We have a question and wonder what the most popular thinking is going to be. If we were on the fence about contacting a couple and then we said, why not and see if they are even interested. We get a response back from them saying sure, let`s meet. We meet them and in person find that we are not attracted to them. Since we were the ones who made initial contact, would we be considered flakes for not being interested?
This has not happened to us but it was brought on by a recent meeting we had. A few years ago we contacted a couple after viewing their pics and saying they look ok in this one but not that one. We were so on the fence and then thought why don`t we see if they are even interested first. We contacted them and recieved the most polite e-mail turning us down. Well, we recently saw the mfor the first time at a public meeting and said wow, we would not have been interested in playing with them. Not saying they are ugly or anything, just not what we find ourselves attracted to. So tha tbrought on our what if`s, hence this thread.
So what is your opinion or were we wrong for even contacting them before we had a positive interest in them based on their pics? We do not remember ever seeing this topic and think it is a good one we can all learn something from.
This has not happened to us but it was brought on by a recent meeting we had. A few years ago we contacted a couple after viewing their pics and saying they look ok in this one but not that one. We were so on the fence and then thought why don`t we see if they are even interested first. We contacted them and recieved the most polite e-mail turning us down. Well, we recently saw the mfor the first time at a public meeting and said wow, we would not have been interested in playing with them. Not saying they are ugly or anything, just not what we find ourselves attracted to. So tha tbrought on our what if`s, hence this thread.
So what is your opinion or were we wrong for even contacting them before we had a positive interest in them based on their pics? We do not remember ever seeing this topic and think it is a good one we can all learn something from.
As long as you said, "Hey guys, got to be honest with ya, you are a great couple but we are just not attracted." That is honesty not flaking. Flaking is finding the hottest couple you can think of and then chickening out....
Mav
Mav
In our view on a first meeting it is nothing more than a good excuse to go out for drinks and maybe a meal with another couple. The worst that can happen is the drinks sucked or the meal was not that good. In the end the the only thing we expect is company. Now if you make a date and end up as a no show . . . . well we still will have a good time because we tend to like going out together anyway but doubt we will jump at a second meeting. Life is too short to expect everyone to click with you or you with everyone. It is great when things workout but nothing lost in meeting someone new and it not working out.
Diane & Max
Diane & Max
Thanks for the responses. We would hope that people would think like Maven said and respect the honesty. Why someone would make a date with a hot couple and not show is beyond my mental capacity.
I say you gotta at least meet if you're on the fence. If you meet for drinks, what do you have to lose, maybe 1/2 to hour in time. I've been pleasantly surprised sometimes their pics did not do them justice, but on the other side of the coin there's been times when it was just the opposite lol I'm all for being honest, but there's got to be something better to say than "sorry,we're not attracted to you" I think I would be hurt if someone said that to me
One aspect of the Lifestyle I have always understood and adhered to is:
"NO MEANS NO"
"No" can come in many forms, from saying just that - NO - to sorry but we don't click, or whatever wording you or anyone else may deem to be appropriate for the time and situation.
Whether it's an innocent get acquainted meeting for drinks or an encounter at a club - it does NOT matter.
No one can be expected to play with someone they're not comfortable with.
I've witnessed situations where several couples were playing on a bed at a club, with everyone doing everyone, and someone else approaches and is told "NO" by someone who is playing.
It doesn't matter who said it.
Nothing more need be said.
No means no.
Anyone who is truly into the lifestyle will know and understand this.
If they don't - then they're just players or wannabes.
Have your meets with others to see if you're compatible or not.
If you beg off, I'm sure they will understand.
If not, what have you actually lost.
It's far better than playing with someone you don't enjoy.
"NO MEANS NO"
"No" can come in many forms, from saying just that - NO - to sorry but we don't click, or whatever wording you or anyone else may deem to be appropriate for the time and situation.
Whether it's an innocent get acquainted meeting for drinks or an encounter at a club - it does NOT matter.
No one can be expected to play with someone they're not comfortable with.
I've witnessed situations where several couples were playing on a bed at a club, with everyone doing everyone, and someone else approaches and is told "NO" by someone who is playing.
It doesn't matter who said it.
Nothing more need be said.
No means no.
Anyone who is truly into the lifestyle will know and understand this.
If they don't - then they're just players or wannabes.
Have your meets with others to see if you're compatible or not.
If you beg off, I'm sure they will understand.
If not, what have you actually lost.
It's far better than playing with someone you don't enjoy.
Honesty is best. If you show up for the first meet, your better than most the flakes that don't even make it that far. Besides, our expectation on the first meet is just that. No expectation, just a meet-n-greet. Doen't meen something more couldn't happen on the first meet, but the point is; how are you suppost to know if your going to get along with another couple till you actually meet them in person?
I guess I am trying to say, if we make the request to meet, then would the other couple have higher expectations for the meeting then us? If we were on the recieving end of an invitation, we would not go with any expectations. Everyone does not think like us, that is why we wonder what the majority of people responding to this topic think.
I never go to a "meeting" with expectations other than to share some conversation and have some drinks and/or dinner. If everyone is attracted to each other and decide to take the next step then that is just a bonus.
Likewise, we never meet with expectations. We have even reminded couples before we meet them, if we get any kind of feeling that they are looking the jump strait into action, that we meet with no expectations first. Has never been a problem past that. We figure if they don't understand that, we probably would have not gotten along with them anyway.