This is going to be a weird post, so brace yourself.
A little backround first. My wife and I have never shared each other with anyone else, though the fantasy is there (obviously or I would not be here on the site).
Two weeks ago my wife went out with a friend to a concert. At the concert, someone slipped something into my wife's drink. We are pretty sure it was a date rape drug because she did not have that much to drink, but yet blacked out for 6 hours or so. During that time it was evident that she had sex with someone else. When she got home, she said she did and talked about other naughty stuff she did, and she was the horniest she has ever been. She doesn't remember that though because she was during the black out period. We have since turned in evidence to the police and gotten a case opened up. But I digress.
The week after that happened (last week) was a very tough week for both of us, but yet we were doing it like rabbits and could not get enough. Things have calmed down this week, but I keep wondering why we were so horny. Was it because she did something naughty? Is this also the effect when someone shares each other with someone other than whom they are married? I would prefer not to have to go through this experience again (my wife being drugged), but I wonder if we both had the capacity of our minds and were consenting, would sharing each other bring about these feelings of hornyness (for lack of a better word). If so, how do you, who have done this, resolve your trust issues with each other and make your relationships grow?
It seems like a fine edge. On one hand sharing each other could make each other become closer sexually, and horny, but on the other hand, it could bring up sorts of trust and jealousy issues. Am I weird to be kind of excited about thinking about her with someone else in this situation? And to note, I am very glad she made it home safe, and I really, really don't appreciate the person who did this to her. Actually I am pissed off about him doing that. Sorry for the weirdness...
A little backround first. My wife and I have never shared each other with anyone else, though the fantasy is there (obviously or I would not be here on the site).
Two weeks ago my wife went out with a friend to a concert. At the concert, someone slipped something into my wife's drink. We are pretty sure it was a date rape drug because she did not have that much to drink, but yet blacked out for 6 hours or so. During that time it was evident that she had sex with someone else. When she got home, she said she did and talked about other naughty stuff she did, and she was the horniest she has ever been. She doesn't remember that though because she was during the black out period. We have since turned in evidence to the police and gotten a case opened up. But I digress.
The week after that happened (last week) was a very tough week for both of us, but yet we were doing it like rabbits and could not get enough. Things have calmed down this week, but I keep wondering why we were so horny. Was it because she did something naughty? Is this also the effect when someone shares each other with someone other than whom they are married? I would prefer not to have to go through this experience again (my wife being drugged), but I wonder if we both had the capacity of our minds and were consenting, would sharing each other bring about these feelings of hornyness (for lack of a better word). If so, how do you, who have done this, resolve your trust issues with each other and make your relationships grow?
It seems like a fine edge. On one hand sharing each other could make each other become closer sexually, and horny, but on the other hand, it could bring up sorts of trust and jealousy issues. Am I weird to be kind of excited about thinking about her with someone else in this situation? And to note, I am very glad she made it home safe, and I really, really don't appreciate the person who did this to her. Actually I am pissed off about him doing that. Sorry for the weirdness...
First of all, you both should be pissed that happened to her. That was plain and simple rape. Now having said that, I do understand how you can get turned on thinking about each other being with someone else (as long as both of you agree to it). As far as the trust issues and jealousy issues, that is something that you two must discuss openly and honestly. If either one of you had them, then you should not be in the lifestyle period. Hate to be blunt but if either one of you has a problem with it then do not risk your marriage or relationship for it. This lifestyle can be one of extreme pleasure and fun but only if everyone is 100% behind it, neither you nor your wife should "take one for the team". If you do have the issues then just fantasize about sharing each other just don't do it because it will create problems and drama in your life and in the life of whoever you do try it with and none of us want that. Just some friendly advice, hope you and wife are doing good and hope you can be happy and make the right decision.
if you are unsure of what you are feeling, and where it comes from, you might want to get everything situated between the two of you first. Find out how you both feel deep down inside about this, not just the lust. figure out how everything between you two is going to be, if you need any work on trust or insecurities.
Once all of this is through, then you will know how to handle "sharing" each other, which can be intense and amazing, as long as everyone involved is open and not holding jealousy or anger inside.
My wife has several "rape" fantasies, and I have some as well, and we both know each other in far more intimate terms than most couples do, as we refuse to lie to each other for any reason. Sex is amazing with someone you feel you can trust, be it your significant other, a friend, another couple, or even someone you picked up at a bar. As long as there is honesty and trust, it is excellent.
Once all of this is through, then you will know how to handle "sharing" each other, which can be intense and amazing, as long as everyone involved is open and not holding jealousy or anger inside.
My wife has several "rape" fantasies, and I have some as well, and we both know each other in far more intimate terms than most couples do, as we refuse to lie to each other for any reason. Sex is amazing with someone you feel you can trust, be it your significant other, a friend, another couple, or even someone you picked up at a bar. As long as there is honesty and trust, it is excellent.
My question is where was the "friend" that went with your wife to the concert? What the heck were they doing during all of this, cause blacking out for 6 hours at a concert...... seems like someone else needs to do some "splaining" to you....... not just the wife in this case.....
Our thoughts exactly MMABX2. I"d be questioning that friendship
I certainly do NOT mean to demean what happened to your wife.
It was wrong.
But all in all, I think you've answered a LOT of your own questions.
Welcome to the wonderful world of the swinging lifestyle.
It was wrong.
But all in all, I think you've answered a LOT of your own questions.
Welcome to the wonderful world of the swinging lifestyle.
as said before that was wrong what happened and the friend is one that you really need the cops to talk to... no excuse for what happened....
Now about the sex since... its called "reclaiming territory sex" and after sharing your partner alot of us have this sex....
Now about the sex since... its called "reclaiming territory sex" and after sharing your partner alot of us have this sex....
if your wife was blacked out, and dont remember anything how does she know she was the horniest she had ever been and she did and talked about naughty stuff?????? was the friend a man friend
well hun ... do you trust each other ? if the answer is yes then test your theories .... if it is due to messing around with someone else then find someone you can trust and you and her both go .... if thats the case you will know right then and there ! [size=19][/size]
ABC...it all depends on how she looks at the situation in her own mind...maybe she has told herself that it wasn't rape...just bad decisions or something...after an experience like this every woman reacts differently and goes through many phases of emotions and reactions and I don't think it's anyone's place to say that she is acting weird or not behaving how she's supposed too...I also don't think it's fair to say that "it's okay if she lied"...I don't think he was posting to question what happened to her and it really sucks to be that woman and feel like people don't believe what happened to you...sorry just struck a nerve with this one...
to the poster...just keep your communication open...that is the most important aspect of the lifestyle...communication can make or break not just a lifestyle relationship but also a marriage... kisses all...Naugh-Ty
to the poster...just keep your communication open...that is the most important aspect of the lifestyle...communication can make or break not just a lifestyle relationship but also a marriage... kisses all...Naugh-Ty
shes lying to you, if she wants to be like that you should go with her next time and keep your mouth shut.
I'm using that one damn it! "Honey, I blacked out and got f**ked by another man and here are the details of the whole encounter". Maybe this would work for the fantasy I have (ie-4 men at one time). Hmmmm...
The Mrs.
P.S. You may want to double check that story. I sure hope your "friend" didn't disrespect her by putting a drug in her drink. That is horrible.
The Mrs.
P.S. You may want to double check that story. I sure hope your "friend" didn't disrespect her by putting a drug in her drink. That is horrible.
To the poster first and foremost yes i think your messed up....Not because of what did or did not happen but because this is an issue between you and her.....This is not an issue for you to be posting on a public forum.....just by chance did you ask her if it was o.k. to air your laundry and this terrible thing that happened to her on a forum on the internet...I understand you want to ask for advice or opinion but this is a matter for disscussion between the two of you not the internet............just my two cents
Lucky
Lucky
ok now i have worked on a few rape cases. one most women feel violated and even when they are married dont want to have sex any more not even with their husbands. however there are a few that react differently and kind of become excuse the term nymphomaniac. however even those feel like they have been violated in some way. however they do feel like some sort of inhibitions that they have been holding onto has been released. now just be care full because those that had the limiting inhibitions released do be come such nymphos that no one man can satisfy them and they lose all sense of decorum when it comes to sex
now that does not mean either case is going to happen to you and your wife however just becarefull because it might and i would hate to see that happen and good luck
now that does not mean either case is going to happen to you and your wife however just becarefull because it might and i would hate to see that happen and good luck
Hey all,
Thanks for all of your input. To clarify a couple things: Both she and I were pretty upset with her friend. However it was the first time both of them went out together, they did not know each other very well. My wife is new to drinking and so she was too naive to know not to drink stuff from other people she did not know. Her friend was pretty drunk, and it did not occur to her that my wife had been drugged. She just thought my wife was into getting with other guys outside of the marriage. She was there and saw it all happen, as she was with another man at the time- which is bittersweet. Bitter because she did not stop it, sweet because we have another witness if the police ever decide to do something.
My wife went to the rape crisis clinic 36 hours after the experience, got all sorts of antibiotics, a morning after pill, and samples for evidence. If she was given a roofie, hopefully a drug test will show, if ghb, then there isn't much of a chance. The police came and filled out a report and took our statements, too the evidence, and opened up a case (however we have not heard from any of them since). We now know she is not pregnant, and hopefully will not get any disease. I am still concerned about HIV though, and other diseases that cannot be prevented by antibiotics. She also got a tetanus shot and the first of a series of hepatitus shots. What a mess, but we have done everything we can think of to be safe, after the fact.
Someone mentioned reclaiming her. That is funny, that thought has gone through my mind, especially that night she got home. Glad I am not the only one. That week was off the hook for sex. Since then, she has not been as horny. But we both feel much closer to each other these days, strangely, yet my nerves, and hers are still raw and healing.
I will def. take the advice to take it slowly and just recover from this experience and see where we both are. I think I now understand how erotic it can be to share a loved one. In a strange sort of way, because this was without her or my permission. Maybe it wouldn't be so traumatic if we both agreed to sharing going into it, and had good communication before, during, and after; and most of all tremendous trust for each other.
PS, shaydonglegs, she said this when she was on the drugs, when she got home. She does not remember saying that now. However, the week after she says she was still really, really horny, after the drugs wore off. The friend was a woman.
Thanks for all of your input. To clarify a couple things: Both she and I were pretty upset with her friend. However it was the first time both of them went out together, they did not know each other very well. My wife is new to drinking and so she was too naive to know not to drink stuff from other people she did not know. Her friend was pretty drunk, and it did not occur to her that my wife had been drugged. She just thought my wife was into getting with other guys outside of the marriage. She was there and saw it all happen, as she was with another man at the time- which is bittersweet. Bitter because she did not stop it, sweet because we have another witness if the police ever decide to do something.
My wife went to the rape crisis clinic 36 hours after the experience, got all sorts of antibiotics, a morning after pill, and samples for evidence. If she was given a roofie, hopefully a drug test will show, if ghb, then there isn't much of a chance. The police came and filled out a report and took our statements, too the evidence, and opened up a case (however we have not heard from any of them since). We now know she is not pregnant, and hopefully will not get any disease. I am still concerned about HIV though, and other diseases that cannot be prevented by antibiotics. She also got a tetanus shot and the first of a series of hepatitus shots. What a mess, but we have done everything we can think of to be safe, after the fact.
Someone mentioned reclaiming her. That is funny, that thought has gone through my mind, especially that night she got home. Glad I am not the only one. That week was off the hook for sex. Since then, she has not been as horny. But we both feel much closer to each other these days, strangely, yet my nerves, and hers are still raw and healing.
I will def. take the advice to take it slowly and just recover from this experience and see where we both are. I think I now understand how erotic it can be to share a loved one. In a strange sort of way, because this was without her or my permission. Maybe it wouldn't be so traumatic if we both agreed to sharing going into it, and had good communication before, during, and after; and most of all tremendous trust for each other.
PS, shaydonglegs, she said this when she was on the drugs, when she got home. She does not remember saying that now. However, the week after she says she was still really, really horny, after the drugs wore off. The friend was a woman.
To all,
I did not realize there was a second page, so my previous post may have been premature. Morgancouple, I may be messed up. That was the whole point. To my knowledge, my identity is anonymous on here? Except to the administrators? Anyway, where else am I to go to ask these questions? This is quite a different scenario. The wife does not remember, she was not injured, so the trauma may be minimal, except for feeling predated on. I don't know. If you know of another forum, I would be happy to go there. And my apologies in advance for offending anyone.
To the consensus of those who think she is lying. Could be, I don't know for sure. But I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, since she is the victim apparently. She has had not contact with the guy. I have since found out who he is, where he lives, and where he works. I am waiting for the police to get on it so we can legally get to the bottom of it. However, she did go to the rape crisis clinic and went through that humiliation. She did not hide anything from me the day after. So I believe she is telling the truth at this point.
But I digress. I am not looking for debates and such. I was just wondering if the feelings I was having after this experience were somewhat typical of what you all feel after sharing each other. And I am wondering if I am messed up because I feel this way, given the circumstances they came about. I am not opposed to counseling, and will probably be doing that. But I don't have anyone safe I can talk about this to, who might understand, and I thought this was a safe place. If I am wrong, please tell me. I am not looking to air my laundry out in an unsafe place, or with folks that deem it inappropriate.
I did not realize there was a second page, so my previous post may have been premature. Morgancouple, I may be messed up. That was the whole point. To my knowledge, my identity is anonymous on here? Except to the administrators? Anyway, where else am I to go to ask these questions? This is quite a different scenario. The wife does not remember, she was not injured, so the trauma may be minimal, except for feeling predated on. I don't know. If you know of another forum, I would be happy to go there. And my apologies in advance for offending anyone.
To the consensus of those who think she is lying. Could be, I don't know for sure. But I am giving her the benefit of the doubt, since she is the victim apparently. She has had not contact with the guy. I have since found out who he is, where he lives, and where he works. I am waiting for the police to get on it so we can legally get to the bottom of it. However, she did go to the rape crisis clinic and went through that humiliation. She did not hide anything from me the day after. So I believe she is telling the truth at this point.
But I digress. I am not looking for debates and such. I was just wondering if the feelings I was having after this experience were somewhat typical of what you all feel after sharing each other. And I am wondering if I am messed up because I feel this way, given the circumstances they came about. I am not opposed to counseling, and will probably be doing that. But I don't have anyone safe I can talk about this to, who might understand, and I thought this was a safe place. If I am wrong, please tell me. I am not looking to air my laundry out in an unsafe place, or with folks that deem it inappropriate.
GITNITON...I sent you an email...
So does anyone know of a counselor or therapist that is in the lifestyle or open to it...if these two are going to get help they need to go to someone who isn't going to tell them that the lifestyle is the root of all their problems...I don't know of anyone so I am hoping that someone here might...please either let them know or me or something...this couple has alot of issues to work through and as good of intentions we all have, we are not professionals and these guys need some help...kisses...Naugh-Ty
So does anyone know of a counselor or therapist that is in the lifestyle or open to it...if these two are going to get help they need to go to someone who isn't going to tell them that the lifestyle is the root of all their problems...I don't know of anyone so I am hoping that someone here might...please either let them know or me or something...this couple has alot of issues to work through and as good of intentions we all have, we are not professionals and these guys need some help...kisses...Naugh-Ty
UT_SWINGTIME wrote:
I was thinking the same thing Shaydlonglegs..seems to me if she remembers what she did during sex then she was coherent enough to know what was goin on.
If you read what he has posted....she remembered everything while she was still drugged...after it wore off/slept it off...she did not remember it...this is common with most drugs and alcohol...he didn't post for any of us to question what happened to her or whether or not she is telling the truth...that is between them...he was wanting to know if these feelings of excitement and passion are similar to those that we feel after sharing our loved one with someone else...uugghhh...I hate touchy subjects like this...wish nothing but the best to both of you!! Kisses...Naugh-Ty
GITNITON
Thank you all for the replies and support. I agree with your advice and holding back on any swinging till we can work through our issues. And thanks for the email naughygirl 101, I will take a look at it.
When she got home that night, she was really fuzzy on what she did, but kept saying that she "thought" she had done something. When she woke up, after it wore off, she did/does not remember any of of what she told me, and only little frames of that night, none of them of her having sex though. But her friend did confirm she had sex, and there is other evidence she did too.
When she woke up, she did not have a hangover at all. She did not feel nauseous that night, but did have hiccups really bad, and had a headache. But if she blacked out due to alcohol, I am sure she would have had a really, really bad next day. Her friend and her both say she had one shot, and 2.5 beers (the beers were in 12 oz cups) over the course of 4 hours, before she blacked out. Typically, she would be buzzed, but nowhere near black out time with this much alcohol over that long of a period.
Anyway, thanks again. I am going to let the thread die now, as I don't want overkill. There are a lot more positive things to talk about on here, I am sure. You all answered my questions well and I appreciate it, and your non judgmental attitudes! I am grateful.
When she got home that night, she was really fuzzy on what she did, but kept saying that she "thought" she had done something. When she woke up, after it wore off, she did/does not remember any of of what she told me, and only little frames of that night, none of them of her having sex though. But her friend did confirm she had sex, and there is other evidence she did too.
When she woke up, she did not have a hangover at all. She did not feel nauseous that night, but did have hiccups really bad, and had a headache. But if she blacked out due to alcohol, I am sure she would have had a really, really bad next day. Her friend and her both say she had one shot, and 2.5 beers (the beers were in 12 oz cups) over the course of 4 hours, before she blacked out. Typically, she would be buzzed, but nowhere near black out time with this much alcohol over that long of a period.
Anyway, thanks again. I am going to let the thread die now, as I don't want overkill. There are a lot more positive things to talk about on here, I am sure. You all answered my questions well and I appreciate it, and your non judgmental attitudes! I am grateful.
If you want to try the swing lifestyle, try soft swapping/same room first. It is a rush, especially when you are new to the lifestyle. See how that goes and then go from there. But make sure you have open communication throughout, and both need to be comfortable with everything going on. With that communication the chance of jealousy is very slim.
You aren't wierd to look at all your feelings and discuss them . Trust is a big issue in swinging as a couple . I am sorry this happened to her regardless of how it happened . Discuss it together and perhaps swinging is a great way to bring you closer . I has for my lady and I and we never hide anything from each other . Seek out committed couples and ask questions . Be selective and I wish you two the very best . To play together can be very exciting and bring you closer IF you heads are totally ok with it - before , during and after . It is an agreement based on love - nothing else .
Ed
Ed
NAUGHTYKENDRA wrote:
A lot of people have already told you their "feelings" about your situation and it looks like you have plenty to go from here with but, I just want to say that whatever happened that night, she was living in the moment. It may be that you both have been egging this on for a while, waiting for something to happen with someone. It did. Rape needs to be taken seriously, if you two have been having great sex since this happened, I have a hard time believing it was rape and not an wanted encounter. I do understand drugs and the effects but, in my experience, they don't take away how you feel about things afterwards. I understand posting this is getting you immediate answers from multiple sources but, if she was raped, stop fucking her and start looking at getting some real help. Josh
I really like what you have to say here