In this morning's mailbox - sounds genuine, I guess:
This is an actual letter from an Austin, Texas woman sent to the
American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their
feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's
PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning
letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running
up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite
a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you
must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control
behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month,
while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were
these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze
of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong.' Sir, please inform your Accounting
Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8
drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
This is an actual letter from an Austin, Texas woman sent to the
American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their
feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's
PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning
letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I
appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running
up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite
feature has to be your revolutionary
Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to
realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing
there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you
haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I
can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and
I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite
a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you
must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control
behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month,
while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were
these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so
you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze
of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic
message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong.' Sir, please inform your Accounting
Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8
drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will
keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
OMG!! I needed a good laugh...."Have a Happy Period"....OMG!!! Freaking hilarious!!! Thank you!
Kisses,
T
Kisses,
T
OMG! That was fucking hilarious LMAO!! Thanks for the laugh 
WILDCRAZE
WILDCRAZE
I guess age does have a few benefits... Hysterectomy... I am SOOOO glad I dont walk down that isle anymore. BUT, if I did, kuddos to the author.
How did I miss this post earlier....I love this!
Hell as a man I want to slap his dumb ass upside his head. Damn, does he not know that you never piss off a lady and you damn sure don't want her pissed when "Aunt Flo" is in town. Guess he has never been married or even lived with a women because if he had he would have known better. MMMMM!!!! NOTE TO SELF STAY THE HELL OUT OF AUSTIN, TX. AND AWAY FROM WALGREENS.