I have a story to share and I would like your thoughts on if this really seems possible. My bf and I have been swinging for awhile, and we decided that we light both like a single gf, that way we could have the fun of group sex w/o the need for condoms and setting up meetings with new people. Anyways, there are people who believe that it is posible. She totally said that she wanted to be with both of us, be in love with both of us, but it ended up that she thought she could drive my bf and I apart and leave me all alone. It didn't work out so well for us (to put it mildly) and we ended up asking her to leave before she drove a wedge between us. I so wanted things to work out between us! Do you guys really think that it is possible or just a pipe dream?
There are always possibilities, but everything has to be out there on the table. No lies, no hidden agendas, no subordinate plans. I have seen everything from two women trying to get rid of the guy and the type you were talking about and then even two guys wanting to get rid of one of the wives. I an not saying it does not work , I am saying that you have to open up everyone and see if that is really what they want. Time is fleeting, the passion does fade. Maybe not like for most but in a trio there is no room for jealousy or getting rid of anyone. You need to know this long before you invite anyone into your life your home or your bed. Remember this this is a lifestyle and there are those that still believe that 1 on 1 is the only way to live................................................we know better.
For those that are lucky enough to find someone willing I think Poly relationships are very worthwhile to explore. For those dedicated enough they can make it work congrds all away around for doing so.. Personally I think the best situation is a FMF with the girls being bi or a MFM with the guys being bi. This way there is less likely one person will feel like they have to compete for affections which is what you have when one set of partners is not attracted/interested in each other.
Personally I don't think I could do it. It would require an amount of sharing that I'm not ready for. It goes beyond sex because to have a poly relationship it's love and communication and there would be times (as in all relationships) where you might communicate something to one partner (confide) that you have not done with the other. Some of these might be intentional others might not be, but regardless I don't think I could handle that.
Good luck for anyone looking for a poly relationship. I think we will continue to hope for an exclusive swing relationship which would be similar, but not as emotionally depended as a poly relationship would be.
Christy
Personally I don't think I could do it. It would require an amount of sharing that I'm not ready for. It goes beyond sex because to have a poly relationship it's love and communication and there would be times (as in all relationships) where you might communicate something to one partner (confide) that you have not done with the other. Some of these might be intentional others might not be, but regardless I don't think I could handle that.
Good luck for anyone looking for a poly relationship. I think we will continue to hope for an exclusive swing relationship which would be similar, but not as emotionally depended as a poly relationship would be.
Christy
No one can drive a wedge between a committed couple. As for poly relationships, they take quite abit of work to sustain them particularly if it is a primary triad. We have a good friend who is poly and has a wife to which he is legally married and then also has a wife to which he is handfasted. Handfastiing is a kind of contract like marriage but can be limited, theirs is not. THis practice is parcticed by various groups that might be classed as pagan religions. They have been together some 15 years and no more problems than might be associated with 2 marriages but the dynamics are quite a bit different. It's all about committment.. A note... each of the partners in this triad have secondary and tertiary relationships as well and I am not sure if the primarie ladies are bi with each other but they are bi... Again I am not sure if they even share secondary partners but for them it works. If takes committment and work to sustain triad relationships but they do work in real life...
If you and your bf are committed then a third cannot split it up... You made the comment that you asked this girl to leave before she drove a wedge between you and your BF.... just cannot happen unless you let it... You might wish to read 2 books before you attempt to go that route again... One is "POLYAMORY THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS" by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol and the second is "THE ETHICAL SLUT" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Liszt (Don't let the title throw you) Good information about poly and multiple relationships...and how to make them work.. Some good examples too.
If you and your bf are committed then a third cannot split it up... You made the comment that you asked this girl to leave before she drove a wedge between you and your BF.... just cannot happen unless you let it... You might wish to read 2 books before you attempt to go that route again... One is "POLYAMORY THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS" by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol and the second is "THE ETHICAL SLUT" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Liszt (Don't let the title throw you) Good information about poly and multiple relationships...and how to make them work.. Some good examples too.
I think age may come into play with this more than anything. As we grow older things become clearer. The difference between love and lust and the difference between In Love and love. I think it is very possible for a woman to be in love with one man but love having sex with another. I also believe that as we grow older we tend to be more confident in ourselves and our partner. Thus I think if done at middle age it could work and be great as it would provide the guys with people, other guys to hang with, and the female the best of all worlds, her man one on one when she wants and the other man when she wants and the three together when desired. It all comes down to knowing each others role in the relationship and accepting it and wanting to enjoy that role and not infringing on the others. It is a great concept that can allow 3 people love and security and LUST.
We were in a situation with a single male for a while. It had looked like it was ending to the Poly stage. At least in my eyes.
Well, things ended with him. found out after the fact, that he was just using us. He used us to gain connections to others in the lifestyle, for a regular piece of ass, etc. He had no feelings for me at all. Just friendship. Even though he told me over and over again (even in front of others) that he loved me. ALL LIES!
The main thing to remember..... Singles (females AND males) have NOTHING to lose if things go bad. Couples have EVERYTHING to lose.
We have learned from our experience.
Please be careful!
*Hugs*
Carrie
Well, things ended with him. found out after the fact, that he was just using us. He used us to gain connections to others in the lifestyle, for a regular piece of ass, etc. He had no feelings for me at all. Just friendship. Even though he told me over and over again (even in front of others) that he loved me. ALL LIES!
The main thing to remember..... Singles (females AND males) have NOTHING to lose if things go bad. Couples have EVERYTHING to lose.
We have learned from our experience.
Please be careful!
*Hugs*
Carrie
As I said earlier.... Noone can break up a couple who knows and trusts each other implicitly. If someone professes love to someone or a couple and things then go south...That should not affect the basic relationship of the primary couple. If on the otherhand, you are being drawn out of your primary relationship, letting go of that primary relationship, for the love of another, then there was always danger that it could happen without the profession of love. Please don't blame a sour or soured or marred relationship on a poly situation or a supposed poly relationship. If a situation were to occur without that "poly" implication, there could or would still be a problem in the primary relationship....
Polyamory means to love more than one. Loving more than one, however does not mean loving any one less. It means that you simply expand and extend love to additional people. Unlike commodities, the more love you give the more love you have to give... I think that the influx of people who are in their mid 40's thru their 60's, who are just now joining the lifestyle with a profile that says "We are looking for friend first. We would like to be able to do things together outside of sexual activities and we want to be friend and then lets see what happens..." These people are looking for more than simple recreational sex. The lifestyle started with couples "Wife Swipping" then it grew into Swinging to "the Lifestyle" and singles started to become part of the lifestyle ..starting with single ladies invited into threesomes and now single men... The Lifestyle is evolving and I believe that poly relationships are becomming part of it... Many couples want to have little closed groups to promote safe sex and a feelign of closeness and friendship.. Things that our grandparents took for granted, sans the sex... We live in a very fast paced world and there is little time for these close friendships and the closeness that people used to feel toward friend.. People are realizing at least acknowleging that sex is a large part of being human and are opening to that in the lifestyle. For all the talk about swinging being about recreational sex and that love is something else... there seems to be a very large number of people who are looking for this "friendship first" "friends with benefits" "We want to be able to go places and do things together and if sex happens we're up for it" for people not to realize that it's not just for sex anymore...
These are observations from participating in various forums on various swinging sites and from talking to many people from those sites... New people joining the lifestyle asking all manner of questions... I really believe that if you are secure in your primary relationship you can be friends, lovers and sex partners and have "normal" type relationships with or without sex with or without love. Polyamory is with love and maybe sex just like marriage can be.. Oups, maybe no sex in marriage?... Yes... there may cum a time when things are not what they used to be and even the miracles of modern medicine will not produce the desired results...(and that goes for both genders) but the love is still there...
Things can only negatively affect your primary relationship if you let them....To paraphrase an old expression...."It take YOU to tango" Poly is in fact joining the lifestyle there are many sself professed poly people inthe lifestyle right now.
Ray
Polyamory means to love more than one. Loving more than one, however does not mean loving any one less. It means that you simply expand and extend love to additional people. Unlike commodities, the more love you give the more love you have to give... I think that the influx of people who are in their mid 40's thru their 60's, who are just now joining the lifestyle with a profile that says "We are looking for friend first. We would like to be able to do things together outside of sexual activities and we want to be friend and then lets see what happens..." These people are looking for more than simple recreational sex. The lifestyle started with couples "Wife Swipping" then it grew into Swinging to "the Lifestyle" and singles started to become part of the lifestyle ..starting with single ladies invited into threesomes and now single men... The Lifestyle is evolving and I believe that poly relationships are becomming part of it... Many couples want to have little closed groups to promote safe sex and a feelign of closeness and friendship.. Things that our grandparents took for granted, sans the sex... We live in a very fast paced world and there is little time for these close friendships and the closeness that people used to feel toward friend.. People are realizing at least acknowleging that sex is a large part of being human and are opening to that in the lifestyle. For all the talk about swinging being about recreational sex and that love is something else... there seems to be a very large number of people who are looking for this "friendship first" "friends with benefits" "We want to be able to go places and do things together and if sex happens we're up for it" for people not to realize that it's not just for sex anymore...
These are observations from participating in various forums on various swinging sites and from talking to many people from those sites... New people joining the lifestyle asking all manner of questions... I really believe that if you are secure in your primary relationship you can be friends, lovers and sex partners and have "normal" type relationships with or without sex with or without love. Polyamory is with love and maybe sex just like marriage can be.. Oups, maybe no sex in marriage?... Yes... there may cum a time when things are not what they used to be and even the miracles of modern medicine will not produce the desired results...(and that goes for both genders) but the love is still there...
Things can only negatively affect your primary relationship if you let them....To paraphrase an old expression...."It take YOU to tango" Poly is in fact joining the lifestyle there are many sself professed poly people inthe lifestyle right now.
Ray
Bad idea...and here's why:
Been there, done that.
Wrote the ABC miniseries screenplay, and now we are MARRIED. Any questions? It simply doesnt work people! If you are naiive enough to believe that you are somehow the exception to this rule, you are asking for a world of trouble.
Luvbugs! (mR)
Been there, done that.
Wrote the ABC miniseries screenplay, and now we are MARRIED. Any questions? It simply doesnt work people! If you are naiive enough to believe that you are somehow the exception to this rule, you are asking for a world of trouble.
Luvbugs! (mR)
We would definately consider a poly relationship. We were so very close to a couple at one point that everything just "clicked" and we grew very close. Unfortunately we moved away and time/distance took it's toll.
So if the right couple came along...we would entertain the idea.
So if the right couple came along...we would entertain the idea.
I have to preface this with a story, two of our close friends do what they call Primary Triads. They date singles and invite them into their relationships. From the outside it dosen't look anymore dangerous than the regular new relationship/ dating pains and anxieties involved.
That being said, it scares the crap out of us.
That being said, it scares the crap out of us.
This is like kissing to me.... Don't love anyone you have sex with except your SO... Well I am in a poly relationship with a married woman. Her husband is not poly and my wife is not poly. The 4 of us are good friends and both my wife and her husband know that the relationship is not platonic, far from it. They do not swing but we met at a swingers social. They were looking into the lifestyle but did not decide to go that way... We started talking on the internet.. they live a little less than 30 miles away. She and I had discovered that we loved each other from the several meetings and talking and I stopped by one afternoon, sat down and told her husband how I felt and she told him also. Understand we both understand that it is a secondary relationship and neither of us wants to leave our respective mates... We have discussed what ifs like; What if something happens to one of our mates? What if one of our mates starts to have problems with our relationship? We try to discreetly meet when we are each free and our mates are not around... This to alleviate any stress to our primary relationships... We do get together and eat and watch TV, play games, dance...Everything is open above board and consensual.
Many people who are coming into the lifestyle, over the age of 40 and empty nesters have things in their profiles like; "looking for one or two couples for fun both in and out of the bedroom. Would like to find a couple or two to play with on a regular basis..." The implication is that they want a relationship that is closed...i.e., safe, secure and on a regular basis... To me that looks suspiciously like poly relationships. B and I need to find a place in MT but it's much much too unpopulated there, too cold and could get lonely....besides B likes her job/s.. Wears so many hats it isn't funny. All in all we do get to get out and go to parties/socials almost every weekend, if we want. Something to be said for populated areas even if super people live so far away...
Many people who are coming into the lifestyle, over the age of 40 and empty nesters have things in their profiles like; "looking for one or two couples for fun both in and out of the bedroom. Would like to find a couple or two to play with on a regular basis..." The implication is that they want a relationship that is closed...i.e., safe, secure and on a regular basis... To me that looks suspiciously like poly relationships. B and I need to find a place in MT but it's much much too unpopulated there, too cold and could get lonely....besides B likes her job/s.. Wears so many hats it isn't funny. All in all we do get to get out and go to parties/socials almost every weekend, if we want. Something to be said for populated areas even if super people live so far away...
No we don
I love the idea of Polyamoury, but I think it would be at least as hard at finding that 3rd person as it is to find your mate.
People say that there's someone out there for everyone, well, why can't their be two or more someones out there? Getting them together though, that's the problem. The only thing you can do in this lifestyle is become good friends and take it from there. Love just happens after that. You can't plan it or predict it.
Relationships outside the lifestyle aren't THAT much different than in it. If anything we're much more communicative with our partners, which would lead me to believe that it might be easier to find that match.
-Greg
People say that there's someone out there for everyone, well, why can't their be two or more someones out there? Getting them together though, that's the problem. The only thing you can do in this lifestyle is become good friends and take it from there. Love just happens after that. You can't plan it or predict it.
Relationships outside the lifestyle aren't THAT much different than in it. If anything we're much more communicative with our partners, which would lead me to believe that it might be easier to find that match.
-Greg
One thing to help is swinging is not poly and poly is not swinging. They are two distinct differences. Swinging is about the physical aspect - sex (and friendship of course), while poly is about love (poly - many, amory - love -- many love).
Many people who live in a triad or a poly relationship started off as swingers, but due to the emotional conflict between many "typical" swingers, chose to go into a more poly lifestyle.
Ok, here is a lot of information here:
http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/index.html
Just a little of what I know on the subject. Is it possible, yes, but there has to be a clear understanding, a very strong love and a willingness from all involved to address any issue that arise.
The same could be said for an open relationship; works for some, not for everyone.
Many people who live in a triad or a poly relationship started off as swingers, but due to the emotional conflict between many "typical" swingers, chose to go into a more poly lifestyle.
Ok, here is a lot of information here:
http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com/index.html
Just a little of what I know on the subject. Is it possible, yes, but there has to be a clear understanding, a very strong love and a willingness from all involved to address any issue that arise.
The same could be said for an open relationship; works for some, not for everyone.
So funny I was just talking to my husband about this. I was interested in finding a 3rd *girl* to join us on a full time basis. I really enjoy the thought of walking in after a long day and them laying in bed going at it, or vice versa. It does seem very hard to try and find that person who you can trust with everything...