my wife being with other men is something that turns me on and she is very into it but i am very jelous and dont like the idea except in a fantasy, what should i do, this is a very important question to me and i just dont know what i should do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jealousy is a fear based emotion. First you have to figure out what you are afraid of..... And why....
Look at it this way. You get to be turned on by a live sex show that you will be allowed to join, you wife gets to have some fun with another man. Ok so you say that is how you have been looking at it but, you are not sure about her receiving pleasure from someone other than yourself. Our experiences have shown that one of two basic things happens when she has sex with another man.
1. He does not get the job done, for whatever reason. When that happens it tends to dampen her spirits toward the whole swinging life, while at the same time it fortifies our relationship as one that she knows she can get satisfaction in. Bittersweet at best.
2. The guy is stellar, she gets off tremendously. This has the effect of super charging her attitude toward sex with others, and I can tell you it is a real turn on for me as well.
There does not seem to be much middle ground between these two outcomes. If you continue to hold on to a thought of negative outcomes, you might miss a lot of fun for you both. just relax and let things happen. I am sure that you will find fun times if you do that.
1. He does not get the job done, for whatever reason. When that happens it tends to dampen her spirits toward the whole swinging life, while at the same time it fortifies our relationship as one that she knows she can get satisfaction in. Bittersweet at best.
2. The guy is stellar, she gets off tremendously. This has the effect of super charging her attitude toward sex with others, and I can tell you it is a real turn on for me as well.
There does not seem to be much middle ground between these two outcomes. If you continue to hold on to a thought of negative outcomes, you might miss a lot of fun for you both. just relax and let things happen. I am sure that you will find fun times if you do that.
We agree with what others have said. This is something you and your wife should talk about together. She may be able to help ease your fears or you two may decide together it is better not to be in the lifestyle if it will put your marriage in jeopardy. We hope you figure this out because it could lead to many more problems the longer it stays unresolved. Best wishes.
R&S
R&S
i was the same way and now i love for her to play and tell me all about it. no more jealous....lolol
Tucker,
I have actually had this situation occur in my life which ended in my fiance' and I breaking up, he loved the fact I was bi-sexual and enjoyed it when girlfriends and I would play even if he did not join in...he continually fantasied about seeing me with another man and spoke he wanted this to happen...then he set the whole scenario up...the problem came when I did...he was not mentally prepared for the fact I might actually enjoy the sex...afterward he acted like I had betrayed him...which spiraled down from there...my advice if it counts for anything...sounds like fantasy is where you need to keep this...anything else may result in the loss of the love and respect that keeps any and all couples together...enjoy what you have till you know...not think, you guys are ready for the "full monty," of what you speak.
Katey
I have actually had this situation occur in my life which ended in my fiance' and I breaking up, he loved the fact I was bi-sexual and enjoyed it when girlfriends and I would play even if he did not join in...he continually fantasied about seeing me with another man and spoke he wanted this to happen...then he set the whole scenario up...the problem came when I did...he was not mentally prepared for the fact I might actually enjoy the sex...afterward he acted like I had betrayed him...which spiraled down from there...my advice if it counts for anything...sounds like fantasy is where you need to keep this...anything else may result in the loss of the love and respect that keeps any and all couples together...enjoy what you have till you know...not think, you guys are ready for the "full monty," of what you speak.
Katey
Are you serious?
You sir are NO swinger, clear your desk, pack your stuff and get the hell out, "YOUR FIRED!"
You sir are NO swinger, clear your desk, pack your stuff and get the hell out, "YOUR FIRED!"
Sounds like you guys should not live the fantasy, just talk about it during sex and watch porn together. Nothing wrong with just that.
Plus its is not a great feeling to have a women whisper in my ear, that she is having a great time, but she thinks we all need to stop because her man looks ready to leave and not happy.
Plus its is not a great feeling to have a women whisper in my ear, that she is having a great time, but she thinks we all need to stop because her man looks ready to leave and not happy.
I must agree with Katelynn on this one... If you are not mentally prepared, then keep it as a fantasy.
I was too in that boat, had to prepare myself mentally and talk to my husband constantly about it. See it as just sexual pleasure, know that I am the one sleeping with him every night, we always play together, we know what each other likes and the best part of it all, we only make love with each other, the rest is just sex, erotica, pleasure and friends that are into the same things as we are.
I was too in that boat, had to prepare myself mentally and talk to my husband constantly about it. See it as just sexual pleasure, know that I am the one sleeping with him every night, we always play together, we know what each other likes and the best part of it all, we only make love with each other, the rest is just sex, erotica, pleasure and friends that are into the same things as we are.
Must agree with the others here, fantasies are great but if you are jealous you have no business being in swinging. I am the male of this couple and relish watching my lovely lady have all the fun she can possibly have. Afraid that this is just part of the double stantards that are out there today in my book. The male is suposed to chase all the pussy he can find, however the lady is not allowed to 'BULL SHIT". The lady has as much right to have another man (or woman) as you do. Can only say for the sake of your marrage and your lady, grow up!!!!
If you are going to be swingers the first thing you need to do is set boundaries for each other, if you are worried she is going to something you may not agree with sit down first and talk about what is ok and what is not!!! You can both enjoy this life style and not have to worry about jealously for example only play together. Go to parties, have another couple over or go to there place, etc. If that would be easier for you then you both are there and both in the fun. To be in this lifestyle you MUST TRUST YOUR SPOUSE!! you can't look at this as cheating because you are both committed to each other you are just sharing you sexual lives with other to fulfill a need no one in this lifestyle is looking for a new life long love just friends and fun. Make sure you talk to each other and express why you are worried set limits you both are comfortable with!!!!! If you don't think you can over come being jealous this life style is not for you!!!
you can always just do same room sex with just your partner. See how you feel after doing that and then proceed further. next do same room same bed with all 4 of you on the bed and let the hands wander a little. if you are ok with that then go further. Jealousy is part of the fun and the excitement of the whole thing. you do not have to rush it. You don't have to do a full swap to enjoy yourself, you do not have to even call yourself a swinger no matter what you do. Find out what you like. some of the funest times are when you push your boundaries. the more boundaries you have and overcome the longer the fun lasts.
Don't let the people who say "you have no business being here" ruin the sexual enjoyment you can have. There are many levels of satisfaction that are exciting and enjoyable. Remember the first time you held hands with the opposite sex? wow what a rush.
J&C
Don't let the people who say "you have no business being here" ruin the sexual enjoyment you can have. There are many levels of satisfaction that are exciting and enjoyable. Remember the first time you held hands with the opposite sex? wow what a rush.
J&C
I too was a little concerned about jealousy but what ended up happening is that she was always having such a good time and sooooo dang happy, that I found myself being happy for her and with her. Because I love her so much it makes me happy to see that she is happy and living her life fully and the way she wants too.
So now I'm just freakin addicted to seeing her with another man she enjoys - the problem is there are so many men that are either unsafe players or not her type or too dang passive! - picky, picky.
Is there a guy out there that acts like a player but really isn't one - lol.
So now I'm just freakin addicted to seeing her with another man she enjoys - the problem is there are so many men that are either unsafe players or not her type or too dang passive! - picky, picky.
Is there a guy out there that acts like a player but really isn't one - lol.
JOHN_JILL, we completely agree with you. That sounds like a great start and it is similar to how we started. Communication as always was and still is the key. We went through some rough moments in the beginning but took a break and fixed our shit because we don't want drama and knew others didn't as well. Once we worked it all out and set boundaries, etc we started back up and all has been great. Best wishes. Have a great day all.
R&S
R&S
After re reading this I owe T C Tucker an I am sorry. Did not mean to say things quite the way it came out at the end. What I am trying to say is this. In order to stay in this lifestyle a person must grow out of the stage of any Jealousy. That stage will only destroy and will never build anything. Sorry that I did not state that better the first time Tucker, again sorry for the loose wording.
so how does it go when u r with another female in front of your wife is that ok with u then what is good for u is also good for her think about it
Simply put, Jealousy has no space in this lifestyle! You may want to rethink and discuss your true wants and feelings before all hell breaks loose. Last thing we believe you want is to be distanced by a lifestyle choice. G&P
I don't think it will work out if there is even jealousy before anything has started.
Well, we cannot get into your mind and really se what is going on here so I make have to make some general statements.
If you have issues, your wife will not have fun, and the whole exercise will be for nothing and cause probs.
If you can say going into it, I know I am jealous, BUT I know it is stupid to be jealous, and be 100% honest with yourself and say you can deal with the jealousy without taking it out on your wife. Then you will be fine. And KNOW going into, she is going to enjoy herself, and that the more she does, the more sexually charged she will be and that will spill over into your playtime.
If you cannot deal with that right now, start small, watch her make out with a guy, maybe have a guy give her oral, and see how you feel. If her being completely passive getting oral from a man is too much fo ryou, having her screw another guy will make your eyes bleed and head explode.
If you have issues, your wife will not have fun, and the whole exercise will be for nothing and cause probs.
If you can say going into it, I know I am jealous, BUT I know it is stupid to be jealous, and be 100% honest with yourself and say you can deal with the jealousy without taking it out on your wife. Then you will be fine. And KNOW going into, she is going to enjoy herself, and that the more she does, the more sexually charged she will be and that will spill over into your playtime.
If you cannot deal with that right now, start small, watch her make out with a guy, maybe have a guy give her oral, and see how you feel. If her being completely passive getting oral from a man is too much fo ryou, having her screw another guy will make your eyes bleed and head explode.
If just thinking about it is causing a problem, how is he going to watch her make out with another guy? Probably this lifestyle is not for him or it is going to be a long bumpy road before it gets better.
TC, unfortunately you will never know how you will really feel unless you try. I'm going to suggest you try a couple swap in the same room. That way you'll be busy and be able to watch. I don't suggest enlisting a single male, because that may up your anxiety about the event.
As a previous poster said, there seem to be two extremes. Either he can't do it, and you'l have to finish the job, thus making you the superhero of the day. (I've had that experience) or she'll immensely enjoy herself and have fun, and it will make fun with you that much more. fun. (had that one too) But it won't happen like that unless *you* relax and let her enjoy herself.
I've heard it said before and I'll be the one to say it again, couples fun is good for couples, mfm is for the enjoyment and pleasure of a woman and fmf is for the enjoyment and pleasure of men. (barring bi episodes, since they don't apply to TC)
It is strange you seem to be okay with your wife "playing" with another woman, but not with a man. How do you stand? Are you okay with "playing" with others? or are you the child in the sandbox who wants all the toys?
Said in love my friend. *hugs*
As a previous poster said, there seem to be two extremes. Either he can't do it, and you'l have to finish the job, thus making you the superhero of the day. (I've had that experience) or she'll immensely enjoy herself and have fun, and it will make fun with you that much more. fun. (had that one too) But it won't happen like that unless *you* relax and let her enjoy herself.
I've heard it said before and I'll be the one to say it again, couples fun is good for couples, mfm is for the enjoyment and pleasure of a woman and fmf is for the enjoyment and pleasure of men. (barring bi episodes, since they don't apply to TC)
It is strange you seem to be okay with your wife "playing" with another woman, but not with a man. How do you stand? Are you okay with "playing" with others? or are you the child in the sandbox who wants all the toys?
Said in love my friend. *hugs*
If he is already feeling that anxiety at this point, does anyone thing it will get better when the "real thing" happens?
Someone gave a simplified version of what jealousy is. It has to do with fear and anxiety woould be a better word. The other half of jealousy is about possessiveness. It, jealousy, is not so much an emotion as a result of the possessiveness and or the anxiety. Because the reaction generally is violent or should I say very strong people assume that jealousy is an emotion.
You need to ask yourself what it is that you find causes your "jealousy". Once you identify that source, you can deal with it. I remember the first time my wife was with someone else... In fact 2 someone elses... I had and intense feeling about it... At first I was a little upset and then I realized that that is why we were there. Secondly I realized that i wasn't doing anything with anyone and that made me think....
Amxiety is fear. Fear that she will find someone else, someone bigger; someone who can do it better; someone who is more ......whatever. Possessiveness is rather straight forward.... SHe is YOUR wife. She is MY partner. I have the reasponsibility to TAKE CARE OF HER. THe reality is that She is her own person and could and can take care of herself. Because people are married they are still responsible for their own selves. We can be concerned but if you two have an agreement that you are going to swing....... Then when jealousy strikes..., figure out what is the trigger and deal with it... Sounds like you are experiencing possessiveness but you have to ask yourself the questions and deal with them or ..... swinging is just not for you.
Take care and enjoy your life.... My cardiologist just told me to do whatever i find pleasurable. Like fishing and I thought '''"" and swinging"""" After 2 near misses... I think I'll start by screwing evenyone.......Line forms on the right and left...
LOL
Ray
PS: Just saw the comments about actually watching and "will it get better" If one watches with the same expectations and the same anxiety and the same possessiveness thenthe answer is NO it will, in fact, get worse. OTOH... If one looks at it with the idea of " what is causing me to feel this way, I know she loves me and it's only sex and I know that she will be cumming home with me and it really does turn me on to see her with another man... then you can analyze the feelings and realize just what is the cause......
You need to ask yourself what it is that you find causes your "jealousy". Once you identify that source, you can deal with it. I remember the first time my wife was with someone else... In fact 2 someone elses... I had and intense feeling about it... At first I was a little upset and then I realized that that is why we were there. Secondly I realized that i wasn't doing anything with anyone and that made me think....
Amxiety is fear. Fear that she will find someone else, someone bigger; someone who can do it better; someone who is more ......whatever. Possessiveness is rather straight forward.... SHe is YOUR wife. She is MY partner. I have the reasponsibility to TAKE CARE OF HER. THe reality is that She is her own person and could and can take care of herself. Because people are married they are still responsible for their own selves. We can be concerned but if you two have an agreement that you are going to swing....... Then when jealousy strikes..., figure out what is the trigger and deal with it... Sounds like you are experiencing possessiveness but you have to ask yourself the questions and deal with them or ..... swinging is just not for you.
Take care and enjoy your life.... My cardiologist just told me to do whatever i find pleasurable. Like fishing and I thought '''"" and swinging"""" After 2 near misses... I think I'll start by screwing evenyone.......Line forms on the right and left...
LOL
Ray
PS: Just saw the comments about actually watching and "will it get better" If one watches with the same expectations and the same anxiety and the same possessiveness thenthe answer is NO it will, in fact, get worse. OTOH... If one looks at it with the idea of " what is causing me to feel this way, I know she loves me and it's only sex and I know that she will be cumming home with me and it really does turn me on to see her with another man... then you can analyze the feelings and realize just what is the cause......
There are some very good replies here., and some that are quite biting. It is some times difficult to realize and understand that someone other than the spouse can actually satisfy and and offer full sexual gratification to our spouse. It can be frightening and intimidating. There comes the questions, will I be able to satisfy her/him as well as they did, will our spouse prefer sex with them more than us, will they fall in love with that person and out of love with me.
If this is something you want to explore, you need to talk and really communicate with your spouse. You should make rules that you will both agree on and abide by. Once you have decided to proceed, there are sever ways to go about it. You may choose to have a mfm, where you participate also, or you may try another couple and in different rooms where you do not get to watch her so you will not know how she responds, or you can try a couple in the same room so you both can watch each other.
The best place to start will be a forum like this. Meet someone from here, and talk with them. Tell them what you would like, what you expect to have happen, your fears, be as open with them as with your spouse. I expect there are several couples and singles on here that would love to mentor you and your spouse and offer guidance for you both.
Remember, you must communicate with everyone involved. And no, means NO.
If you choose to walk this path, best of luck
If this is something you want to explore, you need to talk and really communicate with your spouse. You should make rules that you will both agree on and abide by. Once you have decided to proceed, there are sever ways to go about it. You may choose to have a mfm, where you participate also, or you may try another couple and in different rooms where you do not get to watch her so you will not know how she responds, or you can try a couple in the same room so you both can watch each other.
The best place to start will be a forum like this. Meet someone from here, and talk with them. Tell them what you would like, what you expect to have happen, your fears, be as open with them as with your spouse. I expect there are several couples and singles on here that would love to mentor you and your spouse and offer guidance for you both.
Remember, you must communicate with everyone involved. And no, means NO.
If you choose to walk this path, best of luck