Most married men that attempt to be involved with a married (or long-term) couple are classified as cheaters when attempting to hook up. Do you think there is ever a circumstance that would make this arrangement desirable?
What are the advantages?
Dissadvantages..
What are the advantages?
Dissadvantages..
I would say the major advantage would be that the male would be extremely discrete. I am in a similar situation. The wife isn\'t interested in playing and we never have time for each other or for whatever reason we just don\'t play. This is my outlet. Please don\'t judge me, but thats the truth.
Jimmy
Jimmy
Hardc ,
that\'s the issue.too many times the solo married guy is pre-judged. He obviously will have a reason that he is seeking an outlet other than his own spouse. Granted some will not have a valid reason or provide some lame excuse as to why they are looking.
On the other side if a solo married man is selected, would it not make sense that he would likely be very clean?
The solo married guy that is looking for the right married couple isn\'t chasing a single young lady and telling her a bunch of lies just so he can bang her. He\'s also not trying to have an affair with a wife behind her husband\'s back. He is looking for sex with a couple ..
Not all will think this way I\'m sure
that\'s the issue.too many times the solo married guy is pre-judged. He obviously will have a reason that he is seeking an outlet other than his own spouse. Granted some will not have a valid reason or provide some lame excuse as to why they are looking.
On the other side if a solo married man is selected, would it not make sense that he would likely be very clean?
The solo married guy that is looking for the right married couple isn\'t chasing a single young lady and telling her a bunch of lies just so he can bang her. He\'s also not trying to have an affair with a wife behind her husband\'s back. He is looking for sex with a couple ..
Not all will think this way I\'m sure
Don\'t think that the solo married male is the Holy Grail couples are looking for. These guys, with the exception of one, have been lousy in bed. Maybe there is a reason he isn\'t getting it at home? We would not invite any of them back.
Wait, you really think that a couple wants to be with a guy cheating on his wife? You reference \"good\" points about not lying to some single female or wanting another guy\'s wife to cheat with him, but somehow it\'s not bad that he is cheating on his own wife? How does that work? Weird.
That\'s the point . Does anyone think that there can be a reason that a married man can be accepted as a player? Let me offer up a setting and get your thoughts.
The man is married and is still very much dedicated to his spouse , but for physical reasons sexual intercourse is no-longer a part of their lives. The subject is approached regarding another person or persons for companionship, but it is quickly rejected, by the wife.
This man does not want an affair and all the bs that goes with it. He wants an open relationship with a couple that will allow him into their sex lives for their own pleasure as well as his.
The man is married and is still very much dedicated to his spouse , but for physical reasons sexual intercourse is no-longer a part of their lives. The subject is approached regarding another person or persons for companionship, but it is quickly rejected, by the wife.
This man does not want an affair and all the bs that goes with it. He wants an open relationship with a couple that will allow him into their sex lives for their own pleasure as well as his.
we have done r share of married single males and the sex has been great for my wife and yes we have invited them back. and we havent had a problem yet with them being possessive like some single males we have hooked up with for just sex.
P&D
P&D
POET_RAYL
Thanks for your input, while it is rare to find the willing couple, I was finding it hard to understand why there was so much being said on the down side. I don\'t think married men ought to be completely discounted. I also beleive there will be jerks that are married just like there are jerks that are single.. I, think I\'m moving to UT LOL Have a great Holiday !
Thanks for your input, while it is rare to find the willing couple, I was finding it hard to understand why there was so much being said on the down side. I don\'t think married men ought to be completely discounted. I also beleive there will be jerks that are married just like there are jerks that are single.. I, think I\'m moving to UT LOL Have a great Holiday !
I have been part of a couple that added a married male and I found it was much better with a married male in part because he was more mature and was not to agressive. I have also been the married guy playing alond and have never had an issue. I make sure to treat the lady as a lady and do not try to go anywhere except where the couple wants to go. I look at is I am there pleasure for the afternon or evening but do not need batteries lol I have been told by more than one couple about the jerks we all hear about. Just like the evening news the bad news gets the headlines not the good news.
Absolutely not. To me cheating is never desireable. To me a cheating male is less than discrete, after all he\'s cheating on his spouse, so she can\'t trust him why would I?
I agree with Justorko, why would I want to \"get with him\" I\'d say lying to some single female PALES in comparison to the fact that he\'s lying to the one person who should be able to count on him for total honesty.
I won\'t knowingly play with a cheating married male for the fact that I would not want to part of the pain he is causing his wife when she finds out......
Sorry if I insult someone, but these are my feelings, have to go with them.
I agree with Justorko, why would I want to \"get with him\" I\'d say lying to some single female PALES in comparison to the fact that he\'s lying to the one person who should be able to count on him for total honesty.
I won\'t knowingly play with a cheating married male for the fact that I would not want to part of the pain he is causing his wife when she finds out......
Sorry if I insult someone, but these are my feelings, have to go with them.
Damn, I hope I don\'t need batteries! I can only imagine where they would get put LOL.. Thanks for the comments.. Enjoyed the remarks regarding \"Only the bad press makes the news\"
Have a great Chistmas.........
Have a great Chistmas.........
Well we have to agree that the married single male is alot gentler then alot of the single male. the married single males are out to please. To meet are aspects in every whem, like being video taped for are use only since we both like to masturbate after they\'re gone. who knows when we might be able to get that same married single male back since they do have a married life to keep since we are not marriage wreckers.
P&D
P&D
FUN4USXX2001,
You have not insulted anyone, your thoughts are not uncommon. Imagine if you will no longer being able to have sex...I didn\'t say you fell out of love, I said you could no longer enjoy sex with your partner. I know that there are more things to life then just a hop in the sack.
This guy isn\'t looking for an affair with a sigle woman and telling her a bunch of bs to keep her in the sack. He\'s not hiting on a married woman and sneaking behind her husbands back.
He\'s asking a couple to allow him into their lives , not just for his pleasure but for theirs as well. This guy will never leave her, but as you said there would be a lot of pain if he was discovered. Guess he could spend his time enjoying himself.......
Thanks for your input... I respect it as thats what this lifestyle is built on repect for each others desires
You have not insulted anyone, your thoughts are not uncommon. Imagine if you will no longer being able to have sex...I didn\'t say you fell out of love, I said you could no longer enjoy sex with your partner. I know that there are more things to life then just a hop in the sack.
This guy isn\'t looking for an affair with a sigle woman and telling her a bunch of bs to keep her in the sack. He\'s not hiting on a married woman and sneaking behind her husbands back.
He\'s asking a couple to allow him into their lives , not just for his pleasure but for theirs as well. This guy will never leave her, but as you said there would be a lot of pain if he was discovered. Guess he could spend his time enjoying himself.......
Thanks for your input... I respect it as thats what this lifestyle is built on repect for each others desires
SANANTX, well said.
it\'s to each there own on what they enjoy and what they don\'t enjoy , but its like one of our single married males. his wife is no longer sexualy intrested so to keep him self alive he looks for couple who are willing to share there pleasure of sex. an we r willing to let him come play.
Not all are equal in relasionships that meet everyones sex drives it\'s like dawn and i we play together but since her sex drive don\'t meet with mine. i go else where to help other couples full fill there sexual desires for the females.
Poet
it\'s to each there own on what they enjoy and what they don\'t enjoy , but its like one of our single married males. his wife is no longer sexualy intrested so to keep him self alive he looks for couple who are willing to share there pleasure of sex. an we r willing to let him come play.
Not all are equal in relasionships that meet everyones sex drives it\'s like dawn and i we play together but since her sex drive don\'t meet with mine. i go else where to help other couples full fill there sexual desires for the females.
Poet
The only circumstances we are ok with a married guy or girl playing with us by him or herself is when we have gotten to know the couple. Generally those circumstances are because of conflicting schedules, being out of town on business or babysitter situations (as in lack of) only one of them can get together with us and everyone including the spouse who can\'t be there knows about it ahead of time. We don\'t like any kind of lying, as it leads to a bad situation that we don\'t want to be part of. And as much as we\'d like to be able to just take anyone\'s word that their spouse is fine with them doing whatever they want to on the side, we like to know that for our own peace of mind through getting to know both of them. In a situation where it isn\'t possible to meet the spouse most often because \"they don\'t want to know who or what I\'m doing\" or whatever, we choose not to get ourselves involved in that. We\'re not judging anyone, it just isn\'t something we feel comfortable with doing.
We don\'t feel like deception should be any part of this lifestyle, no matter what the circumstances. But we would also not condemn someone for needing to fulfill their sexual desires because they are missing something at home. We are not into the mfm, so this doesn\'t really come up for us. But my wife does allow me to venture off, especially when I\'m on business trips, as long as I let her know about it. She has even allowed me to play with single females that we have had threesomes with, again as long as everything is in the open. We have a lot of vanilla male friends whose wives are no longer interested in sex, other than 2-3 times a year. And because of this, they either have affairs or end up divorced. To me, it would seem a lot better for a married single man to play with a couple to satisfy his sexual needs and nothing more, rather than finding a single woman with which to have an affair. Our 2 cents.
hey all,
Just our 2 cents worth, but COUPLEOFPERVS, hit it right on the head. We totally agree!!!
p and s
Just our 2 cents worth, but COUPLEOFPERVS, hit it right on the head. We totally agree!!!
p and s
We agree with Fun4usxx. We have both seen the pain and hurt when the cheating came to light. We were the ones hurt. If the married man/woman swings with the complete knowledge of the spouse it is not cheating, any more than swinging separately is cheating. The part that makes it the cheating to us at least is the lies. If I could no longer perform I would want the wife to have an active sex life. I have a friend whose wife is wheelchair bound due to an accident. When she senses he is getting the dreaded DSB (dreaded sperm build up) she goes out and finds a lady to take care of his needs. She only asked to watch or at least video. He and I talked about it one time and he said his wife is great (which I had to agree) and that one time she even spent an hour or so telling his date for the night what he liked and how to please him.
But the key in this situation is they don\'t lie to each other. Just our two cents worth.
But the key in this situation is they don\'t lie to each other. Just our two cents worth.
We invited a few married men because we too felt they would be safer, cleaner and least likely to get attached. We don\'t like it when they are cheating on their spouse but you probably would be hard pressed to find one who isn\'t. They have all been gentlemen I will give them that. We are open to them.
The only way we would even consider it, is if we met as two couples and was able to develope a friendship and knew that the wife was totally cool with it.
Yes, MOGAR96....thats how we play by!!!
p and s
p and s
Hello,
If it is fully acknowledged and accepted going into the encounter is it still wrong? We have had a married male, we knew but his wife didn\'t, and had a very fun few encounters. It is not unlike a single guy who has girl friends and does the same if they think he is with them. Where does the fun stop and the judgement start? If folks want to be together then they should be. If not then they should not.
What is the worst thing that can happen? The wife gets wind and she visits with an automatic weapon and that is that?!
Folks do what they do and since we are all here for fun we should do the same. How many of us are together due to a dalliance from a past relationship? How did that turn out?
G of G and J 57
If it is fully acknowledged and accepted going into the encounter is it still wrong? We have had a married male, we knew but his wife didn\'t, and had a very fun few encounters. It is not unlike a single guy who has girl friends and does the same if they think he is with them. Where does the fun stop and the judgement start? If folks want to be together then they should be. If not then they should not.
What is the worst thing that can happen? The wife gets wind and she visits with an automatic weapon and that is that?!
Folks do what they do and since we are all here for fun we should do the same. How many of us are together due to a dalliance from a past relationship? How did that turn out?
G of G and J 57
This isn\'t swinging. It\'s not part of \'the lifestyle\'. It\'s cheating on your spouse.
Swinging is about enhancing your relationship together. Not about sneaking around behind your partners back. In our view there is no place for cheaters in swinging. Go to a bar and pick up another cheater.
We\'ve had personal experience with \'single\' guys who lie and are really married or in a relationship. It really sucks when their partner calls us and wants to know what the hell is going on!
Swinging is about enhancing your relationship together. Not about sneaking around behind your partners back. In our view there is no place for cheaters in swinging. Go to a bar and pick up another cheater.
We\'ve had personal experience with \'single\' guys who lie and are really married or in a relationship. It really sucks when their partner calls us and wants to know what the hell is going on!
Our two Cents...
If your just hooking up for sex and not friendship as many in the lifestyle are does it matter what the other partners have going on in there lives? Where they work, are they married etc? Everyone swings for there own reason and if all your looking for is pleasure of a third or whatever then so long as they are clean, respectful and discreat it really shouldn\'t concern you (Same goes for females). When you meet at a swingers club do you check everyones credentials, do a background check and call references?
HOWEVER... if your looking for friends, more than just a one night stand (Not the No-Strings arrangment) then surely you would talk about why everyone is involved in the lifestyle and honesty etc become doubly important.
Just our outlook.. we are pretty tough on our screening for swing partners and friends been burnt too many times.
Amanda & Peter
If your just hooking up for sex and not friendship as many in the lifestyle are does it matter what the other partners have going on in there lives? Where they work, are they married etc? Everyone swings for there own reason and if all your looking for is pleasure of a third or whatever then so long as they are clean, respectful and discreat it really shouldn\'t concern you (Same goes for females). When you meet at a swingers club do you check everyones credentials, do a background check and call references?
HOWEVER... if your looking for friends, more than just a one night stand (Not the No-Strings arrangment) then surely you would talk about why everyone is involved in the lifestyle and honesty etc become doubly important.
Just our outlook.. we are pretty tough on our screening for swing partners and friends been burnt too many times.
Amanda & Peter
Thanks to all of you for your input, I did not think the question would generate that much of a response. I guess it\'s what ever you are at ease with. I can assure you that I respect couples profiles that have restrictions spelled out and will not approach them at all.
When it comes right down to it there appears to be no cookie cutter approach, as all relationships are unique. Thanks everyone
From me and mine to you and yours happy holidays.
When it comes right down to it there appears to be no cookie cutter approach, as all relationships are unique. Thanks everyone
From me and mine to you and yours happy holidays.
GRIFFON1940
in response to your remarks.. Not everyone beat on you and those that assume the role of solo married player. Most have expressed their opinion, some were for, some were against.
Perhaps a little repect for their thoughts would go along way. as far as your decision to bail from this site. It would not appear that you would ever be a success here anyway, as you seem bitter with the regections.. Why not be grateful that some have no objections??
I\'m not trying to flame you... I\'m just thinking that you need to re-read ALL of the replies
I\'ve been told \"no thanks\" before... Get over it. Mutual respect will go a long way with individuals who choose to be in this life style. They are taking precautions because there are too many people out there that can hurt you. If they say no then move on...It\'s that easy.
in response to your remarks.. Not everyone beat on you and those that assume the role of solo married player. Most have expressed their opinion, some were for, some were against.
Perhaps a little repect for their thoughts would go along way. as far as your decision to bail from this site. It would not appear that you would ever be a success here anyway, as you seem bitter with the regections.. Why not be grateful that some have no objections??
I\'m not trying to flame you... I\'m just thinking that you need to re-read ALL of the replies
I\'ve been told \"no thanks\" before... Get over it. Mutual respect will go a long way with individuals who choose to be in this life style. They are taking precautions because there are too many people out there that can hurt you. If they say no then move on...It\'s that easy.
We have played with a few married men without the wife, but not without her knowledge. As far as it goes we also are looking for a couple near us to have D play with on nights that S is working, not everytime but a time or two a month, not cheating but definitly playing.
We have played with a few married men without the wife, but not without her knowledge. As far as it goes we also are looking for a couple near us to have D play with on nights that S is working, not everytime but a time or two a month, not cheating but definitly playing.
First, I\'d like to know where the hell these people get off deciding that
ONLY married men who play without their spouses are *automatically*
cheating...
As I read one of the original posts, it seemed to me that the wife had
full knowledge, (as mine does) and gave her blessing. (Also as mine does)
I am sick to death of all these narrow-minded, holier-than-thou lifestylers
who think that swinging is the man lying in the same bed with two women
going at it, that I simply cannot believe the amount of intolerance and pure
ignorance I see here...
Grow up, whydontcha? Don\'t make the mistake of automatically assuming
that EVERY married male that plays without his spouse is cheating. That
is nothing more than a pure rationalization to assuage your own hidden
guilt. Period. Spin it any way you like, but in the end, that\'s all it is.
If you don\'t like married men who play solo, then just SAY SO, but don\'t
create this convoluted and unsupported contention that all of us are some
sort of ogres. I\'d bet that 99% of you would take a married woman playing
alone in a heartbeat, if she were suitable to you.
Can anyone spell \"Hypocrite\"?
ONLY married men who play without their spouses are *automatically*
cheating...
As I read one of the original posts, it seemed to me that the wife had
full knowledge, (as mine does) and gave her blessing. (Also as mine does)
I am sick to death of all these narrow-minded, holier-than-thou lifestylers
who think that swinging is the man lying in the same bed with two women
going at it, that I simply cannot believe the amount of intolerance and pure
ignorance I see here...
Grow up, whydontcha? Don\'t make the mistake of automatically assuming
that EVERY married male that plays without his spouse is cheating. That
is nothing more than a pure rationalization to assuage your own hidden
guilt. Period. Spin it any way you like, but in the end, that\'s all it is.
If you don\'t like married men who play solo, then just SAY SO, but don\'t
create this convoluted and unsupported contention that all of us are some
sort of ogres. I\'d bet that 99% of you would take a married woman playing
alone in a heartbeat, if she were suitable to you.
Can anyone spell \"Hypocrite\"?
Hi All 
Ok my 2cents worth...lol.... We play as a couple and are open to playing alone. We met a wonderful couple and the lady half of the couple has become a very close friend with my wife. On occasion this lady friend and I have been able to play alone. All spouses know up front in advance and can say no at any time. Sometimes it has been a conflict of schedules for all to play. Other times just horny.. Ok I said it.. Like we all don\'t have that want. lol.. We feel it is ok so long as the spouses know it is going to happen and can say yes or no on the meeting. If a play time were to happen without the spouse knowing then at our house we have deceided that would be cheating and cause to quit playing all together. So for us... Not worth cheating if we want to continue making friends and enjoying others, both socially and in the bedroom.
Ok my 2cents worth...lol.... We play as a couple and are open to playing alone. We met a wonderful couple and the lady half of the couple has become a very close friend with my wife. On occasion this lady friend and I have been able to play alone. All spouses know up front in advance and can say no at any time. Sometimes it has been a conflict of schedules for all to play. Other times just horny.. Ok I said it.. Like we all don\'t have that want. lol.. We feel it is ok so long as the spouses know it is going to happen and can say yes or no on the meeting. If a play time were to happen without the spouse knowing then at our house we have deceided that would be cheating and cause to quit playing all together. So for us... Not worth cheating if we want to continue making friends and enjoying others, both socially and in the bedroom.well as a married man who is incouraged to fine some single woman or couple that I can have fun with more so single woman by her choice(wife) I try to make it very clear I am not a cheater most still don\'t believe this I even say that to show I am telling the truth I\'ll let you ask her yourself as we are swingers for real as couple or play solo but it is so much easier for women to find play toys she feels that I am being short changed on our solo play but it seems no matter how it is said most still believe it\'s B.S. how would you beable to convince swingers it\'s the truth?
We do try to be open minded and we don\'t look down our nose at people. As for married men, if they are in the situation where Aegis is I don\'t have a problem. If the wife trully knows he is swinging and approves then we would not have a problem being with that man. Of if it is a woman and hubby knows and approves we don\'t have prob being with the woman. BUT since we were hurt by cheating spouses we choose not to be party to helping someone cheat. If the guy says my wife doesn\'t understand or I need you to be discrete as I am married and she doesn\'t know then we won\'t have anything to do with helping him cheat. I still won\'t look down my nose are him for it, just don\'t choose to be with them. Hope that doesn\'t offend anyone. It is just the choice we make.
I see this dead horse has been ressurrected (sp?)
Hey AEGIS....you can come over ANY DAY buddie.
If it is SO important to you that you donot become an unwitting accomplice to a cheater, be more cautious about with whom you swing! End of story. Get to know the person in question. If they are lying to you in some way, it will become obvious in a short period of time. All of the classic signs of a cheating husband/boyfriend are usually there IF YOU CARE TO PAY ATTENTION.
If you want to jump in to bed right away, and want to have a good time....DONT EXPECT TO KNOW EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. Then, when you have determined that you were lied to, cut it off.
If it is that important to you do NOT make yourself a victim by pursuing relationships that could very well be harmful then GET TO KNOW YOUR PARTNERS! If they lie to you even then, and they will, what could you have done anyway to prevent this?
Put it in your profile! Married and cheating STAY AWAY! Most will. The rest you can sniff out with a little common sense and a lot of self control.
There\'s my .02 cents. (again)
Luvbugs!
Hey AEGIS....you can come over ANY DAY buddie.
If it is SO important to you that you donot become an unwitting accomplice to a cheater, be more cautious about with whom you swing! End of story. Get to know the person in question. If they are lying to you in some way, it will become obvious in a short period of time. All of the classic signs of a cheating husband/boyfriend are usually there IF YOU CARE TO PAY ATTENTION.
If you want to jump in to bed right away, and want to have a good time....DONT EXPECT TO KNOW EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. Then, when you have determined that you were lied to, cut it off.
If it is that important to you do NOT make yourself a victim by pursuing relationships that could very well be harmful then GET TO KNOW YOUR PARTNERS! If they lie to you even then, and they will, what could you have done anyway to prevent this?
Put it in your profile! Married and cheating STAY AWAY! Most will. The rest you can sniff out with a little common sense and a lot of self control.
There\'s my .02 cents. (again)
Luvbugs!
well i would like to go and play with others. i am a married male, but wife is due soon and we wont be able to have sex for a little bit. and she said i can go a play. so i do think that is cheating. and she dosen\'t either.
well,
here...here!!!.......Bravo!!!....well said by AEGIS!!!!
p and s
here...here!!!.......Bravo!!!....well said by AEGIS!!!!
p and s
Maybe I\'m missing something here. Where, and in what post did \"married male playing alone\" get changed to \"cheating male\" ? I play alone every now and then. At this time my wife isn\'t playing. However she knows when I am as we oft discuss (sometimes in detail) any of my encounters with other couples. Some times she wants to know details, often she doesn\'t. It all depends on her mood. BTW our own sex life is still there, maybe not as active as it used to be but still there.
Lets not get carried away with the concept that every married male playing alone is cheating. \"Jist Tain\'t So (grin).
Dave
Lets not get carried away with the concept that every married male playing alone is cheating. \"Jist Tain\'t So (grin).
Dave
For what it is worth . . . My husband and I have been into this lifestyle on and off. We have had our share of MFM get together\'s as well as a few parties, and couples. We think it is safer (STD) wise if we swing with married guys and couples. I have encouraged Ted to swing with a couple for quite some time. He has not been too successful in this state but when we were back east I loved to hear of the couple
QUOTE:
\" Posted By: SANANTX Reply posted on:
Dec 19, 2005 - 3:13 pm
That\'s the point . Does anyone think that there can be a reason that a married man can be accepted as a player? Let me offer up a setting and get your thoughts.
The man is married and is still very much dedicated to his spouse , but for physical reasons sexual intercourse is no-longer a part of their lives. The subject is approached regarding another person or persons for companionship, but it is quickly rejected, by the wife.
This man does not want an affair and all the bs that goes with it. He wants an open relationship with a couple that will allow him into their sex lives for their own pleasure as well as his.\"
It was asked why this post changed from married guy on own to cheating married guys...
I think it is the part of the post where the subject of person or persons for companionship (sex) that the wife quickly REJECTED the idea. Now if the wife agreed and said honey I understand that I as your wife can no longer have sex because of this physical disability and I know you still love me... you have my BLESSING to be happy.
I look at this from the other prespective... If my partner came to me and said I love you but since you can no longer have sex because your disability can I go be with another person or persons for companionship (SEX). If I say yes then it is not cheating. If I say NO and she does it then it is cheating. When you put yourself in the other persons shoes and can feel the same then there is no problems.
Also one other point... \"PLAYER\" is not a positive.
Just an observation. Good luck
(mr somd)
\" Posted By: SANANTX Reply posted on:
Dec 19, 2005 - 3:13 pm
That\'s the point . Does anyone think that there can be a reason that a married man can be accepted as a player? Let me offer up a setting and get your thoughts.
The man is married and is still very much dedicated to his spouse , but for physical reasons sexual intercourse is no-longer a part of their lives. The subject is approached regarding another person or persons for companionship, but it is quickly rejected, by the wife.
This man does not want an affair and all the bs that goes with it. He wants an open relationship with a couple that will allow him into their sex lives for their own pleasure as well as his.\"
It was asked why this post changed from married guy on own to cheating married guys...
I think it is the part of the post where the subject of person or persons for companionship (sex) that the wife quickly REJECTED the idea. Now if the wife agreed and said honey I understand that I as your wife can no longer have sex because of this physical disability and I know you still love me... you have my BLESSING to be happy.
I look at this from the other prespective... If my partner came to me and said I love you but since you can no longer have sex because your disability can I go be with another person or persons for companionship (SEX). If I say yes then it is not cheating. If I say NO and she does it then it is cheating. When you put yourself in the other persons shoes and can feel the same then there is no problems.
Also one other point... \"PLAYER\" is not a positive.
Just an observation. Good luck
(mr somd)
married or single if the sex is good from the male and the male can meet my wife rules then what does it matter?
Poet
Poet
Each person or couple has to set their own rules and boundaries. We are married and play separately.....Since we are both aware of the others plans its not cheating.
We just are not comfortable helping someone cheat...If the man or woman is married and their partner is cool with them playing alone, then great. We\'re good with that.
If a guy is playing on his own and cheating on his wife or a woman is playing on her own and is cheating on her husband, we tell them no, we are not going to get into that.
That is just our rules......That will never change.
To each their own...
We just are not comfortable helping someone cheat...If the man or woman is married and their partner is cool with them playing alone, then great. We\'re good with that.
If a guy is playing on his own and cheating on his wife or a woman is playing on her own and is cheating on her husband, we tell them no, we are not going to get into that.
That is just our rules......That will never change.
To each their own...
Some married couples do swing separetely,I know that we swing together or separete because of our work scedhules.And we have no problems with it,Due to the fact that we ALWAYS LET THE OTHER KNOW! What is going on.I a married guy wants to swing without his other half thats fine as long as she knows about it.
\"He obviously will have a reason that he is seeking an outlet other than his own spouse. \"
Whether or not he has a reason for seeking an outlet other than his own spouse is not relevant. If ANY married male has to seek an outlet other than his spouse, it\'s CHEATING! How many of these married men will tell their spouse they are seeking another outlet? How many of these uninterested spouses will give their blessing to the search for another outlet?
If the marriage is at the stage where one spouse is not interested in have sex with the other spouse, it\'s time to be honest with that spouse and end the marriage.
I could not bring myself to be the \"other outlet\" and hurt another woman like that.
Whether or not he has a reason for seeking an outlet other than his own spouse is not relevant. If ANY married male has to seek an outlet other than his spouse, it\'s CHEATING! How many of these married men will tell their spouse they are seeking another outlet? How many of these uninterested spouses will give their blessing to the search for another outlet?
If the marriage is at the stage where one spouse is not interested in have sex with the other spouse, it\'s time to be honest with that spouse and end the marriage.
I could not bring myself to be the \"other outlet\" and hurt another woman like that.
I don\'t care how others do it and don\'t want to judge others, just provide my own opinion. We had a male friend who was married and spent a long time telling us about how his wife was okay with it and all. Eventually something happened. Afterwards his story changed to how he needed to find the right time to tell his wife, to asking us to lie to his wife, etc. The wife figured out something was up and he left us in the position of catching flack from her because of his own dishonesty. For us that wasn\'t cool.
So, a suggestion for those of you who care wether or not the other person\'s spouse is \"down with it\". Talk to the spouse! We learned a lesson there that we won\'t forget. It\'s now in the rule book.
So, a suggestion for those of you who care wether or not the other person\'s spouse is \"down with it\". Talk to the spouse! We learned a lesson there that we won\'t forget. It\'s now in the rule book.
wow GREAT thread thanks Country for putting this up. Lots of replys but yet again men get a bad rap. Yes some guys deserve it and we won\'t list those reasons here. However there are some married guys that are just looking for a safe, fun, discreet no b.s. relationship. I think that somdcpl can speak for lots of men. I know a man who loves his wife and been married 20 years he has asked his spouse to look at swinging and they did and his wife wasn\'t interested. They don\'t have sex as much as they use too however they have a good relationship.
He has been with cpls before and would enjoy a long term relationship, not because he wants to cheat or hurt his wife but to have a complete life. Please don\'t judge someone based on your own moral right or wrong, everyone is different thats what makes humans GREAT! Sorry for getting DEEP here but I feel it\'s important to dicuss things like this in an open forum.
Now where will I leave my next message!!
:z
He has been with cpls before and would enjoy a long term relationship, not because he wants to cheat or hurt his wife but to have a complete life. Please don\'t judge someone based on your own moral right or wrong, everyone is different thats what makes humans GREAT! Sorry for getting DEEP here but I feel it\'s important to dicuss things like this in an open forum.
Now where will I leave my next message!!
:zWe enjoy a three some with another guy from time to time. Our rule is that they must be married and from out of town. We feel very safe this way.
as our handle is funtime3way we play with both male & female and some times alone but all partys both side have to know ( no cheating either way) that seems to work for us
Not judging, they can do what they want. But we will not knowingly help either spouse cheat on each other.
This is one of those energy filled filled threads that gets under everybodies skin to some point. It really doesnt matter if it\'s a married man or woman who\'s out swinging solo. If the spouse doesnt know about it, it\'s cheating not swinging plain and simple. Single males and females rarely fall under this catagory, unless there is a signifigant other that hasnt been informed of the participants desire to explore and enjoy the lifestyle.
We as a couple will swing solo on occassion and a lot of circumstances are involved before we come to this point, but that\'s neither here nor there for this particuliar discussion. If we happen to come across a married man or woman that is interested in a solo adventure, we have certain criteria that has to be met. Naturally we arent going to spell it out here, or else somebody will find the loophole and try to weasel around it. People are people and there\'s always one apple in the bunch trying to ruin things.
We as a couple will swing solo on occassion and a lot of circumstances are involved before we come to this point, but that\'s neither here nor there for this particuliar discussion. If we happen to come across a married man or woman that is interested in a solo adventure, we have certain criteria that has to be met. Naturally we arent going to spell it out here, or else somebody will find the loophole and try to weasel around it. People are people and there\'s always one apple in the bunch trying to ruin things.
We have had a few solo married men and have met both, the lousy and the good, we feel better if the wife knows and ok\'s it but most men will not even ask her, now if you would like to play with D then just ask and if you want to ask S she will let you know play with him and send him home. LOL, BTW we also have had a solo married woman, we are so bad !!
BLONDIE19 wrote:
> Whether or not he has a reason for seeking an outlet other than his
> own spouse is not relevant.
But it is relevant. YOU just choose to sling out a label to salve your own conscience
and prevent yourself from expanding. It is rationalization for small-mindedness.
> If ANY married male has to seek an outlet other than his spouse, it\'s CHEATING!
So that means that ALL of the \"married men\" who participate *with* their wives are
also cheating...
The meaning of your above statement is: \"I don\'t believe that men should participate
at all, because if they do, they are cheating\".
You may not have intended to say that, but that is the precise meaning of the statement
you made. I have to ask here, who are you to make this determination for everyone
else? If you choose not to participate with solo males, just say so. There is absolutely
NO need to lump every one of the solo males on the planet together, and label all of
them to be \"cheaters\". By definition, if you have sex with anyone other than the person
to whom YOU are married, you are \"cheating\"...
Personally, I don\'t understand the bias against solo men, but that is because I *am* one.
And no, my spouse does not participate.
Does she know what I do? Yes. Does she prevent me from doing it? No.
People might try to find out what the individual circumstances are, before they
just decide to jump to the conclusion that all of one stripe are evil.
> Whether or not he has a reason for seeking an outlet other than his
> own spouse is not relevant.
But it is relevant. YOU just choose to sling out a label to salve your own conscience
and prevent yourself from expanding. It is rationalization for small-mindedness.
> If ANY married male has to seek an outlet other than his spouse, it\'s CHEATING!
So that means that ALL of the \"married men\" who participate *with* their wives are
also cheating...
The meaning of your above statement is: \"I don\'t believe that men should participate
at all, because if they do, they are cheating\".
You may not have intended to say that, but that is the precise meaning of the statement
you made. I have to ask here, who are you to make this determination for everyone
else? If you choose not to participate with solo males, just say so. There is absolutely
NO need to lump every one of the solo males on the planet together, and label all of
them to be \"cheaters\". By definition, if you have sex with anyone other than the person
to whom YOU are married, you are \"cheating\"...
Personally, I don\'t understand the bias against solo men, but that is because I *am* one.
And no, my spouse does not participate.
Does she know what I do? Yes. Does she prevent me from doing it? No.
People might try to find out what the individual circumstances are, before they
just decide to jump to the conclusion that all of one stripe are evil.
I have been waiting for something like this to show up...lol I was too shy to start a thread like this my self, but I have been accused of being a cheating spouse because my wife does not play with me, ( yes I have permission my wife checks out anyone im interested in beforehand usually a fist meeting but always before play), now I have a great sex with my wife and I love her dearly, the reason she no longer plays is because she chose to stop, ( surgery scars and she\'s not comfortable with them) I agree with a lot of the threads I have seen playing with out permission, sneaking around, and lying are not swinging, they are cheating, but is it fair to lump all married men into this category? no its not but it does happen and quite often, when I play I prefer a couple as to finding a single female but for me its comfort, im not as worried, about the other things you have to be worried with singles, ( ie...std\'s, the wrong type of attachments, wanting you to leave your spouse, ect..ect....) when my wife was still involved in the lifestyle we prefer married men for the same reasons,we also met a few single guys that were welcome, because they understood the rules, were not pushy respectful, ect..ect.. but sadly they were far and few between,normally i become friends with a couple before I play, but that\'s me, I prefer friends with benefits, then one night stands, but again this is just me, just remember not all married guys that are playing alone are cheaters ( as usual im rambling sorry about that....lol)
Yes it is. The issue is between the other couple and they need to work on any issues they may have.
Okay my $0.02 Any male or female having sex with a couple, single, whatever outside of his or her marriage without his/her spouses knowledge is CHEATING! We for one would not participate because we care too much about hurting other human beings in such a way. So many people think well I don\'t know them so how does it effect me. Sorry thats not for us, we do not care if we know them or not it\'s still wrong and dishonest and refuse to partake in such dishonesty and deception. Put yourself in the unknowing spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends position and it was you they were cheating on, how would it make you feel? Not too good I am sure, but that is the problem with society in general as long as it does not directly effect you then whatever you want to do is fine, WRONG! No one likes to be judged and every situation is different but sorry sex is NOT the end all of end all and there is more to marriage/relationship then sex.
If your not satisfied in your marriage/relationship anymore then there is usually more wrong within it then just SEX and perhaps some counseling or even some open communication is needed or end it and find what it is that truly makes you happy. Ending a bad situation honestly is better than cheating and disrespecting yourself and your partner and dragging others into your web of lies to simply satisfy your sexual urges. If you and your partner have an understanding and he/she allows you to play seperately then fine that is your understanding and your choice and we respect that, but it\'s just not for us.
Blessed Be,
Chrissy
If your not satisfied in your marriage/relationship anymore then there is usually more wrong within it then just SEX and perhaps some counseling or even some open communication is needed or end it and find what it is that truly makes you happy. Ending a bad situation honestly is better than cheating and disrespecting yourself and your partner and dragging others into your web of lies to simply satisfy your sexual urges. If you and your partner have an understanding and he/she allows you to play seperately then fine that is your understanding and your choice and we respect that, but it\'s just not for us.
Blessed Be,
Chrissy
As a solo married male, I have to agree with the ones that feel that cheating on a spouse is not right. But there are those of us out there that aren\'t cheating on our spouses. My wife and I have swung together but she doesnt want to swing anymore. But she is totally supportive and doesnt have an issue with me swinging alone. I know that puts me in a minority among solo married males, but there are those of us that are not cheating.
Everyone has their personal reasons for doing what they do. Who is to say what is really right or wrong in the other person\'s particular circumstance? We will rarely get to know what that circumstance is factually.
We meet with solo men only - single or married. In both cases, we feel their reasons for wanting to play with us are theirs. If the guy is married, that\'s his business, and the decision to do what he\'s doing is his alone and so are the reasons. It\'s his life to handle as he sees fit to enable his life to be acceptable to him. We don\'t judge, and would much rather know the truth up front rather than find out later.
We have had very exciting times with both single and married men. As to their being aggressive or laid back, that\'s an individual thing rather than one dictated by marital status. Plus, she much prefers the aggressive sexual partner for arousal and stimulation. And as far as maturity goes, I can absolutely say that one young man, 18, with whom we met exhibited much more maturity than a number of 40 - 50 yr old men with whom we\'ve played. It\'s all in the person, and you don\'t often know the contents until the package is opened. This has been true in a number of cases. But maybe the age thing is a different thread! lol
If we can help to provide satisfaction and a sense of post contentment for someone who is struggling with his marriage for whatever reason, then I think that\'s great for everyone. And that\'s not my excuse for having sex with someone who is married. It could be just the thing to keep the marriage together, and yes, it could be what finally ends it. Again, the solo man is the only one who is making the decision to get together with us.
We meet with solo men only - single or married. In both cases, we feel their reasons for wanting to play with us are theirs. If the guy is married, that\'s his business, and the decision to do what he\'s doing is his alone and so are the reasons. It\'s his life to handle as he sees fit to enable his life to be acceptable to him. We don\'t judge, and would much rather know the truth up front rather than find out later.
We have had very exciting times with both single and married men. As to their being aggressive or laid back, that\'s an individual thing rather than one dictated by marital status. Plus, she much prefers the aggressive sexual partner for arousal and stimulation. And as far as maturity goes, I can absolutely say that one young man, 18, with whom we met exhibited much more maturity than a number of 40 - 50 yr old men with whom we\'ve played. It\'s all in the person, and you don\'t often know the contents until the package is opened. This has been true in a number of cases. But maybe the age thing is a different thread! lol
If we can help to provide satisfaction and a sense of post contentment for someone who is struggling with his marriage for whatever reason, then I think that\'s great for everyone. And that\'s not my excuse for having sex with someone who is married. It could be just the thing to keep the marriage together, and yes, it could be what finally ends it. Again, the solo man is the only one who is making the decision to get together with us.
I just think its funny that some people have the nerve to say that all married men playing outside the marriage are cheaters. Even after it has been explained that the male had permission. Me and my husband have played together. I choose not to anymore because of my religious beliefs. He does not force me and I do not force him to believe the way I do. He has my permission to do as he chooses with other sexual partners as long as he is responsible. We are obviously the minority when it comes to this and we realize that. However, it should not be labeled CHEATING if I gave my husband my blessing to do it. Those couples out there that think that way are really missing out on some great guys by attaching labels where they don't belong.
Missy
Missy
bump
Thank you Missy-n-cowboyT
We have the same agreement. I did swing for a while and I like you have choose not to swing any more. My reasons are a little different. But in any case, couples who swing take note. We are all adults here and if we choose to swing together or separately it is our deal. Just like couples who think that swing is cheating but we don
We have the same agreement. I did swing for a while and I like you have choose not to swing any more. My reasons are a little different. But in any case, couples who swing take note. We are all adults here and if we choose to swing together or separately it is our deal. Just like couples who think that swing is cheating but we don
If we find out you are cheating on your spouse (he/she) has zero knowledge we will tell you to take a hike. We tell single guys who swear up and down they are single and have played with cpls then we ask for reference to prove they are in fact single.
You would be surprised the number of single guys who suddenly cannot find a cpl to vouge for them in our minds single guys you are the one who has to PROVE you are in fact unattached. Cheating is cheating the reason does not matter if your spouse does not know you play around thats cheating in our eyes and we want no part of it.
You would be surprised the number of single guys who suddenly cannot find a cpl to vouge for them in our minds single guys you are the one who has to PROVE you are in fact unattached. Cheating is cheating the reason does not matter if your spouse does not know you play around thats cheating in our eyes and we want no part of it.
well...I guess I have no morals...honestly..I used to shun the 'married and playin solo' male...but for what ever reason after my surgery in 2003 I became allergic to latex and a few other things...and to be quite honest I prefer to go with out them anyway...I trust the man I spend time chatting with and refuse to meet with any man until we hit that comfort zone..I have plaid with married men that their wife has cancer or some other dabilitating illness that leaves him sexless...(I think we all need to sit back and imagine what we would do if our spouse could not give us what we need sexually) I can thank my lucky stars that hubby and myself both swing and I don't have to worry about it...and let's face it....BOB (battery operated boyfriend) just doesn't cut it ALL the time...many things effect a person and their sex drive...I'm pretty much a nympho..insatiable..how ever u wanna look at it...hubby can't keep up and he knows it..if I was unable to give him what he needs I would much rather him find a married swinging lady to play with then a hooker!
I know I'll get alot of flack and rude feedback on this...but keep in mind...we ALL have our reasons and preferences in the lifestyle...mine happens to be military men and married men..both traits would be most desirable for safety sake....
have a wonderful day
I know I'll get alot of flack and rude feedback on this...but keep in mind...we ALL have our reasons and preferences in the lifestyle...mine happens to be military men and married men..both traits would be most desirable for safety sake....
have a wonderful day
I will probably open a