What are we really? May seem like an easy question to answer or is it. Most might say "oh that easy we are swingers". Maybe you not a swinger at all maybe you polyamous. What the hell is polyamous?!
Well polyamory is defined as having more then one love. Isn't that the same as saying friends with benefits. Well yes it is. True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!
Not us...not at all. To me this lifestyle is a scale ....true swinger on the one side and true polyamory on the other...We are closer to the poly side as opposed to the true swinger side. WHat is so wonderful about that side is we can have fun with other people even if no actual sex occurs. Sometimes its nice to just be able to go out with like minded folks.
Just wanted to let the people who feel the way we do understand that thier is others with the same thought process.
Mordon and Jade
Well polyamory is defined as having more then one love. Isn't that the same as saying friends with benefits. Well yes it is. True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!
Not us...not at all. To me this lifestyle is a scale ....true swinger on the one side and true polyamory on the other...We are closer to the poly side as opposed to the true swinger side. WHat is so wonderful about that side is we can have fun with other people even if no actual sex occurs. Sometimes its nice to just be able to go out with like minded folks.
Just wanted to let the people who feel the way we do understand that thier is others with the same thought process.
Mordon and Jade
yep we are poly. can be really hard sometimes, but so very rewarding when you find the right people. good luck 
Well I think that is crap. We are TRUE swingers by all means. We have sex with other partners. We do NOT make love to anyone else. We do NOT love anyone else but each other. However, we do have very good friends that we can hang out with and have a great time with, with or with out the sex taking place. So by your definition we would be Poly. But we do not love anyone but each other. We have swinger friends that we just hang out with and not have sex. We have B-B-Q's and let the kids play and then the next night we might all play. We exchange B-day gifts and all that jazz. We love them as friends but that is as far as it goes. In fact we have very few vanilla friends left because we get along with the lifestyle friends so much better. Please don't take that first sentence as rood, it's just that read your comment to agree with our outlook on the lifestyle but we define it differently.
MORDON: Huh??
Wow...no easy task to consolidate concepts as broad and inclusive as swinging and/or polyamory into neat little boxes. I'm still trying to follow how you grouped the two into polar opposites.
I'm not sure that the way you're defining either of those would be true for the majority of those in the swinging communities, and especially not Sirensextress or myself.
If I have the ability to to love more than one person...then yes, I suppose I am polyamorous, but NOT in the same way that a couple who is truly polyamorous might view it (I do love not just one but all my children/siblings and whatnot).
You've painted a rather bleak and harsh picture of us non-polyamorists, by boldly stating that swingers are, "friends with benefits....True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!"
That statement is well, to put it bluntly, naive and uninformed.
We've never engaged in sex without talking, or getting to know one another. How else would we know if there's any chemistry?
We care greatly for most of the people we've encountered through swinging, and would most CERTAINLY care if they died on the way home!
In short...we "give a shit"!
I think in it's broadest sense, the term "swinging" is large enough to cater to the appetites of a wide spectrum of people, from those that are inclined to polyamory, to those that prefer to fuck 'em and leave 'em, to those that are the swinging wannabe's, to those that are exclusive.
We are by no means polyamorous, but yes, we've run into couples that are in the truest sense of the word, poly. In fact, we've met couples that have wanted us to participate in the poly lifestyle. However, they are looking for something quite different that what we are looking for.
Neither my wife nor myself are looking to be "married" to another couple, or to become a "secondary" husband/wife to them. Yet, being the "non-polyamorists" that we are, and according to your definition, we should be unable able to maintain very close friendships with any other swingers.
Actually...our experiences have been quite the opposite.
Most of our closest friends have come out of The Lifestyle.
Do we love them? Yep.
Have/are we sexually intimate with them? Yep.
Are we romanticaly involved, exclusive and IN love with them? No.
Do we love them like family? Yep.
Are we polyamorous? No.
Does this just boil down semantics? Yes..probably. However I felt compelled to speak on behalf of those of us that actually do care about the people that we meet through the lifestyle. Cuz we DO give a shit and we're NOT the cold-hearted people we've been made out to be!
Wow...no easy task to consolidate concepts as broad and inclusive as swinging and/or polyamory into neat little boxes. I'm still trying to follow how you grouped the two into polar opposites.
I'm not sure that the way you're defining either of those would be true for the majority of those in the swinging communities, and especially not Sirensextress or myself.
If I have the ability to to love more than one person...then yes, I suppose I am polyamorous, but NOT in the same way that a couple who is truly polyamorous might view it (I do love not just one but all my children/siblings and whatnot).
You've painted a rather bleak and harsh picture of us non-polyamorists, by boldly stating that swingers are, "friends with benefits....True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!"
That statement is well, to put it bluntly, naive and uninformed.
We've never engaged in sex without talking, or getting to know one another. How else would we know if there's any chemistry?
We care greatly for most of the people we've encountered through swinging, and would most CERTAINLY care if they died on the way home!
In short...we "give a shit"!
I think in it's broadest sense, the term "swinging" is large enough to cater to the appetites of a wide spectrum of people, from those that are inclined to polyamory, to those that prefer to fuck 'em and leave 'em, to those that are the swinging wannabe's, to those that are exclusive.
We are by no means polyamorous, but yes, we've run into couples that are in the truest sense of the word, poly. In fact, we've met couples that have wanted us to participate in the poly lifestyle. However, they are looking for something quite different that what we are looking for.
Neither my wife nor myself are looking to be "married" to another couple, or to become a "secondary" husband/wife to them. Yet, being the "non-polyamorists" that we are, and according to your definition, we should be unable able to maintain very close friendships with any other swingers.
Actually...our experiences have been quite the opposite.
Most of our closest friends have come out of The Lifestyle.
Do we love them? Yep.
Have/are we sexually intimate with them? Yep.
Are we romanticaly involved, exclusive and IN love with them? No.
Do we love them like family? Yep.
Are we polyamorous? No.
Does this just boil down semantics? Yes..probably. However I felt compelled to speak on behalf of those of us that actually do care about the people that we meet through the lifestyle. Cuz we DO give a shit and we're NOT the cold-hearted people we've been made out to be!
Great thought out comments to this posting ThoughtGarden, and we have to agree with you 100%. We love (but don't ever think that would be romantically- LOL), and miss you guys.
A good topic to discuss. As for us, we count ourselves as "Fantasyers" that have things we want to experience and do so with the people that we enjoy (and or love) spending time with. Swingers (hard core) may be at one end on one leg, and Poly may be at the other end and on another leg, but we like being at the "Y" and in the middle, whatever that is labeled.
A good topic to discuss. As for us, we count ourselves as "Fantasyers" that have things we want to experience and do so with the people that we enjoy (and or love) spending time with. Swingers (hard core) may be at one end on one leg, and Poly may be at the other end and on another leg, but we like being at the "Y" and in the middle, whatever that is labeled.
Wow Thoughtgarden! I couldn't dream of even trying to say that better than you did! Kudos to you!! Great post!!
~D&T~
~D&T~
Ah yes of course. Life can be such an experience. When it comes to this issue, as with many others, i would say there is quite a continuum. From swinger to poly.....are they polar opposites? Yes i would say that, to some, they are, and of course to others they are not. Perspective is a wonderful thing, isnt it? 
Anyway, I feel very lucky that I get to make my own choices and have my own opinions and my own beliefs.....and that i am able to accept that in others and love it about them. hooray for freedom!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Anyway, I feel very lucky that I get to make my own choices and have my own opinions and my own beliefs.....and that i am able to accept that in others and love it about them. hooray for freedom!!
xoxoxoxoxo
Heavy into swing in the the beginning, wanted more substance so we tried poly. Way too much substance so now we just relax somewhere in between and go with what ever form the relationship may take.
Great post TG.
Sunshine......... that was cool..... and TRUE!
we are pizzamorphis...now who has a pepperoni?
Very well said TG !! love ya, muwah XO
Mrs. Ang ; )
Mrs. Ang ; )
great discussion, when we got into the "Lifestyle" it was by accident for the most part. We wanted to go to a fun party ant we found one, jo so happed that it was a swinger party.
So we went to another party, started feeling a bit more comfortable with the designation and decided to post a profile. it was then that we had to make a decisoin as to what we were and that was no easy task.
we listed voyour first then later changed ot to soft swap after the misses had a few of the gals play with ehr and we both were aroused by it.
bi-curious came next. after we meed several couples that we really liked and had spent considedrable time with.
Yet we felt our profile we descriptive of our intentions. But we now realize that is not true. We were seeking friends. were not in it to have random sex. and heve developed som what we consider close friends and have never had sex with them,
we have also lost some close friends we feel as a result of the male member finally realizing he would nver be allowed to fuck mrs. simple. and for that were sad.
so where are we.
we love, "with a big L" hanging around and playing and partying with lifestyle folks. it has freed us from some of our inner needs. and it is great. I have no desire to fuck another woman, though patting her bottom and playing with the bobbies is great as we say in our profile.
and the misses loves the kisses from the gals and boobie play.
swingers, perhaps that does not describe us, not sure what does, but we enjoy hanging with those that have their head on straight, love to get naked with them , watch and be watched. touching kissing wow, who would ever thought.
perhaps were just the swingers that always stand in the corner at the dance and only come on the floor during the slow dances and watch during the high paced heavy action one. but watever,
we want to thank all of you for being you, and letting us be a part of your lives.
see many of you tonight at the bowling party....perhaps the slow dances do have a wild side on occasion we have to wait until tonight to see.
So we went to another party, started feeling a bit more comfortable with the designation and decided to post a profile. it was then that we had to make a decisoin as to what we were and that was no easy task.
we listed voyour first then later changed ot to soft swap after the misses had a few of the gals play with ehr and we both were aroused by it.
bi-curious came next. after we meed several couples that we really liked and had spent considedrable time with.
Yet we felt our profile we descriptive of our intentions. But we now realize that is not true. We were seeking friends. were not in it to have random sex. and heve developed som what we consider close friends and have never had sex with them,
we have also lost some close friends we feel as a result of the male member finally realizing he would nver be allowed to fuck mrs. simple. and for that were sad.
so where are we.
we love, "with a big L" hanging around and playing and partying with lifestyle folks. it has freed us from some of our inner needs. and it is great. I have no desire to fuck another woman, though patting her bottom and playing with the bobbies is great as we say in our profile.
and the misses loves the kisses from the gals and boobie play.
swingers, perhaps that does not describe us, not sure what does, but we enjoy hanging with those that have their head on straight, love to get naked with them , watch and be watched. touching kissing wow, who would ever thought.
perhaps were just the swingers that always stand in the corner at the dance and only come on the floor during the slow dances and watch during the high paced heavy action one. but watever,
we want to thank all of you for being you, and letting us be a part of your lives.
see many of you tonight at the bowling party....perhaps the slow dances do have a wild side on occasion we have to wait until tonight to see.
TG you said it all there. GREAT choice of words. I dont think it could have been said better. Thank you for your post and good insight.
We totally agree with you TG!! XOXOXOXO
M
M
isnt that the whole lure of the lifestyle to each his own, and we all are to respect each others boundaries.
Thought and Simple.... you both really have nailed (pun intended, yum) it with your thoughts and comments.
I recently have had the distinct dis-pleasure of having this conversation with some people. They were rather rude and offensive to me. As if their lifestyle choices were somehow better than mine. Or that they held themselves to a higher standard because they decided upon Poly relationships rather than what they defined as Swinging.
Personally, I don't ever want to bother with attempting to define my relationships. The fact is that it is different with each and every person and couple I choose to interact with. Some border on poly and some are just one time occurrences. THAT doesn't make my friendships with them any less meaningful to me.
I get quite defensive when people try to pin me down (yes, intended as well) to one definition or another. Most of all I refuse (stomps foot) to defend my desires or intentions with people. I think we all could learn a little tolerance for peoples choices. I mean we all are choosing something alternative, right?
Besides, why can't I care about everyone... love most.... marry none? hehe
Enjoy everyone!
Te
I recently have had the distinct dis-pleasure of having this conversation with some people. They were rather rude and offensive to me. As if their lifestyle choices were somehow better than mine. Or that they held themselves to a higher standard because they decided upon Poly relationships rather than what they defined as Swinging.
Personally, I don't ever want to bother with attempting to define my relationships. The fact is that it is different with each and every person and couple I choose to interact with. Some border on poly and some are just one time occurrences. THAT doesn't make my friendships with them any less meaningful to me.
I get quite defensive when people try to pin me down (yes, intended as well) to one definition or another. Most of all I refuse (stomps foot) to defend my desires or intentions with people. I think we all could learn a little tolerance for peoples choices. I mean we all are choosing something alternative, right?
Besides, why can't I care about everyone... love most.... marry none? hehe
Enjoy everyone!
Te
Luv ya, Deviantte
ahhhhh... you guys ROCK!
Wettfem.... ((huggs and kisses))
Th.... very nicely put!!! Well said
Enjoy Everyone!!
-Te
Wettfem.... ((huggs and kisses))
Th.... very nicely put!!! Well said
Enjoy Everyone!!
-Te
Ahhh, Te, what a wonderfully eloquent Deviant you are. I think we agree with you on those statements.
TG, as usual, well said!
-K_T
TG, as usual, well said!
-K_T
It's all so complicated...hahaha
I believe the more you let go, the more you gain in this lifestyle. Hell, make that life in general.
We meet people that we connect with and form fast bonds. Others, that bond is whisper thin, but it's there - waiting for a word to grow stronger. Sometimes the connection is elemental and raw, burning brightly before it flames out completely. And there are, of course a rare few that act like magnets on the wrong side and simply push apart before even meeting.
You just never know what prize is sitting in the box when you open it.
-K_T
We meet people that we connect with and form fast bonds. Others, that bond is whisper thin, but it's there - waiting for a word to grow stronger. Sometimes the connection is elemental and raw, burning brightly before it flames out completely. And there are, of course a rare few that act like magnets on the wrong side and simply push apart before even meeting.
You just never know what prize is sitting in the box when you open it.
-K_T
Posted By: MORDON Posted on:
Nov 16, 2007 - 12:00 pm
True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!
Not us...not at all. To me this lifestyle is a scale ....true swinger on the one side and true polyamory on the other...We are closer to the poly side as opposed to the true swinger side. WHat is so wonderful about that side is we can have fun with other people even if no actual sex occurs. Sometimes its nice to just be able to go out with like minded folks.
Just wanted to let the people who feel the way we do understand that thier is others with the same thought process.
Mordon and Jade
Since when? I mean we are not going to be getting married to each other, taking family vacations, consulting each other with financial planning for old age but that hardly means that you can die for all we care since we just got laid.
We are NOT into poly because of the problems it causes and the lack of reward that we get that we can appraciate. However, does that mean you don't appreciate the returns? Not so. Just that we don't think it is worth it because we don't care for those kinds of returns. You can do what you want. Neither you nor us are right or wrong. Just different.
Nov 16, 2007 - 12:00 pm
True swinging is having sex just for the sake of having sex. No talking ...no getting to know each other...not caring one iota about the other person. Basically have sex and if the other person dies on the way home ...who give gives a shit!
Not us...not at all. To me this lifestyle is a scale ....true swinger on the one side and true polyamory on the other...We are closer to the poly side as opposed to the true swinger side. WHat is so wonderful about that side is we can have fun with other people even if no actual sex occurs. Sometimes its nice to just be able to go out with like minded folks.
Just wanted to let the people who feel the way we do understand that thier is others with the same thought process.
Mordon and Jade
Since when? I mean we are not going to be getting married to each other, taking family vacations, consulting each other with financial planning for old age but that hardly means that you can die for all we care since we just got laid.
We are NOT into poly because of the problems it causes and the lack of reward that we get that we can appraciate. However, does that mean you don't appreciate the returns? Not so. Just that we don't think it is worth it because we don't care for those kinds of returns. You can do what you want. Neither you nor us are right or wrong. Just different.
Posted By: JSTLKN07 Reply posted on:
Jan 22, 2008 - 12:25 pm
We like to think that we're doing what makes both of us happy. If that makes us swingers or polyamorous, or whatever, then that's cool with us. Our label we give ourselves isn't important, nor do we care about it.
We beg to differ. That label is important from certain standpoints. Now, if you meet us and tell us you are a poly couple seeking a poly relationship, we can tell you it won't go far since that is not what we want. That way, you know it isn't going anywhere fast and so do we. No need to drag it out for a while and then "I thought you...." or "I got the impression.....". If I am looking for a certain type of relationship, isn't it better to know up front and not waste anybody's time and get hurt feelings?
Jan 22, 2008 - 12:25 pm
We like to think that we're doing what makes both of us happy. If that makes us swingers or polyamorous, or whatever, then that's cool with us. Our label we give ourselves isn't important, nor do we care about it.
We beg to differ. That label is important from certain standpoints. Now, if you meet us and tell us you are a poly couple seeking a poly relationship, we can tell you it won't go far since that is not what we want. That way, you know it isn't going anywhere fast and so do we. No need to drag it out for a while and then "I thought you...." or "I got the impression.....". If I am looking for a certain type of relationship, isn't it better to know up front and not waste anybody's time and get hurt feelings?
MORDON:
Are ya serious? ... Anyways that is your opinion... to each it's own... but good Lord make a lil more research before posting something like that
Wikepedia has a very good definition for it................
Polyamory (from Greek
Are ya serious? ... Anyways that is your opinion... to each it's own... but good Lord make a lil more research before posting something like that
Wikepedia has a very good definition for it................
Polyamory (from Greek
We love our friends, benefits or not. But we are only in love with each other.
Can`t be any more simple then that.
Can`t be any more simple then that.
For us personally, we just can't see this concept of falling in love with your swing friends. If you think it is hard for 4 people to click, wait till you try make them all fall in love. To us the gain is simply not worth the work. The difficulties are very significant. If the gains were more in line with what we wanted, we might try it but since they are not, we don't want to try it.
Yeah, where the hell did you get that "True swinging" is having sex with strangers with nothing said???
-D-
-D-
I guess we are Poly-Swingers. Basically we are and have been swingers for some time now, I however, am quite poly and have several lady friends who I love deeply. Finding 2 couples is not as difficult as some might think. One of my lady friends is married and our families are quite close. Fact is they are not swingers at all but she is poly and he is poly friendly. The other is separated and both my wife and I love this lady to the ends of the earth. So we are poly.
Now, we are also swingers . We do have sex with people that we are not in love with. We do, however, care about people and we prefer to get to know people first before sex. We have been known to get it on on the first meeting if the chemestry is right.... I don't see any division in swinging because someone may be poly but enjoys sex with people that just hit it off.
Swingers are such a diverse group of people and there is room for whatever ones heart desires...from love to just sex. Find what's right for you and enjoy...
Ray
Now, we are also swingers . We do have sex with people that we are not in love with. We do, however, care about people and we prefer to get to know people first before sex. We have been known to get it on on the first meeting if the chemestry is right.... I don't see any division in swinging because someone may be poly but enjoys sex with people that just hit it off.
Swingers are such a diverse group of people and there is room for whatever ones heart desires...from love to just sex. Find what's right for you and enjoy...
Ray
I think you got it right there. Personally, we think it might be best for everyone if they simply stated what they wanted up front and let the other couple/people decide. The other party gets to say if they want to continue and that is that. We personally don't feel that poly relationships are worth the potential problems. If you want to do it, so be it. We won't have you dragged out and stoned by a crowd.
So what if we are a swap couple with NO emotional attachment? Must there be one to have sex? I think not.
So what if we are a swap couple with NO emotional attachment? Must there be one to have sex? I think not.