You are blonde and on a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud.
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus, everybody is throwing dagger looks at you. You suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
So every time you fart, you time it with the music.
When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus, everybody is throwing dagger looks at you. You suddenly realize. ............
You're listening to your IPod !
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.They had
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never
thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick
and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out
their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it
to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she
said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to
never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never
thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick
and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out
their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it
to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she
said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to
never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should
just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a guy called
out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up.'
'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing. Part way around the course, one of the
friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do
for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag,
and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with
a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other
friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to
see my house from here.'
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the
sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can
see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there
with her...... He's naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge
for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars
every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just
shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly,
'I think I can save you a grand here.....
hole of their local golf course when a guy called
out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up.'
'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing. Part way around the course, one of the
friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do
for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag,
and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with
a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other
friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to
see my house from here.'
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the
sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can
see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there
with her...... He's naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge
for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars
every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just
shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly,
'I think I can save you a grand here.....