I love men who like to please, but most of us hate men or women who say "am I doing it right?" "did I do okay?" "I feel like I didn't please you."
Just shut up and do it, if I want you to change something I WILL TELL YOU!!!
Anybody else feel this way?? Men or Women? Or would you rather they ask??
Just shut up and do it, if I want you to change something I WILL TELL YOU!!!
Anybody else feel this way?? Men or Women? Or would you rather they ask??
I feel the same way. It gets kind of annoying especially if they are constantly making little comments like that, so I agree. If there is something I want changed, I'll let them know. Just do what you're going to do, relax and enjoy the moment! 
I definately agree on this one. If someone doesn't like what is going on, the majority of the time, they will let you know. Or if they know you could do better, they'll say something (in a nice way of course!).
Anyone worth their salt in this lifestyle should be able to take a gentle reminder or direction from their partner such as "too fast", "not so rough", that kind of thing. Mutual understanding of what the other wants is important to the satisfaction of all involved. Don't show your insecurity by asking your partner to grade your performance.
I like when he asks me that. It lets me know he is aware of my needs. Try being with a guy who NEVER asks if you're enjoying it. Then you can complain!!
Well, sexy girls just let us know once in a while that we are doing fine so we won't ask anything. 
You know, most men love to hear they are doing good. Give us that enjoyment, please.
I personally never ask unless I see she feels uncomfortable. I know my wife better then myself and can feel her every move or feeling. In lifestyle we meet different people and you don't know right away how that or another girl is going to react. So, girls tells us just once or twice so we will not ask you again.
You know, most men love to hear they are doing good. Give us that enjoyment, please.
I personally never ask unless I see she feels uncomfortable. I know my wife better then myself and can feel her every move or feeling. In lifestyle we meet different people and you don't know right away how that or another girl is going to react. So, girls tells us just once or twice so we will not ask you again.
I don't see a problem about openly communicating likes and dislikes. I sometimes think that the second time we party with a couple is better than the first because by the second meeting I have had an opportunity to compare notes with my lovely lady about the way that her new partner tried to please her. This gives me some insight into the likes and dislikes of his wife. I figure he uses the techniques that work well on his wife with mine first because those are usually the first things I'll try with his.
My wife is not bashful about giving helpful instructions. One of her biggest pet peeves are nipple biters who assume that because her boobs are big, they aren't that sensitive.
Guys (or gals) with any set of breasts, start gentle you can always get a little rougher if the lady wants you too, but bite too hard too soon you may knock the lady completely out of the mood for pleasure.
My wife is not bashful about giving helpful instructions. One of her biggest pet peeves are nipple biters who assume that because her boobs are big, they aren't that sensitive.
Guys (or gals) with any set of breasts, start gentle you can always get a little rougher if the lady wants you too, but bite too hard too soon you may knock the lady completely out of the mood for pleasure.
Thank you all for your responses so far. We do agree the second time is better most of the time for us and the ladies know each other much better and have been "thinking" since the last visit...Frank and Diana
I have to agree that it is annoyong but also feel/would hope that if someone was doing something that wasnt pleasing that they would speak up. We keep going until someone tells us otherwise. On the other hand we also like to hear when things are going well, doesnt have to be a "great job" but a moan or a sigh usually tells you that you are hitting the right spots! Just our 2 cents
My experience is when having sex with another woman she appreciates it when I whisper in her ear asking whats her favorit position. Not every person has the guts to tell what she or he likes most.
A hug from The Netherlands!
A hug from The Netherlands!
I would have to say that it depends on the person. Many guys are either concerned with not hurting a woman because of their size or they need some kind of feedback for an over zealous ego.
It also stems from each woman having different needs. I've been with women (not for long) that absolutely hate oral- and they tell you that upfront--and I say to myself--is it me?
But then I'll be with somebody else and they'll tell me it's awesome.
Sometimes you get caught in the middle---
in any case---I would never ask if I'm doing it right? If you have to ask that---you really haven't learned anything over your life and don't know how to please a woman.
It also stems from each woman having different needs. I've been with women (not for long) that absolutely hate oral- and they tell you that upfront--and I say to myself--is it me?
But then I'll be with somebody else and they'll tell me it's awesome.
Sometimes you get caught in the middle---
in any case---I would never ask if I'm doing it right? If you have to ask that---you really haven't learned anything over your life and don't know how to please a woman.
we're fairly vacal so if you're doing it right you'd know. we like to take things slow, one step at a time, teasing , watch and be watched light swing ect. we want couples to join us rather than swap. we 've found that the meet and swap is 99% of the time better in fantacy then reality. who knows how to do it best then your spouse? no one unless it's your spouse and a helper or two!
I very rarely ask directly if she likes what I'm doing. I love pleasing a woman so I usually do different things (like talking dirty, touching or kissing different areas, etc), and I just pay real close attention to what she reacts to & just take it from there. Maybe it's instinct, but I can usually get a pretty good read. If I'm not understanding her reaction, I might ask, "are you okay?", but otherwise I've found if you try pushing different buttons and pay attention, you really don't need to ask.
Most people in the lifestyle have a basic understand about what is pleasing. However it only helps make everyone have more fun if there are no communications issues. though that does not give anyone the right to ask for a grade at the end. Just seems tacky.
we feel that if the person is constantly asking or stopping in the middle of a good blow job or clit flicking session that can be annoyng...however we have encountered some ladies that are afraid to say anything when he is ppounding them deep and hard to tell him to back off...we really want them to have a great experience also.
I love to please the woman.....i try to find out what she likes usually by experimenting to see what her reaction or body language is and take it from there.
I (B) , Was always confident in all my skills when it came to pleasing a woman, Either thru oral, or fingers, or flat out, thru F++king... That is until we met one cpl... early on in our experience...
Nice folks, we all hit it off well... They were local, and seeking exactly what we were.we had chemistry, then when we got down to it, which should have been one clue. :$: . Starting off with our own partners, then afterward, the other woman would give us a clue as to when SHE was ready to switch off... and let her husband and I switch
Then we do... And While I would never consider taking a dead fish to bed.. This was as close as you can cum... The closest thing to a response I got was a little heavy breathing, which was a concern considering this woman had austhma!! No muscle contractions, Just heavy breathing.. :s . Not sure how to deal with it, I finally asked Are you Ok? She said fine.. and I re doubled my effort considering it a challenge then... And I'll be damned if she wasnt even quieter... D and Her husband were having a grand ole time... So then when i said to myself, Ok, lets try just doing it... The only position she would allow was missionary... and again.. She just lied there... i was waiting for her to ask me to move to the right, so she could watch TV.
Oh what fun... we tried three more times, and the final time was so exciting.. I was ready to watch TV instead too
So.. I hope you can understand why Some of us, ASK... Heres and Idea... and I take this quote from the dearly departed Sam Kinnison
"oh he doesnt go down on me enough, Or hold me after I cum, ... Dont tell your girlfriends, the hairdresser, your sister....
Tell US, we are the ones that FUCK you... Guys if they tell us, will we do it? We will fucking do it!!
Nice folks, we all hit it off well... They were local, and seeking exactly what we were.we had chemistry, then when we got down to it, which should have been one clue. :$: . Starting off with our own partners, then afterward, the other woman would give us a clue as to when SHE was ready to switch off... and let her husband and I switch
Then we do... And While I would never consider taking a dead fish to bed.. This was as close as you can cum... The closest thing to a response I got was a little heavy breathing, which was a concern considering this woman had austhma!! No muscle contractions, Just heavy breathing.. :s . Not sure how to deal with it, I finally asked Are you Ok? She said fine.. and I re doubled my effort considering it a challenge then... And I'll be damned if she wasnt even quieter... D and Her husband were having a grand ole time... So then when i said to myself, Ok, lets try just doing it... The only position she would allow was missionary... and again.. She just lied there... i was waiting for her to ask me to move to the right, so she could watch TV.
Oh what fun... we tried three more times, and the final time was so exciting.. I was ready to watch TV instead too
So.. I hope you can understand why Some of us, ASK... Heres and Idea... and I take this quote from the dearly departed Sam Kinnison
"oh he doesnt go down on me enough, Or hold me after I cum, ... Dont tell your girlfriends, the hairdresser, your sister....
Tell US, we are the ones that FUCK you... Guys if they tell us, will we do it? We will fucking do it!!
i like to get to know know people . so i always ask alot of questions about alot of stuff . and for the people that i would like to be playmates with . i like to watch them first do thier thing so i can see what all they are into and how they like it . everybody has a different style . and i love watching them and learning and also seeing if it turns me on . if it doesnt turn me on watching them then i wont play with them . and it gives u a chance to check them out . i know people laugh at me when i say this but i like to watch them play cause u can learn alot about them , as people aslo . some times u have never seen a person naked before . from our pics u can tell we both shave . i chatted with a couple for a while and then they wanted to meet us at the club so they sent some more pics to us . ... and i dont think the lady has ever shaved her private area . at all . i dont want to offend anyone by that comment . cause i dont care if u do or u dont as a person . but for my playmates . thats not something i want . and i think something like that they should be the ones to say something about it . but she didnt and i was honest with her . and told her that i would never want to play with her cause of that reason . but i would still love to be there friend if she wanted to . i guess she took what i said the wrong way . but that is totally different then us . and that matters to us . we shave all the time . so why would i want to play with someone that has never shaved . she had lots of black hair all in the front up and down and sideways . it look like bathing suit shorts . i think that she should have said something about that . to us . long before . idont like suprises . so i like to see people naked and watch them play first before i even think about really playing with them . i dont want to be caught in a room with someone and then change my mind for some reason and make them feel bad . cause something i might not like others would love . so i dont want to hurt anyones feelings . but something s bother me ...and iam not going to take one for the team or anything like that . so i think u should always be honest about yourself and what u need and want . and u should ask as many questions as u want or need to .
one person said something like they talk to each other or watch the other couple to see what their mates want . thinking they are going to do everything the same . everybody is different . i love to be bitten but it is very hard to find someone to bit e me the way i like it . so if one person sees me getting bittten and then tries it i will tell him how i like it . and if that person can do it in a way that turns me on then ill ask for more . but if it isnt turning me on ill ask for them to do somethng else . when we get with out play mates it should be fun for all . and it s great to see when u really turn someone on .and everybody is getting into it really good . and we have been playing with a couple lately . where the lady makes us really weird faces . i have stop doing what i was doing to ask her if she was ok with what was going on . cause the looks are really weird . to my husband if that look was on my face it would mean get me the hell out of here . but she explain all is good and keep going . and i dont care how many times i have heard her saying iam ok .... the look always makes me aask . cause there might be one time that it isnt ok and i dont want to keep going . cause i always want to be invted back .
i think it helps with stuff like this to get to know the people a bit before trying to play .
i dont understand why swingers treat the life style sex different then dating . people are in a rush by what they see on the outside of the person before they know anything about them . and sometimes people have different ways that dont click with each other . and then they have regrets or hurt feelings or just a bad night with someone . i am sorry . i dont want to regret anything . and i try my damnest to find people that will make my night a blast and people that i can do that for them .
i will always ask for what i need and how i need it . and ill always ask the other person what they are wanting and needing . but also go with the flow at the moment and kinda of use my own judgement on if i should ask for something s of just keep doing what iam doing ..
its the quiet ones that worry me .... i have been told to shut up by others around . and i have also been told that i made and make the person feel special cause i let them know they can talk open with me and iam here to make them just as happy as they are trying to make me .
have u ever tried to tell someone to stop doing something or change something and them not understand .one of my biggest problem is with the nipples . yes i like them to be bitten during sex when we are in the moment . but alot of guys bite them hard from the get go and then u can t start up the way u want . or when u are playing with someone and then they try for your ass without asking or u showing any signs that u want that . if i am light touching with a soft swap with someone i dont think they should go right for my ass .i tell people all the time get your finger out of my ass . maybe they were lost . maybe they were trying to move things along faster then what i wanted . hell i dont know what they were thinking but ill tell u this i put a stop to it from the get go . some took it in a bad way cause others have been in the room . and others have understood and made no big deal about it . but i think that is a thing that should be talked about first and not just thrown on someone like that in a group of people . but thats just me . and we all think and see things different .thats why people try to talk their way through things
naughty dreams
freaky kitty
one person said something like they talk to each other or watch the other couple to see what their mates want . thinking they are going to do everything the same . everybody is different . i love to be bitten but it is very hard to find someone to bit e me the way i like it . so if one person sees me getting bittten and then tries it i will tell him how i like it . and if that person can do it in a way that turns me on then ill ask for more . but if it isnt turning me on ill ask for them to do somethng else . when we get with out play mates it should be fun for all . and it s great to see when u really turn someone on .and everybody is getting into it really good . and we have been playing with a couple lately . where the lady makes us really weird faces . i have stop doing what i was doing to ask her if she was ok with what was going on . cause the looks are really weird . to my husband if that look was on my face it would mean get me the hell out of here . but she explain all is good and keep going . and i dont care how many times i have heard her saying iam ok .... the look always makes me aask . cause there might be one time that it isnt ok and i dont want to keep going . cause i always want to be invted back .
i think it helps with stuff like this to get to know the people a bit before trying to play .
i dont understand why swingers treat the life style sex different then dating . people are in a rush by what they see on the outside of the person before they know anything about them . and sometimes people have different ways that dont click with each other . and then they have regrets or hurt feelings or just a bad night with someone . i am sorry . i dont want to regret anything . and i try my damnest to find people that will make my night a blast and people that i can do that for them .
i will always ask for what i need and how i need it . and ill always ask the other person what they are wanting and needing . but also go with the flow at the moment and kinda of use my own judgement on if i should ask for something s of just keep doing what iam doing ..
its the quiet ones that worry me .... i have been told to shut up by others around . and i have also been told that i made and make the person feel special cause i let them know they can talk open with me and iam here to make them just as happy as they are trying to make me .
have u ever tried to tell someone to stop doing something or change something and them not understand .one of my biggest problem is with the nipples . yes i like them to be bitten during sex when we are in the moment . but alot of guys bite them hard from the get go and then u can t start up the way u want . or when u are playing with someone and then they try for your ass without asking or u showing any signs that u want that . if i am light touching with a soft swap with someone i dont think they should go right for my ass .i tell people all the time get your finger out of my ass . maybe they were lost . maybe they were trying to move things along faster then what i wanted . hell i dont know what they were thinking but ill tell u this i put a stop to it from the get go . some took it in a bad way cause others have been in the room . and others have understood and made no big deal about it . but i think that is a thing that should be talked about first and not just thrown on someone like that in a group of people . but thats just me . and we all think and see things different .thats why people try to talk their way through things
naughty dreams
freaky kitty
I think someone should ask in the beginning, but after the first or second time there really is no need, that is just insecurity.
We use the listen for the moans of pleasure if we are not hearing that then we change our method until we do 
Norm&Sharon
Norm&Sharon
I think that the questions come from two different directions, maybe even three...
One, the person is not confident that they are pleasing and would like verbal reinforcement. Or the partner they are with is unresponsive, give no signals that they are enjoying.
Two: Maybe it's not lack of confidence but that they get verbal reinforcement from several other partners and have learned to ask. Simply tell them it's fine and great and you'll let them know if it's not. Communications...
The third, if that is really different from one of the above or part of either or both... Is the person who is verbal and simply need that verbal stimulation to keep their interest up. There are people who have things like A.D.D. and are normal in intelligence but need that little something to jog the senses. It may be bothersome but then all one need do is take the clue and to say something before asked. The clue being the first time that you might be asked.. Am I doing OK or whatever it is that they ask... Just my 2 cents worth and we all know what 2 cents buys now days.
Ray
One, the person is not confident that they are pleasing and would like verbal reinforcement. Or the partner they are with is unresponsive, give no signals that they are enjoying.
Two: Maybe it's not lack of confidence but that they get verbal reinforcement from several other partners and have learned to ask. Simply tell them it's fine and great and you'll let them know if it's not. Communications...
The third, if that is really different from one of the above or part of either or both... Is the person who is verbal and simply need that verbal stimulation to keep their interest up. There are people who have things like A.D.D. and are normal in intelligence but need that little something to jog the senses. It may be bothersome but then all one need do is take the clue and to say something before asked. The clue being the first time that you might be asked.. Am I doing OK or whatever it is that they ask... Just my 2 cents worth and we all know what 2 cents buys now days.
Ray