When one of us has a less than satisfying swinging experience, I call it taking one for the team. Except its always me (female) taking one for the team. (go figure.) So, are my expectations too high? One of my friends in the lifestyle says I should approach the situation with plans and rules. She says she and her husband do it that way and every time they deviate from it they have a horrible time. I tried it twice this month and had pretty good experiences. So, what gives?
It can be that way! We have both taken one for the team at one time or another! For the most part if we are goignto swap with a couple we let each other know yes or no. Once in a while one or the other will be indifferent and the other wanting to swap. This is when one will take one. IT all depends on how much the other one wants to play. We find that going to a club and each doing their onw thing much more pleasureable! You don't have to find a couple that you both hit it with and you are free to have fun with who you want to. Sometimes he gets more play time and sometimes it is her. At the end of the night we enjoy eachother and tell about our experince for the night. Does that make for a hot time for the two of us! We are in this for the sex. It is something we do togther, that is we go to clubs together, but not in the same room or maybe not even with the mate of the other involved. There are many couples that when they go to a club they will play with out a swap of partners. It is easier for two to get along and want to play then 4!
We never take one for the team. Usually our first meeting is just that, a meeting. If we play the first time it is because of great chemistry mentally and physically. By meetinghe first time it allows us a chance to come home and discuss and allows the other couple to do the same. It has worked very well and make for great experiences. We are in this to add to our sex lives and if one isn't enjoying then to us it defeats the purpose. But we realize there are different strokes for different people and they have to do what is best for them.
R&S
R&S
Ok...there is an obvious question here...
Why would anyone take one for the team....ever?!?
Why would you allow yourself/selves to allow that situation to progress to intimacy?
Is there any "lay" with someone, to whom you're not attracted that would be worth it...or better than your spouse, for that matter?
The majority of unsavory experiences in swinging...as with life, come about because expectations are not being met, or one fails to manage their own expectations properly.
As for our expectations, sexual intimacy is actually the last item on our Swinger "to do" list.
Shocking huh?
A long time ago, we took a critical look at why it is that we participate in the Lifestyle, and what we quickly realized is that it is not ONLY about is the sex. What it IS always about, however, is to have a good time and to enrich our lives.
Is it the sex that enriches our lives?
Well sure, but only in part.
What consistently brings us fun and pleasure, is the company of friends that we meet within the Lifestyle.
Fun is the only expectation that we always hold to; fun through friendship, fun through sex, fun through meeting new people...it's all good.
Fun with friends is always great.
Sexy fun with friends is always fabulous.
Sex with sexy fun friends is awesome.
Can the fun manifest with friends that we don't play with? Absolutely!
Can the fun manifest itself with friends that we do play with? Absolutely!
Either way...it's a win/win scenario, because our primary focus is not merely on the sex, but fun with like-minded, open-minded people with whom we share a common interest.
We will never take one for the team. We simply have no need to. There is no "pussy" (pardon the slang) that is worth me asking Siren to fuck someone she is not attracted to, and no dick that she craves to make her ask something unreasonable of me.
If any couple finds themselves consistently gettting into awkward situations, or rueing the day after a playdate, then that couple should perhaps work on their communication abilities and refine them.
There are always codewords, and covert signals that a couple can use...you know, something just between the two of you that can be used to communicate without anyone in a crowded room knowing.
We hopefully, would know our spouses well enough, to realize which potential couples/partners would be attractive to them BEFORE any regretful situations arise. Don't you think?
Why would anyone take one for the team....ever?!?
Why would you allow yourself/selves to allow that situation to progress to intimacy?
Is there any "lay" with someone, to whom you're not attracted that would be worth it...or better than your spouse, for that matter?
The majority of unsavory experiences in swinging...as with life, come about because expectations are not being met, or one fails to manage their own expectations properly.
As for our expectations, sexual intimacy is actually the last item on our Swinger "to do" list.
Shocking huh?
A long time ago, we took a critical look at why it is that we participate in the Lifestyle, and what we quickly realized is that it is not ONLY about is the sex. What it IS always about, however, is to have a good time and to enrich our lives.
Is it the sex that enriches our lives?
Well sure, but only in part.
What consistently brings us fun and pleasure, is the company of friends that we meet within the Lifestyle.
Fun is the only expectation that we always hold to; fun through friendship, fun through sex, fun through meeting new people...it's all good.
Fun with friends is always great.
Sexy fun with friends is always fabulous.
Sex with sexy fun friends is awesome.
Can the fun manifest with friends that we don't play with? Absolutely!
Can the fun manifest itself with friends that we do play with? Absolutely!
Either way...it's a win/win scenario, because our primary focus is not merely on the sex, but fun with like-minded, open-minded people with whom we share a common interest.
We will never take one for the team. We simply have no need to. There is no "pussy" (pardon the slang) that is worth me asking Siren to fuck someone she is not attracted to, and no dick that she craves to make her ask something unreasonable of me.
If any couple finds themselves consistently gettting into awkward situations, or rueing the day after a playdate, then that couple should perhaps work on their communication abilities and refine them.
There are always codewords, and covert signals that a couple can use...you know, something just between the two of you that can be used to communicate without anyone in a crowded room knowing.
We hopefully, would know our spouses well enough, to realize which potential couples/partners would be attractive to them BEFORE any regretful situations arise. Don't you think?
Very well said... this is a great topic. Anyone interested in adding it to the Swingers Wiki? ThoughtGarden may have some good words. Here is the wiki: http://wiki.swingular.com.
Very nice addition Rob. :z
I totally agreed with thoughtgarden here. Heather and I not only enjoy the lifestyle for the sex but the friendships we make with the couples that we play with.
very well thought topic, I agree with thoughtgarden, this isn't just for sex but fun, and you always have a choice after as well, these are fun great people or they weren't what we expected, and I have to say that on a few occasions the people were great and when we finally hooked up the sex was better because we knew them. my wife and I are back together and we want to approach this more and more because it worked better and when we(as couples) became friends everything was easier and there wasn't any jealousy on her part, she was comfortable with the other woman, and if you are here for notches on the bed post, expect some dissapointment because not every one is good at sex.
just my thoughts
jeremy
just my thoughts
jeremy
SINCITY: Umm....uhh...."wow"?
Are you angry hun?
Why the hostility?
Are you angry hun?
Why the hostility?
Yes...and thank you for your indeed keen insight. However, I believe that traditionally, satire has a little bit more "wit" and a little less "ire".
Oh..btw, this is "sarcasm", as was my previous response...
Thought you'd like to know.
We're happy that some of us have provided you with at least SOME entertainment on this fine weekend.
"tah-tah"
J
Oh..btw, this is "sarcasm", as was my previous response...
Thought you'd like to know.
We're happy that some of us have provided you with at least SOME entertainment on this fine weekend.
"tah-tah"
J
MMMmmmm...a mid-diaper change SPANKING?!?
That's simply delicious to think about!
J
That's simply delicious to think about!
J
I'm just waiting to find out who TG's husband is. lol
LMAO Drew....am I my own husband??
Isn't there a song about that...called "I'm My Own Grandpa"...errr...something like that?
Isn't there a song about that...called "I'm My Own Grandpa"...errr...something like that?
Ok, I obviously don't want to name names, or even create situations that would be telling of who we were with and where, why. Etc. The straw that broke the camels back was me watchng my man fuck another woman for 3 hours.......which was approximately 2.5 hours longer than her husband lasted with me.
I was just wondering how other coules deal with this.
Of course, I agree with SINCITY, that if the other guy can't finish the job.....the whole reason my guy and I are there is fun for *US*. I know it sounds shitty and mean. We do try to make sure the other couple *thoroughly* enjoys themselves, but in the end, its about us as a couple, having fun. If its not fun for me, then my man should be fucking me and not her. And vice versa, although we haven't met a coupel where my man isn't having fun.
So we did make up rules, and so far have abided by them the last two times we had encounters and we did have a much better time.
Why would I allow myself to be in that situation? Can you really tell a person is going to be too interested in watching their partner get fucked to worry about what they're doing? Or can you tell that they are going to cum prematurely? I never knew until I was in the midst of it that it wasn't going to work. And I'm too nice to stop everyone's fun just because I'm not having fun.
So from now on the rules go like this........ My man makes sure I'm satisfied first. I prefer to see the man with his wife/partner first, so I can judge if he's going to be able to "carry out the mission" or not. There are a few others, but they depend on circumstance.
I was just wondering how other coules deal with this.
Of course, I agree with SINCITY, that if the other guy can't finish the job.....the whole reason my guy and I are there is fun for *US*. I know it sounds shitty and mean. We do try to make sure the other couple *thoroughly* enjoys themselves, but in the end, its about us as a couple, having fun. If its not fun for me, then my man should be fucking me and not her. And vice versa, although we haven't met a coupel where my man isn't having fun.
So we did make up rules, and so far have abided by them the last two times we had encounters and we did have a much better time.
Why would I allow myself to be in that situation? Can you really tell a person is going to be too interested in watching their partner get fucked to worry about what they're doing? Or can you tell that they are going to cum prematurely? I never knew until I was in the midst of it that it wasn't going to work. And I'm too nice to stop everyone's fun just because I'm not having fun.
So from now on the rules go like this........ My man makes sure I'm satisfied first. I prefer to see the man with his wife/partner first, so I can judge if he's going to be able to "carry out the mission" or not. There are a few others, but they depend on circumstance.
Garnet,
I am so sorry you have had anything less than a wonderful experience. A beautiful woman like you deserves the best. If you ever get to Utah or if I ever make it there I would love to prove it to you.
I am so sorry you have had anything less than a wonderful experience. A beautiful woman like you deserves the best. If you ever get to Utah or if I ever make it there I would love to prove it to you.
GARNET, that is indeed a tough experience to go through and you are correct, there was no way for you to know before hand. The new rules you two have made will surely help and we hope you all never have to experience that again. Happy Monday All!
R&S
R&S
sincity: ya' know it's unfortunate that there are so many of us that are inferior when it comes to ability - you obviouslyare a pro - that makes it tuff on the rest of us - just curious tho - which came first, so many men unable to satisfy you or your ball-bustin' attitude? - your attitude sure shrivels my dick!
I think of the high school guys when I here "take one for the team" Seeming I am out of high school and I am crazy about my hubby I find this question as a give...
If one of the partners wants another so bad that this should be an issue...Why be partners?
I would do my hubby anyday and will never settle for less than him ....now if you mean sit on the side lines and don't partake and just watch....given it is something I want to watch I totally would do that...but my baby would have to finish on me at the end.....or the chic would have to be into me as well and make it a foursome with the odd ball sticking to his own partner...
Does this sound fair?
If one of the partners wants another so bad that this should be an issue...Why be partners?
I would do my hubby anyday and will never settle for less than him ....now if you mean sit on the side lines and don't partake and just watch....given it is something I want to watch I totally would do that...but my baby would have to finish on me at the end.....or the chic would have to be into me as well and make it a foursome with the odd ball sticking to his own partner...
Does this sound fair?
I wasn't watching. I was supposed to be participating with the other womans spouse. It didn't work as well as it should've.
Wow, these situations sound so unappealing... Not the part about "taking one for the team" but the part about these guys that are practically being interviewed before the deed. How does a person go about watching a guy with his own partner before deciding whether it's going to work? Do you act coy and say "we really like to watch"? Or is it an overt request "Listen, the last 3 guys were trash, so I'm going to have to watch you pound away at the missus for a while before you get anywhere near me"? What happens if he doesn't perform satisfactorily? Do you ask him to zip up then give them the old "don't call us, we'll call you" and beat a hasty retreat?
Maybe there is something I'm missing from the descriptions here, but the way things have been phrased so far in this thread have felt very harsh. All of it seems extremely degrading to the male. Are rules like "the women always get pleased first" really conducive to some notion of equality?
P
Maybe there is something I'm missing from the descriptions here, but the way things have been phrased so far in this thread have felt very harsh. All of it seems extremely degrading to the male. Are rules like "the women always get pleased first" really conducive to some notion of equality?
P
It is my <b><u>opinion</u></b> that women have many buttons, <i>usually</i> and their man has taken the time over the course of their relationship to get to know these "buttons". He has experience in what makes her feel pleasure and what brings her to orgasm. He also has her trust and the emotional bond that makes her comfortable. A strange man would have no idea of the complexities that lie ahead with a woman that has a different combination of "buttons" than the woman before. <font color="#446ddd">Women are like puzzle boxes with an orgasm prize inside.</font>
On the other hand, guys are very simple and have only one button, hence the ease women have of interchanging partners. A woman can insert the man's penis into her vaginal sleave, make brisk <i>up and down</i> motions with her hips and depending on a man's staying power, age and ability, make the testicle/prostate potion come squirting out. The complexities are non-existent. This is why women more often "take one for the team" that and like me, a lot of guys get fatter and uglier, whilst our wives stay hot.
http://karole2007.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/funny.jpg
SINCITYBICOUPLE,
I wasn't aware that you defined what swinging was. It's different for everyone. That's the fucking truth. Some of these "two pump chumps" or these "cold figid nags" are people that need to warm up to another couple. Making friends first, helps them get passed what makes them nervous or apprehensive. Some people, unlike you, can't just throw their body around like a cum-filled garbage bags. Not everyone are bedpost notchers. But hey, you obviously think you are the authority on what swinging is. The truth is, it's different for all of us. There is no solid definition. However, by all means believe what works for you, just don't expect everyone to accept it.
Swinging is like being single and trying to hook up, except you are couple. Some singles try to fuck every person they date. Some singles want to get to know the person over a course of a few dates before they put out, if they decide to. Being a swinger doesn't mean you have to fuck everytime you meet someone.. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
-D-
On the other hand, guys are very simple and have only one button, hence the ease women have of interchanging partners. A woman can insert the man's penis into her vaginal sleave, make brisk <i>up and down</i> motions with her hips and depending on a man's staying power, age and ability, make the testicle/prostate potion come squirting out. The complexities are non-existent. This is why women more often "take one for the team" that and like me, a lot of guys get fatter and uglier, whilst our wives stay hot.
http://karole2007.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/funny.jpg
SINCITYBICOUPLE,
I wasn't aware that you defined what swinging was. It's different for everyone. That's the fucking truth. Some of these "two pump chumps" or these "cold figid nags" are people that need to warm up to another couple. Making friends first, helps them get passed what makes them nervous or apprehensive. Some people, unlike you, can't just throw their body around like a cum-filled garbage bags. Not everyone are bedpost notchers. But hey, you obviously think you are the authority on what swinging is. The truth is, it's different for all of us. There is no solid definition. However, by all means believe what works for you, just don't expect everyone to accept it.
Swinging is like being single and trying to hook up, except you are couple. Some singles try to fuck every person they date. Some singles want to get to know the person over a course of a few dates before they put out, if they decide to. Being a swinger doesn't mean you have to fuck everytime you meet someone.. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!
-D-
So far we haven't had any of the horrible experiences described in this post. Maybe its because we know that at the end of the night we are going home together and can go on with the fun in our own bedroom. We approach every situation as a date, sometimes all the parties involved "click," and other times we try to make it a fun date where a good time was had by all. We think every sexual experience in itself its a turn on and an all new territory.
We know what our spouse like. Hell, after 12 years I know exactly if my spouse is ready or not for "the deed" - no signals, no winks, we just know. We find it amusing and interesting that some posters like to idolize and enhance their mate's performances in bed with other people. We've read profiles of couple who write us where the men state that they know some of us don't know how to please our wives but they are such studs that they would do it for us and afterwards go to the next bed and hump their own mate for another 5 hours. Its funny they feel the need to write that down, specifically. Needless to say, we don't write them a response or we are just tell them we are not their kind of couple. We do read every profile of the couples who writes us very careful... a few words can say so much.
While in this journey. we just have fun... without the need of validation.. Get over it people, you are not that good!!!!
We know what our spouse like. Hell, after 12 years I know exactly if my spouse is ready or not for "the deed" - no signals, no winks, we just know. We find it amusing and interesting that some posters like to idolize and enhance their mate's performances in bed with other people. We've read profiles of couple who write us where the men state that they know some of us don't know how to please our wives but they are such studs that they would do it for us and afterwards go to the next bed and hump their own mate for another 5 hours. Its funny they feel the need to write that down, specifically. Needless to say, we don't write them a response or we are just tell them we are not their kind of couple. We do read every profile of the couples who writes us very careful... a few words can say so much.
While in this journey. we just have fun... without the need of validation.. Get over it people, you are not that good!!!!
Go Liaandgio!!! I cannot agree more!
hey garnett
If you ever need a pinch hitter put me in coach ... im ready to play...
If you ever need a pinch hitter put me in coach ... im ready to play...
puzzle boxes...that is funny shit, can I use that one D? If so you can use my line "they are like combination locks and the combination is consantly changing!"
deal!
Don and CNKISS,
I love those analogies. I think that somes up the mystery quite nicely. I don't care how good a safe cracker a guy THINKS he is, until you get to know a lady and understand their body, a strange guy is never going to get the full experience possible. He may get close but that is about all he can do.
Just my late night and too much wine 2 cents.
I love those analogies. I think that somes up the mystery quite nicely. I don't care how good a safe cracker a guy THINKS he is, until you get to know a lady and understand their body, a strange guy is never going to get the full experience possible. He may get close but that is about all he can do.
Just my late night and too much wine 2 cents.
I'd like a crack at CNKISS'es puzzle box. LOL!'
-D-
-D-
While we both would have sex with someone that we may not screw if the other was not wanting to play with the their partner. WE can say no and respect the each other feelings. It is fun to watch the other fucking someone they are into. That is part of the the fun of it all! Once things gets going we find that we enjoy it. Now once things start and it goes wrong then one or the other can stop and we BOTH will stop. We would never leave the other waiting for 2 1/2 hours. That is just wrong! This is an activity that should be fun for both.
As far as hitting a womens or a mans buttons. For the most part men enjoy that first time with a women the most. The feeling of entering her the first time is very powerfull to a man. It her chance to make it enjoyable so he wants to keep cuming back! For most women it is experence with a man teaching him how to play with her body and bring it to a good cum.
My 2 cents!
As far as hitting a womens or a mans buttons. For the most part men enjoy that first time with a women the most. The feeling of entering her the first time is very powerfull to a man. It her chance to make it enjoyable so he wants to keep cuming back! For most women it is experence with a man teaching him how to play with her body and bring it to a good cum.
My 2 cents!
Years ago, while on our way out to meet with a new couple we had talked to online.. Mrs Putnam asked me a question..
What if I didnt find the other woman attractive, to which i gave the reply
" I'm a guy, If things get to that point, everything would be fine.."
She looked at me, and was giving me a look that said.. WTF..
I tried valiantly to explain the LIZARD brain, and it all came out wrong.. But the basic idea put forth in this thread is very true..
Now what does this have to do with the "taking one for the team" ..
Imagine that same couple after a nice initial meeting, and setting up something for the following weekend.. We go, and in somewhat eager anticipation, things progress, the women start things off, and the guys join in.. GREAT..
then came the buzz kill
having the female half of the same couple tell me on no two uncertain terms, that she was taking one for her team so they could both be with Mrs Putnam.. Meanwhile, on the bed next to us, her husband amd my wife were throughly enjoying themselves..
So, I had two choices.. call and end to the evening, or as I did, let EGO take over.. pull out all the stops and give her total A game plus.. A super toungue lashing, thru two hard O's followed by a bit of DEEP tissue stimulation, lol
At the end of the first round, while she didnt say it, i tend to think she had changed her mind.. And when we called it a night and I explained the comment to Mrs Putnam, she was pissed I hadnt told her before.. I explained that she was enjoying herself and I love seeing her enjoy herself, so...
Needless to say, she said it was a great night but never to be repeated with them.. And she told them so when they called..
What if I didnt find the other woman attractive, to which i gave the reply
" I'm a guy, If things get to that point, everything would be fine.."
She looked at me, and was giving me a look that said.. WTF..
I tried valiantly to explain the LIZARD brain, and it all came out wrong.. But the basic idea put forth in this thread is very true..
Now what does this have to do with the "taking one for the team" ..
Imagine that same couple after a nice initial meeting, and setting up something for the following weekend.. We go, and in somewhat eager anticipation, things progress, the women start things off, and the guys join in.. GREAT..
then came the buzz kill
having the female half of the same couple tell me on no two uncertain terms, that she was taking one for her team so they could both be with Mrs Putnam.. Meanwhile, on the bed next to us, her husband amd my wife were throughly enjoying themselves..
So, I had two choices.. call and end to the evening, or as I did, let EGO take over.. pull out all the stops and give her total A game plus.. A super toungue lashing, thru two hard O's followed by a bit of DEEP tissue stimulation, lol
At the end of the first round, while she didnt say it, i tend to think she had changed her mind.. And when we called it a night and I explained the comment to Mrs Putnam, she was pissed I hadnt told her before.. I explained that she was enjoying herself and I love seeing her enjoy herself, so...
Needless to say, she said it was a great night but never to be repeated with them.. And she told them so when they called..
Usually opportunities to see a man with his wife present themselves. Hopefully he's not the kind who is just in it to fuck other women, and he's still interested enough in his woman to make it obvious. (thinking back to a story someone told on here where the husband porclaimed "i don't want to fuck my wife, I;ve been fucking her for years.")
I like the puzzle box analogy d.
I like the puzzle box analogy d.
I guess, depending on the definition, we might have taken one for the team. Now, if I found that the girl was absolutely nasty and couldn't stand to be in the same room as she was, much less be in her, I'd pass on her and let the wife know. Wife does the same. Now, if you are saying that we must both be attracted absolutely to the other couple and vice versa, well, I guess we will never swing then since sometimes, I find the girl so-so and she finds the guy great or vice versa. Bottom line, I don't think that we have ever had equal attraction. Probably never will. So, as long as they are within the "doable range" we swap. If either of us finds the partner we are swapping with in the "lets get this over with" category, we don't.
Its not impossible to find couples you both click with it just takes work. One couple, I got along great with them, her and him. The Mr didn't "get along" with her, because she didn't want other men. So, of course it couldn't go further. (then we had no idea about soft swaps, we thought full swap was the only way to go.)
Since then we've talked about leaving the lifestyle, coming up with rules, soft swap only......then we came up with rules. and I lowered my expectations. I am pretty sure my guy is the only guy who can make me O. So if I have a good time, but I don't O with another partner its no big deal.
Since then we've talked about leaving the lifestyle, coming up with rules, soft swap only......then we came up with rules. and I lowered my expectations. I am pretty sure my guy is the only guy who can make me O. So if I have a good time, but I don't O with another partner its no big deal.