We keep getting what we don't want. So I read our profile, from when we first came here and I found it was wishy washy. So I intended to leave it blank until we could decide what we wanted.....but it wouldn't let me. Darn thing!
Here's the deal. I don't (Garnet, female speaking) want to be any man's "girlfriendf". I don't want to be around for the pleasure of someone else's man. Thats not my job, he's not my mate. Know what I mean? And yet I keep getting lots of those requests. I *love* what my man has to offer. If I want cock, I'll stay home. We are a couple. we play as a couple. I'm not asking my man to sit out so I can be with some other guy, or some other woman. Which brings me to my next point. My guy and I know there aren't many women who will look at what he has and say "I can handle that." We're realisitic. Even if we're invited over for a full swap......we don't expect it to be that way. For him,....... its okay to not have sex with the other woman, as long as he can be with me and watch bi play. ( I will do bi play if the situation is right, and everyone is okay with it.)
Which brings me to the next problem. Obviously, since most women look at the Man's package and say "oh no." there isn't a full swap going on. Thats why most of the coeples we choose have a bi curious woman. So that atleast he can get some of what he wants to see. But whats happening the majority of the time is bi foreplay....a litte kiss, maybe we'll fondle breasts...... and then I do other things while the other party remains passive. (why I don't know). And the vast majority of the time I get told later that they have mixed feelings, they like bi foreplay but not that, they really wanted a woman for their husband.
So am are we choosing wrong, or what? We've only been with one couple where it worked out nicely. (Hi, if you read this.) We decided our profile sucked and wasn't specific enough. So for now it is what it is. But what else are we doing wrong?
Here's the deal. I don't (Garnet, female speaking) want to be any man's "girlfriendf". I don't want to be around for the pleasure of someone else's man. Thats not my job, he's not my mate. Know what I mean? And yet I keep getting lots of those requests. I *love* what my man has to offer. If I want cock, I'll stay home. We are a couple. we play as a couple. I'm not asking my man to sit out so I can be with some other guy, or some other woman. Which brings me to my next point. My guy and I know there aren't many women who will look at what he has and say "I can handle that." We're realisitic. Even if we're invited over for a full swap......we don't expect it to be that way. For him,....... its okay to not have sex with the other woman, as long as he can be with me and watch bi play. ( I will do bi play if the situation is right, and everyone is okay with it.)
Which brings me to the next problem. Obviously, since most women look at the Man's package and say "oh no." there isn't a full swap going on. Thats why most of the coeples we choose have a bi curious woman. So that atleast he can get some of what he wants to see. But whats happening the majority of the time is bi foreplay....a litte kiss, maybe we'll fondle breasts...... and then I do other things while the other party remains passive. (why I don't know). And the vast majority of the time I get told later that they have mixed feelings, they like bi foreplay but not that, they really wanted a woman for their husband.
So am are we choosing wrong, or what? We've only been with one couple where it worked out nicely. (Hi, if you read this.) We decided our profile sucked and wasn't specific enough. So for now it is what it is. But what else are we doing wrong?
we know what you are going through ,we seem to always get single men(or married men who,s wives don't want to play with us ) I (the husband)don't know if it has to do with my looks,because as far as my package it's average(for the couples we have played with I have been told it,s large) It seems to me that people are only interested in playing with her. I'm not against playing with singles ,but it's frustrating to me to think that most women in the lifestyle don't want to play because I don't look like a male model
Just his $0.02, but maybe it helps...
For some unknown reason, we all seem to think our spouses are all that. My gal thinks I am a stud, handsome, great in bed, etc. I think the same of here. Yet, when people look at our profile, they do not see what we see. Anyway...I am NOT saying anything against your husband or wife, just saying how it is, in our experience.
We have found that couples are VERY difficult to connect with. When you date, it is merely 2 people trying to connect, when you have a single, it is three people, with a couple, you have four people. Do you see the astronomical odds here? Sure, there are some people who will bed down with anyone who says hello, but that is also rare, and, we found, usually the guys making those decisions =)) Anyway...
The whole point, in case you did not see it above is this: Do not go into anything with any expectations, do not think people will be what they proport in their profile (how many 10 inch cocks have you read about, only to find a 4 incher waiting for you?), meet, have a drink, discuss what is desired and move from there. One last thing, keep in mind, you can stop at ANY point of the process for ANY reason, just because you started to play or meet, does not mean you have to go to the next step.
For some unknown reason, we all seem to think our spouses are all that. My gal thinks I am a stud, handsome, great in bed, etc. I think the same of here. Yet, when people look at our profile, they do not see what we see. Anyway...I am NOT saying anything against your husband or wife, just saying how it is, in our experience.
We have found that couples are VERY difficult to connect with. When you date, it is merely 2 people trying to connect, when you have a single, it is three people, with a couple, you have four people. Do you see the astronomical odds here? Sure, there are some people who will bed down with anyone who says hello, but that is also rare, and, we found, usually the guys making those decisions =)) Anyway...
The whole point, in case you did not see it above is this: Do not go into anything with any expectations, do not think people will be what they proport in their profile (how many 10 inch cocks have you read about, only to find a 4 incher waiting for you?), meet, have a drink, discuss what is desired and move from there. One last thing, keep in mind, you can stop at ANY point of the process for ANY reason, just because you started to play or meet, does not mean you have to go to the next step.
JSTJIM72: as relative newcomers to the scene, I would just like to say that you have done a great job of condensing many of the basic principles I have gleaned into a very well-stated, yet simple, couple of paragraphs - thx!
Garnet, we agree with BELNSPOONS, this is a great thread. It is nice to see others helping each other as the make their way into and through the lifestyle. Garnet, we looked at your profile and saw nothing wrong with it. Good luck in your searches. Have a great day and weekend all!
R&S
R&S
A lot of this has come up in the past but this thread makes it easier to find rather then sifting thru each post in previous threads. We enjoy meet and greets because it allows us the opportunity to meet many different couples at once. Then we put a small party together so there is a greater chance everyone will find someone that is interested in them.
Also, group sex is great if you find the right group of people. We are just starting to enjoy this and feel it might be what we prefer the most.
Finally, there is the old house party to fall back on. this is nothing more then the results of a night at the meet and greets but again put more people in the same place all for the same reason. So it is almost certain that everyone will get the opportunity to play with someone.
We have met couple to couple and have not made connections and other times it has been great. If we do meet a couple like we did not long ago where she was interested in him but her and I did not hit it off we invited them to a house party. She got to play with him while I played with someone else in the same room. His wife met and played with someone so all were happy. Just don`t limit your options and the key is to get involved. If you are still confused, read Jims post again, it just makes to much sense to not get a second mention.
Joe
Also, group sex is great if you find the right group of people. We are just starting to enjoy this and feel it might be what we prefer the most.
Finally, there is the old house party to fall back on. this is nothing more then the results of a night at the meet and greets but again put more people in the same place all for the same reason. So it is almost certain that everyone will get the opportunity to play with someone.
We have met couple to couple and have not made connections and other times it has been great. If we do meet a couple like we did not long ago where she was interested in him but her and I did not hit it off we invited them to a house party. She got to play with him while I played with someone else in the same room. His wife met and played with someone so all were happy. Just don`t limit your options and the key is to get involved. If you are still confused, read Jims post again, it just makes to much sense to not get a second mention.
Joe
We Are Throbbing,Thank you for a terrific response and a reminder of how we should treat each other. Like it or not, we are a "community". We too, had early experiences where we didn't (for some shy, stupid reason) reach out to the other person(s) to genuinely say what we were feeling, like the chemistry wasn't there, for them/us, we/they were a bit too nervous, drunk, etc. but that it was terrific getting to know them more and they sure are cool, fun, attractive, hot, sexy, nice, genuine (insert your own adjective here) etc.
As we have met and gotten to talk to more people, it's amazing the great advice and tips you can get from some "veterans" (people who may have been in the lifestyle longer, not necessarily that they've had sex with more people). I'm enlightened every time I talk to XXSTASY. BTW - Dre, at our last discussion my phone bat died and I was transitioning from work mode to parent mode and just haven't had a chance to call you back to tell you, but I think you guys are FANTASTIC! Love ya, A.S. (see what I mean? LOL)
we were lucky enough to go to a small group meet up of some local folks with the same lifestyle as ours. Everyone we met we would definetely talk to again, as friends for sure. It was a happy, open, talkative, joking, enjoyable atmosphere. I don't think anyone had group sex that night, but we all had fun just getting to know one another. And we had somewhat of an inpromptu boob judging contest. That never hurts. :! There was some kissing, fondling, and flirting. It wasn't totally innocent. (and there were people we spoke with I *definetely* want to see again) So, hopefully I'll see them at the get together Saturday.
I highly recomend get togethers like this small group gathering. It really gives people a chance to get to know one another. My guy and I are even considering hosting a few this summer. If we didn't have a local group, maybe eventually we would have come up with the nerve to ask a few couples over for no strings attached hanging out and talking. I highly recomend it.
I highly recomend get togethers like this small group gathering. It really gives people a chance to get to know one another. My guy and I are even considering hosting a few this summer. If we didn't have a local group, maybe eventually we would have come up with the nerve to ask a few couples over for no strings attached hanging out and talking. I highly recomend it.
We have experienced the same issues, which is why D and I play separately now. A couple that is good friends with us think our relationship is a train wreck waiting to happen, but its been 6 yrs now and playing separately hasnt seem to have had any negative effects.
D isnt comfortable in group situations, and it was becoming increasingly harder to find a couple where all 4 people clicked. Seems there was always and imbalance. Everyone has to live within their comfort zone for it to work, unfortunately one of the difficulties of being in this lifestyle.
D isnt comfortable in group situations, and it was becoming increasingly harder to find a couple where all 4 people clicked. Seems there was always and imbalance. Everyone has to live within their comfort zone for it to work, unfortunately one of the difficulties of being in this lifestyle.