We have started meeting some local people and really like them and want to hang out with them as friends, but are struggling finding a balance with them and our vanilla friends. Do any of you socially mix friends (i.e. have a bbq and invite both vanilla and lifestyle friends?) How do you explain how you know these new people?
Remember, we are from a small town, so the "they are friends of friends" doesn't work well when people know so many people.
Remember, we are from a small town, so the "they are friends of friends" doesn't work well when people know so many people.
As long as the lifestylers know the rules we have. You can say you met them at a candle party you went to in the big city or something.
In CA the Mrs. used to do cooking supply parties so we made a lot of friends that way, at least that is what our vanilla friends thought.
Mr. C
In CA the Mrs. used to do cooking supply parties so we made a lot of friends that way, at least that is what our vanilla friends thought.
Mr. C
When we invite our play friends we tell them right up front what kind of party it is so they know to behave.
Till next time that is.....hehehehehe
Till next time that is.....hehehehehe
Whatever you do make sure that fun friends know that vanilla's will be there. We went to a halloween party once and the swinging hosts made not one peep, hint or vague reference to the fact that they were also inviting all of there vanilla mark darts league team to the party also. Needless to say the swinger's were a bit more risque than the darter's and one girl that came as a egyptian slave girl (topless) was a real hit. Looking back it is fun to laugh at the situation but it is definately not something we would ever want to repeat.
That being said Cliffnotes is right about letting people know the rules and having a pre-established how we know each other story is great idea.
Bob
That being said Cliffnotes is right about letting people know the rules and having a pre-established how we know each other story is great idea.
Bob
I do mix them, but it's something I'm always very nervous about and only with people I trust to not give the game away.
My big fear is that my vanilla friends will tell my lifestyle friends just how quiet and tame I am, and so I only ever invite the ones who can keep that part of my life a secret
My big fear is that my vanilla friends will tell my lifestyle friends just how quiet and tame I am, and so I only ever invite the ones who can keep that part of my life a secret
rofl...I don't think we really have very many vanilla friends...that we hang out with and stuff anyway...but we do have alot of friends here that we can do bbq's with the kids and such and pretend to be vanilla...well until the kids go to bed anyway...hehehe...kisses...Naugh-Ty
Though I have to add that we have been to a few parties/bbq's where it has been mixed...never really turned out that well cuz everybody knows after a few drinks us swingers can't keep our hands to ourselves or our own partners...hehehe
We haven't done it very much. Tomorrow will be the first time that we'll be mixing vanillas and people in the lifestyle on a large scale having a texas hold 'em tournament with a lifestyle party that follows. Some, but not many of our vanilla friends know about our extraciricular activities. We would just hope that our lifestyle aquaintances would be respectful of the vanillas and be on there best behavior. Most people are pretty cool and don't anticipate any problems.
to SHELIKESTHAT: converting your vanilla friends, why do I all of a sudden feel talked to...lol. No but in all seriousness, if you surround yourself with respectful people who can accept & honor the fact that your vanilla neighbors, family members or coworkers may not appreciate that extra knowledge about you, mixing the crowd should not be an issue at all. There is a place and time for everything...like when the vanillas go home...wohoo... grin!
PUBLICINTOX wrote:
How do you explain how you know these new people?
Remember, we are from a small town, so the "they are friends of friends" doesn't work well when people know so many people.
Simply put, it's none of their business to know the details of how/where/why you know anyone. Of course, you may not wish to tell them that in such a manner. haha
We simply say "Them? Oh...we met them through common social circles.", or "friends of a friend in a different city".
The more energy you put on the fact that there is something to hide with your personal life and your swinging friends, the more apparent it will become to your vanillas and family that something is being hidden.
We have been mixing vanilla and nonvanillas ever since we started swinging, and yes, that includes mixing with family.
It's never been an issue for us
The only vanilla friends we have are family, male's family knows about it (he made the mistake of IM'ing a sister from his swinger profile once) and she told everyone.
The best part is when we have friends at the family get togethers, they always come to me and ask, 'Are they one of your freaky friends?' and my response is always, 'Why you asking me? Why don't you go talk to them? Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Maybe they want to fuck you, maybe they don't. But you'll never know unless you talk to them.'
This usually ends the inquisition.
The best part is when we have friends at the family get togethers, they always come to me and ask, 'Are they one of your freaky friends?' and my response is always, 'Why you asking me? Why don't you go talk to them? Maybe they are, maybe they're not. Maybe they want to fuck you, maybe they don't. But you'll never know unless you talk to them.'
This usually ends the inquisition.
We do only for the most part every one that we know knows that we are in the life stile. My brother found out one day and told all are family. and my sister new boyfriend that I work with told every one there. But the good thing about that is are true friends and family are still support us and all the fake one have gone away. so for us it's all good.
Good question! Really haven't had this come up much, yet, quite like that, anyway, being relatively new to the lifestyle. But...have already encountered the Ohhh...we know some of the same people sort of thing" Even in the big city..it is amazing how often that happens. For me..I can understand why this would make some swingers nervous...never really knowing what you might say to one of their friends about "your " new friend.
When I have learned about common connections such as this....my choice has been to not mention them again...and ESPECIALLY not to the ones that know both of us. I learned a long time ago, that I need to be honest....BUT....I DON'T have to tell everything I know...LOL
When I have learned about common connections such as this....my choice has been to not mention them again...and ESPECIALLY not to the ones that know both of us. I learned a long time ago, that I need to be honest....BUT....I DON'T have to tell everything I know...LOL
We often go to some close playmates for a BBQ or just to play cards with them and thier other friends who know nothing about our lifestyle. That's the beauty of the "friend" aspect of the relationships that we look for, because we wanna be a part of your everyday life, and not just the sexual part. At the same time, to know you have a secret from the rest of the group is a turn-on in itself...a quick kiss or smack on the butt while others aren't looking really brings on the good sexual tension and anticipation of the next time you will share together...alone.
We can mix both vanilla friends and swinger friends. We have been open either way, and honest with them. And none of them really have had any problems. Some have joined, just to see what it is like. And family there are some that know and some that don't.
I find this very interesting question because my the Male outlook is that i really don't care what people think about my lifestyle choice but my better half does so for her and the new friends that i have made her i keep my mouth shut but i think if swinger friends know that there will be vanilla friends or family there then they would respect the descretion issue and all would behave lol
We have a few times for like birthdays, and such things like that. We are not blatantly shouting that we are in the lifestyle but we do not just go and hide it out right either. As far as just parties to throw a party we do not tend to mix in vanillas with lifestylers.
We tell anyone who is a late night friend, ie: serious friend, vanilla or not that we have an alternative lifestyle. It has made things so much easier. Our vanilla friends are closer. We make it very clear that we don't have any interest in sex with them for concerns about ruining what is a already a good relationship. I am not talking, work vanillas, they don't need to know. I am talking about people with whom we go dancing or bar hopping. Why lie about who you really are? The whole reason for jumping the hurdle that is the "lifestyle" is to be free with who you really are. Then you are supposed to hide it with people who are supposed to really care about you? Nope.
Because of this, it is really cute when we throw a party or get together. The vanillas spend the whole time excitedly trying to guess who the swingers are. Most of the time it doesn't take much to guess. This reminds me of what got us started on this course. We threw a mostly vanilla roller skating party with some vanilla friends. They invited a whole bunch of people and we invited a whole bunch of people. We invited 3 couples who were swingers who did not know or probably didn't care to hide what they were. The vanilla couple invited once swinger couple totally unaware that they were swingers. We got very outed that night. lol It went really well so it carried over as a "good idea".
Piper
Because of this, it is really cute when we throw a party or get together. The vanillas spend the whole time excitedly trying to guess who the swingers are. Most of the time it doesn't take much to guess. This reminds me of what got us started on this course. We threw a mostly vanilla roller skating party with some vanilla friends. They invited a whole bunch of people and we invited a whole bunch of people. We invited 3 couples who were swingers who did not know or probably didn't care to hide what they were. The vanilla couple invited once swinger couple totally unaware that they were swingers. We got very outed that night. lol It went really well so it carried over as a "good idea".
Piper
Piper,
That really sucks were going to miss you and Herman in vegas this weekend.
We were really looking forward to some really kinky nasty dirty sex.
Jim and Jackie
That really sucks were going to miss you and Herman in vegas this weekend.
We were really looking forward to some really kinky nasty dirty sex.
Jim and Jackie
You will have to make a special trip. Thanks for inviting us here. Great site. 
Piper
Piper
HIJACK!
We don't mix the two its easier to be discreet than to have questions from the vanilla crowd. Had issues pop up and had to ruin a friendship just because they didn't know how to keep quiet... so was easier to make them look foolish in front of all the people they were telling and than not chat with them anymore
Yes we do mix our friends as long as it's not a party where sex is expected. BBQ's and such are just that and nothing more, so why not?
I have friends both in and out of the lifestyle, my "vanilla friends" know about my lifestyle choices, they may not agree with it, but love me just the same. I am really lucky to have friends that do not judge. I do not believe in hiding who I am, but I dont shout it out either. Its really nice not to have to "explain" my associations or my friends. It nice to know that in or out of the lifestyle you are accepted as my friend to other friends. I really am blessed! And I hope you will be too. Andiegirl!