IMO, you wouldn't explain yourself about your monogamous "vanilla" sex life or activities, so why would you about this?
The subject of this thread was about your kids finding out. I'm not sure what age group of kids we're talking about and that can make a big difference. If they are adult children, you can simply tell them you are sorry they had to find out about it and regret that it makes them uncomfortable but it is your private life and will leave it there...in private. I think it is wise to reassure them that you will not do anything to embarrass them (start acting differently around them or other family members, etc.) and that nothing between you and them will change. Before they found out you were still the parent they loved and this will continue now.
If they are young children, it can be a little more complicated. The questions aren't just about the lifestyle but also about sex since they are probably learning and curious about the topic in general. But, you could keep it very simple (& age appropriate) and explain that sex is something adults enjoy privately and that if they have any questions about sex (emphasis not on swinging) you will be happy to answer.
If they pursue asking about swinging, I would just share that this is something better explained when they are a little older and that honesty and communication are valued so you will try to be as honest as you can be. However, you don't need to go into detail IMO. Often, kids are looking more for your reaction and some reassurance and aren't quite as concerned with the actual "words". They want to know their world isn't being disrupted.
The rest of your post mentioned family members, etc. Again, you would never feel obligated sit around and discuss the details of a vanilla sex life so it isn't necessary to discuss the details of swinging.
You could share that if someone has a private question they would like to ask they can if that's the kind of relationship you have with them. But, you can also add that you will only do so if comfortable.
I might stress or emphasize that you and your partner have an open and honest relationship that you enjoy together. There are a number of factors that go into enhancing that relationship making it so special and that they've stumbled onto one area that you've incorporated/explored. You appreciate that it might not be for everyone and you wouldn't expect everyone to understand but that you sincerely hope they would also be as considerate to not judge the two of you. I might add that while you've tried to be candid when answering their questions, you only ask in return that they respect your privacy and not share what they've learned or discussed with anyone else. Include them into the agreement by explaining that you will extend to them the same discretion they extend to you.
Who knows...one of them may have been curious about exploring the lifestyle and you might just be that one person they feel comfortable asking about it.
At the same time, people can be very judgemental so protect yourselves. However these family members found out...it could happen again if that avenue hasn't been fixed. I'm sorry this got so long-winded and I could write so much more. Whew!!! Good luck with this!
The subject of this thread was about your kids finding out. I'm not sure what age group of kids we're talking about and that can make a big difference. If they are adult children, you can simply tell them you are sorry they had to find out about it and regret that it makes them uncomfortable but it is your private life and will leave it there...in private. I think it is wise to reassure them that you will not do anything to embarrass them (start acting differently around them or other family members, etc.) and that nothing between you and them will change. Before they found out you were still the parent they loved and this will continue now.
If they are young children, it can be a little more complicated. The questions aren't just about the lifestyle but also about sex since they are probably learning and curious about the topic in general. But, you could keep it very simple (& age appropriate) and explain that sex is something adults enjoy privately and that if they have any questions about sex (emphasis not on swinging) you will be happy to answer.
If they pursue asking about swinging, I would just share that this is something better explained when they are a little older and that honesty and communication are valued so you will try to be as honest as you can be. However, you don't need to go into detail IMO. Often, kids are looking more for your reaction and some reassurance and aren't quite as concerned with the actual "words". They want to know their world isn't being disrupted.
The rest of your post mentioned family members, etc. Again, you would never feel obligated sit around and discuss the details of a vanilla sex life so it isn't necessary to discuss the details of swinging.
You could share that if someone has a private question they would like to ask they can if that's the kind of relationship you have with them. But, you can also add that you will only do so if comfortable.
I might stress or emphasize that you and your partner have an open and honest relationship that you enjoy together. There are a number of factors that go into enhancing that relationship making it so special and that they've stumbled onto one area that you've incorporated/explored. You appreciate that it might not be for everyone and you wouldn't expect everyone to understand but that you sincerely hope they would also be as considerate to not judge the two of you. I might add that while you've tried to be candid when answering their questions, you only ask in return that they respect your privacy and not share what they've learned or discussed with anyone else. Include them into the agreement by explaining that you will extend to them the same discretion they extend to you.
Who knows...one of them may have been curious about exploring the lifestyle and you might just be that one person they feel comfortable asking about it.
At the same time, people can be very judgemental so protect yourselves. However these family members found out...it could happen again if that avenue hasn't been fixed. I'm sorry this got so long-winded and I could write so much more. Whew!!! Good luck with this!
We don`t have children together and my step children are grown and living very far away. They are very open minded and I would think if they found out it would be no big deal to them.
My sister and her daughter are looking into moving to Florida and we have skirted the issue and feel that they both are in the lifestyle or at least very open to the ideas of it. My sister is very open minded and raised her daughter to be the same way. On their last visit to Florida they met some of our friends, all lifestylers and loved them. What is going to be interesting is if they move here and come to the parties we host. Not quite sure how we are going to handle that but we still have time to work it out.
My sister and her daughter are looking into moving to Florida and we have skirted the issue and feel that they both are in the lifestyle or at least very open to the ideas of it. My sister is very open minded and raised her daughter to be the same way. On their last visit to Florida they met some of our friends, all lifestylers and loved them. What is going to be interesting is if they move here and come to the parties we host. Not quite sure how we are going to handle that but we still have time to work it out.
My family (both sides) knows bits and pieces. I've basically let them know that it's our business not theirs and left it at that. We went thru a phase where they weren't very nice about certain things, but now they mostly keep their opinions to themselves on that issue. *shrugs*
When we first got in this lifestyle 15 yrs ago a couple we were seeing told our daughter. She said she was drunk and didnt know what she said but thats another story. Soon what my daughter knew my son found out. We just sat down with our kids and explained to them what our needs where and what and why we do this. Our daughter totally was exceptable and my son just chooses to ignore that fact. As far as family I dont know if they know or not but if they do they are all open minded enough we wouldnt expect any problems.
Dave and Jackie
Dave and Jackie
Tell them that your sex life is none of their business and keep rolling.
I would have to agree with TR, you arent poking your nose into their private life and they need to stay out of yours. Then again we havent been busted.
mtman
mtman
Our kids have known for some time.They don't ask we don't tell...the kids ended up as good kids!...thats what we care about !
Don, please stop making so much sense. If you keep this shit up people are going to stop calling you an asshole.
Sincerely Yours,
Fucktard
Sincerely Yours,
Fucktard
as for your children seek professional help comprehensive Evaluations by children and family therapist this is not a joke ! this is no.1 a reason for children to commit suicide it happens alot to adopted children and to children who get up one day and doubt as if their parents are actual the real parents as for swinging the children may have now found evidence that the father is not the real father , thay are now in abuse and in need of help. all i can tell you all here this is one of my professions i have worked with gov. agency for years FOOTNOTE: for all parents that have children that Browse the net for your sake remove any I.D. photos of yourself that your child can see !!! in your profile add "lets chat on web cam" it is safe and you will get the best results.
SPERMINT-are you saying children finding out their parents are in the lifestyle is the "no.1 a reason for children to commit suicide"? Where in the world did you find this information?
Just because a couple is in the lifestyle and has children, why is it assumed that "for swinging the children may have now found evidence that the father is not the real father"? Who says the couple was swinging when they were building their family?
There are probably a lot of questions for children who discover their parents are swingers but I'm not so sure that this is the first concern.
"all i can tell you all here this is one of my professions i have worked with gov. agency for years". Hhhmmmmmm....government agency.... What capacity? Where are you getting this information or where are the studies?
???????????????wow, where to even go with this?
Just because a couple is in the lifestyle and has children, why is it assumed that "for swinging the children may have now found evidence that the father is not the real father"? Who says the couple was swinging when they were building their family?
There are probably a lot of questions for children who discover their parents are swingers but I'm not so sure that this is the first concern.
"all i can tell you all here this is one of my professions i have worked with gov. agency for years". Hhhmmmmmm....government agency.... What capacity? Where are you getting this information or where are the studies?
???????????????wow, where to even go with this?
Posted By: SPERMINT Reply posted on:
Aug 15, 2008 - 10:02 am
as for your children seek professional help comprehensive Evaluations by children and family therapist this is not a joke ! this is no.1 a reason for children to commit suicide it happens alot to adopted children and to children who get up one day and doubt as if their parents are actual the real parents as for swinging the children may have now found evidence that the father is not the real father , thay are now in abuse and in need of help.
all i can tell you all here this is one of my professions i have worked with gov. agency for years
==============================================================
Really? Any statistics to back it up?
I don't consider janitor a profession with psychiatric authority. Judging by the way you write and spell, I doubt you hold any position that can make that judgment. Of course, you can prove me wrong by showing me some reasonable statistics.
Aug 15, 2008 - 10:02 am
as for your children seek professional help comprehensive Evaluations by children and family therapist this is not a joke ! this is no.1 a reason for children to commit suicide it happens alot to adopted children and to children who get up one day and doubt as if their parents are actual the real parents as for swinging the children may have now found evidence that the father is not the real father , thay are now in abuse and in need of help.
all i can tell you all here this is one of my professions i have worked with gov. agency for years
==============================================================
Really? Any statistics to back it up?
I don't consider janitor a profession with psychiatric authority. Judging by the way you write and spell, I doubt you hold any position that can make that judgment. Of course, you can prove me wrong by showing me some reasonable statistics.
oh boy. Ok, we have a friend, his adult daughter knows because she's a swinger and stumbled across their profile on a site like this! They are fine with it. Obviously our kids don't know. They are way to young. And if they ever did somehow find out, I wouldn't discuss it with them. ITA with the vanilla sex comment, I wouldn't discuss *my* sexual activities with my kids. They do not need to know. I will dicuss sex with my kids, when the time is right, but not what daddy and I do.
My brother does know that we are swingers and that I am bi. I think he's okay with it. The Mr told him and I haven't heard him say shit about it.
The Mr's mom may have a clue. She was digging through our trunk looking for tools to help Mr fix the car and found his stash of "out for a night" condoms. He's had the V done, so obviously its not because we're trying not have more children.
My brother does know that we are swingers and that I am bi. I think he's okay with it. The Mr told him and I haven't heard him say shit about it.
The Mr's mom may have a clue. She was digging through our trunk looking for tools to help Mr fix the car and found his stash of "out for a night" condoms. He's had the V done, so obviously its not because we're trying not have more children.
Not really sure how to say this but to be straight out in the open. I found out at about 16 that my folks were swingers (they are nudist also) so the house was a very open one. We had nothing to hide, I even played with some of their friends and they took me to my first house party.
I actually have expirience in this from the kids point of view. When I was 14 my parents got into it and I put the pieces together myself. There were women coming over and they were having parties that I wasn't allowed to even BE around. I wasn't allowed to meet these people or be at home...my parents ASKED me to spend a night at a friends. So I cornered my mom one day (my mom was my best friend, totally inseperable) and I asked her if they had gotten into swinging. She told me that they had, that it was a hell of a lot of fun, and that she had expirimented with women! We had a long talk about bi-sexuality and alterative sex lives and te boundary we set for ourselves was don't ask, don't tell, and god PLEASE don't let me get that mental image again!
Now that I'm all grown up, I'm seeing swinging from the adult point of view and I see the appeal. I'm looking forward to seeing if it's really for me.
Now that I'm all grown up, I'm seeing swinging from the adult point of view and I see the appeal. I'm looking forward to seeing if it's really for me.
ok, if i wanted you to know more about me i would put my pic. on the site and tell you more about me ....i don't....!!! as for children that found out about your lifestyle and successfully continued life as normal good for you , you had good luck...as for my job and spelling i bet you a d.p. fuck that obama knows less spelling then i do ... .lol. as how do i know what i say "I successfully striped parents from the right to live with their children and placed them in foster home care , got it?????? "
SPERMINT,
I didn't uh... I couldn't uh... I wasn't uh.... <b>WHAT????</b>
-D-
I didn't uh... I couldn't uh... I wasn't uh.... <b>WHAT????</b>
-D-
Our children are babies, so they are too young to care. Most of our friend's and family know about our life style, except for parent's on both side.....I say do what you want. What you do and like is no ones concern but your's. we are all adult's, and should not be told what to do, or not to do. We are all just human. If anyone has a proplem, too damned bad..lol. Just do what you feel is right for you're self's and family, First!! All well work out!! keep you're head's up, and do what you feel is the right decision, for eachother and you're loved ones... just tryin to help!!! xoxoxoxoxxxooxxx Amanda801& Haden801
You deal with it and simply move on. Why must so many make life so complicated with over-thinking?
Hell, I think our kids have figured it out. The youngest will be 19 this year and several years ago they found our supposedly well-hidden and protected pictues on the computer that everyone used to share. So, being in IT, I thought I had them secured from their prying little eyes but nooooooooooooooooo! I'm sure they talked amongst themselves about it but nobody ever brought it up.
I think we bought their silence though because we purchased each one of them their very own computer and made certain they had no more access to ours! Then we got rid of all the pictures, just in case....
I think we bought their silence though because we purchased each one of them their very own computer and made certain they had no more access to ours! Then we got rid of all the pictures, just in case....
This is an interesting thread. I enjoy reading the sensible and somewhat innane, pseudo "I know what I am talking about so you all listen to me" comments. Thanks for keeping it interesting.
In our family, my wife's two kids, should they ever find out, would laugh, tell us "you have got to be kidding" and then move on. My kids, who are adults but a bit younger, would want to have a lively discussion about it and then move on as well. We have raised our children to be acceptant of everyone, their eccentricities and lifestyles. The are all comfortable with each other and discuss pretty much everything so no problems there.
As a part of the discussion about family, Netta's two brothers are in the lifestyle and "came out" to us within the last four months.....I think to see our reaction.....and were quite shocked and pleased we have been in the lifestyle for over 5 years. We suspect her mom and dad played as well. And you know......no one in the family has killed themselves because of it. If nothing else, it generates conversation.
Something else....as I DO work in healthcare, particularly focusing on psychological interactions...those who tend to support their comments with cursing, or "I know what I am talking about", tend not to. They just have a pathological need to force their opinion, for that is what it is, on everyone and have it taken for fact. Typically, they tend to be arrogant and have a pretty inflexible belief system. Anyway...MY OPINION.........lol
As the adadge says,"let the buyer beware" and......the truth isn't any truer because you yell it the loudest.
As always.........enjoy........have fun.........be safe
Doc (and Netta)
In our family, my wife's two kids, should they ever find out, would laugh, tell us "you have got to be kidding" and then move on. My kids, who are adults but a bit younger, would want to have a lively discussion about it and then move on as well. We have raised our children to be acceptant of everyone, their eccentricities and lifestyles. The are all comfortable with each other and discuss pretty much everything so no problems there.
As a part of the discussion about family, Netta's two brothers are in the lifestyle and "came out" to us within the last four months.....I think to see our reaction.....and were quite shocked and pleased we have been in the lifestyle for over 5 years. We suspect her mom and dad played as well. And you know......no one in the family has killed themselves because of it. If nothing else, it generates conversation.
Something else....as I DO work in healthcare, particularly focusing on psychological interactions...those who tend to support their comments with cursing, or "I know what I am talking about", tend not to. They just have a pathological need to force their opinion, for that is what it is, on everyone and have it taken for fact. Typically, they tend to be arrogant and have a pretty inflexible belief system. Anyway...MY OPINION.........lol
As the adadge says,"let the buyer beware" and......the truth isn't any truer because you yell it the loudest.
As always.........enjoy........have fun.........be safe
Doc (and Netta)
are you all kiding , go "on line " you will find everything and more of what i am claiming to be TRUE , you will find helpfull info. there , i gain nothing if you trust me or not its your children and as i said some children had good luck some did not....it might be that some children that have been exposed to porn and nudity can cope with swinging parents better
DOCFRIES wrote:
<i>"Something else....as I DO work in healthcare, particularly focusing on psychological interactions...those who tend to support their comments with cursing, or "I know what I am talking about", tend not to. They just have a pathological need to force their opinion, for that is what it is, on everyone and have it taken for fact. Typically, they tend to be arrogant and have a pretty inflexible belief system. Anyway...MY OPINION.........lol"</i>
<hr>
Now there is an interesting comment. I would love to discuss this topic in length with you in my private group. Since it's off-topic and could be debated for a bit, perhaps you could join my group.
I actually disagree with your analysis of the use of profantity and people being strong in their convictions, views, dogma etc. You actually described Christians almost to Tee; save the profanity (sometimes) of course. I think what you describe is human nature. Anyway, please start a topic in my group. It's called "free thinkers". Please be sure to include the professional references and sources that you use to make your assessment.
-D-
<i>"Something else....as I DO work in healthcare, particularly focusing on psychological interactions...those who tend to support their comments with cursing, or "I know what I am talking about", tend not to. They just have a pathological need to force their opinion, for that is what it is, on everyone and have it taken for fact. Typically, they tend to be arrogant and have a pretty inflexible belief system. Anyway...MY OPINION.........lol"</i>
<hr>
Now there is an interesting comment. I would love to discuss this topic in length with you in my private group. Since it's off-topic and could be debated for a bit, perhaps you could join my group.
I actually disagree with your analysis of the use of profantity and people being strong in their convictions, views, dogma etc. You actually described Christians almost to Tee; save the profanity (sometimes) of course. I think what you describe is human nature. Anyway, please start a topic in my group. It's called "free thinkers". Please be sure to include the professional references and sources that you use to make your assessment.
-D-
As a couple and now a single guy on here after reading spearmints GREAT ADVICE I think he should run for President and solve the worlds problems. After all everything he says makes perfect since. I am just not sure which part. He sounds like he is a jack of all trades master of one and that is masterbating. They say all great thoughts come to you while you are in the bathroom and he must spend alot of time there. Either as a janitor or in the stalls playing with himself.
I have known people in the lifestyle for years and their kids knew all about it. Some where fine about it others kids werent. But when the other couple cameover for the day they were there as friends not someone they have had sex with. We (as in my ex and I) have had friends comeover that we have met while swinging and we have gone to their place with our kids. No we didnt have sex with them with our kids there but we all had alot of fun. Just because you are a swinger does not mean that you can not be friends with them at other times also.
If we want any great advice from you spearmint we will just read the bathroom walls mainly the add that says "FOR A GREAT TIME CALL ***-****"
So please no more great advice
I have known people in the lifestyle for years and their kids knew all about it. Some where fine about it others kids werent. But when the other couple cameover for the day they were there as friends not someone they have had sex with. We (as in my ex and I) have had friends comeover that we have met while swinging and we have gone to their place with our kids. No we didnt have sex with them with our kids there but we all had alot of fun. Just because you are a swinger does not mean that you can not be friends with them at other times also.
If we want any great advice from you spearmint we will just read the bathroom walls mainly the add that says "FOR A GREAT TIME CALL ***-****"
So please no more great advice
SPERMint, I can't uderstand a thing you're trying to get across.
Does the word punctuation mean ANYTHING to you?
How about spelling - EVER have a spelling class in school?
Didn't think so.
What I would REALLY like to know is, why did you put stripes on parents?
Does the word punctuation mean ANYTHING to you?
How about spelling - EVER have a spelling class in school?
Didn't think so.
What I would REALLY like to know is, why did you put stripes on parents?
I'm pretty sure spermint's profile got booted/deleted a LONG time ago. check the dates of this forum.
HANDSHOESNZ wrote:
Our daughter figuered it because of the handle. Turns out she and her husband are in the lifestyle. We have been to a party with them. A little odd but funny. The other two kids proably know but don't say anything they just accept the fact we are who we are.
Hahaha...yes we can attest to the little bit of awkwardness at first with both the parents and the child with their spouse in attendance at our party...but it actually ended up being fun and pretty comical...
Now our kids (girl 11 1/2 and 2 boys 13 1/2 and 16 1/2) are pretty smart...they know we chat online, my daughter even caught me with my top off...I told her I was showing someone my piercings...they know we have friends over so they have to go for a sleep over or that we have parties that they CAN NOT be around...my daughter asked me one day what "swingular" was cuz she saw the banner across my open lap top...I told her it was just a chat site we belong to and explained that's where we have met many of our new friends...I know she isn't stupid and will soon put 2 and 2 together but I also know if she has questions she will ask...we have tried to raise our children with a very open and accepting attitude...as far as the boys go...I think they might know but choose to not bring it up...I know they will one day when their ready, and we will answer all their questions honestly...we will give them the same honesty and respect that we expect from them....kisses...Naugh-Ty (and Lucky B)
I don't think we could do the house party / Club with one of our kids being there... That would be just a little to off the wall for us, and as an earlier post stated that they had actually played with their parents swinging friends... That would be to strange
