A while ago, we were contacted by a single male on another site. We responded and said we have a few great single guy friends and are not looking for anymore. He e-mails back and says he is married but she doesn`t play. We responded and said if both of them want to meet then we can because profiles showed that we have a lot in common. He says she does not know. We said sorry but we are not going to help you cheat.
Now it gets funny because he writes us and blasts us for our profile saying we are not judgemental but here we are judging him for playing without her knowing. He validated his actions by saying he enjoys fishing and she doesn`t ,so he enjoys sex much more then her so he does that too without her. He said another couple has no problem with seeing him behind the wifes back so why do we if we are not judgemental. We told him good luck but we are not interested at all. A few months go by and now he is dropping instant messages our way but we ignored them. Were we to nice to him? Once we learned he was playing behind the wifes back, should we have just blocked him? Obviously we did not handle this the best way or we would not be posting about it. How would you have handled it?
Now it gets funny because he writes us and blasts us for our profile saying we are not judgemental but here we are judging him for playing without her knowing. He validated his actions by saying he enjoys fishing and she doesn`t ,so he enjoys sex much more then her so he does that too without her. He said another couple has no problem with seeing him behind the wifes back so why do we if we are not judgemental. We told him good luck but we are not interested at all. A few months go by and now he is dropping instant messages our way but we ignored them. Were we to nice to him? Once we learned he was playing behind the wifes back, should we have just blocked him? Obviously we did not handle this the best way or we would not be posting about it. How would you have handled it?
I (male typing) do not see you having done anything wrong...
Seems you ran into one of the guys who think that swinging means cheating is all...
Seems you ran into one of the guys who think that swinging means cheating is all...
I would have been more blunt and more direct in saying NO once you found out he's nothing more than a cheating husband.
It sounds as though you were a lot more patient and tactful than you should have been or needed to be.
I live with the "single man" stigma every day.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of "single" jerks in the Lifestyle who ruin it for the rest of us.
Personally, I'm not pushy and I try to be a gentleman in every way - but there's no way for folks to know that about me without getting to know me beyond a profile and 1 or 2 e-mails.
I understand NO means NO - regardless of how subtle or blunt it may be conveyed.
Once I realize someone doesn't share my interest in connecting - I drop it.
It sounds like you handled it pretty well, considering.
Please don't paint all single males with the same brush because of one jerk.
We're not all that way.
It sounds as though you were a lot more patient and tactful than you should have been or needed to be.
I live with the "single man" stigma every day.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of "single" jerks in the Lifestyle who ruin it for the rest of us.
Personally, I'm not pushy and I try to be a gentleman in every way - but there's no way for folks to know that about me without getting to know me beyond a profile and 1 or 2 e-mails.
I understand NO means NO - regardless of how subtle or blunt it may be conveyed.
Once I realize someone doesn't share my interest in connecting - I drop it.
It sounds like you handled it pretty well, considering.
Please don't paint all single males with the same brush because of one jerk.
We're not all that way.
I love the part about "i like to fish and she doesnt, so i should have sex with other people behind her back" maybe its just cuz i'm a girl, but i'm not seeing how fishing has anything to do with it. hahaha
I get the guy's frustration but can't condone his behavior. No means no and people who do not wish to have sex with someone have the right to say so. I am single myself and have been told no so many times I have lost count. Cheating males bring baggage even if the wife knows about it and gives her consent. It is too bad that their behavior taints all the other single males in the group.
you did right in this situation... but for fun you should invite him to dinner and find out something about him and then when you can just drop a note to his wife and then he for sure will be a single guy... with no sex life....
Joe, you did the right thing. I would have handled it very similar.
I wanted to quote this and comment, because it was funny: "I love the part about "i like to fish and she doesnt, so i should have sex with other people behind her back" maybe its just cuz i'm a girl, but i'm not seeing how fishing has anything to do with it. hahaha"
He likes fishing, whether it be for fish or other women. The difference in his assinine statement is that she KNOWS he is fishing, maybe she doesn't.
I wanted to quote this and comment, because it was funny: "I love the part about "i like to fish and she doesnt, so i should have sex with other people behind her back" maybe its just cuz i'm a girl, but i'm not seeing how fishing has anything to do with it. hahaha"
He likes fishing, whether it be for fish or other women. The difference in his assinine statement is that she KNOWS he is fishing, maybe she doesn't.
Flakey people here....among swingers?? Surely you're mistaken!
no TG, it's true. I've seen it with my own two eyes. :P
We regularly block single guys who a) don't bother to read our profile, or b) refuse to take no for an answer.
Who needs the hassle of pushy people couple or single?
Who needs the hassle of pushy people couple or single?
Yeah what's with the fishing? What does that have to do with anything? Sounds like you were nice to me. I usually ask someone if they are interested and if they flat out tell me they're not then I leave them alone. I think its stupid and obnoxious to keep bugging someone if they've told you no.
Just block him and be done with it. Cheating on your spouse is just not cool in my book, everyone has to be involved or it does bring bad baggage. We all have the right to decide who we do and don't want to sleep with.
Just block him and be done with it. Cheating on your spouse is just not cool in my book, everyone has to be involved or it does bring bad baggage. We all have the right to decide who we do and don't want to sleep with.
We would have asked him his wife knows he goes fishing. Then we would have blocked him. Single men like him give single men a bad name in the LS.
Thanks everyone, we feel like we were too nice. But here is why we exercized a bit of patience with him. If his profile is accurate, he and I have a few things in common. If the wife would have met with us then maybe she would see we are just average people and if nothing else, a friendship might develop. He lives in a very small and secluded area that we go to often to enjoy the beach and fishing. The chances of running into him are very high, so we wanted to keep drama resulting from possibly bumping into each other at a minumum.
We realize he is nothing more then a cheating husband and we would not hold his actions against any single or married males. For us, he was a very rare occurrance. In the future, I am going to just have to block them right away and move on. I did tell this guy that the wife was divorced before we met because her then husband cheated on her. That means this guy would never have a chance with her even if he was the last man alive. That is when he used his fishing analagy to try and save the day.
We realize he is nothing more then a cheating husband and we would not hold his actions against any single or married males. For us, he was a very rare occurrance. In the future, I am going to just have to block them right away and move on. I did tell this guy that the wife was divorced before we met because her then husband cheated on her. That means this guy would never have a chance with her even if he was the last man alive. That is when he used his fishing analagy to try and save the day.
I know our profile says single male but we are a couple, there are pics of us both onhere, but when a couple says no we back off- but they do have to say no."which you did" but the other half is the person being told no has to be diplomatic as well and some people just aren't.
sometimes I take business trips that my wife can't come with, she tries to set me up, but if the couple says "both or none" we respect that because it has to be all in agreance or none. we play alone but if one person feels uncomfortable we don't play at all
kudos to you for your diplomacy!
jeremy and shay
sometimes I take business trips that my wife can't come with, she tries to set me up, but if the couple says "both or none" we respect that because it has to be all in agreance or none. we play alone but if one person feels uncomfortable we don't play at all
kudos to you for your diplomacy!
jeremy and shay
Judging him? I won't even bother, he lost contact with reality!
Hello_Kitty I could have a smart assed comment about what you said but it would be only for humor and you might not see it that way.... I'm not single and I'm a senior... But it's about 2 blind fellows walking in the city and where they are walking and the comment it drew from them. There could be a connection between fishing and sex.. In fact several.... But then humor is seldom kind.. that's why it's funny. Kind of like an expanded practical joke... everyone laughs but the poor fellow who was the brunt.... So there might just be a connection between fishing and sex for cheating or otherwise.
Just block him and don't give him another thought. He's not worth it!
Will if he keeps tring to get together with you and you don't want to just set up a meet. Some where in public for coffee and a eye to eye. get some pics of the two of you then leave and tell him you will call and give him a date to play. Now follow him home let him go in the house and then go up and knot on the door and hand his wife the pic's. I will almost bet he will not bug you anymore. Thus another scum bag bites the dust. The worse thing about this scum bag is that he give the life style and honest single men in it a bad name. Maybe some single men should find out who he si and go have a talking with him.
if you don't both agree, it's cheating, BLOCK HIM
You did the Correct Polite thing at first, now be the Asshole. Tell him to go Fuck Himself, Block his Ass and Move On.
After repeated attempts to chat, we blocked him. Several new friends told us about being contacted by someone fitting his profile and after chatting we learned it was the same guy. He just keeps getting blocked by everyone he contacts. Maybe he will spend more time fishing by himself or get his wife interested..
Sounds to me that you were way more than fair and polite. I'd go as far as to say he was completely out of line by pretending to be single, confessing otherwise, then going as far as to ask you to ignore his intial lie and play nice with him. It's those kinds of actions and attitudes that have created the stigma and anti-single male feelings within the community. He just made it all the worse for potential future single males to be trusted.
Yeah we've come across those cheating singles as well. Either married or have a g/f whom doesn't know. Last SOB story was she had a medical condition and couldn't have sex anymore, however it was ok for him to play as LONG as she wasn't aware of whom it was with. Most recently we had a profile name and description that appeared to be a couple. ID name on other swing-site was " Nicecple4fun " Turns out its a single male looking for a nice couple for fun ... it takes all kinds. We don't feel you did any thing wrong, just the mentality that swingers are cheaters and single guys feel that its pretty ez to poach. We have had several single guys participate with us however we generally meet them at LS events or house parties. Can't really say we've had any luck on any site with a single guy. They attempt to rationalize it away any way they can and feel like they are correct LOL and some just plain rude about it. " he likes fishing and she doesn't ...." wow I guess with that mentality she can take up quilting and cheating too, since I'm sure he doesn't probably like sewing in any form...
Hell I am a single male in this lifestyle and it ticks me off when someone acts like this guy. It is not always easy being a single guy but be honest and up front about everything. That way the people that will meet a single guy can get to know you and make up their own minds about you. Cheaters are not welcome in my circle!
I strive always to be honest and upfront with people that i contact. But that is just me LOL.
I strive always to be honest and upfront with people that i contact. But that is just me LOL.
Love that delete button and then block him. Life is to short for the drama.
Smarteepants....AMEN to that!!!
Ignore him. This is a lifestyle for couple who trust each other and don't cheat behind thier backs. If It were me, I would have not even bothered to reply.
As a female in the chatroom, I have a had individual come to me and ask if I would meet him without my significant other. I told him I would not allow that to happen. He continued to ask for a phone number and also gave me his. I am happily in love, and will not allow such thing to take place. So he tried to get back on our friends list several times, finally we just blocked him. If someo people can't respect "NO" for an snswer then they don't need to be in my life, (been throught that already).
Soft4fun....omg!!...I feel your pain hun...that is a whole nother topic in its own..lol...chat etiquette!
As for this topic...I don't feel you guys did anything "wrong"..maybe looking back would have handled it differently? But it's always easier looking back, right? LOL I find it easiest to just hit the delete/deny button. Don't even justify their actions with a response. Swinger does not = cheater as many think it does! For us this is a lifestyle we have chose together and it will stay that way. If a couple wants to play separate..more power to them...but doing it behind your significant others back is not tolerated and we will not even respond. Unfortunately there are many who have made it more difficult for the honest/respectful male to be accepted here. Not all men (single or married) are pigs and it does get hard to ignore those who are, but we enjoy meeting the decent ones!
Kisses,
T
As for this topic...I don't feel you guys did anything "wrong"..maybe looking back would have handled it differently? But it's always easier looking back, right? LOL I find it easiest to just hit the delete/deny button. Don't even justify their actions with a response. Swinger does not = cheater as many think it does! For us this is a lifestyle we have chose together and it will stay that way. If a couple wants to play separate..more power to them...but doing it behind your significant others back is not tolerated and we will not even respond. Unfortunately there are many who have made it more difficult for the honest/respectful male to be accepted here. Not all men (single or married) are pigs and it does get hard to ignore those who are, but we enjoy meeting the decent ones!
Kisses,
T
I can't count how many married guys cheating have
contacted us with similar stories. How do you block
married guys cheating they are far more bothersome than
single guys!
contacted us with similar stories. How do you block
married guys cheating they are far more bothersome than
single guys!
we dont care if they are married....why lie..it seems so petty it takes all the interest we had away...very insecure.
Hi guys,
A) I think you handled him well, my experience is that if they don't get it the first time and come back to argue or beg a second time then yes, just block them.
B) I'm always intrigued by the "judgmental" issue. Yes it is being judgmental to judge someone for "cheating", to be non-judgmental is to not have a negative or positive opinion on the matter, it just "is" and doesn't matter. It could be that he is a huge shithead or a sincerely nice guy for whom swinging with a couple is a real desire to connect with open minded people. HOWEVER, you are perfectly right to think you can be non-judgmental and still have a PREFERENCE that you don't want to play with guys who's wife doesn't know. If you based your decision on the fact that his wife doesn't know, then you are in fact judgmental and that's not a bad thing! We are all judgmental about some things - child abuse, spouse abuse, cheaters, etc... most of us have some lines that if we cross then yes, we are judgmental. Judgment vs Preference... many people screw that one up... big difference.
I thought you were very patient with him. My judgment about him is that he is a huge dork just because he was impolite to a cool couple and didn't take no for an answer. I suppose he thought he could argue his way into your bedroom? Oh yea, and he's an idiot. But I could be wrong...
A) I think you handled him well, my experience is that if they don't get it the first time and come back to argue or beg a second time then yes, just block them.
B) I'm always intrigued by the "judgmental" issue. Yes it is being judgmental to judge someone for "cheating", to be non-judgmental is to not have a negative or positive opinion on the matter, it just "is" and doesn't matter. It could be that he is a huge shithead or a sincerely nice guy for whom swinging with a couple is a real desire to connect with open minded people. HOWEVER, you are perfectly right to think you can be non-judgmental and still have a PREFERENCE that you don't want to play with guys who's wife doesn't know. If you based your decision on the fact that his wife doesn't know, then you are in fact judgmental and that's not a bad thing! We are all judgmental about some things - child abuse, spouse abuse, cheaters, etc... most of us have some lines that if we cross then yes, we are judgmental. Judgment vs Preference... many people screw that one up... big difference.
I thought you were very patient with him. My judgment about him is that he is a huge dork just because he was impolite to a cool couple and didn't take no for an answer. I suppose he thought he could argue his way into your bedroom? Oh yea, and he's an idiot. But I could be wrong...
I'm a little late logging onto this subject, but...
It sounds to me like you handled the situation OK. He didn't represent himself as a single, so he didn't give the single guys a bad reputation. There may be single ladies and couples that get a thrill out of having a married man sneaking around with them, so it is not appropriate to try to warn everybody against him. As long as married men or women want to sneak around and do not represent themselves as singles, then there isn't any harm done. Had you invited him into your home thinking he was a single and later found out that he was married, then it might have been appropriate to post his name advising others that he is married and representing himself as single. This type of action will help the single guys be recognized as honest and available. I think each person would handle this in their own way, so perhaps my free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.
It sounds to me like you handled the situation OK. He didn't represent himself as a single, so he didn't give the single guys a bad reputation. There may be single ladies and couples that get a thrill out of having a married man sneaking around with them, so it is not appropriate to try to warn everybody against him. As long as married men or women want to sneak around and do not represent themselves as singles, then there isn't any harm done. Had you invited him into your home thinking he was a single and later found out that he was married, then it might have been appropriate to post his name advising others that he is married and representing himself as single. This type of action will help the single guys be recognized as honest and available. I think each person would handle this in their own way, so perhaps my free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it.
Needless to say no one is everyone else's cup of tea. You will always run into bad situations weither your in the lifestyle or not. My take on the matter is that i like to be subtle at first, but if they can't take the hint I get very direct. Not Interested. Thats all you have to say. You don't have to explain yourself or defend yourself. If they try to keep the dialogue going then do a block. If they flame you then make sure the right people are make aware of the situation.
Just because you get one "bad review" doesn't mean you aren't right for several other couples or singles. Some people are just losers...I think we all get that. My personal philosophy is everyone is an A++ in my book until you give me a reason to think otherwise. I can't trust anyone else's experiences as well as my own. And if people are willing to believe the loser flaming you without any proof....your better off without them right!
Vic
Just because you get one "bad review" doesn't mean you aren't right for several other couples or singles. Some people are just losers...I think we all get that. My personal philosophy is everyone is an A++ in my book until you give me a reason to think otherwise. I can't trust anyone else's experiences as well as my own. And if people are willing to believe the loser flaming you without any proof....your better off without them right!
Vic