy passed out and next thing he knows he wakes up in the hospital in extreme pain at the hospital and the cops asked what happened...he mentioned the last thing he remembered from the beach, so the cops went and found this little girl and asked her what happened...She said she was petting this mans bird and it spit on him..so she broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and burned its bush
Three Stages of Life!
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $250.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2PM. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Les came home from golf at 6 pm and upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered,
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $250.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2PM. Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Les came home from golf at 6 pm and upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered,
roflmao That was too funny!!!!
Couldn't resist...this is along the trail we run every morning...lmao
A+. Love it.
Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) had become a young woman at full flower. She was leaving her house on day, dressed rather scantily to see her beau the Woodsman. As she was leaving, her grandmother chastised her saying "LRRH, if you go out dressed like that the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and fuck you silly."
LRRH replied, "No he won't." And continues on her way.
along the path, LRRH comes upon Mama Bear. Mama Bear sees how seductively she is dressed and says "LRRH, if you go out dressed like that, the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and fuck you viciously."
LRRH replies "No he won't." And continues on her way.
A little while down the path, LRRH meets the Witch in her Gingerbread House. The Witch eyes LRRH with a less than chaste look and says, "LRRH, If you go out dressed like that, the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and Fuck you like a wild Beast."
LRRH replies, "No he won't." and continues on her way.
Further along, the Big Bad Wolf sees Little Red Riding Hood dressed to seduce, and pounces onto the path. He growls, snarls, and drools as he prepares to ravage her. He says, "Little Red Riding Hood, I'm going to tear your panties off and Fuck You as only a beast can."
LRRH looks him up and down with a sultry look, smirks and says "No you won't. You're going to Eat me like it says in the book."
The Beast smiles...
Little Red Riding Hood (LRRH) had become a young woman at full flower. She was leaving her house on day, dressed rather scantily to see her beau the Woodsman. As she was leaving, her grandmother chastised her saying "LRRH, if you go out dressed like that the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and fuck you silly."
LRRH replied, "No he won't." And continues on her way.
along the path, LRRH comes upon Mama Bear. Mama Bear sees how seductively she is dressed and says "LRRH, if you go out dressed like that, the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and fuck you viciously."
LRRH replies "No he won't." And continues on her way.
A little while down the path, LRRH meets the Witch in her Gingerbread House. The Witch eyes LRRH with a less than chaste look and says, "LRRH, If you go out dressed like that, the Big Bad Wolf is going to tear your panties off and Fuck you like a wild Beast."
LRRH replies, "No he won't." and continues on her way.
Further along, the Big Bad Wolf sees Little Red Riding Hood dressed to seduce, and pounces onto the path. He growls, snarls, and drools as he prepares to ravage her. He says, "Little Red Riding Hood, I'm going to tear your panties off and Fuck You as only a beast can."
LRRH looks him up and down with a sultry look, smirks and says "No you won't. You're going to Eat me like it says in the book."
The Beast smiles...
Ya think???????
So that's how it's done..........
A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'.
The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!'
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'
Of course the Madam said 'No'.
The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease.
Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!'
what is the difference between a blonde and the titanic
we know how many men went down on the titanic
we know how many men went down on the titanic
IDCPL4FUN69 wrote:you can get that patch at your local airsoft store if you want it.
For Mr Trixie, gotta love the Brits.
If a man says something in the forest and there is no woman there to hear it...
is he STILL wrong?
is he STILL wrong?
If a man says something in the forest and there is no woman there to hear it...
is he STILL wrong?
is he STILL wrong?
There once was a Man from Glass, Who had Two Balls of Brass. In Stormy Weather, they would Clang Together, And Lighting would Shoot Out His Ass! You must of Heard of The Man From Nantucket? That's right you Know the rest!
Do you know the difference between pussy and parsley?
Nobody actually eats parsley...
Nobody actually eats parsley...
TWO4MORE wrote:
Do you know the difference between pussy and parsley? Nobody actually eats parsley...
Not to mention the fact that restaurants that put pussy on your plate to make it look better are EXTREMELY rare.
A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The yong man said " I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning, it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly." The uncle says with a confused look "Um son, we don't have a cow... We have a BULL!"
AZWETNWILD wrote:
Well that's no fun CARRIERMANANDGEEKGIRL
OMG!!!!!!
It's humor - did you take it seriously???????
lol
Vahhhh,Vahhhh, Voommmm! Mr Chips?