Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Max, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore!!!
that is freakin hilarious :* lmfao
drew you kill....lol
Drew, I resent being called an Irish Setter...
omfg thats so damn funny i bout busted a gut laughing rotflmfao
A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he
wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies
and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only
redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around
the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating
shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the
women. At the height of the party, the host said, "I
have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give
a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump
in." The words were barely out of his mouth when
there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and
saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!
Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his
thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,
biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator
through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. both
Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to
the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly
climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring
at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe
you a million dollars,"
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.
You won the bet. How about half a million bucks
then?"
"No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you
something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche
and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what
do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed
me in the pool!"
wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies
and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only
redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around
the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating
shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the
women. At the height of the party, the host said, "I
have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give
a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump
in." The words were barely out of his mouth when
there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and
saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!
Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his
thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds,
biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator
through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. both
Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.
Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to
the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly
climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring
at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe
you a million dollars,"
"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something.
You won the bet. How about half a million bucks
then?"
"No thanks, I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you
something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche
and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what
do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbich who pushed
me in the pool!"
Bahahahahahhaa.....that is some funny shit!
That was hilarious....:l
lmao.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nice one
P.S. FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!?!?!?!?!!!!
P.S. FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE!!!?!?!?!?!!!!