Often we read in peoples profiles that anyone they meet must be Height and Weight proportional. My intent here isnt to insult anyone or deny anyone the right to choose who they want to associate with, however, I would like to see just how open minded we all are. When we make the comment that the people we meet have to be H/W proportional, just what are we really saying? AND.. who makes that determination? Is there a medical text out on the market that says if I am 6 foot, I must weigh 175 lbs and have 10 percent body fat? How strictly do we adhere to that guideline?
My frustration stems from missed opprotunities of making some friendships that wheither they are intimate or just social, are missed because of feeling that someone isnt quite the right shape or size that fits into our ideal clique.
When we were younger.. alot younger.. we were unfortunately among the crowd that denied ourselves the opprotunity to met anyone whom we felt was not proportionally appealing to us. At the time, we had been blessed with body mass and shape that made us physically attractive based upon societies standards. Now that we have aged and mother nature has cast judgement and revenge upon us for our arrogant attitude, we find certain areas of the body expanding or sagging. Even with diets and exercise.. unless we wish to enlist the aid of a medical expert and their knives and suction tubes.. we are doomed to the ravishes of aging.
At this point I wish to truely apologise to any of those people I misjudged and cheated myself out of knowing because they didnt fit my selfish criteria.
I find even still that Cyn as she nears the half century mark still exhibits the beauty of someone considerabley younger and the personality of an angel. Its discouraging to us now that it has become so difficult to establish friendship and relationships with so many younger couples who are basking in the glory of their youth and physical appeal because we cannot fit through the door way accessed by Ken and Barbie. Our minds are young, our desires are strong and longing for relationships is never ending.. but our options are reduced to almost nothing. We have made some of the strongest and most cherished friends with those couples who are not the thin playboy or GQ models, rather they exhibit beauty and sincerety from within that never diminishes with age. To them, I thank you.. and we love you.
Are we alone in these feelings?
My frustration stems from missed opprotunities of making some friendships that wheither they are intimate or just social, are missed because of feeling that someone isnt quite the right shape or size that fits into our ideal clique.
When we were younger.. alot younger.. we were unfortunately among the crowd that denied ourselves the opprotunity to met anyone whom we felt was not proportionally appealing to us. At the time, we had been blessed with body mass and shape that made us physically attractive based upon societies standards. Now that we have aged and mother nature has cast judgement and revenge upon us for our arrogant attitude, we find certain areas of the body expanding or sagging. Even with diets and exercise.. unless we wish to enlist the aid of a medical expert and their knives and suction tubes.. we are doomed to the ravishes of aging.
At this point I wish to truely apologise to any of those people I misjudged and cheated myself out of knowing because they didnt fit my selfish criteria.
I find even still that Cyn as she nears the half century mark still exhibits the beauty of someone considerabley younger and the personality of an angel. Its discouraging to us now that it has become so difficult to establish friendship and relationships with so many younger couples who are basking in the glory of their youth and physical appeal because we cannot fit through the door way accessed by Ken and Barbie. Our minds are young, our desires are strong and longing for relationships is never ending.. but our options are reduced to almost nothing. We have made some of the strongest and most cherished friends with those couples who are not the thin playboy or GQ models, rather they exhibit beauty and sincerety from within that never diminishes with age. To them, I thank you.. and we love you.
Are we alone in these feelings?
well said cyn
when I was in high school I was a 4 sports letterman. In my sophmore year college scouts were setting me up. Even in my first year at college I was narsistick(sp sorry). so when I broke my leg and lost my appointments to the US Millatary accadamy, all scolorships, ect.
Now 30 years later I regret being that shallow. Im fun intellegent but friendless. Out of shape since I am not able to excerise like I should or like to. Cant dance but used to love to, in college won some dance competition, Ballroom, Squire, Foxtrot, Disco, ect.
so what goes around comes around.
So all out there remember, to taste the crap you fling just in case you have to eat it as it comes back.
oh by the way Im a exclent cook and make a rum cake that will knock your socks off.
when I was in high school I was a 4 sports letterman. In my sophmore year college scouts were setting me up. Even in my first year at college I was narsistick(sp sorry). so when I broke my leg and lost my appointments to the US Millatary accadamy, all scolorships, ect.
Now 30 years later I regret being that shallow. Im fun intellegent but friendless. Out of shape since I am not able to excerise like I should or like to. Cant dance but used to love to, in college won some dance competition, Ballroom, Squire, Foxtrot, Disco, ect.
so what goes around comes around.
So all out there remember, to taste the crap you fling just in case you have to eat it as it comes back.
oh by the way Im a exclent cook and make a rum cake that will knock your socks off.
I totally agree with what has been said, I have not been judgemental about how a persons weight is , we have met some really nice people that have some awesome personalitys. We have noticed our selves that we dont fit peoples standards when sending a someone likes you . Just because we send one does not mean we did it with the intent to have sex, most of the time we did it because we liked what we read in the profile, therefore it was to make new friends. So if you thought that are bodies were not good enough then I say you miss out on getting to know some very fun , loving, passionate, people . For sure we are not Ken or Barbie. We are always looking for friends first now weather after getting to know us and it turns out to be with bennefits then cool but not a big deal. When we do get sexually involved it is to enhance what we already have and that is GREAT SEX LIFE!!!!
Very well said Kev! I liked that. I've learned that some of the best looking people are some of the ugliest and I'm not speaking of anyone inperticular just people in general. Thanks Kev...
M
M
WRLDRCKRS - yea right "M" you were just waiting for us to post to that huh, we know who you mean 
- LOL
HYM4CYN, well said, and we know you are not alone in this. The only thing is that you say (and we don't know where we fit
) that you have made the most cherished friends with "those couples who are not the thin playboy or GQ models" - Humm - what about - Ohh well won't think to much into that as I resemble that remark - LOL
We are ones that can be friends with many of all shapes, sizes, races, genders, religions, and political choices (although the later is the hardest these days LOL). However when it comes to playing sexually (thought we would go there cause this site is of that nature) we have to have the attraction, chemistry and personality connectivity. H/W proportional is not the main thing, but it helps :P for all of us to have a "Like attracts Like" fun play time, yet we LOVE diversity and that is why we are in the lifestyle.
For us we are finding issues with "Insincerity" and "Ungenuineness" (is that a word) amongst many in life (lifestyle and out) as most don't want to hurt feelings so they say what you want to hear, or they think you want to hear, and then they do the opposite (kind of like our kids - LOL) and or avoid you and interaction.
- LOLHYM4CYN, well said, and we know you are not alone in this. The only thing is that you say (and we don't know where we fit
) that you have made the most cherished friends with "those couples who are not the thin playboy or GQ models" - Humm - what about - Ohh well won't think to much into that as I resemble that remark - LOL We are ones that can be friends with many of all shapes, sizes, races, genders, religions, and political choices (although the later is the hardest these days LOL). However when it comes to playing sexually (thought we would go there cause this site is of that nature) we have to have the attraction, chemistry and personality connectivity. H/W proportional is not the main thing, but it helps :P for all of us to have a "Like attracts Like" fun play time, yet we LOVE diversity and that is why we are in the lifestyle.
For us we are finding issues with "Insincerity" and "Ungenuineness" (is that a word) amongst many in life (lifestyle and out) as most don't want to hurt feelings so they say what you want to hear, or they think you want to hear, and then they do the opposite (kind of like our kids - LOL) and or avoid you and interaction.
H/W proportunate has and will never appear on our profile..The only strict rule is... Be fun! and fun people come in all ages, shapes and sizes!
Very well said hym4cym...wish I could put my thoughts into words like that..we too were in the ken and barbie class years ago, and often have talked about how many great relationships we may have missed out on...not that we were ever rude or snooty to people that did not turn our heads physically but we did not spend the time to really get to know them...and that we do regret...thank you for posting this topic and I hope we can all strive harder to get to know all the people we have the opportunity to meet...not just the eye pleasing ones...J&J
HYM4CYN, you are making it real difficult for us to not pack our bags and move to Utah. So many of the Utah members on this site are amazing people. After reading your post, the word genuine seems to come to mind. HWP and in shape are two we see a lot on profiles. We have wondered who makes the decision of what is HWP and not. We view it like this. People do the best they can to put into words what they are looking for including physical characteristics. Some are better with words then others. If you are in doubt, send someone an introduction e-mail anyway. The most they can do is say no thanks.
To answer your question, I think we all decide what is HWP in our own eyes.
To answer your question, I think we all decide what is HWP in our own eyes.
The HWP cliche that we read in so many profiles is, in our opinion...totally lame.
It's overused...over-rated...and a total yawner.
Often...when we're contacted by couples whose profile states anything about HWP...we'll simply disregard them.
Honestly...can't anyone come up with something more original and authentic than the good ol' HWP bit?
Although Siren and myself consider many to be our friends (platonic)...with all types of swingers...it's always been what's inside that counts (play-wise).
Personality is and always will be the deal breaker/maker.
It's overused...over-rated...and a total yawner.
Often...when we're contacted by couples whose profile states anything about HWP...we'll simply disregard them.
Honestly...can't anyone come up with something more original and authentic than the good ol' HWP bit?
Although Siren and myself consider many to be our friends (platonic)...with all types of swingers...it's always been what's inside that counts (play-wise).
Personality is and always will be the deal breaker/maker.
Age, Height and Weight don't matter to us. Personality and honesty do.
We have noticed that there are plenty of people that misrepresent their age. You know who you are.
We have noticed that there are plenty of people that misrepresent their age. You know who you are.
I love personality. I can be friends with anyone. However, if we are talking about sex.... The person has to be clean. Hygene is factor. I like thick and thin women, so weight has to be extreme for it to be a factor for me and that's in either direction. If you weigh 100 lbs and you are 6 foot tall.. You need to stay home and eat a fuckin sandwich.
Personality plays a huge role. If you are a snotty person, I would just as soon ask you to blow me while I take a dump than spend time talking to you. I hate people that think they are better. I know I am not a prize, but I don't need the fuckin attitude to communicate disinterest. Yea so I am gonna say both... Personality and Physical matter. It's a package deal for me.
-D-
Personality plays a huge role. If you are a snotty person, I would just as soon ask you to blow me while I take a dump than spend time talking to you. I hate people that think they are better. I know I am not a prize, but I don't need the fuckin attitude to communicate disinterest. Yea so I am gonna say both... Personality and Physical matter. It's a package deal for me.
-D-
I wasn't aware my husband had started this forum so I was caught off gaurd by some of the messages that started to appear in my mail.
I want to just take a minute to say a few things. (to those who don't know, I am the CYN from HYM4CYN who started this string).
First, thank you everyone who is so kind and complimentary. I am often chastized for being "negative" about myself. To be honest.. its insecurity. I am a shy person, and I have never really felt I was that attractive. I guess some of the comments I make when people compliment me are my defense to try to keep from being to embaressed.
Next, a few people have commented that I have hurt their feelings, assuming that I have judged them for not being good enough for us. I AM SO SORRY if I ever gave anyone that feeling. I try never to pass judgement on anyone because I am so afraid of what people think of me already.
Last, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to me.. everyone here is beautiful.
(And I am revoking HIS privledges from posting forums ever again without my knowledge so I dont get put in this position again.)
Cyndi.
I want to just take a minute to say a few things. (to those who don't know, I am the CYN from HYM4CYN who started this string).
First, thank you everyone who is so kind and complimentary. I am often chastized for being "negative" about myself. To be honest.. its insecurity. I am a shy person, and I have never really felt I was that attractive. I guess some of the comments I make when people compliment me are my defense to try to keep from being to embaressed.
Next, a few people have commented that I have hurt their feelings, assuming that I have judged them for not being good enough for us. I AM SO SORRY if I ever gave anyone that feeling. I try never to pass judgement on anyone because I am so afraid of what people think of me already.
Last, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And to me.. everyone here is beautiful.
(And I am revoking HIS privledges from posting forums ever again without my knowledge so I dont get put in this position again.)
Cyndi.
As someone over 60 and heavy and a wife over 55, I don't know what it is that causes women to choose men, either... I have 2 girlfriends who love me and I love them. One married and one not, the married lady and her husband are not in the lifestyle and we, both families are as close as any 2 couples can be. It is romantic relationships and sometimes sexual with these ladies but I'm not the adonis type... Both her husband and my wife know the facts of this/these relationships.
Granted I'm not going to stop any clocks and neither is B, my wife, but by lifestyle standards, at leat on these boards we are dead ducks. So I guess it must be something different than HWP that attracts people to people...
Granted I'm not going to stop any clocks and neither is B, my wife, but by lifestyle standards, at leat on these boards we are dead ducks. So I guess it must be something different than HWP that attracts people to people...
While many of us may not want to admit it, looks play a part. How YOU define "good looking" is a whole different story. Some guys cannot stand overweight girls. Some guys like big boobs. Some girls like long dicks and others like thick dicks. Who knows. What girl looks hot to you might not appeal at all to me and vice versa.
I doubt very much that personality is the be all and the end all. After all, we cannot see your personality. We have to experience it. What does this all mean? I think that if we see something we like, we tend to get involved in it more if it is attractive to us. After all, why are flowers a bright color? To attract.
I doubt very much that personality is the be all and the end all. After all, we cannot see your personality. We have to experience it. What does this all mean? I think that if we see something we like, we tend to get involved in it more if it is attractive to us. After all, why are flowers a bright color? To attract.
I have 2 things against me first is I am a single guy, 2nd is that I am 6'2 285lbs, most people look at you like you have the plague, High school I was 6'2 185-200lbs played sports, pro rodeo cowboy, but get hurt enough and you can't do things like you used to, bad knees, broken back, things don't quite work like they used too. Losing weight is ALOT harder than putting it back on, I excersise 3 times a week and STILL can't drop what I want. It gets frustrating sometime because I am a nice person and most people overlook that because of the physical apperance.
Enough ranting back to my lane!
Enough ranting back to my lane!
5'10" @250 (me) doesn't look like much in the mirror for sure. None the less I have to say that this is certainly one of the best posts I've seen and it should be nominated for post of the year. It brings out the best in people unlike others, sort of like Christmas.
I think I hate HWP more than IRS! Terrible cliche, and we bypass profiles that state this also. Like us for who we are, get to know us a little, and you may find you like us! 
Ron
Ron
Ron, we adore both of you just how you are. Please do not change a thing about yourselves.
I know of a couple of guys who like fat women. Some like skinny. Some like big boobs. Some like big butts. I don't see what so wrong about couples that are looking for HWP people. Some people are turned off by people that are considered fat, black tall, short, etc, etc. Everyone has what they think is attractive. It is all very egalitarian to say "It's what is inside that counts". However, if what you are doing in this game is to find a compatible sex partner and it is hard to make a sex partner out of someone you don't consider attractive.
If we are in the hiring position and are faced with a candidate that we don't think meets our criteria for the job, what do you expect us to do? Hire them anyways and see if they will grow into the job?
If we are in the hiring position and are faced with a candidate that we don't think meets our criteria for the job, what do you expect us to do? Hire them anyways and see if they will grow into the job?
OK, I don't post a lot on here, but I read them all. First off Cynandhim: Great post!!!!!
Something to feed the brain other then the late political shit. just overwelmeded by it!
Cyn, your a hottie to me!
Wrldrcks: love your response,, and she is a total Drool for me! (larger breasts then I like, Cheif member of Itty Bitty club!)
Don, your an intelligent man, and ver Openiated. But that is your right, I was 22 years military and served under many presidents.. Personally, I can't count the days fast enough till we are in our next dellema, none of them get them right......
But anyway, we were all 30 once.. and at my age,, youth is wasted on the young... go figure.... But you know, even Bill Gates is getting older and we all do....
But we all still have desires and no one likes to get older. But the site is looaded with all ages and you will always have groups that ralley with each other. I think the most important thing to remember is that you are talking to and posting to real people that have real feelings. When we add someone to our freinds list, it is just saying hi and we think you are nice. if you aren't interested, just say Thanks for adding us to your freinds list. That is enough to say we aren't your type. Age is important, HWP is a factor, but rude people are rude...
Just my thought
no animals were hurt in this reply, no political parties were endorced and spell check wasn't used so have a hay day!
Dave & Kristie
Something to feed the brain other then the late political shit. just overwelmeded by it!
Cyn, your a hottie to me!
Wrldrcks: love your response,, and she is a total Drool for me! (larger breasts then I like, Cheif member of Itty Bitty club!)
Don, your an intelligent man, and ver Openiated. But that is your right, I was 22 years military and served under many presidents.. Personally, I can't count the days fast enough till we are in our next dellema, none of them get them right......
But anyway, we were all 30 once.. and at my age,, youth is wasted on the young... go figure.... But you know, even Bill Gates is getting older and we all do....
But we all still have desires and no one likes to get older. But the site is looaded with all ages and you will always have groups that ralley with each other. I think the most important thing to remember is that you are talking to and posting to real people that have real feelings. When we add someone to our freinds list, it is just saying hi and we think you are nice. if you aren't interested, just say Thanks for adding us to your freinds list. That is enough to say we aren't your type. Age is important, HWP is a factor, but rude people are rude...
Just my thought
no animals were hurt in this reply, no political parties were endorced and spell check wasn't used so have a hay day!
Dave & Kristie
This is how we handled the issue in our profile - "physical/mental attraction is roughly of equal importance to us". How does that sound? Seriously, would like to know how that strikes people?
This is a difficult one for me (he). It seems to me that, IN GENERAL, appearance is somewhat more important to men than women.
Quite simply, for me, if there is not some sort of initial physical attraction (this doesn't have to be sheer appearance - as Bel so eloquently pointed out - it can be behavior-based attraction for example), there simply isn't enough basis to display lifestyle interest in the person.
If we find great people along the way, that is wonderful, but the bottom line is sexual activity isn't it? I live in my home town. It is filled with wonderful , friendly people. Our good friends are nurtured and developed over years. Appearance is not a factor in that process. I could never leave the City limits and still find more wonderful people than I would know what to do with!
But here, where the primary goal is finding sexual playmates, mutual physical attraction is a key element in my book. The first thing on my mind when going to a toy store isn't to look for a good book. If I run across one - great! That would be a bonus!
H/W proportionate - Barbie and Ken? Eye of the beholder, I say. If people choose to use such statements, they are probably weeding out many candidates prematurely. It is obvious from the comments here that those folks are eliminating many people out of hand who will immediately feel unqualified.
Inner beauty can make a person soooooooo much more attractive, just as inner ugly can do the opposite.
As I stated at the start, this is a difficult one for me. There needs to be a physical interest of some sort, in order to activate the libido. It is a difficult thing to explain satisfactorily - hopefully this made some sense. If not, well, I'm just a newbie!
This is a difficult one for me (he). It seems to me that, IN GENERAL, appearance is somewhat more important to men than women.
Quite simply, for me, if there is not some sort of initial physical attraction (this doesn't have to be sheer appearance - as Bel so eloquently pointed out - it can be behavior-based attraction for example), there simply isn't enough basis to display lifestyle interest in the person.
If we find great people along the way, that is wonderful, but the bottom line is sexual activity isn't it? I live in my home town. It is filled with wonderful , friendly people. Our good friends are nurtured and developed over years. Appearance is not a factor in that process. I could never leave the City limits and still find more wonderful people than I would know what to do with!
But here, where the primary goal is finding sexual playmates, mutual physical attraction is a key element in my book. The first thing on my mind when going to a toy store isn't to look for a good book. If I run across one - great! That would be a bonus!
H/W proportionate - Barbie and Ken? Eye of the beholder, I say. If people choose to use such statements, they are probably weeding out many candidates prematurely. It is obvious from the comments here that those folks are eliminating many people out of hand who will immediately feel unqualified.
Inner beauty can make a person soooooooo much more attractive, just as inner ugly can do the opposite.
As I stated at the start, this is a difficult one for me. There needs to be a physical interest of some sort, in order to activate the libido. It is a difficult thing to explain satisfactorily - hopefully this made some sense. If not, well, I'm just a newbie
!How do you find this "inner beauty" from a profile or even an email? You don't. The only way you find this quality is that you actually go meet the person and spend some time to get to know them. If you are looking for a playmate in a lifestyle area, you are really looking for a sexual partner. Can this partner develop into a great friend? Sure. Again, that takes time. More time than you will ever have in a single meet.
Yes, it is very egalitarian and PC to say that looks aren't everything and personality, wit and charm matter way more. So lets get real. If that is what we really wanted, is this or any swinger board really the best place for such hunting? Maybe EHarmony would be a better place.
If we are here to find sexual playmates, would we really (usually) find ourselves attracted to Jabba the Hutt? If we didn't find that person attractive, do we really (most of us) have the time to go meet each and every one who sends us an email and go find that inner beauty we so talk about?
Yes, it is very egalitarian and PC to say that looks aren't everything and personality, wit and charm matter way more. So lets get real. If that is what we really wanted, is this or any swinger board really the best place for such hunting? Maybe EHarmony would be a better place.
If we are here to find sexual playmates, would we really (usually) find ourselves attracted to Jabba the Hutt? If we didn't find that person attractive, do we really (most of us) have the time to go meet each and every one who sends us an email and go find that inner beauty we so talk about?
We have found most if not all Profiles Lie, Pictures Lie and most people put out there what they want others to see that will attract someone as they are chumming on the site for the bite. We have taken this stance that if they seem like good respectful people and something in their profile doesn
I don't mean to hijack this thread, so if I seem significantly off-topic, I apologize.
Grouptherapists, you wrote:
"We meet a lot of people to see if there is attraction (in the flesh
Grouptherapists, you wrote:
"We meet a lot of people to see if there is attraction (in the flesh
We personally won't respond to an ad that states HWP. We know that we aren't thin, and although we aren't grossly obese or anything, we still feel like we are being judged. In fact, we just had a recent episode on another Swinger website that really upset us. We were contacted by another couple who invited us to come over and meet, have a BBQ, take a dip in the pool, and play if we were all compatible. We accepted, and they gave us the address, directions, and we set a firm time to get together. Then, they asked for more pics than were on our profile. When I sent them, the response I got back was, and I quote" We'll pass. Thanks." end quote.
Nothing but class there.
We have met many couples who aren't raving beauties, but their personalities were fantastic. We understand that there has to be an attraction before any playing should occur, but we choose to make our judgements about people AFTER we meet them.
Nothing but class there.
We have met many couples who aren't raving beauties, but their personalities were fantastic. We understand that there has to be an attraction before any playing should occur, but we choose to make our judgements about people AFTER we meet them.
Posted By: GROUPTHERAPISTS Reply posted on:
Sep 24, 2008 - 10:10 am
We have found most if not all Profiles Lie, Pictures Lie and most people put out there what they want others to see that will attract someone as they are chumming on the site for the bite. We have taken this stance that if they seem like good respectful people and something in their profile doesn
Sep 24, 2008 - 10:10 am
We have found most if not all Profiles Lie, Pictures Lie and most people put out there what they want others to see that will attract someone as they are chumming on the site for the bite. We have taken this stance that if they seem like good respectful people and something in their profile doesn
We don't like whiners...or couples that post repeatedly within the same thread...oh...say 4 times....and say the same thing....over and over....
Perhaps we're not looking for broken records or dead horses either?
Should we put THAT in our profile?
Perhaps we're not looking for broken records or dead horses either?
Should we put THAT in our profile?
Is specifying what you want considered trash talking? What if the wife was looking for men over 8 inches. Would that be ok?
OK...Here's how we see it:
For him, he cares not how big you are (unless it is morbidly obese), how thin you are (although prefers a 'thicker' woman...OR one like SirenSextress/ThoughtGarden...Maybe TequilaRose...but he digresses), what color hair you have, how big your breasts are, as long as you're a nice person, you are confident (NOT cocky or conceited), he is down with it.
That being said, he has seen some people who wrote that he simply could not, with a clear conscience, say, 'OK let's meet!' USUALLY it is the K & B's OR the ones who are simply creepy in the profiles.
For her, he has to be as tall as her (5'8"), he has to be able to hold a conversation with her face, not the girls (DD, I know...HARD AS HELL, especially when she wears a low-cut blouse with her mole showing...GAWD...that mole is PERFECTLY placed), AND he can talk beyond the 'Hey wanna fuck?' or 'Lemme do what he can't to you!' or the ever present 'Do you like anal/swallowing?' within the first 5 minutes of talking.
After that, it is pretty much how she feels about him in person.
We tend to talk online for a little while with someone, rarely do we say no thank you from the initial email contact, if they chat well, we will meet them. If we meet them and they are as they seem in chat, we will prolly play with them.
Does that answer the question?
For him, he cares not how big you are (unless it is morbidly obese), how thin you are (although prefers a 'thicker' woman...OR one like SirenSextress/ThoughtGarden...Maybe TequilaRose...but he digresses), what color hair you have, how big your breasts are, as long as you're a nice person, you are confident (NOT cocky or conceited), he is down with it.
That being said, he has seen some people who wrote that he simply could not, with a clear conscience, say, 'OK let's meet!' USUALLY it is the K & B's OR the ones who are simply creepy in the profiles.
For her, he has to be as tall as her (5'8"), he has to be able to hold a conversation with her face, not the girls (DD, I know...HARD AS HELL, especially when she wears a low-cut blouse with her mole showing...GAWD...that mole is PERFECTLY placed), AND he can talk beyond the 'Hey wanna fuck?' or 'Lemme do what he can't to you!' or the ever present 'Do you like anal/swallowing?' within the first 5 minutes of talking.
After that, it is pretty much how she feels about him in person.
We tend to talk online for a little while with someone, rarely do we say no thank you from the initial email contact, if they chat well, we will meet them. If we meet them and they are as they seem in chat, we will prolly play with them.
Does that answer the question?
hey Jstjm
Would we be acceptable if I can carry on a conversation while distracted by her lovely cleavage??
We have found we like all people that will relax and talk. We have met some people we know we don't click with and for sex we have to click. Hygene is important for us. We want to be sure we share our best with others. We don't mind being told sorry we don't feel it works. Everyone has what works for them. Some men just have to have that tiny little lady to make it work for them. That just isn't us. So anyone that can look past our size or age, go ahead and drop us a note. We enjoy having friends that want social only. But, FWB is a great evening too.
Would we be acceptable if I can carry on a conversation while distracted by her lovely cleavage??
We have found we like all people that will relax and talk. We have met some people we know we don't click with and for sex we have to click. Hygene is important for us. We want to be sure we share our best with others. We don't mind being told sorry we don't feel it works. Everyone has what works for them. Some men just have to have that tiny little lady to make it work for them. That just isn't us. So anyone that can look past our size or age, go ahead and drop us a note. We enjoy having friends that want social only. But, FWB is a great evening too.
I know I'm going to get a lashing for this but, I have to agree with AKLIM69. The statement they made about smokers is right on. Smokers and obese people are the only people left you can discriminate against...because they choose to live that way.
Physical attraction is different for everyone, I pity the person who could lay down and fuck anyone...no questions asked.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being picky. And anyone who thinks there is something wrong with it has either self esteem issues, or is a Narcissist.
Physical attraction is different for everyone, I pity the person who could lay down and fuck anyone...no questions asked.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being picky. And anyone who thinks there is something wrong with it has either self esteem issues, or is a Narcissist.
HYM4CYN
Interesting, Women do this just as much as men. they say What matters is underneath. I have seen girls who say thoes things. Act Groosed out by certain guys, like little chidren. It is hard to say. I suppose it all depends on what someone is looking for. if you are looking for a quick Score, one nite stand. then i'ld have to say that looks plays a bigger part. If you are looking for someone to be in a long term relationship with. Then DIFFINATLY personality plays a bigger part. Remember someone can always LOSE weight. And a small change of wardrobe can make a big difference in looks as well. So what i have noticed is people, look for others who are more even in both asspects. like if a women is a 10 in looks and only a 3 in personality. I can't see myself being in a relationship with her. Maybe a one nitestand. If we can get along, long enough to make it to the bedroom. So we look for people who are more like a 6 in looks and a 5 in personality. Or a 7 in looks and a 9 in personality. It is essential in long term relationships that to people get along.
In highschool I was always nice to FAT girls. because I wasn't one of thoes people that needed to pick on someone to give my self esteem a boost. But at the same time, some of thoes girls developed crushes on me. and they would get pisssed off and very jealous whenthey saw the types of girls I did date. Like my highschool girlfriend, she could pose in a Christina Aguilera look alike contest. You'ld think she was christina's older sister or something. The girls that went to my highschool were very jealous. And when they found out how much of a sweet heart she was. that pissed them off even more.
Guys are just as bad. like the guy that has a chubby girlfriend. But goes out and cheats on her everytime he gets a chance. I think our society is a LOOKS FIRST kind of thing. TV, Movies ect.
Inhighschool my firends would ask me what do you thinkof this girl or that girl. I would be honest. I'ld say she has a nice body, or she is hot. But she is a COMPLETE BITCH! And they allwould say SO WHAT if she is a bitch, look at her. I would tell them, then date her and if after a couple months you don't want to strangle her. Then good for you. LOL
Interesting, Women do this just as much as men. they say What matters is underneath. I have seen girls who say thoes things. Act Groosed out by certain guys, like little chidren. It is hard to say. I suppose it all depends on what someone is looking for. if you are looking for a quick Score, one nite stand. then i'ld have to say that looks plays a bigger part. If you are looking for someone to be in a long term relationship with. Then DIFFINATLY personality plays a bigger part. Remember someone can always LOSE weight. And a small change of wardrobe can make a big difference in looks as well. So what i have noticed is people, look for others who are more even in both asspects. like if a women is a 10 in looks and only a 3 in personality. I can't see myself being in a relationship with her. Maybe a one nitestand. If we can get along, long enough to make it to the bedroom. So we look for people who are more like a 6 in looks and a 5 in personality. Or a 7 in looks and a 9 in personality. It is essential in long term relationships that to people get along.
In highschool I was always nice to FAT girls. because I wasn't one of thoes people that needed to pick on someone to give my self esteem a boost. But at the same time, some of thoes girls developed crushes on me. and they would get pisssed off and very jealous whenthey saw the types of girls I did date. Like my highschool girlfriend, she could pose in a Christina Aguilera look alike contest. You'ld think she was christina's older sister or something. The girls that went to my highschool were very jealous. And when they found out how much of a sweet heart she was. that pissed them off even more.
Guys are just as bad. like the guy that has a chubby girlfriend. But goes out and cheats on her everytime he gets a chance. I think our society is a LOOKS FIRST kind of thing. TV, Movies ect.
Inhighschool my firends would ask me what do you thinkof this girl or that girl. I would be honest. I'ld say she has a nice body, or she is hot. But she is a COMPLETE BITCH! And they allwould say SO WHAT if she is a bitch, look at her. I would tell them, then date her and if after a couple months you don't want to strangle her. Then good for you. LOL
These threads always crack me up...
Reminds me of when you were a kid at school and the teacher is demonstrating why you don't gossip because with each new telling of a story the original content gets skewed! lol
When I read CYNANDHIM's post (which was well stated) I felt that they made it pretty clear that it was "ok" even "understandable" that some are more concerned with Height and weight than spending time getting to know peoples personalities.
I also thought that it showed a lot of character for them to apologize for how they "chose" who they would socialize with.
To answer the question... I (Mr.) understand your frustration. I am fortunate to be married to a younger woman who (in my opinion & one which many have agreed) is a beautiful lady. The thing is, she would rather have people be attracted to her for the woman she is. NOT just a flower. (no offense to those who DO want to just be a flower that gets plucked)
Me on the other hand can totally relate to the original post. I am not the Ken but am married to a Barbie. For myself the insecurity arises when I prejudge that another couple will see my wife, be excited to meet her, but then see me and go... WTF? lmao
That being said... that has never happened but with each passing year ... lol
Although it isn't fool proof, I do believe that a great deal of personality can come out through emails and especially in chat.
Thanks again for your post CYNANDHIM! It was a very enjoyable read.
Reminds me of when you were a kid at school and the teacher is demonstrating why you don't gossip because with each new telling of a story the original content gets skewed! lol
When I read CYNANDHIM's post (which was well stated) I felt that they made it pretty clear that it was "ok" even "understandable" that some are more concerned with Height and weight than spending time getting to know peoples personalities.
I also thought that it showed a lot of character for them to apologize for how they "chose" who they would socialize with.
To answer the question... I (Mr.) understand your frustration. I am fortunate to be married to a younger woman who (in my opinion & one which many have agreed) is a beautiful lady. The thing is, she would rather have people be attracted to her for the woman she is. NOT just a flower. (no offense to those who DO want to just be a flower that gets plucked)
Me on the other hand can totally relate to the original post. I am not the Ken but am married to a Barbie. For myself the insecurity arises when I prejudge that another couple will see my wife, be excited to meet her, but then see me and go... WTF? lmao
That being said... that has never happened but with each passing year ... lol
Although it isn't fool proof, I do believe that a great deal of personality can come out through emails and especially in chat.
Thanks again for your post CYNANDHIM! It was a very enjoyable read.
I think this whole thing gets blown out of proportion. Everybody is bashing on the people requesting HWP for being shallow, but how is what you
I enjoy reading everyones posts. Since no one has ever printed a reasonable rule book or set of guidelines for being in lifestyles, these forums are a great educational tool of the do's and don'ts of what is and isnt acceptable by the masses.
My intent for starting this thread was not to in anyway criticize anyone who deems themselves one of the pretty people or chooses to associate with those people who have been blessed with attractive physics. Actually.. to alot of them I extend my sympathies because of the pain and suffering you face. I am also in agreement that there always has to be some form of attraction for a relationship to begin. I am simply suggesting that perhaps we, members of this lifestyle, practice more tolerance for others. We often complain that the general public is to harsh on us for what we do, yet I find some of our worst critics are actually others practicing the same thing we are.
Loneliness and feeling rejection is a very painful and distructive emotion. As we grow older and our bodies start to change and loose the attributes we once realished, our minds remain young and filled with desires. The challenges to practice what we have done for years becomes more and more difficult and discouraging. No one can stop the changes that come with growing older.
This thread isnt intended to cast blame on anyone for the choices they make, rather its an attempt to ask many of you to open your eyes and minds a little wider and see others in a new perspective. Those people who are looking for erotic sexual activities and intimate nights with others who have outwardly physical beauty.. go for it.. thats your right. Honestly, I am jealous, there are many absolutely gorgeous women on this sight I would love to spend a night in bed with. But those of you who are looking for lasting relationships.. take a step or two back and look just a little bit deeper into some of the people around you. Perfect bodies dont last forever. And if we really think about it... dont we all look the same when the lights go out? (lol).
My intent for starting this thread was not to in anyway criticize anyone who deems themselves one of the pretty people or chooses to associate with those people who have been blessed with attractive physics. Actually.. to alot of them I extend my sympathies because of the pain and suffering you face. I am also in agreement that there always has to be some form of attraction for a relationship to begin. I am simply suggesting that perhaps we, members of this lifestyle, practice more tolerance for others. We often complain that the general public is to harsh on us for what we do, yet I find some of our worst critics are actually others practicing the same thing we are.
Loneliness and feeling rejection is a very painful and distructive emotion. As we grow older and our bodies start to change and loose the attributes we once realished, our minds remain young and filled with desires. The challenges to practice what we have done for years becomes more and more difficult and discouraging. No one can stop the changes that come with growing older.
This thread isnt intended to cast blame on anyone for the choices they make, rather its an attempt to ask many of you to open your eyes and minds a little wider and see others in a new perspective. Those people who are looking for erotic sexual activities and intimate nights with others who have outwardly physical beauty.. go for it.. thats your right. Honestly, I am jealous, there are many absolutely gorgeous women on this sight I would love to spend a night in bed with. But those of you who are looking for lasting relationships.. take a step or two back and look just a little bit deeper into some of the people around you. Perfect bodies dont last forever. And if we really think about it... dont we all look the same when the lights go out? (lol).
HYM4CYN----I just wanted to say thank you for either starting threads or commenting on them. You always have great insights in the lifestyle. Especially when it comes to growing older. That is something we all have to come to terms with. Hopefully what people will get out of your comments is that beauty doesn't last forever and we all have to deal with what happens to our bodies when that happens.
So once again.......I would like to thank you.
So once again.......I would like to thank you.
I have friends & freinds with benefits that are all ages, heights, weights. I enjoy being with them because of their personality-not what they look like or how tall they are. I have met people who are 'barbie & kens' who are rude & demeaning to others who aren't like them as well as those not so 'barbie & kens'.
Case in point: I was talking via e-mail with another member of this site. Since they didnt have any visable pics the only one they saw of me was my main profile pic. Things seemed to be going well & they had finally sent me a pic of themselves. I sent one of mine. The immediate & disturbing response was 'how recent are these pics' & 'is the information on your profile really true'.
Why would I lie? It would all come out in the end when we meet or when the privates are opened to the other other person. I'm proud of myself-as many know-to get to where I am today. Of course I told them yes it was true-they responded then that I just wasn't their type.
Well DUH! Guess they get to miss out huh!
It's very much like the song....'High School Never Ends'.
From one not so "barbie".........
Case in point: I was talking via e-mail with another member of this site. Since they didnt have any visable pics the only one they saw of me was my main profile pic. Things seemed to be going well & they had finally sent me a pic of themselves. I sent one of mine. The immediate & disturbing response was 'how recent are these pics' & 'is the information on your profile really true'.
Why would I lie? It would all come out in the end when we meet or when the privates are opened to the other other person. I'm proud of myself-as many know-to get to where I am today. Of course I told them yes it was true-they responded then that I just wasn't their type.
Well DUH! Guess they get to miss out huh!
It's very much like the song....'High School Never Ends'.
From one not so "barbie".........
go get em "H"..... u are always welCUMe to CUME up n visit us.... u know the way.....hehehe....SWAK.... S n D
To answer your posed question AKLIM69, when you asked,
I echo CLASSY_NOT_TRASHY's comments.
If looks were not important to this lifestyle, how about we just eliminate all photos from the site? No need for profile pictures.
Let's remember, there are friends and then there are friends with benefits. The two are not synonymous. I, for one, can be friends with non-HWP people but I have no intention of the benefits aspect.
My two cents...
Mav
If looks were not important to this lifestyle, how about we just eliminate all photos from the site? No need for profile pictures.
Let's remember, there are friends and then there are friends with benefits. The two are not synonymous. I, for one, can be friends with non-HWP people but I have no intention of the benefits aspect.
My two cents...
Mav
We'd meet, have a nice convo, if that went well....
Well...I think you see where it heads
Well...I think you see where it heads
I suppose it all depends on what your angle is. If you are looking for friends, physical apperaence might not be an issue. Maybe some are looking for friends and if they swing, so be it. Others are looking for swingers and if they become friends it is icing on the cake.
Posted By: GROUPTHERAPISTS Reply posted on:
Sep 25, 2008 - 4:00 pm
To answer your posed question AKLIM69, when you asked,
Sep 25, 2008 - 4:00 pm
To answer your posed question AKLIM69, when you asked,
Posted By: MAVENX Reply posted on:
Sep 25, 2008 - 6:55 pm
Let's remember, there are friends and then there are friends with benefits. The two are not synonymous. I, for one, can be friends with non-HWP people but I have no intention of the benefits aspect.
===============================================================
And that is just it. What are people here looking to find? If they are looking to find a friend, looks are immaterial. If they are looking to find a sex partner, looks become material. We're not saying that you can't do what you want but if someone has limited time and is looking for a sex partner, dating everyone who comes across is very egalitarian but not very practical.
Sep 25, 2008 - 6:55 pm
Let's remember, there are friends and then there are friends with benefits. The two are not synonymous. I, for one, can be friends with non-HWP people but I have no intention of the benefits aspect.
===============================================================
And that is just it. What are people here looking to find? If they are looking to find a friend, looks are immaterial. If they are looking to find a sex partner, looks become material. We're not saying that you can't do what you want but if someone has limited time and is looking for a sex partner, dating everyone who comes across is very egalitarian but not very practical.
It all comes down to GOOD communication, doesn't it? This topic may be the single most important element of the lifestyle. How to economically, accurately convey our wishes/intentions? This type of grid seems common:
ISSUE HE SHE
hwp -
smoking -
drugs -
orientation -
age -
(your topic here) -
(and, here, etc.) -
How about a common answer grid?
for example:
a) yes
b) no
c) maybe
d) I/we don't care
e) re-read our profile for your answer (if you don't find it, we may have a communication problem)
f) this would need to be discussed further
g) straight
h) bi
i) bi-curious
j) bi-friendly (see 'f')
k) we are flexible in this area
leave adequate space for custom answers:
l) hwp is in the eye of the beholder
k) I/we are simply SEX oriented
l) we quit counting birthdays, how about you?
The more basic and commonly shared (and understood), the language, the more likely a meeting of the minds can be accomplished.
D
ISSUE HE SHE
hwp -
smoking -
drugs -
orientation -
age -
(your topic here) -
(and, here, etc.) -
How about a common answer grid?
for example:
a) yes
b) no
c) maybe
d) I/we don't care
e) re-read our profile for your answer (if you don't find it, we may have a communication problem)
f) this would need to be discussed further
g) straight
h) bi
i) bi-curious
j) bi-friendly (see 'f')
k) we are flexible in this area
leave adequate space for custom answers:
l) hwp is in the eye of the beholder
k) I/we are simply SEX oriented
l) we quit counting birthdays, how about you?
The more basic and commonly shared (and understood), the language, the more likely a meeting of the minds can be accomplished.
D
Posted By: 4XFOREPLAY Reply posted on:
Sep 26, 2008 - 1:39 pm
Somebody mentioned smoking. I, as a smoker, took it personally at first, but that is there right. Are they horrible people because they choose not to meet smokers? NO!! It is their right. I just had to realize that it is a turn off for them. There is no such thing as totally openmindedness. We all have our short comings.
=============================================================
And it is also the other couple's right to say "HWP people only", just as it is my right to say "No (insert race)" or No (insert religion), etc, etc.
Note, we have no issue with smokers as long as they can keep it outside our house. We smoke socially too but outside.
Sep 26, 2008 - 1:39 pm
Somebody mentioned smoking. I, as a smoker, took it personally at first, but that is there right. Are they horrible people because they choose not to meet smokers? NO!! It is their right. I just had to realize that it is a turn off for them. There is no such thing as totally openmindedness. We all have our short comings.
=============================================================
And it is also the other couple's right to say "HWP people only", just as it is my right to say "No (insert race)" or No (insert religion), etc, etc.
Note, we have no issue with smokers as long as they can keep it outside our house. We smoke socially too but outside.
I think we should start a movement to stop garlic-eating. In fact I'm gonna put that in our profile!
Garlic breath is SUCH a turn-off!
Garlic breath is SUCH a turn-off!
THOUGHTGARDEN - agreed that is why we use "Mint-Assure" it works amazingly - LOL
BUNNY...although I doubt the veracity to your claim of being some offspring from the loins of Satan himself (due to the fact that I rather enjoy a PB&J sammich quite often actually), I must concur with your assertion that PB&H is indeed the superior sandwich-product.
Honey: Nectar O' the Gods
In fact, I will take it one step further, and state that no all PB's are created equal.
You see, we JUST can't hang out with those that eat the likes of Skippy and/or Jiffy; how predictable those are that eat those brands! So....blase....
Adam's All-Natural Peanut Butter is where it's at, and accordingly, we seek those that consume this obviously unsurpased peanut-based food-product for our play partners....exclusively.
We like to live life wildly.
J
Honey: Nectar O' the Gods
In fact, I will take it one step further, and state that no all PB's are created equal.
You see, we JUST can't hang out with those that eat the likes of Skippy and/or Jiffy; how predictable those are that eat those brands! So....blase....
Adam's All-Natural Peanut Butter is where it's at, and accordingly, we seek those that consume this obviously unsurpased peanut-based food-product for our play partners....exclusively.
We like to live life wildly.
J
Of course we understand, and appreciate your selective nature.
Just to make sure there are never any misunderstandings, however, we shall endeavor to brush our teeth thoroughly. Especially after having eaten anything with jam, jelly or preserves....BEFORE hanging out with you two again.
Just to make sure there are never any misunderstandings, however, we shall endeavor to brush our teeth thoroughly. Especially after having eaten anything with jam, jelly or preserves....BEFORE hanging out with you two again.
I have to say that the only good PB&J is if you can your own J. Now as to a good PB&H-only on toasted wheat bread.
Yes the garlic is a turn off but if with the right breath mint u can get rid of it.
H
Yes the garlic is a turn off but if with the right breath mint u can get rid of it.
H