A group of kids were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
'You need to use Big People words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
'I went to visit my Nana.'
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!'
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
'I took a ride on a choo-choo.'
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use Big People words'.
She then asked little Johnny what he had done?
'I read a book,' he replied.
'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, 'Winnie the Shit.'
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
'You need to use Big People words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
'I went to visit my Nana.'
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!'
She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
'I took a ride on a choo-choo.'
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use Big People words'.
She then asked little Johnny what he had done?
'I read a book,' he replied.
'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, 'Winnie the Shit.'
Who Knows
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday.
One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.
The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday.
Love
The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the class an example of love.
Little Susie stood up and said, "I saw two robins making a nest together, I think that is love."
"Very good," said the teacher, "anyone else?"
Little Johnny stood up and said "I think love is 'fucking'."
The teacher was shocked and told little Johnny to go home and not to come back without a note from his father.
The next morning Little Johnny was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a note from your father?"
Little Johnny said, "No, my father said love is fucking, and anyone that says it is not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with cock suckers."
The teacher asked the class if anyone could give the class an example of love.
Little Susie stood up and said, "I saw two robins making a nest together, I think that is love."
"Very good," said the teacher, "anyone else?"
Little Johnny stood up and said "I think love is 'fucking'."
The teacher was shocked and told little Johnny to go home and not to come back without a note from his father.
The next morning Little Johnny was back in class, the teacher asked, "Do you have a note from your father?"
Little Johnny said, "No, my father said love is fucking, and anyone that says it is not is a cock sucker and he doesn't correspond with cock suckers."
Little Johnny is sitting on a bench in the park and sees two dogs humping. Asks Daddy what they are doing. His father says Johnny that are making puppies. Johnny smiles and says that is good. A few nights later Johnny gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathrom. While walking past his parents bedroom the door is slightly open and Johnny sees Mommy and Daddy naked and Daddy is humping on Mommy. Johnny pushes open the door and says What are you doing. Embarrassed Daddy says Johnny we are making you a new brother or sister. Thinking for a second Johnny says Oh Dad flip her over I'd rather have a Puppy.
little johnny was taking his usual afternoon nap and was thirsty so getting up to get a drink he walks past his mom and dads room,,,, the door was slightly ajar so he quietly peeps in and there is dad going to town pumping on mom... dad looks over and sees little johny watching and silently gives him a big grin and a thumbs up... so after dad and mom get done dad figures its time for him to explain about the birds and the bees... he looks in johnnys room... no johnny.... he looks in the front room... no johnny... he is walking past his mothers room whom lives with them...and there is johonny pumping away on grandma... little johonny looks up at him seeing him watching and states "NOT so fucking funny when its your mom is it....."
Little Johnny walks past his parents room. Where he hears some moaning. So he looks into the key hole. Turning to his sister he shouts "and the Bitch gets mad at me for sucking my thumb."
I love it, give me more....
Little Johny is sitting in the back of the class when the teacher hears...GODDAMN!!!...teacher says," Johny thats enough of that." Johny says, "yes teacher."....Right before lunch teacher hears Johny say GODDAMN!!!...Teacher says, "Johny, you say that 1 more time your after school."...Johny says, "Yes teacher."...sure enough right before afternoon recess teacher hears Johny say GODDAMN!!!!...Teacher says, "Johny your after school."....Johny comes in after school and teacher asks, "Johny why were you saying that?"......Well teacher walking to school this morning I seen this bull mounting this cow...Teacher says, "well your a country boy and you ought to see that. Now why were you saying that?"...Well I walked a little farther and seen this stud mounting this mare..Teacher says, "Your a country boy you ought to see that"...Well teacher I just about got to school and seen this cotton tail breeding this other cotton tail...Teacher says,"your a country boy and you ought to see that. NOW WHY WERE YOU SAYING THAT?"...Johny says,"well teacher, if i had the balls of that bull, the cock of that horse and the speed of that rabbit...GODDAMN!!!!!!!!!
little johny is sitting on the porch crying. his dad sees him and ask why he is crying. johny says "well last night when i saw you and mommy. you said you were making a new baby sister for me." the father replyed "yes, so what is the problem." "well," johny answered,"i saw the milk man eating her."