We tend to keep aweay from married playing behind thier spouses back simply because we don't want the hassle of the chance that the spouse finds out that thier is cheating going on doesn't matter if the cheater is male or female instead of cheating introduce spouse slowly you may be surprised she/he might just get hooked.
Norm&Sharon
Norm&Sharon
The playing field is definately the same whether it is male or female. Frankly we prefer couples versus singles (although we make exceptions with singles...on an individual basis). It is really hard to determine whether or not they are really single. "J"
We have actually known people that have "played" with marrieds and then the spouse found out about it. Subsequently filing for divorce and naming them in the suit. Ummmm something that we don't want a part of. "J"
The "cheating" issue applies to both male and female for us. We say "No cheating males" simply because they are the ones that always seem to contact us. They are either very honest about it or we get the attempted scam from them. We've never been contacted by a "cheating" female so it really hasn't been a concern for us. If one did contact us we would apply the same rule.
We're in the lifestyle for fun and friends, not to be placed in the middle of a messy domestic problem.
We're in the lifestyle for fun and friends, not to be placed in the middle of a messy domestic problem.
Its as simple as this. If your married and you dont play with your spouse "toodles". We dont want to be part of any family issues. We never play alone. We now oth women and men that play without their mate but they dont play with us.
If a single female contacted us they would get the same third degree as a male.
If a single female contacted us they would get the same third degree as a male.
THIS IS A HARD QUESTION WITH A FEW ANSWERS FROM ME .
IF EITHER A MAN OR A WOMAN IS CHEATING ... DOING IT WITHOUT THE MATE KNOWING THEN WE WOULD NEVER PLAY WITH EITHER FEMALE OF MALE . WE DONT WANT PROBLEMS AND WE DONT WANT TO BE THE CAUSE OF A PROBLEM AND WE TRY TO TREAT EVERYBODY HOW WE WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. SO WE WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT IS GOING TO HURT SOMEONE ELSE .
BUT IF THEY ARE MARRIED AND THE MATE IS OK WITH THEM PLAYING ALONE AND THEY HAVE SAID SO TO US .THEN TO US THEY HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP . AND THAT WOULD BE OK WITH US . ITS VERY HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT PLAYMATES . AD ITS EVEN HARDER TO FIND A COUPLE THAT EVERYBODY CLICKS WELL WITH SOMETIMES . SO WE UNDERSTAND AND ALSO LIVE A OPEN REALTIONSHIP . SOME PEOPLE TAKE IT AS WE DONT REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE ARE JUST SWINGING PARTENERS JUST TO HOOK UP MORE . BUT IT ISNT LIKE THAT AT ALL . WE DONT SWING WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE . AND WE BOTH GIVE EACH OTHER THE FREEDOM TO EXPLORE WHAT EVER EACH OTHER WANTS TO DO .WE HVE BEEN TOG FOR 13 YEARS AND WE HAVE DIFFERENT TASTE IN WOMEN SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES SOMEONE JUST WANTS TO PLAY WITH ONE OF US . AS LONG AS THEY SHOW RESPECT TO ALL THEN WE ARE OK WITH PLAYING ALONE WE ARE VERY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER . AND WE DONT DO ANYTHING BEHIND EACH OTHER S BACK . BUT WE ALWAYS DONT HAVE TO BE THERE FOR THE OTHER ONE TO HAVE FUN . BUT WE WOULD NEVER PLAY WITH ANYONE THAT IS CHEATING . SWINGING IS ALOT OF FUN AS A COUPLE AND WE TRY TO DO MOST THINGS AS A COUPLE . BUT WE ARE ALSO DIFFERENT AND WANT TO DO DIFFERENT THINGS AND FEEL THAT IS OK TO EXPLORE WITH SOMEONE WHEN WANTED .
NAUGHTY DREAMS
FREAKY KITTY
IF EITHER A MAN OR A WOMAN IS CHEATING ... DOING IT WITHOUT THE MATE KNOWING THEN WE WOULD NEVER PLAY WITH EITHER FEMALE OF MALE . WE DONT WANT PROBLEMS AND WE DONT WANT TO BE THE CAUSE OF A PROBLEM AND WE TRY TO TREAT EVERYBODY HOW WE WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED. SO WE WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING THAT IS GOING TO HURT SOMEONE ELSE .
BUT IF THEY ARE MARRIED AND THE MATE IS OK WITH THEM PLAYING ALONE AND THEY HAVE SAID SO TO US .THEN TO US THEY HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP . AND THAT WOULD BE OK WITH US . ITS VERY HARD TO FIND THE RIGHT PLAYMATES . AD ITS EVEN HARDER TO FIND A COUPLE THAT EVERYBODY CLICKS WELL WITH SOMETIMES . SO WE UNDERSTAND AND ALSO LIVE A OPEN REALTIONSHIP . SOME PEOPLE TAKE IT AS WE DONT REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER AND WE ARE JUST SWINGING PARTENERS JUST TO HOOK UP MORE . BUT IT ISNT LIKE THAT AT ALL . WE DONT SWING WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE . AND WE BOTH GIVE EACH OTHER THE FREEDOM TO EXPLORE WHAT EVER EACH OTHER WANTS TO DO .WE HVE BEEN TOG FOR 13 YEARS AND WE HAVE DIFFERENT TASTE IN WOMEN SOMETIMES AND SOMETIMES SOMEONE JUST WANTS TO PLAY WITH ONE OF US . AS LONG AS THEY SHOW RESPECT TO ALL THEN WE ARE OK WITH PLAYING ALONE WE ARE VERY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER . AND WE DONT DO ANYTHING BEHIND EACH OTHER S BACK . BUT WE ALWAYS DONT HAVE TO BE THERE FOR THE OTHER ONE TO HAVE FUN . BUT WE WOULD NEVER PLAY WITH ANYONE THAT IS CHEATING . SWINGING IS ALOT OF FUN AS A COUPLE AND WE TRY TO DO MOST THINGS AS A COUPLE . BUT WE ARE ALSO DIFFERENT AND WANT TO DO DIFFERENT THINGS AND FEEL THAT IS OK TO EXPLORE WITH SOMEONE WHEN WANTED .
NAUGHTY DREAMS
FREAKY KITTY
We have seen both sides of the equation. We each have played alone, ut it was always wth the full knowledge and agreement of the other partner. (In fact, Mrs. Chemistry usually arranges the play sessions for Mr. Chemistry.)
But when it comes to others who play alone, we follow pretty much the same rules. So long as the other partner is aware, we would at least consider.
But when it comes to others who play alone, we follow pretty much the same rules. So long as the other partner is aware, we would at least consider.
mr sextra likes to watch mrs sextra with others so we mostly play with singles due to couples wanting both of us to participate and he only wants to watch .. and we have had alot of your cheaters to contact us and we treat them the same one way or the other if your cheating your cheating ... we both had that from past spouses so we know the feeling .. and dont want any part of them that do this..
My wife and I use to play together when we were younger but she grew away from the lifestyle. After 30 yrs of marriage I still love her very very much but I also love to have sex so I do it behind her back. Cheater..yes, I am in the eyes of most, but I have always been able to tell the difference between sex and love. But trust me , what you have to read between the lines with most of these couples, if I was a young bi-female married hottie, then both hubby and his bi-wife wouldn't think twice about me cheating on my spouse.
" if I was a young bi-female married hottie, then both hubby and his bi-wife wouldn't think twice about me cheating on my spouse. "
Ummmm that would not apply to us. Married is married and if the other spouse isn't fully aware and condones it no way in hell.
Thank you.
"J"
Ummmm that would not apply to us. Married is married and if the other spouse isn't fully aware and condones it no way in hell.
Thank you.
"J"
Interesting topic. As a 30+ year married man and a non swinging wife I would be called a cheater. This is not always as it seems. I was into the lifestyle before we meet and told her. She went to one party with me and did not enjoy it we did not stay. She is free to do as she wishes just as am I. We talked about it and she chooses not to join. She has seen other men I do not know if there was sex or not did not ask just as she does not ask me. We do love each other and are best friends but just have different hobbies. I do not play golf I just play.
IF your spouse does not know or condone it, then in our book you are a cheater male or female. We choose not to involve ourselves with cheaters, we do not need the drama or problems.
C&K
C&K
YOU know what strikes us so funny about this cheater topic is the shallowness of most of the responses. If a pole was taken amoung all our lifesyle friends I would not be surprised to see more than 50% of them from previous marraiges and relationships that were torn apart because one was a cheater or the other was not into the lifestyle. Go figure? Not the pot calling the kettle black are we? Look, it's simple people. There is alot of us out there that just don't admit our real sexual desires. Men and Women alike all need sexual activity. If a male or female is out behind the marriage having fun there is a reason for it. Most generally they are not being taken care of at home sexually. That doesn't mean they don't love their spouse, it just means they are not being fullfilled in that area of their life. SO, whoare we to judge the married people out playing on there own? EVeryone has there own reasons for doing what they do and we should all respect that! It's not our job to become the moralistic judges of others in the lifestyle. I can almost assure you that the "cheaters" would never allow their personal affairs to interfere with ours? We have been to house parties with well over 40 couple and singles,what evers and I never heard anyone ask anyone else or even cared if you were married, single, attached or anything. It just didnt seem to matter, all anyone wanted to do was fuck plain and simple! good point to remember when your looking for your next bed partner is the safety issue with STD's. I bet you would never catch an STD from a married person playing on the side! But we know all too well about the crap that single people carry from party to party and bed to bed! Our simple point is for all of us not to judge others until you have spoken with them and understand them before making a judgement against them?
We can appreciate your point naughtbynature and agree with your statement of "I can almost assure you that the "cheaters" would never allow their personal affairs to interfere with ours? ".
I guess the problem would be the "cheater" may not have any control over you finding yourself in some lawyers office giving sworn statements about your private sexual life that will be used in a divorce case. Your personal secrets are now made public after the spouse finds your information stored on the cheaters computer, copies of emails, chats, pics etc. Very good stuff to be used against the cheater and very embarrassing and dangerous to those that choose to play with cheaters. The spouse doesn't care about you or your privacy. He/she will drag you into their messy divorce simply because it's basically all they need to kick the cheaters ass.
"Cheaters" to us are people that play WITHOUT the others knowledge or permission. The person that plays behind their spouses back without their permission is cheating to us and whether or not they want to involve us in their personal domestic affairs means nothing to us... they may not have any control over that once the spouse discovers their secret life and feels that it is not acceptable to them. Honesty is very important to us and anyone that would cheat and lie to the person they love would obviously have no problem lying to us and violating our trust.
We understand that some people are in an "open marriage" where one person is not interested in the lifestyle but have no problem with the other person being in the lifestyle. We don't consider that as cheating.
Discretion is very important to us as well as making sure that noone gets hurt or we do not contribute to the painful and ugly breakup of a couple. Having said that, we find it easier to have a general rule about people playing without their spouses. Naturally there may be an exception to every rule so if we did come across someone in that position AND we were very attracted to that person AND we were able to speak to the spouse IN PERSON and get their permission we MIGHT consider the possibility of going furthur with it. But every time we are contacted from someone that says they have permission never allows us to verify it.
I guess the problem would be the "cheater" may not have any control over you finding yourself in some lawyers office giving sworn statements about your private sexual life that will be used in a divorce case. Your personal secrets are now made public after the spouse finds your information stored on the cheaters computer, copies of emails, chats, pics etc. Very good stuff to be used against the cheater and very embarrassing and dangerous to those that choose to play with cheaters. The spouse doesn't care about you or your privacy. He/she will drag you into their messy divorce simply because it's basically all they need to kick the cheaters ass.
"Cheaters" to us are people that play WITHOUT the others knowledge or permission. The person that plays behind their spouses back without their permission is cheating to us and whether or not they want to involve us in their personal domestic affairs means nothing to us... they may not have any control over that once the spouse discovers their secret life and feels that it is not acceptable to them. Honesty is very important to us and anyone that would cheat and lie to the person they love would obviously have no problem lying to us and violating our trust.
We understand that some people are in an "open marriage" where one person is not interested in the lifestyle but have no problem with the other person being in the lifestyle. We don't consider that as cheating.
Discretion is very important to us as well as making sure that noone gets hurt or we do not contribute to the painful and ugly breakup of a couple. Having said that, we find it easier to have a general rule about people playing without their spouses. Naturally there may be an exception to every rule so if we did come across someone in that position AND we were very attracted to that person AND we were able to speak to the spouse IN PERSON and get their permission we MIGHT consider the possibility of going furthur with it. But every time we are contacted from someone that says they have permission never allows us to verify it.
Why would you want to take part in breaking someones heart like that? If a person is "Swinging" without there spouse knowing about it then it is cheating. So unless its ok with the other spouse and they just don't want to join in why take part in it why take the risk of it?
Rach
Rach
Though lots of people have denied interest in a married female who is cheating, I know for fact that there are a lot of couples willing to make exceptions.
There is a double standard and the big part of it is that there are just way too many guys vs women. When a couple is in search of a 3rd. The net seems over loaded by single and cheating guys. While "real" single or married women who are willing to join a couple are very rare.
Heck look at most of the adult websites, there seems to be tons of single male and female ads, but when you really start writing to the adds you realize quickly that most of the women have either found what they want, don't respond or spam you with porn sites. (just an example of how scarce women are on the net single or swinging without a partner).
We would make an exception for a married woman, but not for a married guy.
There is a double standard and the big part of it is that there are just way too many guys vs women. When a couple is in search of a 3rd. The net seems over loaded by single and cheating guys. While "real" single or married women who are willing to join a couple are very rare.
Heck look at most of the adult websites, there seems to be tons of single male and female ads, but when you really start writing to the adds you realize quickly that most of the women have either found what they want, don't respond or spam you with porn sites. (just an example of how scarce women are on the net single or swinging without a partner).
We would make an exception for a married woman, but not for a married guy.