Do 1st impressions count?
First impressions are the most critical of all meetings:
Within the first three seconds of any new encounter, you are evaluated
First impressions are the most critical of all meetings:
Within the first three seconds of any new encounter, you are evaluated
What you say is very true and has been scientifically proven. This is why we never take anything personally, we feel that if what felt right to us didn't to some one else then great, we didn't waste any time and everybody is happily where they should be at that moment in their life.
And having said that, we always give people and other things in our life a second try, because you never know what was going on in ours and others lives at that particular moment.
So yes, first impressions do count; and for us it IS possible to put aside a negative first impression.
And having said that, we always give people and other things in our life a second try, because you never know what was going on in ours and others lives at that particular moment.
So yes, first impressions do count; and for us it IS possible to put aside a negative first impression.
My curse throughout my life has been the fact that my wry and dry sense of humor VERY often comes across as sarcastic.
I guess if I were to lay on some Shrink's couch and pour my heart out, we'd learn that my outgoing sense of humor is a way of trying to meet and make friends with people while covering up my latent insecurities.
THAT has caused folks to form a poor first impression of me more times than I care to count.
I've had a number of people I've become very good friends with tell me they had me pegged as a total asshole when they first met me, only because I made a comment in a (my) humorous way that pushed the wrong button.
Trust me, I'm a very polite, compasionate, educated person who can converse intelligently on nearly any topic - but if you go on first impressions only, there's a better than 50% chance you're probably not gonna like me.
Give me a second chance, and there's a better than 50% chance you'll change your mind about me - but as we all know, that second chance rarely comes.
I've tried to change that about myself, but we are who we are.
I guess if I were to lay on some Shrink's couch and pour my heart out, we'd learn that my outgoing sense of humor is a way of trying to meet and make friends with people while covering up my latent insecurities.
THAT has caused folks to form a poor first impression of me more times than I care to count.
I've had a number of people I've become very good friends with tell me they had me pegged as a total asshole when they first met me, only because I made a comment in a (my) humorous way that pushed the wrong button.
Trust me, I'm a very polite, compasionate, educated person who can converse intelligently on nearly any topic - but if you go on first impressions only, there's a better than 50% chance you're probably not gonna like me.
Give me a second chance, and there's a better than 50% chance you'll change your mind about me - but as we all know, that second chance rarely comes.
I've tried to change that about myself, but we are who we are.
Since humans are very visual and very judgmental . . . first impressions do impact who we approach and why. I do think that we often move beyond first impressions, but it is the driving force, especially in large group settings. If you don't get the chance to actually sit down and have a conversation with someone, you'll always have those first thoughts in your mind when considering who you want or don't want.
In our situation, I often feel as though people are not interested in us. It's a shame, because we are two of the nicest people one can meet in or out of the lifestyle. Trouble is, I think people see us and think, "who the fuck do they think they are . . ." Because no matter the setting, I'm always in stilettos, a sexy dress (I go out of my way to find the hottest shoes/clothes), straightened hair, full make up. He always wears nice dress shirts - oh, he'll wear jeans, but I won't unless I'm "broken" - We like to look good and dress up because of the way it makes us feel - attractive and desirable! We want to turn people on - no big deal, right? WRONG! It is rare to have someone we haven't meet approach us in meet and greet situations. Sure, we get lots of hugs and kisses from people who know us, but new people tend to keep us at arms length. I just don't get it . . .
Sometimes we do the approaching and introduce ourselves to others ... but other times we just keep to ourselves . . . hence, we contribute to exactly what they are thinking about us . . . It's really a no win situation . . . that is until we get in more intimate settings and people see me being fucked in the middle of the room with my stilettos by my ears ;o
While the last sentence above is true (I love to be looked at), as our paths continue to cross in different settings, people do begin to see that we really are nice and down to earth people who are open to all sorts of shapes and sizes.
In our situation, I often feel as though people are not interested in us. It's a shame, because we are two of the nicest people one can meet in or out of the lifestyle. Trouble is, I think people see us and think, "who the fuck do they think they are . . ." Because no matter the setting, I'm always in stilettos, a sexy dress (I go out of my way to find the hottest shoes/clothes), straightened hair, full make up. He always wears nice dress shirts - oh, he'll wear jeans, but I won't unless I'm "broken" - We like to look good and dress up because of the way it makes us feel - attractive and desirable! We want to turn people on - no big deal, right? WRONG! It is rare to have someone we haven't meet approach us in meet and greet situations. Sure, we get lots of hugs and kisses from people who know us, but new people tend to keep us at arms length. I just don't get it . . .
Sometimes we do the approaching and introduce ourselves to others ... but other times we just keep to ourselves . . . hence, we contribute to exactly what they are thinking about us . . . It's really a no win situation . . . that is until we get in more intimate settings and people see me being fucked in the middle of the room with my stilettos by my ears ;o
While the last sentence above is true (I love to be looked at), as our paths continue to cross in different settings, people do begin to see that we really are nice and down to earth people who are open to all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Yes, they do. But, it doesn't stop us from having a good time. We are always upfront about how we look and that we like to have a good time. For us, attitude and how you act are more important than looks. This is where class, tact, and maturity come in. If we don't hit it off, wait a minute, we may know someone or where you should go that will. No sweat here, we know how it is if all don't click or meet expectations. After all, we live in Vegas and everyone expects more from us because of the Sin City expectation. Inside truth is for us, we have had our best encounters with out of towners. We have great friends here, but the out of towners know what they are looking for and usually tell you so.
ABCMAN - Why thank you! Who knows . . . there's a likelihood that you already have ;>
I agree with what you are saying, although I do struggle with the "looking like everyone else" part - my view tends to lean toward "modeling" instead of "mirroring" - sort of setting the standard. Perhaps it has to do with my ethnicity . . . I look different than most anyway . . . especially here in Utah.
Ultimately, it's about being comfortable with ourselves in any given situation and not being "afraid" to "reach out and touch someone" - And BTW, I don't want anyone to think I'm being "judgmental" with my "jeans" comment - I definitely think jeans are sexy . . . nothing against them (as long as you don't look . . . and smell . . . like you just finished mowing the back forty)
. . . short skirts and I just go so much better together ;o)
I agree with what you are saying, although I do struggle with the "looking like everyone else" part - my view tends to lean toward "modeling" instead of "mirroring" - sort of setting the standard. Perhaps it has to do with my ethnicity . . . I look different than most anyway . . . especially here in Utah.
Ultimately, it's about being comfortable with ourselves in any given situation and not being "afraid" to "reach out and touch someone" - And BTW, I don't want anyone to think I'm being "judgmental" with my "jeans" comment - I definitely think jeans are sexy . . . nothing against them (as long as you don't look . . . and smell . . . like you just finished mowing the back forty)
. . . short skirts and I just go so much better together ;o)
I have to deal with first impressions quite often in my job. I'm responsible for hiring people into a retail setting and first impressions can be deceiving as well as right on the money. You never know what kind of impression you're making on a person. Yes, people judge each other on those first 3 seconds or that first handshake and it creates an impression that sticks with you. But I've also learned that the next 15 minutes of conversation can either solidify that impression or give you a completely different impression. Yes.... I believe that a person can put aside a negative 1st impression IF that person is willing to do so. I've met people that haven't given me the best impression, but after talking to them and getting to know their situation, I've found them to be quite the opposite. But on the other hand, great impressions can also be incorrect.
I also think that stereotypes play into the 1st impression. I'm a redhead. When I meet people for the first time (especially at lifestyle parties), I often get that "look" or comment that suggests I would be great in bed. Now, I'll leave that judgment up to those who share that experience with me, but that first assessment may not necessarily be accurate. The same could be said about people who are overweight. Fat people are often mistaken for someone not worth the time or even stupid. Truck drivers often get a bad rap. Blondes are stupid, right? I could go on and on. The point is that stereotypes play into that 1st impression more than we realize. Once we get past those stereotypes, I think the 2nd chance can come into play and who knows what kind of great people you'll become friends with.
I also think that stereotypes play into the 1st impression. I'm a redhead. When I meet people for the first time (especially at lifestyle parties), I often get that "look" or comment that suggests I would be great in bed. Now, I'll leave that judgment up to those who share that experience with me, but that first assessment may not necessarily be accurate. The same could be said about people who are overweight. Fat people are often mistaken for someone not worth the time or even stupid. Truck drivers often get a bad rap. Blondes are stupid, right? I could go on and on. The point is that stereotypes play into that 1st impression more than we realize. Once we get past those stereotypes, I think the 2nd chance can come into play and who knows what kind of great people you'll become friends with.
Well put! That's the best thing about this lifestyle - we often do get a chance to make 2nd, 3rd, 4th impressions ;>