We have noticed a few single guys who admit to being on here behind their spouses back. While we appreciate their honesty it makes us wonder how many people on these sites are hiding this from their spouses. To us this is all about sharing and communicating with each other, not hiding anything.
Do you care if they hide or not?
Mr. C
Do you care if they hide or not?
Mr. C
Personally as our own selves, we're being honest and communicating with each other and that's all that matters. What others are doing and how they're going about it is their own problem and they'll be the ones that deal with the consequences of their choices whatever those may be. As long as their personal issues and drama don't interfere with our life by them coming to play with us, we're not bothered by it.
Mark&Kitty
Mark&Kitty
absolutely NO cheaters
ever!
makes my skin crawl
[shudders]
ever!
makes my skin crawl
[shudders]
better get a cup of coffee cuz this is gonna be a long read:
there are a few things you have to take into consideration when you decide to be in the swinging lifestyle. i think the biggest thing is finding out if your spouse is into it. most people, i think, go into a relationship knowing what their spouses boundries are. and then there are couples who evolve in their relationship and the more trust they have in their relationship, i would think it would be like a "coming out" of sorts. like..."hey, um...honey...the johnsons next door are having a party this weekend...and we were invited" "Really?" "Yeah, and i hear its one of THOSE kinda parties" "well, honey..we better wear our crotchless underwear" i dunno..something like that..like, at some point you decide that swinging is for you, right? or you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is an option.
buuuuuuuuuuuutttttt...
if you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is definetly not what your spouse is into or in the evolution of your relationship you decide swinging is right for you, and your spouse isnt into it, and under no circumstance is it ok....then, in my humble opinion, you arent in the lifestyle. now, if you come to some sort of open relationship agreement if your spouse isnt into it but agrees to let you get some strange, fine. if you take it upon yourself to sign up for a swinging website behind your spouses back, hook up with couples behind your spouses back, then YOU ARE CHEATING!
if you are cheating, then you are just asking for trouble:
1. you are being dishonest
2. you are bringing your drama into someone elses life whether they know it or not. what happens if the wife finds out and shows up at your house party with a shotgun?
3. what happens if you get an s.t.d.? you bring that home with you to your spouse, and if you have them, your children. even if you use condoms you can still get s.t.d.'s, its happened.
4. when your spouse does find out, and they will...you are humiliating them in front of their friends, family, job...cuz somehow they all find out. that leads me to believe you have no regard for someone elses feelings so why would i want to swing with you?
5. you are giving other single people, male or female, a bad name and reputation.
6. you are giving swingers in general a bad name and reputation.
jenn and i are honest with each other. we are not in a place where we are gonna swing separate, we communicate and talk things out so we have a full understand of where eachother is at, at any given moment. if jenn or i didnt want to swing anymore, or if we wanted a break from it, we talk about it. we arent perfect by any means, but we do our best to consider eachothers feelings in this lifestyle.
we dont invite drama into our lives so i would have to say...no, we dont swing with someone who is cheating on their spouse. we would both suggest that if you feel the need to cheat that you should either talk it out with your spouse and seek external help or if you dont think that will help, you should consider ending the relationship. this is all just our opinion. we know its easier written or said than done. but if you arent happy with your spouse, why would you drag them down with this? communicate..compromise...talk it out..but dont be a cheater, cuz its not cool.
brandon
there are a few things you have to take into consideration when you decide to be in the swinging lifestyle. i think the biggest thing is finding out if your spouse is into it. most people, i think, go into a relationship knowing what their spouses boundries are. and then there are couples who evolve in their relationship and the more trust they have in their relationship, i would think it would be like a "coming out" of sorts. like..."hey, um...honey...the johnsons next door are having a party this weekend...and we were invited" "Really?" "Yeah, and i hear its one of THOSE kinda parties" "well, honey..we better wear our crotchless underwear" i dunno..something like that..like, at some point you decide that swinging is for you, right? or you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is an option.
buuuuuuuuuuuutttttt...
if you go into a relationship knowing that swinging is definetly not what your spouse is into or in the evolution of your relationship you decide swinging is right for you, and your spouse isnt into it, and under no circumstance is it ok....then, in my humble opinion, you arent in the lifestyle. now, if you come to some sort of open relationship agreement if your spouse isnt into it but agrees to let you get some strange, fine. if you take it upon yourself to sign up for a swinging website behind your spouses back, hook up with couples behind your spouses back, then YOU ARE CHEATING!
if you are cheating, then you are just asking for trouble:
1. you are being dishonest
2. you are bringing your drama into someone elses life whether they know it or not. what happens if the wife finds out and shows up at your house party with a shotgun?
3. what happens if you get an s.t.d.? you bring that home with you to your spouse, and if you have them, your children. even if you use condoms you can still get s.t.d.'s, its happened.
4. when your spouse does find out, and they will...you are humiliating them in front of their friends, family, job...cuz somehow they all find out. that leads me to believe you have no regard for someone elses feelings so why would i want to swing with you?
5. you are giving other single people, male or female, a bad name and reputation.
6. you are giving swingers in general a bad name and reputation.
jenn and i are honest with each other. we are not in a place where we are gonna swing separate, we communicate and talk things out so we have a full understand of where eachother is at, at any given moment. if jenn or i didnt want to swing anymore, or if we wanted a break from it, we talk about it. we arent perfect by any means, but we do our best to consider eachothers feelings in this lifestyle.
we dont invite drama into our lives so i would have to say...no, we dont swing with someone who is cheating on their spouse. we would both suggest that if you feel the need to cheat that you should either talk it out with your spouse and seek external help or if you dont think that will help, you should consider ending the relationship. this is all just our opinion. we know its easier written or said than done. but if you arent happy with your spouse, why would you drag them down with this? communicate..compromise...talk it out..but dont be a cheater, cuz its not cool.
brandon
I'm a single who legally married, albeit separated. He is fully aware of my activities and that is out of respect because usually when I'm out he is the one with the kids. He always knows where I am but details are never discussed. A lot of people think that because I refuse to host or allow someone to come to my home to pick me up I'm hiding something. Well, I am. My children. My kids do not need to see that.
I'm totally up front with everyone I meet about my marital situation. I DO have issues with those who are in committed relationships and not having a hall pass. To me, that is cheating. And quite frankly if I come across guy playing without a hall pass I have no problems with throwing his ass under the bus if required. I hate liars.
I'm totally up front with everyone I meet about my marital situation. I DO have issues with those who are in committed relationships and not having a hall pass. To me, that is cheating. And quite frankly if I come across guy playing without a hall pass I have no problems with throwing his ass under the bus if required. I hate liars.
beep beeeep! (that's the horn on the moral bus. lol)
Blue, your situation is not what I am asking about. I know what long divorces can be like.
Mark & Kitty, the drama is what you need to be concerned about. We knew a guy on another site who was dating a married girl behind her husbands back, one day he followed her and shot them both in the head. That is the kind of drama I can do without.
Mr. C
Mark & Kitty, the drama is what you need to be concerned about. We knew a guy on another site who was dating a married girl behind her husbands back, one day he followed her and shot them both in the head. That is the kind of drama I can do without.
Mr. C
I have no spouse to cheat on.
Any volunteers?
Any volunteers?
So my thoughts are always the same about this subject. If people are in this lifestyle to fix something that's broken, it will shatter. It really boils down to why people start playing in the first place. If the relationship is not healthy or stable, then chances are something "better" will come along. The pretending, hiding, lying starts and next thing you know, a couple is no longer a couple or two couples become two singles and one couple. Happens all the time.
I agree with Kitty . . . it's not our drama. As long as we know why we are into this lifestyle and as long as their shit doesn't stink up our fun, that's all that matters.
We've been in the lifestyle a long time and have seen couples come and go. Most of the time we can predict those that won't make it the moment we meet them. It's unfortunate, but true. The reason we don't do singles very often is that we're never sure where they come from or why they are here ;o
I agree with Kitty . . . it's not our drama. As long as we know why we are into this lifestyle and as long as their shit doesn't stink up our fun, that's all that matters.
We've been in the lifestyle a long time and have seen couples come and go. Most of the time we can predict those that won't make it the moment we meet them. It's unfortunate, but true. The reason we don't do singles very often is that we're never sure where they come from or why they are here ;o
JenandBrandon: Spot on! If you can't discuss this with your spouse, 1 Don't do it! or 2 End it and move on! Don't drag them down into the gutter of lies deceit and broken trust.
Blueeysinutah: You are honest, and discrete. You're right your kids don't need to see this. But the fact that you are honest with your husband, whether he agrees with you or not (as you are separated and seeking dissolution of your marriage) shows the kind of integrity, so quickly evaporating from our larger society, that is to be commended.
T4REAL69: If you mean to imply that having open sexual relations with others means that as swingers we have no right to define any morals, there are plenty of places in which you may live in your sainted paradise. In our experience the greatest thing we have found among REAL swingers is integrity. This is one of the greatest and most anciently recognized virtues. Without that societies based on social contract of any kind will revert to total lawless brutality. The concept of "The Rule of Law" is a social contract, and has no hold where integrity is absent.
As for our part, we do take self proclaimed singles at their word with the honor system. We appreciate the honesty of those who do tell us about their situation, and decline any opportunities to play with them, as we don't need any of that kind of drama (buckshot anyone?) Even for those who are in the lifestyle and have a "hall pass" we will make a best effort to confirm with all parties that it is ok before we do any play. We do not feel it our place to "out" anyone whom we have discovered as a cheater, as this is something between them, with whomever they are espoused, and with whomever they are involved. If push comes to shove, we will however not hesitate to "throw them under the bus."
Blueeysinutah: You are honest, and discrete. You're right your kids don't need to see this. But the fact that you are honest with your husband, whether he agrees with you or not (as you are separated and seeking dissolution of your marriage) shows the kind of integrity, so quickly evaporating from our larger society, that is to be commended.
T4REAL69: If you mean to imply that having open sexual relations with others means that as swingers we have no right to define any morals, there are plenty of places in which you may live in your sainted paradise. In our experience the greatest thing we have found among REAL swingers is integrity. This is one of the greatest and most anciently recognized virtues. Without that societies based on social contract of any kind will revert to total lawless brutality. The concept of "The Rule of Law" is a social contract, and has no hold where integrity is absent.
As for our part, we do take self proclaimed singles at their word with the honor system. We appreciate the honesty of those who do tell us about their situation, and decline any opportunities to play with them, as we don't need any of that kind of drama (buckshot anyone?) Even for those who are in the lifestyle and have a "hall pass" we will make a best effort to confirm with all parties that it is ok before we do any play. We do not feel it our place to "out" anyone whom we have discovered as a cheater, as this is something between them, with whomever they are espoused, and with whomever they are involved. If push comes to shove, we will however not hesitate to "throw them under the bus."
not a moral issue, I just like hooking up with people I like and respect. And cheating I can't find any respect for. And @blue, separated pending divorce is fine with me, that's not cheating that's just a legality, divorces can be complex, but you've not committed to someone if you're divorcing them, so you can't be cheating on them in my mind
not our problem..they want to play, oh well
Funny that, I divorced my X-wife for the same reason....
BOBNBARBIE wrote:
JennandBrandon have framed it nicely. Swinging is for the couple, in whatever form they desire. Swing together or seperately, same room of different, etc... . Barbie & I have chosen to swing together. Those who choose to cheat must respect the decisions of those with which they play or want to play. The lifestyle is about respect and choice. If those who cheat are offended by or find it difficult to find playmates, they must remember that not all people have the same etchical framework. Those that choose not to play with a cheater should also display respect to cheaters. That is allow them to live their life. If the ethic is broad that does not support cheating, the cheater will find few partners. Now I want to add one twist and seek advice. Recently, my wife told me that I might NEED to go out and find someone to play with because her back problem, when she feels poorly, she sometimes can not provide me company for months. Her back problem, when it acts up, it makes her life (and mine) painful for months. Walking is very difficult. Sex is out of the question! So permission is granted, but how can you not look like a cheater when you have a couples profile, and want to play alone? We (Barbie & I) respect the choice of the cheater, but don't play with them. That is our choice. Additionally, how does a person with a HALL PASS, mentally contort themselves or maybe untwist themselves to play alone with others?
Well said. As to your second part, having permission is not cheating, that is the idea of a hall pass.
What prompted me to write this topic is I found it interesting to see a few SMs who were upfront about it. That was refreshing, I don't remember seeing that very often in the other site we were on.
Mr. C
Okay, things are a little muddled here. First off a "single" in the swinging world refers to whether or not they are in a committed relationship. Therefore, one cannot be "single" and cheat on their spouse, 'cause they don't have one. They shouldn't be listing themselves as single if they are not.
My wife(ex) and I had a rule against swinging with anyone who wasn't honest enough to admit that they just wanted to cheat. However it's a personal choice, just remember if they lie to their spouse, then they will lie to you, and the lie they tell you could cause you serious harm. Swing
My wife(ex) and I had a rule against swinging with anyone who wasn't honest enough to admit that they just wanted to cheat. However it's a personal choice, just remember if they lie to their spouse, then they will lie to you, and the lie they tell you could cause you serious harm. Swing
BOBNBARBIE wrote:
JennandBrandon have framed it nicely. Swinging is for the couple, in whatever form they desire. Swing together or seperately, same room of different, etc... . Barbie & I have chosen to swing together. Those who choose to cheat must respect the decisions of those with which they play or want to play. The lifestyle is about respect and choice. If those who cheat are offended by or find it difficult to find playmates, they must remember that not all people have the same etchical framework. Those that choose not to play with a cheater should also display respect to cheaters. That is allow them to live their life. If the ethic is broad that does not support cheating, the cheater will find few partners.
Now I want to add one twist and seek advice. Recently, my wife told me that I might NEED to go out and find someone to play with because her back problem, when she feels poorly, she sometimes can not provide me company for months. Her back problem, when it acts up, it makes her life (and mine) painful for months. Walking is very difficult. Sex is out of the question! So permission is granted, but how can you not look like a cheater when you have a couples profile, and want to play alone? We (Barbie & I) respect the choice of the cheater, but don't play with them. That is our choice. Additionally, how does a person with a HALL PASS, mentally contort themselves or maybe untwist themselves to play alone with others?
Great. The ethic being broad enough would discourage many, but not all. We do respect them and their choices, that is why we do not feel it our obligation to "out" any cheater. Nor do we think less of those who accept the extra risks involved with playing with these individuals. As for the second part, if you are not comfortable with using your "hall pass" then don't. If there is a "hall pass" and it can be verified with reasonable effort, then that is not cheating, and to us does not appear as cheating.
SWINGONMYVINE wrote:
However it's a personal choice, just remember if they lie to their spouse, then they will lie to you, and the lie they tell you could cause you serious harm. Swing
Perfect. Why should they tell you the truth when they can't even be honest with the one with whom they have a "special" relationship? There is no honor among thieves.
I am new the Lifestyle and what has drawn me to it is the HONESTY.
That two people can be open and honest and love one another enough to let them be themselves is a true gift.
So, if I have to worry about some one cheating on their other half on here....Well, I might as well just play in the "outside" world where everyone is lying to the other. It makes nothing special about "swinging" any longer to me.
That two people can be open and honest and love one another enough to let them be themselves is a true gift.
So, if I have to worry about some one cheating on their other half on here....Well, I might as well just play in the "outside" world where everyone is lying to the other. It makes nothing special about "swinging" any longer to me.
I am single guy.. and not cheating even with my self..lol I am kinda up front or bascily to lazy to lie, Being single I have even met gals off vin sights and I am even honest as to what I am looking for even with them....and not its not just sex I have meet some great friends here that we have just doing things
OMG people! honestly! my wife and I have a very loving and open relationship and sometimes we play without the other. yes we communicate with one another and share with each other what is going on around us and who we choose to bring into our lives. but honestly, who the hell cares if the person/people you choose to have encounters with is cheating on thier spouse or significant other? That is thier choice not yours to make! You cant hold everyone's hand and tell them how to live their life. If that is the path they or others choose to live their lives by then so be it! Why should it concern you? Live life the way you choose and be accountable for your own actions............not everyone else's! D&C
I don't want to end up on Cheaters! That would suck having Joey Grecco chase me.
Mr. C
Mr. C
the live and let live attitude only goes so far. would i go on some crusade to out cheaters? no. but im also not going to play with them because its too much trouble. i dont care how hot the person is, its not worth the risk. i dont wanna get called to someones divorce trial...i dont want a pissed off husband banging on my door cuz he followed his cheating spouse to my house and jenn and i are caught literally with our pants down. cops get called....imagine tryin to explain that to the hendersons next door....or try to explain to a cop why you had to defend yourself against some lunatic on your doorstep and had to use lethal force to protect yourself...cuz he brought a gun....or a knife...or a sherman tank...i dunno..this stuff happens allllll the time. it could be you that gets killed. imagine what the cops are telling your family who may or may not know about your swinging that....an estranged husband or wife came to your house while you were engaged in some sort of sexual contact with their spouse, and they unloaded their 9mm into the living room. or you are having a house party with 10 couples and a couple singles and one of them is cheating and the soon to be ex comes over and turns your meet and greet into jonestown.
so yeah...the live and let live standpoint doesnt really fly. people that are cheated on do crazy things. there are sooooo many different things that can happen when you invite a cheater into your playrooms. none of which end well. its not about morals..cuz morals are subjective. hell, it doesnt even have to be about respect for the cheated-on spouse...if you dont think those things are important, then you should at least consider the safety of yourself and/or your house guests.
as far as all you cheaters on here...lets have a little "come to jesus" meeting. you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do right? i just want ask you that if you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do, are you are willing to take the responsibility that comes along with it?
so yeah...the live and let live standpoint doesnt really fly. people that are cheated on do crazy things. there are sooooo many different things that can happen when you invite a cheater into your playrooms. none of which end well. its not about morals..cuz morals are subjective. hell, it doesnt even have to be about respect for the cheated-on spouse...if you dont think those things are important, then you should at least consider the safety of yourself and/or your house guests.
as far as all you cheaters on here...lets have a little "come to jesus" meeting. you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do right? i just want ask you that if you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do, are you are willing to take the responsibility that comes along with it?
JENNANDBRANDON wrote:
the live and let live attitude only goes so far. would i go on some crusade to out cheaters? no. but im also not going to play with them because its too much trouble. i dont care how hot the person is, its not worth the risk. i dont wanna get called to someones divorce trial...i dont want a pissed off husband banging on my door cuz he followed his cheating spouse to my house and jenn and i are caught literally with our pants down. cops get called....imagine tryin to explain that to the hendersons next door....or try to explain to a cop why you had to defend yourself against some lunatic on your doorstep and had to use lethal force to protect yourself...cuz he brought a gun....or a knife...or a sherman tank...i dunno..this stuff happens allllll the time. it could be you that gets killed. imagine what the cops are telling your family who may or may not know about your swinging that....an estranged husband or wife came to your house while you were engaged in some sort of sexual contact with their spouse, and they unloaded their 9mm into the living room. or you are having a house party with 10 couples and a couple singles and one of them is cheating and the soon to be ex comes over and turns your meet and greet into jonestown. so yeah...the live and let live standpoint doesnt really fly. people that are cheated on do crazy things. there are sooooo many different things that can happen when you invite a cheater into your playrooms. none of which end well. its not about morals..cuz morals are subjective. hell, it doesnt even have to be about respect for the cheated-on spouse...if you dont think those things are important, then you should at least consider the safety of yourself and/or your house guests. as far as all you cheaters on here...lets have a little "come to jesus" meeting. you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do right? i just want ask you that if you are gonna do whatever you are gonna do, are you are willing to take the responsibility that comes along with it?
All good points! For me Live and let live still fits, I don't judge people but I also choose to not deal with cheaters. As you say, it can be dangerous, read my posts we knew a guy who found out the hard way.
Mr. C