Day 36
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed. The egg lights up a cigarette and says, "Well I guess we know the answer to THAT question."
Taken from chickenhammer.com/2008/09/husband-store.html
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
OMG
Day 37
Day 38
A woman is watching a man in a bar. She notices something strange things about him. First she sees that he sneezes frequently. As she continues to watch him, she sees that each time he sneezes, he never covers his face. She then notices that each time he sneezes he has his hands on his lap. She continues to watch him, and sees that he has his penis out. Astonished she watches and sees that as he sneezes he holds his member, then wipes it off. Intrigued she approches this strange man and asks him about this bizarre behavior. The man tells her that he has a medical condition in which, whenever he sneezes it makes him orgasim. "That's AWFUL!", she exclaims. "What do you do for it?", she asks. He responds with a grin, "I sniff ground black pepper."
Romance Novel for the New Millennium
He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax." Without warning, he reached down and I felt his hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage, and then as he reached my breasts, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine, across my hips, and although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking `no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say: "Okay, ma'am, You can board your flight now."
He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax." Without warning, he reached down and I felt his hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage, and then as he reached my breasts, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine, across my hips, and although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking `no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say: "Okay, ma'am, You can board your flight now."
omg...that one seriously made me laugh out loud 
CHRKE2 wrote:
Romance Novel for the New Millennium
He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax." Without warning, he reached down and I felt his hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage, and then as he reached my breasts, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine, across my hips, and although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking `no' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say: "Okay, ma'am, You can board your flight now."
LMAO. that was great.
I think i want to be a TSA agent now....
Wait....you were a cheerleader?? lmao
NAUGHTYGIRL101 wrote:
Wait....you were a cheerleader?? lmao
*GIGGLE SNORT*
Day 39
OHBABY wrote:NAUGHTYGIRL101 wrote:
Wait....you were a cheerleader?? lmaoHIBRIGHTEYES wrote:
*GIGGLE SNORT*
uhhhh....mean! I was a cheerleader..or a yell leader to be more accurate.
Are you totally making fun???....My FeelersMy feelers
phphphphphphphph
No sweetie just having fun is all...no offense meant at all...kisses
OHBABY wrote:
hahaha, I know I was teasing too! Just having some fun! It takes a lot to actually offend me. Especially if there's a chance I might get sex from someone hahaha.
I have no idea how old she is...but since her uniform says 97 I'm going to assume she graduated back then! But I can take her off if it offends anyone!
Love it when people can have a little fun
As far as the pic...not sure really...I think it matters how old they were when the pic was taken and I'd just hate to see you get into trouble...but that was just my thought, and Lord knows I've been wrong before...just once though (and don't tell anyone K) *giggles*
Very nice!!!
Day 40
this is a tee shirt I saw on theoatmeal.com
CARRIERMAN wrote:NAUGHTYGIRL101 wrote:Not even funny...now the daily chuckles can be avoided
[quote=ORALLYBI4CPL]male bonding hmmmm
Hang in there sweetheart.
He wouldn't be the first (fill in the blank) we've had to "purge" from Swingular.
And I doubt he will be the last.[/quote]
I've been tempted to just post a bunch so I can create a new page............
BARF!
Day 42
My apologies in advance. I know that this will offend some but the rest will like it.
[size=200][b]Vegetarian = Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can
[size=200][b]Vegetarian = Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can
roflmao...reminds me of a sign in a restaraunt up in Jackson Hole...it says...
Of course we serve vegetarians....what the hell do you think cows are?
Of course we serve vegetarians....what the hell do you think cows are?
LOL those are awesome!
I believe all God's creatures have a very important place in this world. Right next to my mashed potatoes.
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
I believe all God's creatures have a very important place in this world. Right next to my mashed potatoes.
LOL I LOVE YOU!
An old man and his wife go to Jerusalem on vacation while they are there his wife dies suddenly.
The funeral people tell him it will cost 10,000 dollars to fly her home or we can bury her here for 1000 dollars.
The old man thinks for a minute then says i will pay the 10,000 to send her home. The funeral director says ok but may i ask why?
The old man says a long time ago a man was buried here three days later he came back and i'm not about to take that chance with her..........
The funeral people tell him it will cost 10,000 dollars to fly her home or we can bury her here for 1000 dollars.
The old man thinks for a minute then says i will pay the 10,000 to send her home. The funeral director says ok but may i ask why?
The old man says a long time ago a man was buried here three days later he came back and i'm not about to take that chance with her..........
Dang, there's some crack-up funny stuff here, but I can't remember a joke for the life of me. So the best I can do is relay a true story. (I told this in another thread somewhere but can't remember where!)
I was having sex with my husband while I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. He says, "Move to the edge of the bed, baby" which I do, but soon after, my water breaks and we head to the hospital, me just worried about having a baby and my husband worried that he's done some damage to something by having sex!
So we get in the delivery room and my husband tells the nurse what we were doing and asks if that could have caused any problems. She reassures him, speaking in a very professional and informational tone, "Oh that is not a problem, sometimes sex will just help initiate the labor process that was going to happen anyway."
So my quick-thinking guy comes back with, "Oh, thank God, I was afraid her husband was just gonna kill me!" The nurses face was just priceless as her jaw about hit the floor!
I was having sex with my husband while I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. He says, "Move to the edge of the bed, baby" which I do, but soon after, my water breaks and we head to the hospital, me just worried about having a baby and my husband worried that he's done some damage to something by having sex!
So we get in the delivery room and my husband tells the nurse what we were doing and asks if that could have caused any problems. She reassures him, speaking in a very professional and informational tone, "Oh that is not a problem, sometimes sex will just help initiate the labor process that was going to happen anyway."
So my quick-thinking guy comes back with, "Oh, thank God, I was afraid her husband was just gonna kill me!" The nurses face was just priceless as her jaw about hit the floor!
HIBRIGHTEYES wrote:BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
I believe all God's creatures have a very important place in this world. Right next to my mashed potatoes.
LOL I LOVE YOU!
awww thanks. *SMOOCH*FUN4MWF wrote:
Dang, there's some crack-up funny stuff here, but I can't remember a joke for the life of me. So the best I can do is relay a true story. (I told this in another thread somewhere but can't remember where!)
I was having sex with my husband while I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. He says, "Move to the edge of the bed, baby" which I do, but soon after, my water breaks and we head to the hospital, me just worried about having a baby and my husband worried that he's done some damage to something by having sex!
So we get in the delivery room and my husband tells the nurse what we were doing and asks if that could have caused any problems. She reassures him, speaking in a very professional and informational tone, "Oh that is not a problem, sometimes sex will just help initiate the labor process that was going to happen anyway."
So my quick-thinking guy comes back with, "Oh, thank God, I was afraid her husband was just gonna kill me!" The nurses face was just priceless as her jaw about hit the floor!
THAT... was AWESOME!
Day 44
rotflmao,,,to many good ones to pick from,, we love checking it out to see what new ones will be there next.
lol
Day 45
Day 46
Ok I had to share this one too...
I think I have to much free time... should be doing homework right now.
I think I have to much free time... should be doing homework right now.
ALINEEDISU wrote:
this website is making me giggle.
(you kind of have to be an internet junkie to get them though.)
meme's are my fave.
you rock.a man was reading the paper while sunbathing nude on the beach... He sees a girl coming by so he quickly covers himself with the paper...She asks whatcha got under the newspaper mister and he quickly replied, nothing but a stupid little bird, then he tells the girl to run along....so she does and he goes to sleep... When he wakes up he finds himself in the hospital in extreme pain, the cops asked him what happened and all he could remember was talking to the little girl...so the cops go to the beach and find the little girl he described...They asked her what happened and she said she was petting his bird and it spit on her, so she broke its neck, cracked its eggs and burned its nest...
CANDJ23 wrote:
a man was reading the paper while sunbathing nude on the beach... He sees a girl coming by so he quickly covers himself with the paper...She asks whatcha got under the newspaper mister and he quickly replied, nothing but a stupid little bird, then he tells the girl to run along....so she does and he goes to sleep... When he wakes up he finds himself in the hospital in extreme pain, the cops asked him what happened and all he could remember was talking to the little girl...so the cops go to the beach and find the little girl he described...They asked her what happened and she said she was petting his bird and it spit on her, so she broke its neck, cracked its eggs and burned its nest...
THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
Children in a classroom were asked to identify candy flavors by their color:
Red
Red
RIPPED OFF ON EBAY
1. Spent $50 on Ebay for a penis enlarger.
2. Bastards sent a magnifying glass.
1. Spent $50 on Ebay for a penis enlarger.
2. Bastards sent a magnifying glass.
CANDJ23 wrote:
a man was reading the paper while sunbathing nude on the beach... He sees a girl coming by so he quickly covers himself with the paper...She asks whatcha got under the newspaper mister and he quickly replied, nothing but a stupid little bird, then he tells the girl to run along....so she does and he goes to sleep... When he wakes up he finds himself in the hospital in extreme pain, the cops asked him what happened and all he could remember was talking to the little girl...so the cops go to the beach and find the little girl he described...They asked her what happened and she said she was petting his bird and it spit on her, so she broke its neck, cracked its eggs and burned its nest...
SWINGING8869 wrote:
So I know this isn't classified as a swinger joke, but it's just damn funny!
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no friggin way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit , I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole."
Sorry, these are more offensive than funny. The first suggests dealing with "children" not adults... empower every child to do that to any man who even thinks of asking them to "pet the bird"... The second has NO humor at all... just violence...
The red wire turns to the black wire and said "Why are you so sad?"
The black wire looked up and replied "I've just been grounded."
LMAO, HAHAHA........I'm a nerd.
The black wire looked up and replied "I've just been grounded."
LMAO, HAHAHA........I'm a nerd.
FLGEEKGIRL wrote:
Sorry, these are more offensive than funny. The first suggests dealing with "children" not adults... empower every child to do that to any man who even thinks of asking them to "pet the bird"... The second has NO humor at all... just violence...
The second is a skit from, I believe, Steven Wright. The first has nothing about the man wanting the child to pet his bird, if anything it is the man covering himself so as to NOT show himself to the child.
WALKING THE DOG
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her seeing-eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her and, calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady said, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing-eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR
I had a pic with this, however i cant seem to get it to attach.
A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her seeing-eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her and, calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady said, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing-eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR
I had a pic with this, however i cant seem to get it to attach.
Proof That The World Is Nuts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Obviously much worse than 'going blind'!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
Let's just think for a minute:
Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(Well of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises".
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this.
If you need to reach me in the future - I'll be in Guam!!
=
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Obviously much worse than 'going blind'!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
Let's just think for a minute:
Is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.
(Well of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises".
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this.
If you need to reach me in the future - I'll be in Guam!!
=
ok, well I am going to be no fun here and let you know as someone that lived in Guam for 3 years that #1 it is a U.S territory #2 I am pretty sure there is not a job where men deflower women. The culture there is not that different from ours and it is a very very Catholic island.
Also the Brink things isn't true I recently was reading an article about the goings on in Bahrain and it showed a corpse of a man that was killed during the protest they were cleaning it for his funeral and he did have a towel over his parts but not a brick.
ok just to make you laugh after being a kill joy: many may have seen this already but I really need this shirt.
Who wants to play with a Unicorn?
Also the Brink things isn't true I recently was reading an article about the goings on in Bahrain and it showed a corpse of a man that was killed during the protest they were cleaning it for his funeral and he did have a towel over his parts but not a brick.
ok just to make you laugh after being a kill joy: many may have seen this already but I really need this shirt.
Who wants to play with a Unicorn?
http://jokesandcartoons.multiply.com/journal/item/376/WALKING_the_DOG
p.s. use add reply not the quick reply if you want to attach a picture
p.s. use add reply not the quick reply if you want to attach a picture
Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient. "Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. It's length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could. "I am so sorry," she said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. She ran out of the room.
this lady was so small chested it seemed nothing would help. she tried exercises. she tried pills. she even tried implants that went bad. so she ran to a pharmacist ripped open her blouse and said what can you do to help me with these. the pharmacist looked and replied Clearasil aisle 4
ALINEEDISU wrote:
ok, well I am going to be no fun here and let you know as someone that lived in Guam for 3 years that #1 it is a U.S territory #2 I am pretty sure there is not a job where men deflower women. The culture there is not that different from ours and it is a very very Catholic island. Also the Brink things isn't true I recently was reading an article about the goings on in Bahrain and it showed a corpse of a man that was killed during the protest they were cleaning it for his funeral and he did have a towel over his parts but not a brick. ok just to make you laugh after being a kill joy: many may have seen this already but I really need this shirt. Who wants to play with a Unicorn?
OK, now that the accuracy police have spoken - here's my rebuttal:
There's NO such thing as a Unicorn.
So therefore, there is NOTHING believable about your post.
Mine are all (at least) theoretically possible.
Your turn. lol
I recall my first time with a condom.
I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the local pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she
could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So, she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused.
So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it..
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you"? She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it
on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time".
So I climbed on her.
It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few seconds.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. "Did you put that condom on"? she asked.
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
And that's when she beat the shit out of me.......
I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the local pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she
could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So, she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb.
She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
I apparently still looked confused.
So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it..
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you"? She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it
on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time".
So I climbed on her.
It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few seconds.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. "Did you put that condom on"? she asked.
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
And that's when she beat the shit out of me.......
CARRIERMAN wrote:ALINEEDISU wrote:
ok, well I am going to be no fun here and let you know as someone that lived in Guam for 3 years that #1 it is a U.S territory #2 I am pretty sure there is not a job where men deflower women. The culture there is not that different from ours and it is a very very Catholic island. Also the Brink things isn't true I recently was reading an article about the goings on in Bahrain and it showed a corpse of a man that was killed during the protest they were cleaning it for his funeral and he did have a towel over his parts but not a brick. ok just to make you laugh after being a kill joy: many may have seen this already but I really need this shirt. Who wants to play with a Unicorn?
OK, now that the accuracy police have spoken - here's my rebuttal:
There's NO such thing as a Unicorn.
So therefore, there is NOTHING believable about your post.
Mine are all (at least) theoretically possible.
Your turn. lol
You win, I am not real. I type this from the mythical land of naked women.
hahaha.
Damit carrierman. Unicorns are to real. I am one and she can sit on my horn any day!!!
I just thought I would add something... Even know its kind of a silly/stupid joke.
What is Viagra made out of? 95% Fix a Flat and 5% aspirin.
What is Viagra made out of? 95% Fix a Flat and 5% aspirin.
for those dumb people a unicorn is a single bisexual woman
ok.. now go in peace
ok.. now go in peace
Camel Sex
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'Not really, sir.......
They usually just ride the camel into town...... where the girls are.'
A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we have Molly The Camel.'
The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about 'urges', so the camel can stay.'
About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'Not really, sir.......
They usually just ride the camel into town...... where the girls are.'
ORALLYBI4CPL wrote:
for those dumb people a unicorn is a single bisexual woman ok.. now go in peace
Just to set you straight. Lots of words have multiple meanings and both new and old usages are allowed by those of us that are educated and open minded. That does not make anyone that uses them dumb or stupid. Yes there sure are a lot of them. GAY used to mean just having fun, a stick up your ass didn't refer to a dildo and fantasy play with a Unicorn had nothing to do with sex. But some of us educated straight males have a magical horn and enjoy playing Bi-Females. So let us all drop this and get back to jokes and chuckles. No I do not mean chuckles the clown.
SEAKINGHER wrote:ORALLYBI4CPL wrote:Just to set you straight. Lots of words have multiple meanings and both new and old usages are allowed by those of us that are educated and open minded. That does not make anyone that uses them dumb or stupid. Yes there sure are a lot of them. GAY used to mean just having fun, a stick up your ass didn't refer to a dildo and fantasy play with a Unicorn had nothing to do with sex. But some of us educated straight males have a magical horn and enjoy playing Bi-Females. So let us all drop this and get back to jokes and chuckles. No I do not mean chuckles the clown.
for those dumb people a unicorn is a single bisexual woman ok.. now go in peace
Well put - needed said.
SEAKINGHER wrote:ORALLYBI4CPL wrote:
for those dumb people a unicorn is a single bisexual woman ok.. now go in peace
Just to set you straight. Lots of words have multiple meanings and both new and old usages are allowed by those of us that are educated and open minded. That does not make anyone that uses them dumb or stupid. Yes there sure are a lot of them. GAY used to mean just having fun, a stick up your ass didn't refer to a dildo and fantasy play with a Unicorn had nothing to do with sex. But some of us educated straight males have a magical horn and enjoy playing Bi-Females. So let us all drop this and get back to jokes and chuckles. No I do not mean chuckles the clown.
*insert standing ovation here* Well said. Thank you. :-*
I love that website makes me laugh till I nearly pee.
ALINEEDISU wrote:
I love that website makes me laugh till I nearly pee.
ROFLMAO that is funny
HOW SMART WOMEN PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM MUSLIM MEN
HELLO_KITTY12984 wrote:
LOL -- Hello Kitty, you lil size queen you!!!
I may be a lot older than you, but there's still times like this when I gotta bow down and worship the mighty Kitty!!
this man walks into a psychiatrist office and says "I dont know what i am doing here. my friends think i need help. but you see i am dead. i died a year ago and no one seem to have noticed." well for the next hour the psychiatrist tries to convince the man that he lives with one argument after a another by the man saying " Does it matter i am dead." finally the psychiatrist has enough and as he is saying good bye he hits upon an idea and says to the man " Do dead people bleed?" the man replys everyone knows dead people do not bleed. so the psychiatrist grabs the mans hand and his letter opener and stabs the man. as man is bleeding he is amazed at the site of his own blood and says. " you know what this means doc?" " you are not dead." says the doc. "No." says the man,"dead men do bleed."
Kinda hard to see it in the pic, butt I think the elephant's smiling.
LOL. That will teach you to wear a dress to the zoo.
AMEN!!
Oh, oh...............
To-ra-lu-ra lu-ra to ya'll.
What is the meaning of life, oh great Guru?
Ya think?
CARRIERMAN wrote:
Ya think?
I think this is inappropriate.
Oh so true.
Woof.
DANGED RULES!!!!
PLEASE27 wrote:CARRIERMAN wrote:Hey that isn't just during Menopause, I'm just saying..... PMS is a fact of life!!!
Yup.
I've even known men who get it.
PLEASE27 wrote:Yup. I've even known men who get it.[/quote] Yes but with men its call MSB, male sperm backup a quick fuck usually takes care of it in most casesCARRIERMAN wrote:Hey that isn't just during Menopause, I'm just saying..... PMS is a fact of life!!!
[quote=PLEASE27][quote=CARRIERMAN]
hahahaha [/quote]Nope... an ass is still an ass
I have dyslexic PMS. I'm only in a good mood every 28 days.
BLUEEYESINUTAH wrote:
I have dyslexic PMS. I'm only in a good mood every 28 days.
No shit!?!
PERMANENTMARK wrote:
No shit!?!
well, it's not like I'm homicidal.....but people usually approach me with either fear or a bag of chocolate. Starting to take it personally. LOL
HA HA HA HA!!!
Well, solves that mystery...
Wonder how they get baby "powder"?
Is the Stork on unemployment now?
HELP WANTED!!!
For all those out of work!
For all those out of work!
JSTJIM72 wrote:
HELP WANTED!!! For all those out of work!
Where do I send my resume?
Happy Wednesday everyone.
LOVE MAKING:
The Italian says, When I've a finished a makin love I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above the bed in excstacy.
The Frenchman replies That is nothing, when I've finished making love, i kiss all the way down her body, and then i lick the soles of her feet with my tongue, and she floats 12 inches above the bed in pure excstasy.
The redneck says, That aint shit. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my weiner on the curtains. She hits the fuckin' ceiling!
The Italian says, When I've a finished a makin love I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above the bed in excstacy.
The Frenchman replies That is nothing, when I've finished making love, i kiss all the way down her body, and then i lick the soles of her feet with my tongue, and she floats 12 inches above the bed in pure excstasy.
The redneck says, That aint shit. When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my weiner on the curtains. She hits the fuckin' ceiling!
Here's a good one...
An old golfer came in from a round of golf at a new course and
headed into the grill room. As he passed through the swinging
doors he saw a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he had enough cash, the old golfer
walked up to the bar and beckoned to the exceptionally attractive
female bartender who was serving drinks to a couple of
sun-wrinkled golfers. She glided down behind the bar to the old golfer.
"Yes?" she inquired with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leaned over the bar and whispered, "I was
wondering, young lady," he said softly, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"
She looked into his eyes with that wide smile and purred: "Yessir, I sure am."
The old golfer leaned even closer into her left ear and said
softly, "Well, wash your hands real fuckin' good because I want a
cheeseburger."
An old golfer came in from a round of golf at a new course and
headed into the grill room. As he passed through the swinging
doors he saw a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he had enough cash, the old golfer
walked up to the bar and beckoned to the exceptionally attractive
female bartender who was serving drinks to a couple of
sun-wrinkled golfers. She glided down behind the bar to the old golfer.
"Yes?" she inquired with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leaned over the bar and whispered, "I was
wondering, young lady," he said softly, "are you the one who gives
the hand-jobs?"
She looked into his eyes with that wide smile and purred: "Yessir, I sure am."
The old golfer leaned even closer into her left ear and said
softly, "Well, wash your hands real fuckin' good because I want a
cheeseburger."
CAUTION: Wide Load.