A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
*********************************************************
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
************************************************************
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
And exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'
********************************************
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
*********************************************************
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
************************************************************
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots,
But they only know how to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest inquired.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots,
which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house,
And we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.'
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed,She walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
And exclaimed,
'Put the beads away, Frank.
Our prayers have been answered!'
********************************************
Nice Wanda...here's my contribution.
nice....W.W. great to start a wed.........D
this couple meet up to play so golf with some friends. now neither knew the other and both parties foursome failed to show. so they decided not to waste a good tee time and play a round. now all through the game the man kept missing 4 to 5 foot puts. while all day long she had to settle for boggies because all her par puts were 30 to 40 feet. so now on the 18th hole he has a 5 foot put and looks at that and tells the lady " if I make this put I'll treat you to the best stake dinner you ever had. No Strings Attached." Well as luch would have it he drains the put. After addressing her 50 foot put and not to be out done she says "I tell you what if I make this putt. After the meal I'll treat you to the best greatest sex you ever had." As she approchases the ball he stops her and realize this is an almost impossable putt. As he reads the green he see two breaks and one hill. Studing somemore he looks at the lady grabs her ball and says " that looks like a giveme if I ever seen one in my life."
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