Okay, back story, I was married for eighteen years. We started swinging six months into our marriage. Met some WONDERFUL people, both couples and singles and never discriminated. Fast forward to after the divorce. Now, I'm a single and the couples won't have anything to do with me, sexually.
So, my question is this.... How do Swingular couples handle singles that are forced into that situation by break- up. Do you "shun" them or except them for the friends that they are? Swing
So, my question is this.... How do Swingular couples handle singles that are forced into that situation by break- up. Do you "shun" them or except them for the friends that they are? Swing
having been in that situation, I don't see anyone that we were friends with when we were together. Not that there's any 'shunning' involved just it's a weird situation for all. But the scene's big enough here in SLC that I've made new friends and there's little overlap.
Just takes time is all. One thing about having been in a couple and then becoming single is that you know what it's like as the male half of a couple having someone join you, and so that should give you insight into both what couples are looking for in a single, and also how to behave.
Good luck, it just takes time
Just takes time is all. One thing about having been in a couple and then becoming single is that you know what it's like as the male half of a couple having someone join you, and so that should give you insight into both what couples are looking for in a single, and also how to behave.
Good luck, it just takes time
Those are the "singles" we are the most willing to get together with - provided we liked them when they were part of a couple, that is ;>
Previously married singles, especially those that were in the lifestyle, have been in our experience the most respectful and fun encounters we have had. That being said, for many of our couple friends the primal fear of loosing your beloved, jealousy, and sometimes selfishness cause couples to eschew singles. Fair, no, but a fair is a livestock and agricultural arts show sponsored by a local government. As for those who you knew while married, even in the vanilla world when couples break up often they are ostracized by their former friends. Whether it is from the friends choosing sides, or their fear of choosing sides this is what happens. You're relationships with others will be different now due to the fact that you are no longer part of a couple, just as when you got together your relationships with your friends changed due to the fact that you are a couple. That is just the way people are. We do wish you luck, and healing, divorce by its very nature is destructive, but at times the field must be burned to prepare for a new crop.
"So, my question is this.... How do Swingular couples handle singles that are forced into that situation by break- up. Do you "shun" them or except them for the friends that they are? Swing"
This question can also be asked in the reverse, "How do singles that formally were part of a couple preceive being handled by couples?"
The primary factor to be considered is: Is the new single a male or female? Single females seem to be treated better than couples treat each other. Example: A swing party usually charges couples one price, single males a much higher price, and single females nothing. So a new single female will find a greater acceptance and demand than a new single male. What causes this? The males are the main reason.
Biologically, males are basically alike in many species, they want to have many females to produce more of their offsprings. Most modern men are kept from doing this by conventions inacted years ago, i.e. one man pairs with one woman. Swinging allows males to exercise their biological urges if only for a very short time periodically. Males with a mate double the lure to single females. Seeing that the male has a mate makes the female feel safer since there is another female to relate with. Again, biologically males fight with each other for rule over the females. A new single male may be more dominate than the male of a couple, so fear of losing the female is very strong. Invitations to single males are greatly reduced by this fear. Couples will gather together without this fear such as herds of animals gather together. When single males reach the reproductive age they are culled out of the herd's social actions until they overcome the dominant male.
Now that the various causes have been briefly explained, it follows that you as a new single male will be mostly shuned even by couples that you previously knew when you were part of a couple. The older you are the less likely the female of the couple will want you to become a part of their swinging. So, while you are young the male partner will be the main objection, later the objection will be by the female partner. Consider yourself very lucky if you are invited to swing with a couple.
There is a ray of hope for single males. Recently females of a couple have found out that two males provide more satisfaction longer than one male. So, threesomes of male-female-male are becoming more popular than threesomes of female-male-female. Females are now asking themselves, "Why share one male with another female when she can have two males to herself."
This question can also be asked in the reverse, "How do singles that formally were part of a couple preceive being handled by couples?"
The primary factor to be considered is: Is the new single a male or female? Single females seem to be treated better than couples treat each other. Example: A swing party usually charges couples one price, single males a much higher price, and single females nothing. So a new single female will find a greater acceptance and demand than a new single male. What causes this? The males are the main reason.
Biologically, males are basically alike in many species, they want to have many females to produce more of their offsprings. Most modern men are kept from doing this by conventions inacted years ago, i.e. one man pairs with one woman. Swinging allows males to exercise their biological urges if only for a very short time periodically. Males with a mate double the lure to single females. Seeing that the male has a mate makes the female feel safer since there is another female to relate with. Again, biologically males fight with each other for rule over the females. A new single male may be more dominate than the male of a couple, so fear of losing the female is very strong. Invitations to single males are greatly reduced by this fear. Couples will gather together without this fear such as herds of animals gather together. When single males reach the reproductive age they are culled out of the herd's social actions until they overcome the dominant male.
Now that the various causes have been briefly explained, it follows that you as a new single male will be mostly shuned even by couples that you previously knew when you were part of a couple. The older you are the less likely the female of the couple will want you to become a part of their swinging. So, while you are young the male partner will be the main objection, later the objection will be by the female partner. Consider yourself very lucky if you are invited to swing with a couple.
There is a ray of hope for single males. Recently females of a couple have found out that two males provide more satisfaction longer than one male. So, threesomes of male-female-male are becoming more popular than threesomes of female-male-female. Females are now asking themselves, "Why share one male with another female when she can have two males to herself."
Perception is everything. It does seem there is a bias against single males, that we have noticed. But for us, and I suspect many couples, singles males are as welcome as single females or couples. One of our best experiences has been with a single guy - no drama, total discretion, and tons of raw fun. It might really come down to how the male partner in the couple handles having another guy there. Just like it is for the female partner when the option is to do FMF - you gotta trust yourself and your partner, that's all there is to it. Swinging is swinging, being sexual is simply that - everyone gets to have a good time, everyone gets to feel welcome, and that's starts with the couple doing the inviting- how they perceive things is gonna set the tone. So, single males, AND single females - know that there are plenty of couples who have no reservations about you being a part of things - you add something different and fun, for everyone to choose to partake of or not. Of course you have to be respectful and discreet - but all of us have to do that - we all ask permission, check with partners, follow personal rules, have the option to say no at any time. And then - THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!!!
Yes its the shun-athon, it allows the opportunity for you to recalculate the true friends who keep in touch with you. But its up to you to understand that a single may not be what they are looking for but your friendship is. Be kind to those that contact you and forgive the ones that dont and go out and make new friends. This is what I have done and have enjoyed some really great girls on some fun dates. Soon the cpls that no longer have an interest in you and not contact will slowly start to fade away. Consider it their loss of a great friend and keep them seperate from your new flame as thats not the true friend that you thought you had, and be hurt once again. Good luck with the first day of the rest of your life and enjoy whats ahead.