Having been through this already?
The Truth.
You probably don't need to go into the gory details or be explicit. But by simply stating you're adults and these are the decisions you make are things a lot of kids can respect...or at least my kids can respect that.
(My opinion here)...just don't treat it like a big deal and go about life normally. We choose not to expose our kids to the lifestyle. But we have the fortune of being kid-free 50% of the time, so that's pretty simple. Although, as they get older, they begin to figure things out. So I stick with the honest approach.
-K_T
The Truth.
You probably don't need to go into the gory details or be explicit. But by simply stating you're adults and these are the decisions you make are things a lot of kids can respect...or at least my kids can respect that.
(My opinion here)...just don't treat it like a big deal and go about life normally. We choose not to expose our kids to the lifestyle. But we have the fortune of being kid-free 50% of the time, so that's pretty simple. Although, as they get older, they begin to figure things out. So I stick with the honest approach.
-K_T
Well since the majority of our friends are in the Utah area and we get down to see them when we can our kids havent really been to nosey or they just havent said anything yet. Ours are old enough they probably just dont think about it I don't know
S&D
S&D
We just toss the Cabbage Patch in the closet and tell her not to meddle in the affairs of adults!
The one that lives with us is old enough, she knows, and we all joke about it, damn, we have to listen about all her new boyfriends,payback is a bitch!..lol
Our daughter is only 2 so she don't ask many questions yet but the mother in law sure ask's allot of questions. They are the ones that do all our overnight sitting.We to are into 4wheeling, we used to do allot of mudracing so we have used that as a place of meeting people as well.
So to add to the discussion, what to you do when you find your Adult children with a profile?
What would you do if you attended an open party at a club and you run into them?
Could be very awkward.
We keep much of our personal affairs out of the highlight.
We tend to keep very low key.
What would you do if you attended an open party at a club and you run into them?
Could be very awkward.
We keep much of our personal affairs out of the highlight.
We tend to keep very low key.
We tell them we are out having coffee or sitting at their house having a few drinks. We did get lectured once from our teenagers for staying out so late on weekends, our oldest who just turned 18 asked what the hell is there to do at 4:00 in the morning...LOL. The only way we would confess is if we got caught red handed, then remind them that they would rather have not known the truth, then beg them not to dis-own us!! Our kids are the sheltered goodie goodie types, which is quite refreshing when compared to the hellions that me and Mrs. Utfun were as teens.
Its not a question of if, its a question of when.
Lets be honest here kids are smarter than we were at their age. When they do find out be prepared to answer their questions in a direct, honest manner. The "its none of your business" response is wholly inappropriate and I guarantee you it will bite you in the ass. Firstly you are their parents and just as you have a vested interest in them they likewise have one in you also. I guarentee you that if you dont give them the answers that they want they will start asking other adults and their friends questions. Before you know it your activities become the talk of the neighborhood possibly garnering you a visit from child services.
Even when you do answer their questions assume that they are going to confide in a friend or two. Its necessary for their sanity so dont make a big deal out of it.
Sometimes telling them first is actually better. I remember a case where a couple's 17 year old son (just graduated high school with a football scholarship to FSU) found out via the web about his parents activities. Instead of confronting them he followed them to a local hotel that held parties. While they were indisposed he decided to confront them (via kicking down their door). What followed next was 2 hours of arguing (loudly) followed by the boys father getting knocked around a bit. Their son left the next morning taking only his clothes and with the exception of the bank where his college fund was drained has not been seen since.
The moral of this story is that the kids will find out the only question is how.
richard
Lets be honest here kids are smarter than we were at their age. When they do find out be prepared to answer their questions in a direct, honest manner. The "its none of your business" response is wholly inappropriate and I guarantee you it will bite you in the ass. Firstly you are their parents and just as you have a vested interest in them they likewise have one in you also. I guarentee you that if you dont give them the answers that they want they will start asking other adults and their friends questions. Before you know it your activities become the talk of the neighborhood possibly garnering you a visit from child services.
Even when you do answer their questions assume that they are going to confide in a friend or two. Its necessary for their sanity so dont make a big deal out of it.
Sometimes telling them first is actually better. I remember a case where a couple's 17 year old son (just graduated high school with a football scholarship to FSU) found out via the web about his parents activities. Instead of confronting them he followed them to a local hotel that held parties. While they were indisposed he decided to confront them (via kicking down their door). What followed next was 2 hours of arguing (loudly) followed by the boys father getting knocked around a bit. Their son left the next morning taking only his clothes and with the exception of the bank where his college fund was drained has not been seen since.
The moral of this story is that the kids will find out the only question is how.
richard
I have yet to have one of my kids ask me directly. However they have, on occasion, hinted at something. I answer with as much honesty as I care to express. They are, after all, still children. Teenagers, yes, but quite concrete in their thinking still. I simply state 'really good friends' and leave it at that.
When my son was barely 19, a friend of his found my profile online and was teasing him about it. I immediately removed any photos that could be linked to me. When he asked me, I very directly stated that it was none of his business, I am an adult and he probably really doesn't want to know. He's brought it up only once since and I again, looked him right in they eye and asked him if he really wanted the answer. He respects that. However, he has over the past year introduced me to his friends as, My Mom the Cougar. He's now 21 and kind of over the judgement thing.
Give your kids credit - they "know" even if you think they don't. I would only admonish all to take great lengths to protect them and not expose them in any way. That, my firends, can bite you in the ass. My ex tried to to play that card. Only once. hehehe
Enjoy!
Te
When my son was barely 19, a friend of his found my profile online and was teasing him about it. I immediately removed any photos that could be linked to me. When he asked me, I very directly stated that it was none of his business, I am an adult and he probably really doesn't want to know. He's brought it up only once since and I again, looked him right in they eye and asked him if he really wanted the answer. He respects that. However, he has over the past year introduced me to his friends as, My Mom the Cougar. He's now 21 and kind of over the judgement thing.
Give your kids credit - they "know" even if you think they don't. I would only admonish all to take great lengths to protect them and not expose them in any way. That, my firends, can bite you in the ass. My ex tried to to play that card. Only once. hehehe
Enjoy!
Te
We told ours the truth and just do not give details. Our oldest is 20 and at one point asked what we would do if her and her boyfriend showed up at one of the parties? We would leave and afterwards we would coordinate which parties we were going to to insure it would not happen again. She decided that we would never have the same circle of friends anyway and that they did not plan on being in the lifestyle afterall. Problem solved.