The current overweight discussion going on led me to pondering at least one flip side - I'll call it the "curse of the good-looking".
Personally, I tend to shy away from anyone with "model" looks (and there are a heck of a lot of saidsame on this site). I'm sure I'm not the Lone Ranger in this regard.
I believe the old statistical Bell (normal curve) applies to most things in life and those people that find themselves at either extreme end of the curve (whether it's fat/thin, short/tall, etc.) have a more difficult time because their sub-population is so small).
Bottom line - FEAR NOT! all you folks with any kind of negative body image because the prototypical "attractives" more-or-less have the same problem!
Personally, I tend to shy away from anyone with "model" looks (and there are a heck of a lot of saidsame on this site). I'm sure I'm not the Lone Ranger in this regard.
I believe the old statistical Bell (normal curve) applies to most things in life and those people that find themselves at either extreme end of the curve (whether it's fat/thin, short/tall, etc.) have a more difficult time because their sub-population is so small).
Bottom line - FEAR NOT! all you folks with any kind of negative body image because the prototypical "attractives" more-or-less have the same problem!
What is the worse they can say? No thanx? Now if I knew from their profile that they are NOT into people who are not hardbodies, I can forget about them. If they don't say, the worse they can tell me is they are not interested.
well anytime your having trouble finding someone for fun just give me a holler
You forgot the real killer....AGE... Too young and you're a no go and too old.... same same. I think there is always some one for any body type but age is the eternal equalizer. Get past a certain age and you're dead...
Look at the profiles... there are age defining stats as to what people are looking for. How about adding no ugly people or instead if HWP, whatever the fuck that means, how about specs as to what you would like in a play partner..... 5'5" 35B 24 37 Blue eyes 150lbs Blond or Black hair Race;any but black, white, hispanic, oriental, or middle eastern or microneasian.... Size 5 or 6 shoes and likes sex in any of 7 orifices. Male to be tall, 6' 3" 200# with bald head and a schlong of 7.5" long and 2" Dia or 6" circumference. Must like to preform oral on heavy woman with boils. (that was from an old joke ...older than most on here) But the point is that if we have a preference then we should say what those preferences are. I always wonder about the short fast profiles which end, after saying that they like to drink and that they smoke and that they have a great sex life, would like to meet someone with the same interests as we have. WTF are your interests... No pictures and very little info to go on, and if you send a note and ask people seem to be somehow offended.
We've been in the lifestyle for some 11 years and have run into all kinds with so many different ideas as to what swinging is, should be and how to go about it. Swinging is as indivdual as anything can be. If you like bi then say so. If you like oriental then that's your choice. If you like soft swing and that means touching and then sex with your own partner then say so.....But define what it is you want and don't want and people will know what that is.... Short, thin, fat, tall, model, slightly plump, a little young and little older or simply open up and try a little of this and a little of that like a Chineese buffet... And try the dick some... and the big prawns or the little shrimps. It's all good but one needs to try it to find out if you like it.
Look at the profiles... there are age defining stats as to what people are looking for. How about adding no ugly people or instead if HWP, whatever the fuck that means, how about specs as to what you would like in a play partner..... 5'5" 35B 24 37 Blue eyes 150lbs Blond or Black hair Race;any but black, white, hispanic, oriental, or middle eastern or microneasian.... Size 5 or 6 shoes and likes sex in any of 7 orifices. Male to be tall, 6' 3" 200# with bald head and a schlong of 7.5" long and 2" Dia or 6" circumference. Must like to preform oral on heavy woman with boils. (that was from an old joke ...older than most on here) But the point is that if we have a preference then we should say what those preferences are. I always wonder about the short fast profiles which end, after saying that they like to drink and that they smoke and that they have a great sex life, would like to meet someone with the same interests as we have. WTF are your interests... No pictures and very little info to go on, and if you send a note and ask people seem to be somehow offended.
We've been in the lifestyle for some 11 years and have run into all kinds with so many different ideas as to what swinging is, should be and how to go about it. Swinging is as indivdual as anything can be. If you like bi then say so. If you like oriental then that's your choice. If you like soft swing and that means touching and then sex with your own partner then say so.....But define what it is you want and don't want and people will know what that is.... Short, thin, fat, tall, model, slightly plump, a little young and little older or simply open up and try a little of this and a little of that like a Chineese buffet... And try the dick some... and the big prawns or the little shrimps. It's all good but one needs to try it to find out if you like it.
Once again, we say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Also, some days we like sweet and some days we like sour. ;-)
R&S
R&S
Amen J3!
J3, we will agree with you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder with a small comment... we must live in an area surrounded by blind people because no one seems to see us. (Although we say that with sarcastic humor, we also feel there is a great deal of truth to it). And for the age thing.... that is sad but true. We have been in lifestyles for over 21 years now. We have enjoyed an very active lifestyle with many great people up until a few years ago when suddenly we came down with the plague.. (being well into our 40's). Strange how little has changed with us except the number assigned to our years of existance. Its like the friendship well went dry. We often hear alot of people say.. we would be glad to meet...age doesnt bother us but they rarely follow through. As a society we spend billions to look good. Anyone who says that they arent attracted to one of the beautiful people isnt being completely truthful and people who say that they arent bothered by the age issue are in the same catagory. We are all attracted to the youthful appearance and afraid of the looking old syndrome. The problem lies within.. mentally. Those of us who are getting up there in the higher digits havent lost our desires or passions.. we are just slowly being pushed aside and told its wrong for the elderly to have sexual desires because its repulsive. If you dont believe that, just imagine what it looks like in your grandparents bedroom when grandpa gets his new bottle of viagra and grandma has been to Victorias Secrets. We strongly believe that everyone has the right to choose who they want to share their time and friendships with.. there has to be some kind of attraction. Just be forwarned.. getting old is something none of us can stop, and not something to be ignored. As bad as it sounds.. us old folks enjoy some good intense sex and arent too bad at it either.
THOUGHTGARDEN, everytime we see you two sexy and sophisticated are alwaysthe first words to mind. SEXED101, sweet and sour is very good. ;-) CYNANDHIM, we see you but unfortunately we are too far away to do anything about. :-) We seem to be invisible here ourselves it seems. Have a great day all!
R&S
R&S
HI Cyn, we (Russ and Kim) will play with you and Kevin anytime and any place!!!!! that is if your not to old to remember us. LOL We miss you 2 lets get together sometime
Got some insane scars to show off now!!!..lol
broaden your horizons is my suggestion. if anyone ever wants help just give me a hollar
As a single guy I try to not make it sound like I am overly desperate, however I am always open to just about anyone regardless of body type or age. Of course, I am always a touch hesitant to approach the "beautiful crowd", it's still hard to accept the rejection. But anyone is welcome to invite me out and say hi.
But anyone is welcome to invite me out and say hi.I hear you WEAREREAL. We are a little different though. I am average and slender. She is pretty and plus sized. There is NO shortage of people interested in her but not many in me and several of the few that have been have also been...... questionable. Lol I am one of those whose best impression comes in person. If I crash and burn there that pretty much it for me. Other than some body parts of mine I even removed the pics of me simply because I saw no reason to have them posted. Unfortunately for any that write, should I believe for an instant that there is any falsehood or that I would simply be "the husband" and would most likely be ignored should things progress to intimate play I won't even put any effort into getting aquainted. It has disappointed my wife on a few occasions but this is either about us both or not at all.
I laid it all out on the line and asked her if she wanted seperate play or some kind of open marriage and she said no, and was insulted I asked.... each time I have asked in fact. So although she may find someone, or both in the couples cases, attractive she is committed to both or none also. I feel bad from time to time that she has had to miss out because of my lack of "whatever" but she says she doesn't feel she's lost a thing because she'd rather have me then a dozen who are not me. My point is I know just what you mean, granting you the difference of my personality-over-appearance problem you don't have. But I expect that what you have together is more than anything you might have missed here, and we both need to remind ourselves of that a little more often.
----Aj
I laid it all out on the line and asked her if she wanted seperate play or some kind of open marriage and she said no, and was insulted I asked.... each time I have asked in fact. So although she may find someone, or both in the couples cases, attractive she is committed to both or none also. I feel bad from time to time that she has had to miss out because of my lack of "whatever" but she says she doesn't feel she's lost a thing because she'd rather have me then a dozen who are not me. My point is I know just what you mean, granting you the difference of my personality-over-appearance problem you don't have. But I expect that what you have together is more than anything you might have missed here, and we both need to remind ourselves of that a little more often.
----Aj
That's a great last line AJ!
Demon...You do have a gothic appearance...But, for some reason, that turns HIM on...So we been looking for an adult who has that appearance...Wish you were in Florida...
Funny story...A little long, but here it is...
We were at a local swing club, met a nice man. We invited him to sit and talk, we did. At one point, he said, "I am sorry, I did not hear you, I was staring at her tits!" Well, that blatant honesty won us over. So we invited him to the play area. He said, "Well, I would love to, but I have to go home and walk my dog" We were amazed...We got blown off by a single male...one who did not listen and looked at tits instead!!!!
We went back the following weekend, come to find out, he actually did have to walk his dog. White carpet and a new puppy.....So, we go to the other side, the play area. We walk around, looking for the themed room we wanted. We decided on the most popular room, the one were all the walls are covered in mirrors.
We were waiting near the room, as it was occupied. The door open and out steps a Greek statue of a man. VERY handsome, VERY well built, VERY hung. He is leaning with one hand on the door frame and out comes a Greek statue of a woman, tall, blond, leggy, pert large breasts...I am talking about AMAZINGLY attractive people here (even though I prefer a more thick and juicy woman, these people were HOT!!!!)
So here he was, and he says, "Hey guys...If you wanna join us, come on in...We are all alone in there...We would love to have y'all!" We were flabbergasted....Here we were with a male, who, BTW ended up having to much Vino, and they were inviting us in to play!!! We almost soiled ourselves...
We did not play with them, as we already commited to playing with the other fella....
We ended up going back to that club every weekend for MONTHS trying to run into that couple again...NEVER saw them again...*SIGH*
Just goes to show you, you really cannot judge a book by its cover, if you saw them, you would assume they had KBS...They did not...
Anyway...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! I think Sandra is the best looking woman in the world, although Siren/Thought is a VERY close second....Some do not feel the same!!!
Funny story...A little long, but here it is...
We were at a local swing club, met a nice man. We invited him to sit and talk, we did. At one point, he said, "I am sorry, I did not hear you, I was staring at her tits!" Well, that blatant honesty won us over. So we invited him to the play area. He said, "Well, I would love to, but I have to go home and walk my dog" We were amazed...We got blown off by a single male...one who did not listen and looked at tits instead!!!!
We went back the following weekend, come to find out, he actually did have to walk his dog. White carpet and a new puppy.....So, we go to the other side, the play area. We walk around, looking for the themed room we wanted. We decided on the most popular room, the one were all the walls are covered in mirrors.
We were waiting near the room, as it was occupied. The door open and out steps a Greek statue of a man. VERY handsome, VERY well built, VERY hung. He is leaning with one hand on the door frame and out comes a Greek statue of a woman, tall, blond, leggy, pert large breasts...I am talking about AMAZINGLY attractive people here (even though I prefer a more thick and juicy woman, these people were HOT!!!!)
So here he was, and he says, "Hey guys...If you wanna join us, come on in...We are all alone in there...We would love to have y'all!" We were flabbergasted....Here we were with a male, who, BTW ended up having to much Vino, and they were inviting us in to play!!! We almost soiled ourselves...
We did not play with them, as we already commited to playing with the other fella....
We ended up going back to that club every weekend for MONTHS trying to run into that couple again...NEVER saw them again...*SIGH*
Just goes to show you, you really cannot judge a book by its cover, if you saw them, you would assume they had KBS...They did not...
Anyway...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! I think Sandra is the best looking woman in the world, although Siren/Thought is a VERY close second....Some do not feel the same!!!
Perhaps it is just from a vintage players mind, but here is my two cents worth. I have never gone by age or race at any time as I look only at the person that is whitin the shell we look at. We all have our different preferences as to weight, height etc. but it is the person inside that counts really. Would much rather have a person a little overweight or underweight than a hardshell knockout with no personality or respect for others. Age brings experience and youth brings vitality, I think both are of a equal value. A good swing experience is from knowing a person and only friendships can do that, move slower and see the person for who they are and you will enjoy this life style so much more.
well hi, hi everyone... we have a similar circumstance but its diferent but places us in a similar boat.......... I (Male 1/2) im 39... i tend to gravitrate and be attracted to ladies my age or older..... sexy sara on the other end of the spectrum is a hot 30 she is attracted to males around her age or even younger to a bit older than me.... that throws a kwirk in the system... granted sex is sex... but we like to have and be friends with our extra cirrucilar activity partners.....and that friendship includes a atraction to the couples other 1/2 that makes the experience a whole lot more enjoyable.....its difficult to find more than a handfull of couples that fall in the age range...there is always discussion of atractive-ness, all couples are atracted to their spouse or they wouldnt be together so its just a matter of finding the right couples that you can be atracted to... case in piont sara got to pick up a stray (single male) one day when we were out and about... to my suprise her choice wasnt what i figured they would be.... he was older than me, about my height, heavier than me and the general apperance suprised me on her view of what characteristics she found atractive...... dennis and sara
Being the illusive male half of CYNANDHIM, I find myself often hiding in the forum behind my lovely wife and her profile, (and synical responses). On this occassion however, I feel prompted to share my less meaningful point of view. Being married to a person who is both physically and personality wise gorgeous can really suck at times if you are in lifestyles. My reasoning? As follows: No doubt Cyn draws people in... more so in her more youthful years but still well now even as a GILF. During the "peak" of our envolvement in lifestyles, there seemed to be a common attraction for both the male and female conterparts we socialized with and everyone seemed happy. Now that I am developing a middle aged spread, finding follical growth in all the wrong places, and looking more 'fatherly" I see a split opinion in the couples we meet. Seems that both the male and female find interest in Cyn, but I tend to become invisible to them. Being the sweetheart Cyn is, she withdraws from the potiential relationship feeling the need that all things need to be equal. The biggest dissappointment comes from the fact that most people in lifestyles immediately assume that all friendships have to contain an element of sexual contact. Thats not always the case... we often would just enjoy the company of like minded fun couples to be with us at dinner, movies, motorcycles outings.. etc. Sex or physical contact of any kind is just a side benefit if and when that bridge comes along. Cyn and I often joke on swingular about being ignored, but in reality, its a very sincere feeling. Loneliness can exist even when you are surrounded by people... the warmth of being part of a relationship is something that we believe all too often is taken for grantide and not realized until its lost. Over the past several years, the majority of close friends in our lives have either divorced, died or moved away. Because we have chosen to surround ourselves with people in lifestyles and having lost that mutual appeal to other couples, (finding people who are attracted to the both of us as well as us being attracted to them), we find ourselves doing alot of things alone together in the crowds. The greatest pain is watching Cyn being so devoted that she stays beside me and turns down opprotunities to go out with others alone. Dont misunderstand... we are very very happy together. Many people are kind to us. I guess my point of all this rambling is simple.. and I believe shared by many others besides me.. that point being that there are many couples who find themselves on the outside rings of friendships because many of us are quick to judge. I believe too often our first impressions are based on sexual scales.. "do I want to have sex with them" attitudes. It seems there is a "lets go to bed first and then see if we can be friends later" syndrome that denies many of us the chance to just be social. For my Cyn, I dont deny her the opprotunity to enjoy her carnal side.. if she finds someone attractive and wants to become more intimate with them, she has my blessings. That creates a problem with couples and single males of what to do with me. Not everyone appreciates voyuerism. I just wish people would be more willing to open up their minds and look beyond the sexuality, and try to find what else people have to offer and see how many friendships have been overlooked. Its not going to work everytime, but then again.. you never can judge a book by its cover, we have found alot of great times in the most unlikely people.
all this talk is bull. just like the saying goes "after all is said and done there is a hell of a lot more said then done. I have been to parties. I am shy, intelgent, quick witted , fair looking, nice and honest. But i dont get any dates. I am polite, respectfull, helpful, friendly. Yet I have not been with a lady in over 2 years.
I would like to credit CHRKE2 for one of the most interesting posts I've seen.
I thought this lifestyle was about meeting people and having a good time without any committment or dedication. You can meet someone and fuck their brains out without ever leaving so much as a phone number. You have a wonderful memory of the experience and no dread!
The main things for me are kindness and hygiene and I don't think that these need to be defined each time because these are things that are 'set in stone'; be clean and kind. I like regular people and mellow times.
While some may prefer the lean bodies others prefer relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am about 30 or so lbs overweight and it is difficult for me to stay where I should. It is not only an attractive factor for me but a medical one as well. So while some have effectively conquered their size some are still working on it.
There is also the concept of consideration as if not covered yet. People should indicate where they are as far as STDs because there is a lot more than HIV and can be spread with a simple kiss. Some may think they have only a few years anyway but others may consider they want to be totally clean their lifetime.
I consider myself an adult who wants to experience an active relationship with someone who would also like to have fun with people to explore their desires. Speaking of active, I have a few kinky desires I would like to explore.
Maybe it's all about "no regret" and I think we all would like to have a kinky relationship with no regrets and the healthy memory of the fun time.
Now I have a curiosity about something which does not have to do with this forum, why have I had so many views and no contact? What are those who view looking for? What would they like me to be that I am not? I think I can play a role or two...
I thought this lifestyle was about meeting people and having a good time without any committment or dedication. You can meet someone and fuck their brains out without ever leaving so much as a phone number. You have a wonderful memory of the experience and no dread!
The main things for me are kindness and hygiene and I don't think that these need to be defined each time because these are things that are 'set in stone'; be clean and kind. I like regular people and mellow times.
While some may prefer the lean bodies others prefer relationship. Don't get me wrong, I am about 30 or so lbs overweight and it is difficult for me to stay where I should. It is not only an attractive factor for me but a medical one as well. So while some have effectively conquered their size some are still working on it.
There is also the concept of consideration as if not covered yet. People should indicate where they are as far as STDs because there is a lot more than HIV and can be spread with a simple kiss. Some may think they have only a few years anyway but others may consider they want to be totally clean their lifetime.
I consider myself an adult who wants to experience an active relationship with someone who would also like to have fun with people to explore their desires. Speaking of active, I have a few kinky desires I would like to explore.
Maybe it's all about "no regret" and I think we all would like to have a kinky relationship with no regrets and the healthy memory of the fun time.
Now I have a curiosity about something which does not have to do with this forum, why have I had so many views and no contact? What are those who view looking for? What would they like me to be that I am not? I think I can play a role or two...
DEMON_IN_CHAINS:
I understand that too, a little. I haven
I understand that too, a little. I haven
Sorry for the novel folks..... <embarassed face>
With all due respect, I had no intention of defending the "single-male" disregard for people in the lifestyle. (Couldn't we just call it "uninvited disrespect"?) "You can meet someone and fuck their brains out without ever leaving so much as a phone number.", was meant to indicate that there should never be any baggage or hateful considerations for others and what they are or are not. When there are gang-bangs, I don't think that many would use a registry for sign-in, therefore no numbers are left. It's not just a single-male thing.
As for my profile ratio, I have seen some profiles that make me say, "WOW!" and their ratio is really low. "Why was mine viewed so much?", I ask myself. There has to be a reason for this and I was just thinking aloud about it and I put that out there for people to think about. This brings me to the picture choices, I have had the 'clothed' picture for quite some time before and it didn't make much difference when I changed to something else.
On the description and details, I don't like to give someone six pages of verbose Q&A but I like to be concice telling the observer briefly about me. Note I didn't say, "I just wanna fuck your brains out and leave!", though if some would have it that way I would be happy to oblige. If they want to get together next week for a barbeque, I'm all for that. Otherwise there is the default opt-out where you say "Thank you" and send people like me on their way.
I'm sure people have the bravery at will to contact others with qualifying questions when they want to hook-up so I expect that the same could happen for me, right? (Don't answer this one.)
With all due respect CHRKE2, I felt I had to deviate from your original post to clarify something on a previous posting here.
-Rick
As for my profile ratio, I have seen some profiles that make me say, "WOW!" and their ratio is really low. "Why was mine viewed so much?", I ask myself. There has to be a reason for this and I was just thinking aloud about it and I put that out there for people to think about. This brings me to the picture choices, I have had the 'clothed' picture for quite some time before and it didn't make much difference when I changed to something else.
On the description and details, I don't like to give someone six pages of verbose Q&A but I like to be concice telling the observer briefly about me. Note I didn't say, "I just wanna fuck your brains out and leave!", though if some would have it that way I would be happy to oblige. If they want to get together next week for a barbeque, I'm all for that. Otherwise there is the default opt-out where you say "Thank you" and send people like me on their way.
I'm sure people have the bravery at will to contact others with qualifying questions when they want to hook-up so I expect that the same could happen for me, right? (Don't answer this one.)
With all due respect CHRKE2, I felt I had to deviate from your original post to clarify something on a previous posting here.
-Rick
We have followed this for a few days and think Aklim is right. Contact someone if you want, the most they can do is say no thanks. Fear of rejection is why we think more do not contact others on this and other sites. Did you stop to think that if you contact one of the pretty ones they would be turned on by the fact that you obviously are not as attractive as them but you are confident enough to think you have a chance. I know we both are attracted to confident but not cocky people because the last thing I want to do is sit there having to tell you how pretty you are when everyone else can see it. Low self esteem can dampen the party in my book.
We just had a party last weekend at our house and had a nice turn out. Ages ranged from 32 thru the mid 60`s. Sizes ranged from a female size 3 to a mans 3xl. Everyone got along and had a great time. I was lucky enough to draw the attention of a single female that falls into the near model catergory. We went off to be alone but all the rooms were in use but one had room on the bottom half of the bed so we joined the couple in there only to find it was my wife and a gentleman she liked. The single female and I were very compatible and everyone in the house knew about it. The party ended much later with myself, my wife, and the single female in the hot tub not wanting to leave because of the great time she had at our party.
This is what we envisioned the lifestyle to be like when we got involved a few years a go. If we like your profile we will contact you and if you don`t like ours then no problem. If you like ours then don`t be shy and drop us a line. It really is that simple.
We just had a party last weekend at our house and had a nice turn out. Ages ranged from 32 thru the mid 60`s. Sizes ranged from a female size 3 to a mans 3xl. Everyone got along and had a great time. I was lucky enough to draw the attention of a single female that falls into the near model catergory. We went off to be alone but all the rooms were in use but one had room on the bottom half of the bed so we joined the couple in there only to find it was my wife and a gentleman she liked. The single female and I were very compatible and everyone in the house knew about it. The party ended much later with myself, my wife, and the single female in the hot tub not wanting to leave because of the great time she had at our party.
This is what we envisioned the lifestyle to be like when we got involved a few years a go. If we like your profile we will contact you and if you don`t like ours then no problem. If you like ours then don`t be shy and drop us a line. It really is that simple.
Very seldom do I read a thread that brings lots to mind, this one did. Lori and I have been in this lifestyle for around 4 or so years. We have met some of the best people ever, Cyn and Hym being one such couple. There are times when I feel like the "odd man out" as others look at Lori and see what a beautiful lady she is. Not much I can do about that I'm old, bald and well average looking at best. But for some reason we've been ok with it all. We know we have each other and some great friends, some we've played with and others we wish we could play with. lol. I think the thing that floats my boat the best is if someone actually has a desire for me, I never have been good at performance if someone is just taking it for the team or is still eating an apple and asking." are you done yet?" We both can be very shy about just saying..hey lets go to it. But when we feel the "love" we really try to give it right back. Anyways, I know, i'm old Lori is hot, and much younger than I. oh well.. We still love it here.
Lar and Lor
Lar and Lor
Actually, I like a little specificity in a profile. If they say no single guys, I know right away to not talk to them. Or if they have age or size requirements into which I do not fit, then there is little need to try to talk with them. That way we do not have to be rude with each other.