I've been dating my girl for about 2 years now and we have a pretty good relationship and such. I've been on swingular for about 4 years or so and she's never had an issue with it. She doesn't really think the lifestyle is for her nor do I push it on her. She's the one that sets things up for us to play around with either a couple or a friend of hers and always at the last minute she brews up something to blow it out of the water. Again, let me stress that I've never pushed this on her, she just knows it excites me. Now we've had the conversation time and again about how if she's not excited about it I don't want to do it. It's only a turn on for me if it's a turn on for her. I'm just not sure what to do here. Any pointers?? Let me stress, I'm not looking to push her into the lifestyle, I just want her to do what she wants to do, not what she thinks I want her to do.
maybe she is telling you what she wants to do,but you're not listening.
That comment makes no sense to me.
she knows what you want now listen to what she wants. you are right by not pushing her but it does take a lot of trust and patience. we have been into it for 15 years but was a long time talking about it and fantisising about it before we did it but when we did we had no problems. Be Patience if she wants it will cum.
I'm confident in "if she wants it it will cum" I'm just not sure how to get her to not feel like she has to do it before she's damn good and ready. Clearly she isn't ready, but she keeps arranging things and them blowing them up. And these things will literaly come out of the blue, I'll come home from work one day and she tell me, "so and so is coming over on saturday." Then there is a tragedy that happens and it doesn't happen, every time. I just want to be able to let her know that she can just calm down about it.
Thanks pride!!
Thanks pride!!
it makes plenty of sense she is blowing our of the water.. she is saying she dont want to and prefer that you dont either ..
Hey Q31, Sometimes its more about the relationship then it is the swinging..look more into that and maybe this will work itself out..let me just finish with..been there done that..!
oh young skywalker, the darkside has clouded your vision.
I am not sure what your reaction is when she tells you about the up and coming arrangement, for example: do you show her more attention, you seem happier, easier to deal with. these things may not be noticed by you but she will see them.
if this is the case, she is setting them up to make you happy.
ok my rambling is over
I am not sure what your reaction is when she tells you about the up and coming arrangement, for example: do you show her more attention, you seem happier, easier to deal with. these things may not be noticed by you but she will see them.
if this is the case, she is setting them up to make you happy.
ok my rambling is over
Q31 wrote: "She doesn't really think the lifestyle is for her". If this is truly her feeling at this time, then there is a good chance she is setting the meetings up just for YOU and she really isnt interested. The other option is that she finds the idea intreaging, but either feels guilty or uncomfortable taking the next step.
"There is a Disturbance in my Shorts."
The one on one or two on two thing in a private home like setting may be the killer. Are there any off site clubs in your area or not too far away? Most of the time the clubs have what they call socials or dances or parties where sex is NOT an option (sex is not an option within the confines of the dance but it does happen). She woould be able to see that the people are not some perverts but normal people who simply act like adults about sex and nudity. People can talk about things openly and if things do click then it's up to all concerned as to what does or does not happen.. She nor you are obligated to do anything but have a good time. Most people at these events will talk freely and openly and answer any questions about the lifestyle. One must remember that not everybody has the same idea about swinging and the "protocols" or ways things should be done or happen. These socials give newbies or those exploring a chance to get a smell and taste of the lifestyle without getting hurt or "dirty"(as some might say).
When my wife and I were talking about swinging she asked what was in it for me.. She didn't believe me when I told her it was all about her. Oh, I must be wanting to have some young good looking stuff, she said. Well we went to our first party and some of the people there talked to her and answered her questions... and then we went to the next and the next and finally she decided to play and I laid back...encouraged her after the fact and then said nothing more about it and then the next party and the next and the next. Well that was some 14 years ago and my health sucks but we still go to parties.... We've met somegreat friends over the years....Oh, the reason for it being about her.... SHe was bi but raised Catholic and beign bi is a sin...But with so many women at the clubs being bi she realized that it was OK... end of that story..
So maybe going to an OFF PREMISE club for fun and dance and .....whatever you two like TOGETHER is a way to get her off the fence... and she seems to be straddling pretty deeply...
When my wife and I were talking about swinging she asked what was in it for me.. She didn't believe me when I told her it was all about her. Oh, I must be wanting to have some young good looking stuff, she said. Well we went to our first party and some of the people there talked to her and answered her questions... and then we went to the next and the next and finally she decided to play and I laid back...encouraged her after the fact and then said nothing more about it and then the next party and the next and the next. Well that was some 14 years ago and my health sucks but we still go to parties.... We've met somegreat friends over the years....Oh, the reason for it being about her.... SHe was bi but raised Catholic and beign bi is a sin...But with so many women at the clubs being bi she realized that it was OK... end of that story..
So maybe going to an OFF PREMISE club for fun and dance and .....whatever you two like TOGETHER is a way to get her off the fence... and she seems to be straddling pretty deeply...
Kissable...that was us for a long time
Q31....why don't you try starting with the meet n greets or some of the parties that are put on...there is an awesome one cumming up on friday at club 48...they are a great place to meet people, hang out, have some fun and who knows....maybe you go home with someone...maybe not....but you meet alot of really cool people then you start chatting and maybe go out and do something with them...then things can happen naturally....setting it up for so and so to come over is a very stressful situation...someone always has "home field advantage"...it can feel pressured and unatural...for a long time we went to the parties and meet n greets and met people...maybe even a little flirtatious kissing and fondeling...make things even hotter when the 2 of you go home...that will open up a chance for conversation and sharing of fantasies that also isn't forced....give that a shot a few times (cuz the first couple times you will both be too shy to talk to anyone...lol...been there done that)...then see how things go...good luck...kisses
Q31....why don't you try starting with the meet n greets or some of the parties that are put on...there is an awesome one cumming up on friday at club 48...they are a great place to meet people, hang out, have some fun and who knows....maybe you go home with someone...maybe not....but you meet alot of really cool people then you start chatting and maybe go out and do something with them...then things can happen naturally....setting it up for so and so to come over is a very stressful situation...someone always has "home field advantage"...it can feel pressured and unatural...for a long time we went to the parties and meet n greets and met people...maybe even a little flirtatious kissing and fondeling...make things even hotter when the 2 of you go home...that will open up a chance for conversation and sharing of fantasies that also isn't forced....give that a shot a few times (cuz the first couple times you will both be too shy to talk to anyone...lol...been there done that)...then see how things go...good luck...kisses
personally I think that you need to tell her to stop making arrangements and tell her you don't want this... and stop for awhile... show her some attention and later maybe she might just reward you...
But from your first sentence stating that SHE told you that this is not for her... you should have dropped it right there... anything after this is purely selfishness on your behalf...
But from your first sentence stating that SHE told you that this is not for her... you should have dropped it right there... anything after this is purely selfishness on your behalf...
Mr Trixiee your comment is so right on! There is nothing less attractive than a women who is only swinging because it turns on her partner. And this comes from the female half of our couple.
Communication is key to ay relationship... 2nd part is listening .... you've done very well not to push her in the end that would be a losing proposition. Might be better to step away and let her warm up to it on her own
Personally...it has a lot to do with your relationship. Only you know ur woman like you do. I know for me even when I'm the one chatting with other couples and setting up the get togethers when it comes time to meet up....I still get very anxious. And in the begining if it wasn't for the crap my hubby would have given me (in a loving way) then i probably would have flaked on some too. Even though I'm the one that has been in the lifestyle longer. I equate it to a deer caught in the headlights type of a feeling. You never know what is going to happen and the unexpected can be unnerving. I also know that we have run into a few couples who would set up play dates with no intention of showing up because setting the get together up is what got them all hot and bothered. I think you should sit your woman down and see what is going on inside that head of hers. Even if the responce is I don't know I'm all confused. Be patient, understanding, and let her know exactly what your expecting out of her consistantly. Make sure she always stays your primary focus.
There is an excitement of anticipation, fantasy, that is a turn on and maybe this is as far as she wants to go. For many the cross from fantasy to reality is a very big jump over a chasm of doubts, fears, jealousy, and good ol' moral upbringing. Like any big jump over the unknown it's best that all riders are ready to make the jump and not just enjoy thinking about the thrill that comes with the planning. Not sure if the plans she is making are for just drinks and chat of if there is some anticipation that it must end in a full swap meeting. Some people miss that there is a rainbow of flavors in the lifestyle and not all want to try them all. Some are ready for the most exotic flavors from the start and others just want to add some sprinkles on the vanilla.
Bottom line is there seems to be some type of communications drop between the two of you and in the lifestyle that can be a big problem. If you can't have an honest discussion with her as to what is going with just the two of you than adding more people to the mix could be a real problem. It could be she wants it to stay a fantasy but at the same time what to make you happy, she might like the excitement you have when she makes the plans or it could be she just has some fears and once that is taken care of she may want to move forward . . . the only way to know is to communicate openly.
Enjoy what you have and talk, love, and talk some more
Max
Bottom line is there seems to be some type of communications drop between the two of you and in the lifestyle that can be a big problem. If you can't have an honest discussion with her as to what is going with just the two of you than adding more people to the mix could be a real problem. It could be she wants it to stay a fantasy but at the same time what to make you happy, she might like the excitement you have when she makes the plans or it could be she just has some fears and once that is taken care of she may want to move forward . . . the only way to know is to communicate openly.
Enjoy what you have and talk, love, and talk some more
Max