You've been married, have children together, got divorsed, share child raising and now the other is dying. No mater who you are there are always feelings left for that other person. For those that have been through it, how did you handle it? And what helps the children get through it best?
My wife's ex died many years ago. We were in a child custody case with him when he did pass and even though we were in a court battle, it was still very difficult for all of us and especially difficult for my wife and daughter. I wish we had advice for you, but the passing of any person with whom you loved and possibly still love will never be easy. We wish you the best and our hearts are with you.
I would say, first of all, allow them as much time as they and the children can handle together. It not only shows kindness towards the ex, but it also shows your children that you love them that much more. Be willing to talk openly with your current spouse, as well as listen. My guess would also be to offer support to the ex and his relatives, but mostly be willing to stay in the shadows until needed. Don't worry about resolving any ongoing grievances, unless the ex brings them up; and then do everything you can to deal with it calmly and with a clear mind.
Hope that helps.
Hope that helps.
Let's start with a humorous note and go from there to serious.... One could throw a going away party and invite Dr Kavorkian; or one could point and laugh and simply show your happiness for the good luck. On a serious side.....If you are not remarried you could help in any way that you could/can. If she is remarried So much for suggestion one....If you are married then options are limited but the kids are going to be devistated so that needs to be addressed. As for feelings for an ex, ... I have one, an ex that is and after 30 years we are at a point where we can talk and get along as long as she stays 400 miles away.. There is still a soft spot in my heart for the lady but also I remember the bad as well. I guess I would have the same empathy for her as she has for me.... Very damned little. The kids are grown and would have to handle her situation however they would.... I would not go to a funeral or anything like that... I wouldn't want to get involved at any level with that situation... She poisoned my kids minds against me and even after 30 years they and I are just getting to be somewhat available to each other... So minimal contact except to wish her Bon Voyage and laugh... No No I'm not that cynical.... or am I..... "What evil lurks in the hearts of men... Only the Shadow knows Haaaa haaaa haaaa haaaaa"... For those of you who are youngsters... that was the open line of a radio show , in the 40's and 50's...
well I'm going through that right now also. so sometimes after seeing my daughter I think I one the lottery yet feel terrible for my daughter. Then other times I feel like I lost my soul. I don't have friends so I suffer in silence. Been out of work so the days and nights are long and lonely. some days wish is was me instead of her.
The fact that you are even asking for advice speaks volumes about the kind of person you must be. I have a feeling you will do what is in everyones best interest and do it naturally.
Let me tell you briefly about my situation and you can apply what you feel might help you to your situation. My first "wife" became a widdow very young, left with two children. We met and I made sure to not cross the line and become the new daddy. Karen was an abused wife and would tell me horror stories about her late husband but we kept those stories from the kids so their dads legacy would live on. Karen passed away 8 months before we were to be married very suddenly and the remaining family members thought it best that I finish raising the kids. We always talked openly about their dad who I never knew and their mom, who I never got to marry but loved dearly. Both children grew up to be people I can be very proud of and are married and have their own families. I think our open communication was the biggest factor. They always knew they could talk about anything to me or each other.
Just be there, unselfish and understanding that everyone is in a very emotional state. I know you will do just fine.
Let me tell you briefly about my situation and you can apply what you feel might help you to your situation. My first "wife" became a widdow very young, left with two children. We met and I made sure to not cross the line and become the new daddy. Karen was an abused wife and would tell me horror stories about her late husband but we kept those stories from the kids so their dads legacy would live on. Karen passed away 8 months before we were to be married very suddenly and the remaining family members thought it best that I finish raising the kids. We always talked openly about their dad who I never knew and their mom, who I never got to marry but loved dearly. Both children grew up to be people I can be very proud of and are married and have their own families. I think our open communication was the biggest factor. They always knew they could talk about anything to me or each other.
Just be there, unselfish and understanding that everyone is in a very emotional state. I know you will do just fine.