It has come to my attention as of late some things that I feel I need to get off my chest. This topic may not be new, but seeing as how I am new to swinging, it is something that I need to relay my opinion to.
I was under the impression that swinging meant that a couple goes out and have fun with other people. Flirting, hitting on, and having sex with other people are part of that plan. What I witnessed Saturday night was nothing in this line. I saw couples having issues with their partner flirting and having others pay attention to them. I saw tissy fits being thrown, where I had to question whether they were 4 or 40. If you come onto a swinger
I was under the impression that swinging meant that a couple goes out and have fun with other people. Flirting, hitting on, and having sex with other people are part of that plan. What I witnessed Saturday night was nothing in this line. I saw couples having issues with their partner flirting and having others pay attention to them. I saw tissy fits being thrown, where I had to question whether they were 4 or 40. If you come onto a swinger
I think "swinging" is too broad of a label to just cast on everyone who belongs to this site or may attend parties.
All healthy "swinger" relationships are about honesty and trust. It's about setting boundaries between you and your partner that you are BOTH comfortable with. If you saw someone arguing about something in particular, chances are that one of them crossed a line that was drawn in the sand between them.
A healthy relationship in this lifestyle means that the love of your life (hopefully the one you are with) always comes first. It means never doing something they are uncomfortable with, and always maintaining that open trust.
And sometimes people just get drunk and stupid. It happens.
All healthy "swinger" relationships are about honesty and trust. It's about setting boundaries between you and your partner that you are BOTH comfortable with. If you saw someone arguing about something in particular, chances are that one of them crossed a line that was drawn in the sand between them.
A healthy relationship in this lifestyle means that the love of your life (hopefully the one you are with) always comes first. It means never doing something they are uncomfortable with, and always maintaining that open trust.
And sometimes people just get drunk and stupid. It happens.
Catz, I completely agree with you. If you can't play without jealousy you probably don't belong on this site.
I guess I just don't buy into the whole "it's all or nothing" philosophy.
We certainly don't operate like that.
We certainly don't operate like that.
Well if you were at an actual party then we have to agree with hubby that someone crossed a line and not all are an all or nothing couple.
If it was a meet and greet then we see nothing wrong with talking and flirting and agree with your feelings.
If it was a meet and greet then we see nothing wrong with talking and flirting and agree with your feelings.
There is no such thing as "Drama Free". More often than not, it's those that make the claim, that are the richest source. Roll with the punches... That's my advice.
-D-
-D-
Having been in this lifestyle for quite some time, I've seen more than my share of drama. I think the most common misconception is that everyone is on the same mindset.
This is not the case for most. You would think that going to a meet and greet set up on a Swinger's site would be a license to "Act" like swingers to anyone you recognize from the site in a public setting. However, I've learned quickly that because everyone responds differently, it is best to assume nothing and take nothing for granted and put on your thickest skin and expect drama. If nothing happens, and you make a connection with some one or both, then build from there and have fun. I have more fun when I go with no expectations and have them wildly exceeded, than to go full on and have the evening ruined through taking drama filled responses personal.
However, I don't think that because some people may have jealousies, that they have the right to treat people rudely. I think there are many who can work on this a bit more and realize that we are all in this to have some fun.
This is not the case for most. You would think that going to a meet and greet set up on a Swinger's site would be a license to "Act" like swingers to anyone you recognize from the site in a public setting. However, I've learned quickly that because everyone responds differently, it is best to assume nothing and take nothing for granted and put on your thickest skin and expect drama. If nothing happens, and you make a connection with some one or both, then build from there and have fun. I have more fun when I go with no expectations and have them wildly exceeded, than to go full on and have the evening ruined through taking drama filled responses personal.
However, I don't think that because some people may have jealousies, that they have the right to treat people rudely. I think there are many who can work on this a bit more and realize that we are all in this to have some fun.
Nicely put.
I apoligize for sounding like I meant an all or nothing attitude in the lifestyle. I was attempting (and failed miserably) to express that if there was fighting over jealousy issues at a party (I made the assumption from how things were worded that it was a private party and not a public meet and greet) then the couple doing the fighting may need to re-evaluate their rules or their understandings of the rules. I do believe that as we go along and have more experiences our understandings of the rules may change even if the rule itself never was, and its the perception of the belief that gets many people into trouble.
Ok so there's my 330 in the morning can't sleep rant. I hope it made sense and if not .. oh well, shit happens.. LOL
Ok so there's my 330 in the morning can't sleep rant. I hope it made sense and if not .. oh well, shit happens.. LOL
Rach,
Thanks for bringing this up. I have the same expectation as you do. If people in the lifestyle are "open minded", then I thought they are more accepting of others, non-judgemental, and more secure with themselves and their relationships.
That is the part I like most about the lifstyle. I do see that with the added excitement and spice it adds to a couples life, that at times additional insecurities can manifest themselves.
I guess the world will never be completely drama free.
CB
Thanks for bringing this up. I have the same expectation as you do. If people in the lifestyle are "open minded", then I thought they are more accepting of others, non-judgemental, and more secure with themselves and their relationships.
That is the part I like most about the lifstyle. I do see that with the added excitement and spice it adds to a couples life, that at times additional insecurities can manifest themselves.
I guess the world will never be completely drama free.
CB
From what Catz said it sounded like you were just having a conversation. From my point of view it doesn't really matter if that conversation was about sex or not. I agree with Catz that where the party originated from Swingular that people should understand that the idea is to meet people and see if there ARE any common interests. I mean.. isn't that the point?
I think the best advice given was to roll with it. You don't know what space this couple was in before they got there. They may have been at odds with each other to begin with.
Look at the bright side... you found out! Better then, at a Meet and Greet, than later if you had hooked up with them!
I think the best advice given was to roll with it. You don't know what space this couple was in before they got there. They may have been at odds with each other to begin with.
Look at the bright side... you found out! Better then, at a Meet and Greet, than later if you had hooked up with them!
Have you ever forgot a 4 digit combo lock and tried to figure it out? Now imagine that each digit is a person in a 4some! In this lifestyle there are many, many variables and ALL kinds of anything can happen at any time.
What we do and would like to see other couples would do when situations arise is kindly excuse ourselves for a minute or two and have a private, calm, ADULT discussion - figure things out, then move forward on however we decide.
What we do and would like to see other couples would do when situations arise is kindly excuse ourselves for a minute or two and have a private, calm, ADULT discussion - figure things out, then move forward on however we decide.
redrock: holy cow! if you keep sticking perfectly sound logic into these threads they are going to become quite boring (lmao) - oh, that's right, logic is not like assholes, not everyone is blessed
LOL CHRKE2 - no doubt, and dont get us wrong, we find it quite intertaining to watch a freak out at any event (including the forum)! But we want the "king of the thread killer" title on here damn it! hahaha
LOL CHRKE2 - no doubt, and dont get us wrong, we find it quite intertaining to watch a freak out at any event (including the forum)! But we want the "king of the thread killer" title on here damn it! hahaha
OK..maybe I"m crazy. And CATZ_E this is not directed towards you.
As the female 1/2 of the couple..if I go out publicly with my husband, to a meet n grett-yes i expect there will be conversations, attention, etc-directed towards him. For me personally, thats fine.
However..as his signifigant other..don't I have the right to him? So to speak. If I see something going on that I don't like, don't I have the right to intervene? If something else is going on and I NEED him at that moment..aren't I entitled to that? I'm not saying I would, but in my mind WE come first..not whatever may be going on.
Is it considered drama if maybe, I'm not into you and don't want you aruond my signifigant other?
Of course there always has to be taken into consideration, the manner in which this is handled.
I understand your frustrations Rach..but also..we never know what's going on the behind the scenes..and unless we know the couple fairly well..we may not know what they are comfortable with. Honestly, some people are not comfortable with singles AT ALL..so you just never know. I wouldn't take it to personally though as it problaby had more to do with them and their own issues than you.
Chances are they were at odds with eachother to begin with and you can't control that. Doesn't mean they're always dramatic, just could be a bad night.
I personally hate the word "drama" ...mostly..LIFE HAPPENS...drama comes from how you choose to handle it
xoxox
Heathen
As the female 1/2 of the couple..if I go out publicly with my husband, to a meet n grett-yes i expect there will be conversations, attention, etc-directed towards him. For me personally, thats fine.
However..as his signifigant other..don't I have the right to him? So to speak. If I see something going on that I don't like, don't I have the right to intervene? If something else is going on and I NEED him at that moment..aren't I entitled to that? I'm not saying I would, but in my mind WE come first..not whatever may be going on.
Is it considered drama if maybe, I'm not into you and don't want you aruond my signifigant other?
Of course there always has to be taken into consideration, the manner in which this is handled.
I understand your frustrations Rach..but also..we never know what's going on the behind the scenes..and unless we know the couple fairly well..we may not know what they are comfortable with. Honestly, some people are not comfortable with singles AT ALL..so you just never know. I wouldn't take it to personally though as it problaby had more to do with them and their own issues than you.
Chances are they were at odds with eachother to begin with and you can't control that. Doesn't mean they're always dramatic, just could be a bad night.
I personally hate the word "drama" ...mostly..LIFE HAPPENS...drama comes from how you choose to handle it
xoxox
Heathen
We have also run into this problem at the meet and greets and at house parties. All I can say about this is just move on to the next person. If couples are having jealousy issues then they arent on the same page as you, or maybe with each other. Everyones expectations and boundaries are different....thats one reason this lifestyle is so great is because of all the diversity that is out there.
We have just changed our thoughts when we go out. We go to just meet people without the expectations of "hooking" up. If someone is having problems with you just talking with their spouse then that is a clue to stay clear of them. At the end of the night we usually go home with just each other and talk about the new friends we have made, and also laugh at the drama that was seen that night...LMAO!!
Good luck to you and just remember.....HAVE FUN!!!!!!
We have just changed our thoughts when we go out. We go to just meet people without the expectations of "hooking" up. If someone is having problems with you just talking with their spouse then that is a clue to stay clear of them. At the end of the night we usually go home with just each other and talk about the new friends we have made, and also laugh at the drama that was seen that night...LMAO!!
Good luck to you and just remember.....HAVE FUN!!!!!!
ROOKIESOFTHEYEAR,
I agree with you. You have the right at anytime to end the encounter for absolutely no reason other than you wish to. If people want to call it "insecurity" or "jealousy", that is on them. It is my contention that no one owes anyone anything but honesty in the lifestyle.
I think many people use the words "drama" and "jealousy" and "insecurity" as a means to look down on and judge others. In reality, it's the person using these words that are the biggest contributors to the "drama". If my wife doesn't like someone because she isn't getting the respect she deserves and they call her jealous, that's their issue. We don't owe anyone shit. I think most of this shit comes from frustrated people that didn't hook up because someone didn't like the situation, so they have to blame someone. <b>Don't expect anything... EVER!</b>
-D-
I agree with you. You have the right at anytime to end the encounter for absolutely no reason other than you wish to. If people want to call it "insecurity" or "jealousy", that is on them. It is my contention that no one owes anyone anything but honesty in the lifestyle.
I think many people use the words "drama" and "jealousy" and "insecurity" as a means to look down on and judge others. In reality, it's the person using these words that are the biggest contributors to the "drama". If my wife doesn't like someone because she isn't getting the respect she deserves and they call her jealous, that's their issue. We don't owe anyone shit. I think most of this shit comes from frustrated people that didn't hook up because someone didn't like the situation, so they have to blame someone. <b>Don't expect anything... EVER!</b>
-D-
TY Don
TY Don
What do we mean by "expect" anything? Should we not "expect to go to a meet and great and feel like we can talk to whomever?
Makes no sense. If you are meaning Don that we should never "expect" anything "sexual" I agree. But to go to a meet and greet and take on that a wife is having issues with you (as another woman) is talking to her husband is REDICULOUS! It originated from Swingular! Of course people are going to be feeling out what others want!
Don't take it on Catz. Move on to the next.
Makes no sense. If you are meaning Don that we should never "expect" anything "sexual" I agree. But to go to a meet and greet and take on that a wife is having issues with you (as another woman) is talking to her husband is REDICULOUS! It originated from Swingular! Of course people are going to be feeling out what others want!
Don't take it on Catz. Move on to the next.
We have had similar problems with our life style choice because as a BDSM couple we have a more defined role and rules ect that we some times think people over look and when we are out and about we take pride in the fact we have a good communication and our rules are simple and easy to follow plus we use it to navigate in life, But watching others navigate is some times a little confusing because of peoples lack of communication and rules makes us a little weary but truth be told it is up to the individuals to get on the same level first then the rest just flows and people have Drama in life it is just how you deal with it and how you prioritize it .... lol People in this and other ALT life styles know exactly what is needed and have to get into that "head space" for things to go smoothly.... But all in all we are all looking for fun and people to share our sense of fun and unfortunatly human nature some time over runs the desires and needs .. lol So kick back enjoy the new friends and if you dont click move on to the next ones might be a better fit any ways....
Hope I didnt ramble to much and hope that I didnt step on any toes... But that is my 2 cents...
Hope I didnt ramble to much and hope that I didnt step on any toes... But that is my 2 cents...