Special Sandals . . .
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent says, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
So the married couple walked in . . .
The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet . . . !!!!
lmao. that is good. 
another one...
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
okay, one more....
An elderly couple was having dinner one
evening when the husband reached across
the table, took his wife's hand in his and
said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50
years, and there's something I have to
know. In all of these 50 years, have you
ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well John, I have to be
honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful
to you three times during these 50 years,
but always for a good reason.
John was obviously hurt by his wife's
confession, but said, "I never suspected.
Can you tell me what you mean by 'good
reasons'?"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly
after we were married and we were about
to lose our little house because we couldn't
pay the mortgage. Do you remember that
one evening I went to see the banker and
the next day he notified you that the loan
would be extended?"
John recalled the visit to the banker and
said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved
our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when
you were so sick but we didn't have the
money to pay for the heart surgery you
needed? Well, I went to see your doctor
one night and, if you recall, he did the
surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said John. "And you did it
to save my life, so of course I can forgive
you for that. Now tell me about the third
time."
"All right," Martha said. "So do you
remember when you ran for president of
your golf club and you needed 73 more
votes?"
An elderly couple was having dinner one
evening when the husband reached across
the table, took his wife's hand in his and
said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50
years, and there's something I have to
know. In all of these 50 years, have you
ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well John, I have to be
honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful
to you three times during these 50 years,
but always for a good reason.
John was obviously hurt by his wife's
confession, but said, "I never suspected.
Can you tell me what you mean by 'good
reasons'?"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly
after we were married and we were about
to lose our little house because we couldn't
pay the mortgage. Do you remember that
one evening I went to see the banker and
the next day he notified you that the loan
would be extended?"
John recalled the visit to the banker and
said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved
our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when
you were so sick but we didn't have the
money to pay for the heart surgery you
needed? Well, I went to see your doctor
one night and, if you recall, he did the
surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said John. "And you did it
to save my life, so of course I can forgive
you for that. Now tell me about the third
time."
"All right," Martha said. "So do you
remember when you ran for president of
your golf club and you needed 73 more
votes?"