I really want to get into this lifesyle and I see pictures here of REAL women who don't look like models or porn stars and I admire them. But I can't seem to get over my OWN body image, and I really don't want to chicken out of this amazing chance for fun, and self confidence.
I'm a heavy set girl, but I also think I've got some good points too. i want to feel comfortable in my skin, and I really want to have the confidence to post some pics and be like "hey, check me out...hot curvy girl!"
How did some of you guys take that first step from painfully shy, low self esteem, to now?
I'm a heavy set girl, but I also think I've got some good points too. i want to feel comfortable in my skin, and I really want to have the confidence to post some pics and be like "hey, check me out...hot curvy girl!"
How did some of you guys take that first step from painfully shy, low self esteem, to now?
Firstly, you should know that many of us, like me, do not prefer the "fake-n-bake" look, hollwood has thrust upon us all as the beauty standard. We've all been programmed to think beauty is 105 lbs with fake tits. Personally, I do not find that in the least bit attractive. So, if you are tired of being rejected or fear it, stick to those of us who do not care. Besides most guys that hold these standards have personalities similar to those of rocks and are often hypocrite assholes. Why jump through the hoops for someone that will never fully appreciate you? There are plenty of people out there who dig you just the way you are. The only time you should change is if you are unhappy with you.
i would have to agree as a man we have been told all our life that thin=the hot girl. well for me that is just not true. I think what really counts is your personality while out one it's real hard to talk to someone no matter how skinny they are. As i have told angela many time it's not what anyone else thinks it's what you think of yourself. If you are proud of who you are then that will show to others.
Just be yourself. If people do not like that it is no big deal. I have been on this site for awhile as a married man and now a single man. I am not here to have fun and meet people. I have met some great people on here some are big some arent. But personality is a big plus for me not size. Even when I go to the bars I dont go to pick up females I go to have fun and see my and goof off with my friends. So just be yourself and like someone said if you are not happy with yourself then change what you need to. Just take it day by day and go from there.
GOOD LUCK
GOOD LUCK
Just be yourself! First of all, you are your own worst critic. Many things about your body that you are uncomfortable with, others don't even notice! We all have things about our bodies that we are uncomfortable with. Whether it be weight, a birthmark, a scar, or breast size, we feel that if we get to the point of taking off our clothes, we will be judged or scrutinized and we imagine the worst. But that is not the way it is. You'll find that most people in this lifestyle are truly accepting of people for who they are, and your personality is what is ultimately important! Secondly, most people like some cushion for the pushin, and junk in the trunk! It's hot and a turn on!
Be proud of who you are and what you look like, girl!
Be proud of who you are and what you look like, girl!
I wish I could say everyone in lifestyles is understanding and friendly, but its just not that way. In our younger days when we were in good physical shape and had some eye appeal, we found it much easier to meet others frequently and have an abundance of self confidence. Unfortunately mother nature calls for her dues and isnt always so kind and loving. Our physical appearances become less attractive with wrinkles, hair loss in some places and new growth where we dont want it. Gravity causes sagging in some areas and keeping thin becomes a major task. Anyone who tries to say it doesnt matter is crazy. You do become judged and are rejected by alot of people who feel they need to spend their initmate moments with model material. We all at some time wish we were blessed with the perfect body, thats the reason there are so many heath spas, diet plans, companies making fortunes off people who seek that look of eternal youth. There is nothing wrong with that.. its good to take care of your body and do all you can to maintain good health and hygiene. Taking care of yourself is appealing to alot of people. Just dont let that become the mains criteria or basis for your relationships with others. Now.. all that being said, there is a beauty we have found in people that no commercial company can produce and sell. Its that inner beauty that comes from knowing who you are and believing in yourself. We have found some of our best friends and the people we have enjoyed the most are confident in themselves and dont base their relationships on how close to that perfect 10 people are. Under the flaws and battles scars of life, these people have developed an attraction or beauty in their personality that is eternal. Being with someone who has a perfect body can be fun for an evening, but finding a true friend who accepts you and your flaws and is genuine grows lovelier and more appealing each time spent together. Not having to worry about hiding the errors in your physical appearance and being able to dedicate your time together to the rich enjoyment of being with someone you can trust with your most intimate and private secrets is priceless. If you can radiate those attributes in your personality that make you unique, people will soon overlook any physical flaws and see you much like the show SHALLOW HAL demonstrated. I am so greatful to have a wife who overflows with love and sincerity. I believe completely that her attraction is her genuine love for others and her humility. Her flaws are overlooked by so many because her confidence in herself without being judgemental of others radiates so bright. Don't let the discouragement of rejection by the beautiful people destroy confidence and trust in everyone.. Seek those people who are sincere, happy with themselves and be happy with who you really are and you will find lifestyles to be a wonderful way of finding some of the most beautiful people on this planet.
HYM.
HYM.
We host parties at least monthly and have women who are so nervous about how they look because they are to thin to those that say "oh no, everyone will run if they see me get in the pool or hot tub" but guess what? Everyone accepts each other for who they are. I love seeing newbies or just plain shy people come for the first time and see a bunch of naked people having fun together and see no one cares about the imperfections that you are hung up on. You will know when you are around the right group of people. I hope you get to feel the true feeling of acceptance by your friends.
Remember that there are others who will judge you and if you come across them take anything they might say very lightly. Their opinions of you really are that meaningless.
Remember that there are others who will judge you and if you come across them take anything they might say very lightly. Their opinions of you really are that meaningless.
We have always made good friends in the lifestyle that makes you feel good about yourself.
I think everyone should be who they are, thats what makes you you , you are a person and thats what matters and personally I am a big man and it works against me a lot of times but that doesnt mean I quit trying or give up, I just keep moving, wether forwartd or side to side its movement, and I personally would lov eto see more pics of you
jeremy
jeremy
We agree with what most have already posted. Chrissy is a short girl, on the voluptuous side, as I like to put it, and we know what you are talking about. We look at it this way, swinging is a choice, and we are open-minded people, and hope to meet other open-minded people. You will come across those that are not open-minded, and that is ok, just keep searching.
There are many different personalities out there, you will find the ones you "mesh" with.
Ron
There are many different personalities out there, you will find the ones you "mesh" with.
Ron
Awe attraction. Opinions and assholes, seem to be a good combo on this site, some are nice some are not. You need to choose in you life what it is that you do like about yourself, and stick to those features. For me it is my bald ass head it feels smooth and that gives me the confidence i need. How you present yourself is what makes you atractive to others.
As far as the fake boobs, tans and skinny people, have you ever put yourself in there shoes for one day. I didnt think so! In life it is how you feel about yourself and it does not help in any situation when someone puts down anyone for who they are. This is why people feel the way they do.
I cant stand it when one says that this is the way it is (big is ugly skinny is hot, or vise versa) anyone that can stand there and single someone out should be put up on a stage and asked who the FUCK asked you. Lets see how you feel.
As far as the fake boobs, tans and skinny people, have you ever put yourself in there shoes for one day. I didnt think so! In life it is how you feel about yourself and it does not help in any situation when someone puts down anyone for who they are. This is why people feel the way they do.
I cant stand it when one says that this is the way it is (big is ugly skinny is hot, or vise versa) anyone that can stand there and single someone out should be put up on a stage and asked who the FUCK asked you. Lets see how you feel.
Ya! What he said!
Travis-n-Tami,
I don't "hate" anyone. I just prefer them with a little more meat, that's all I was saying. I like something I can grab. I prefer natural breast and creamy white skin as well. That was my very point. Everyone has there own taste. There is someone for everyone. Don't get hung up because everyone doesn't think you are hot.
My point was that even some of those delusional people that are stuck on themselves, because they weigh a buck ten, have fake tits and think the world adores them, have just as many people that find them unattractive or second to someone with a little more meat on their bones. So know that I wasn't putting your lady down. After all, you obviously dig her... I was just saying any person can fall differently on the "hot scale" depending who's doing the measuring.
I don't "hate" anyone. I just prefer them with a little more meat, that's all I was saying. I like something I can grab. I prefer natural breast and creamy white skin as well. That was my very point. Everyone has there own taste. There is someone for everyone. Don't get hung up because everyone doesn't think you are hot.
My point was that even some of those delusional people that are stuck on themselves, because they weigh a buck ten, have fake tits and think the world adores them, have just as many people that find them unattractive or second to someone with a little more meat on their bones. So know that I wasn't putting your lady down. After all, you obviously dig her... I was just saying any person can fall differently on the "hot scale" depending who's doing the measuring.
How to get over a negative self image?
First you need to feel sexy yourself. Get rid of anyone in your life that says you are anything but an exciting and vibrant person. Find yourself people that help support your positive self image.
Sexy has nothing to do with physical appearance and everything to do with attitude. If you feel sexy, others will see you as sexy.
First you need to feel sexy yourself. Get rid of anyone in your life that says you are anything but an exciting and vibrant person. Find yourself people that help support your positive self image.
Sexy has nothing to do with physical appearance and everything to do with attitude. If you feel sexy, others will see you as sexy.
It is extremely difficult to feel comfortable in this lifestyle. Especially if you don't really know the person you are with. Coming from a girl that has all the insecurities that a girl could be cursed with.. It is impossible to be 100% comfortable with anyone to include your beloved husband (when you have such extreme insecurities to begin with). If it is impossible to be totally secure with him then how the hell can you possibly be secure with someone you barely know? Either deal with it or quit. Those are your choices. Or fix your insecurities.. That is what I am working on lol.
Good luck in your endeavors of being secure when participating in this lifestyle. If you conquor it than good for you (and please share your secrets). Hope you can overcome where so many of us cannot.
~Tami~
Good luck in your endeavors of being secure when participating in this lifestyle. If you conquor it than good for you (and please share your secrets). Hope you can overcome where so many of us cannot.
~Tami~
being not a skinny girl <ahem> I have to say its one of the biggest things I had to get over. Orginally I only spoke to couples who's wives looked like me curvy, plus sized, whatever you call it. And then I met several couples where the wives are thin, trim and fit.......and yet they like me to, just for being me. I would say it became easier when my circle of Real life swinger friends got bigger.
Travisn Tami
well i love that my wife is 110 lbs and has fake boobies you cant hate on her for that
no, I guess I can't hate you for that, but I can say you are a jackass for posting that comment in a thread where a woman who is not 110 with fake tits is looking for advice and encouragement.
Travisn Tami
well i love that my wife is 110 lbs and has fake boobies you cant hate on her for that
no, I guess I can't hate you for that, but I can say you are a jackass for posting that comment in a thread where a woman who is not 110 with fake tits is looking for advice and encouragement.
Focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses!
as to TRAVIS-TAMI you can buy the boobs and the jim pass, but you "CAN"T" buy personality and that what makes a person who they are
thank you guys so much, your word of encouragement actually inspired me to be a bit daring and I allowed a CAMERA into the bedroom!! We had some fun and I even found a few that we're going to save! More so I found a couple worthy of posting!
I think that this is going to be a good thing for me, a great thing for us, and a hell of a lot of fun.
Thanks!
(and gratz on the barbie doll wife, you're a lucky man)
I think that this is going to be a good thing for me, a great thing for us, and a hell of a lot of fun.
Thanks!
(and gratz on the barbie doll wife, you're a lucky man)
As others have said just be yourself don't worry about what others think. Hell some think we are too old,too bi,one of us is not no model material although I think my wife looks pretty damn fine even though she is over 50 :-)
Have met many of the stick their nose into the air types and to be honest yes some look "hot" but were some of the rudest people we have met. The point we are trying to make is you are going to meet the "not so nice" crowd the ones who they they are so much better than the average person don't let them stop you from meeting the other wise nice people you will meet.
We have been in this fun lifestyle for ten yrs. now and will tell you we have met all types of people when you meet the "assholes" just do as we do "BE YOURSELF" and just say "NEXT" and you will find others that you will find are nice and compatible. It's a BIG numbers game you have to meet many to find the few that are compatible. By the way "NHSHY" we were both born and raised in N.H. "LIVE FREE OR DIE" we will be heading that way this coming weekend but we have the whole family with us otherwise we would be glad to meet you over a drink but time is just not on our side this trip.
Norm&Sharon
Have met many of the stick their nose into the air types and to be honest yes some look "hot" but were some of the rudest people we have met. The point we are trying to make is you are going to meet the "not so nice" crowd the ones who they they are so much better than the average person don't let them stop you from meeting the other wise nice people you will meet.
We have been in this fun lifestyle for ten yrs. now and will tell you we have met all types of people when you meet the "assholes" just do as we do "BE YOURSELF" and just say "NEXT" and you will find others that you will find are nice and compatible. It's a BIG numbers game you have to meet many to find the few that are compatible. By the way "NHSHY" we were both born and raised in N.H. "LIVE FREE OR DIE" we will be heading that way this coming weekend but we have the whole family with us otherwise we would be glad to meet you over a drink but time is just not on our side this trip.
Norm&Sharon
First off, I agree 100% with MIKESARA.
I say "you go, girl!!" My wife is curvy, but very sexy, I think. One of her best attributes is the fact that she likes herself and has the confidence to feel like the most beautiful woman in the room wherever she goes. That trait in and of itself makes me agree with her wholeheartedly. I myself have my own issues with how I look. When, and if, I do get a compliment about my looks, I have a really hard time handling it bcs. I always look at my flaws, not my strengths. My wife told me that the secret is not to worry abut what other people think about you, but to try and remember that we are sharing the love and affection from our own relationship with other cool fun people. In other words, my opinion and my wife's opinion is all that matters bcs. it is about US enhancing OUR relationship, not us worrying about what someone else thinks of our looks. If others are willing to be a part of that , great. If not, that's great too bcs. we only want to know people who help enhance our relationship, not criticize it.
I'm not sure that there is one person on this site who has not been rejected by another couple yet. That means we have ALL been through what you have been through. We've wondered "Were we not cute enough for them? Is it me? Maybe if I were better looking my wife would get more play date offers", etc...Trust me, it is not worth worrying about. You only want to be with people who are going to find the wonderful you that you already are. They won't be able to discover that unless you let your light shine. So take it off, baby!!!
I say "you go, girl!!" My wife is curvy, but very sexy, I think. One of her best attributes is the fact that she likes herself and has the confidence to feel like the most beautiful woman in the room wherever she goes. That trait in and of itself makes me agree with her wholeheartedly. I myself have my own issues with how I look. When, and if, I do get a compliment about my looks, I have a really hard time handling it bcs. I always look at my flaws, not my strengths. My wife told me that the secret is not to worry abut what other people think about you, but to try and remember that we are sharing the love and affection from our own relationship with other cool fun people. In other words, my opinion and my wife's opinion is all that matters bcs. it is about US enhancing OUR relationship, not us worrying about what someone else thinks of our looks. If others are willing to be a part of that , great. If not, that's great too bcs. we only want to know people who help enhance our relationship, not criticize it.
I'm not sure that there is one person on this site who has not been rejected by another couple yet. That means we have ALL been through what you have been through. We've wondered "Were we not cute enough for them? Is it me? Maybe if I were better looking my wife would get more play date offers", etc...Trust me, it is not worth worrying about. You only want to be with people who are going to find the wonderful you that you already are. They won't be able to discover that unless you let your light shine. So take it off, baby!!!
NHSHY.... Hello!
We go to clubs here in NC and what is interesting, after 13 years in the LS, is that most of the women are NOT the Barbies that many think would be the norm. The real norm is women from 140 to 250 and they are all not beauties in the conventional sense. I'm married to a woman who has a body of someone half her age and a little girl too. I seem to like the women bigger, with great personalities and killer smiles. I looked at your pics with your profile and you are a good looking woman.... Why get hung up on the 105 lbs idea. For the most part the women who go to the clubs are not the little petite things but they are always in demand on the dance floor and in the bedrooms. So get your smile out and your confidence working and smile.... You'll be a hit.... As the kid said in Risky Business, "sometimes you just have to say fuck it" meaning that the way you look is linked to the way you feel and the personality you project... Looks have something to do with the LS but it's not the size but the personality and confidence..
We go to clubs here in NC and what is interesting, after 13 years in the LS, is that most of the women are NOT the Barbies that many think would be the norm. The real norm is women from 140 to 250 and they are all not beauties in the conventional sense. I'm married to a woman who has a body of someone half her age and a little girl too. I seem to like the women bigger, with great personalities and killer smiles. I looked at your pics with your profile and you are a good looking woman.... Why get hung up on the 105 lbs idea. For the most part the women who go to the clubs are not the little petite things but they are always in demand on the dance floor and in the bedrooms. So get your smile out and your confidence working and smile.... You'll be a hit.... As the kid said in Risky Business, "sometimes you just have to say fuck it" meaning that the way you look is linked to the way you feel and the personality you project... Looks have something to do with the LS but it's not the size but the personality and confidence..
I use to be concerned about my body image, but I just celebrated 56th birthday and my opinion now is, what you see is what you get. If you have a problem with that, you don't have to party with us.
Gordon
Gordon
Posted By: NHSHYCOUPLE Reply posted on:
Aug 11, 2008 - 8:19 am
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thank you guys so much, your word of encouragement actually inspired me to be a bit daring and I allowed a CAMERA into the bedroom!! We had some fun and I even found a few that we're going to save! More so I found a couple worthy of posting!
I think that this is going to be a good thing for me, a great thing for us, and a hell of a lot of fun.
Thanks!
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Can't wait to see the new pics. You are an attractive woman .. just wish you weren't so far away.
Hugs.
Aug 11, 2008 - 8:19 am
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thank you guys so much, your word of encouragement actually inspired me to be a bit daring and I allowed a CAMERA into the bedroom!! We had some fun and I even found a few that we're going to save! More so I found a couple worthy of posting!
I think that this is going to be a good thing for me, a great thing for us, and a hell of a lot of fun.
Thanks!
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Can't wait to see the new pics. You are an attractive woman .. just wish you weren't so far away.
Hugs.