Please help enlighten me. What is your take on the issue?
When does showing interest become viewed as being pushy?
Is there a set point? or does it depend on the person?
When does showing interest become viewed as being pushy?
Is there a set point? or does it depend on the person?
Men that are successful in the lifestyle are the most laid back guys I've ever met. Simply expressing your interest is enough. Be willing to be patient, be direct, to the point and ask lots of questions. When in doubt, clarify and then ask again 
You can't go wrong!
good luck and enjoy!
-Te
You can't go wrong!good luck and enjoy!
-Te
It's a fine line between being forward enough to show interest and being a pushy bastard.
I have noticed that the lucky guys (the guys who succeed in seducing ladies) are quite forward verbally, but very hands off and respectful physically.
Do the ladies prefer more of a physical boundary?
I have noticed that the lucky guys (the guys who succeed in seducing ladies) are quite forward verbally, but very hands off and respectful physically.
Do the ladies prefer more of a physical boundary?
It seems to me (the male half) that by showing respectful interest and heavy duty flirting is acceptable. As far as physical contact a firm handshake, a light touch to the lower arm, and maybe even a light touch to hair (while complimenting) is also
OK one more male half comment. CLEARLY asking the question shows that you are one of the "good single guys"
Agreed with all of the above! Patience is *truly* a virtue in this case. Listen to them, show some genuine interest in who they are, give them a good laugh and don't be afraid to be a little dominant within boundaries.
And never touch unless it's acceptable and you have a pretty good idea of how it will be taken (Follow your instinct, not your cock...hehehe)
-K_T
And never touch unless it's acceptable and you have a pretty good idea of how it will be taken (Follow your instinct, not your cock...hehehe)
-K_T
Thank you, this is a great change of pace here and a question we want to see the answers to. The wife told me she gave up interest in a regular party goer at our parties because he has shown no interest and she strongly prefers the men make the first move. I told her I think he is shy to an extreme level but maybe he is afraid of being percieved as pushy.
I find myself falling into the same dilemma. Not wanting to be considered as pushy I tend to be more laid back and very non agressive. Also as the party host comes the fear of making the guests feel obligated to play if they feel you are being pushy. It is a very fine line and would love to learn how to balance on it better.
I find myself falling into the same dilemma. Not wanting to be considered as pushy I tend to be more laid back and very non agressive. Also as the party host comes the fear of making the guests feel obligated to play if they feel you are being pushy. It is a very fine line and would love to learn how to balance on it better.
NP Know the feeling well. I once had a hubby tell me that his wife was a bit put out because I showed only a little interest almost like teasing.... but never asked she wanted ME to ask so go figure
Altho the line "I wouldn't say no if asked" and/or "I would sure like to be asked" seems to work
Altho the line "I wouldn't say no if asked" and/or "I would sure like to be asked" seems to work
Thanks for the responses so far. I have tried to practice the approach that it is better to miss out on a great experience then be perceived as a the "pushy-jerk-bastard" that everyone avoids at all costs.
Ladies - I have never once heard of a guy turning down a woman for being the first to ask. Usually it is the opposite. So ladies if interested don't be afraid to ask first.
Ladies - I have never once heard of a guy turning down a woman for being the first to ask. Usually it is the opposite. So ladies if interested don't be afraid to ask first.
Damn...where did I put my 10 foot pole...I swear to god it was here somewhere....
Utah women are a little bit less aggressive than other States I've been/lived in. I think the culture fosters much of that, and I think there is a certain amount of social pressure for women to act a bit more reserved.
All in all, the workaround is easy...communication. Be direct but not creepy and simply ask when the time comes.
-K_T
Utah women are a little bit less aggressive than other States I've been/lived in. I think the culture fosters much of that, and I think there is a certain amount of social pressure for women to act a bit more reserved.
All in all, the workaround is easy...communication. Be direct but not creepy and simply ask when the time comes.
-K_T
We enjoy single respectful men....
For us, she will NOT make the move...Come up, say hello, express interest, and hang out...She WILL return the expression of interest if she is...A gentle caress in a non-sexual area is also nice to her. Finally, when you do get the connection...TAKE YOUR TIME!!!! Explore...It is NOT a race to see how fast you can orgasm...You are a guest, act like it and respect her desires, needs, and wishes...If you do not know...ASK!
From the male point of view...The 2 biggest mistakes we have experienced are: 1.) Basically coming up and asking, "Wanna fuck?" or something as crass as that. This is NOT sexy, this is NOT acceptable. Try, "Hello, my name is _____, would you like to talk and get to know each other?" or something along these lines...I know dorky, but it works. 2.) NOT including the man in the conversation. This is a HUGE pet peeve of BOTH of us...YES, you may have interest in playing with one, but both are involved in a lot of ways, include them in the conversation.
For the male half here...I am a bit confused...The "rules" say that the lady is supposed to set things up, yet when the ladies do so, I find that nothing gets done...Maybe I am in an odd situation. I have a hard time striking up a conversation with a lady or couple....Any suggestions that would help? Sorry...Not trying to steal your post, just seems to go along with it.
For us, she will NOT make the move...Come up, say hello, express interest, and hang out...She WILL return the expression of interest if she is...A gentle caress in a non-sexual area is also nice to her. Finally, when you do get the connection...TAKE YOUR TIME!!!! Explore...It is NOT a race to see how fast you can orgasm...You are a guest, act like it and respect her desires, needs, and wishes...If you do not know...ASK!
From the male point of view...The 2 biggest mistakes we have experienced are: 1.) Basically coming up and asking, "Wanna fuck?" or something as crass as that. This is NOT sexy, this is NOT acceptable. Try, "Hello, my name is _____, would you like to talk and get to know each other?" or something along these lines...I know dorky, but it works. 2.) NOT including the man in the conversation. This is a HUGE pet peeve of BOTH of us...YES, you may have interest in playing with one, but both are involved in a lot of ways, include them in the conversation.
For the male half here...I am a bit confused...The "rules" say that the lady is supposed to set things up, yet when the ladies do so, I find that nothing gets done...Maybe I am in an odd situation. I have a hard time striking up a conversation with a lady or couple....Any suggestions that would help? Sorry...Not trying to steal your post, just seems to go along with it.
I agree with KT - be polite and direct but DO be sure and express interest and not just in their *parts*.
I'm totally with you guys JstJim - it's NOT sexy getting those kinds of proposals. I got one recently at a club - "I can take care of whatever you might need tonight" I really wanted to say that my floors needed a good scrubbing... buuuut.....
I think one of the biggest mistakes men make in this lifestyle is is to assume that every woman they want to play with is gonna want them to put a ring on their finger. So, they don't show an interest in who the person is or what blows their skirt up.
One of the sexiest proposals I got was on a dance floor.... whispered into my ear. *hint* it was NOT 'wanna fuck'.
Happy Halloween Everyone!
-Te
I'm totally with you guys JstJim - it's NOT sexy getting those kinds of proposals. I got one recently at a club - "I can take care of whatever you might need tonight" I really wanted to say that my floors needed a good scrubbing... buuuut.....
I think one of the biggest mistakes men make in this lifestyle is is to assume that every woman they want to play with is gonna want them to put a ring on their finger. So, they don't show an interest in who the person is or what blows their skirt up.
One of the sexiest proposals I got was on a dance floor.... whispered into my ear. *hint* it was NOT 'wanna fuck'.
Happy Halloween Everyone!
-Te
Te, can I whisper in your ear either on or off a dance floor?? I can already imagine where that may lead.... mmmm yummy.
Now, to the matter at hand
My hubby is always very scared to come across as the pushy jerk and after almost every party/gathering says "I just wish all the women were like you, at least you send out a vibe" I'm not so sure I really do send a vibe, it's just that he already knows my 'looks' etc and they are in his comfort zone. It can be so hard to read someone new. So many times we hear that this lifestyle is all about the woman and they get to be in charge, then you hear that the women want the guy to make the first move! It's all too confusing and individual to each couple!
All I can add is what works for me. Ego stroking. oh, and laughter, cuz thats sexy.
I recently had a guy at a party come up to me and say "I'd really like a spot on your dance card tonight" then he basically walked away. (Now, don't steal his line just because it worked!) It was a good one liner to show me he had interest in me, left me a window of opportunity to turn down the offer if it had been unwanted and put the ball in my court. I then got to search him out when the timing was right.
Come up with your own perfect one liner, that isn't wanna fuck, and I think it will take you pretty far.
Mrs. Curious
Now, to the matter at hand
My hubby is always very scared to come across as the pushy jerk and after almost every party/gathering says "I just wish all the women were like you, at least you send out a vibe" I'm not so sure I really do send a vibe, it's just that he already knows my 'looks' etc and they are in his comfort zone. It can be so hard to read someone new. So many times we hear that this lifestyle is all about the woman and they get to be in charge, then you hear that the women want the guy to make the first move! It's all too confusing and individual to each couple!
All I can add is what works for me. Ego stroking. oh, and laughter, cuz thats sexy.
I recently had a guy at a party come up to me and say "I'd really like a spot on your dance card tonight" then he basically walked away. (Now, don't steal his line just because it worked!) It was a good one liner to show me he had interest in me, left me a window of opportunity to turn down the offer if it had been unwanted and put the ball in my court. I then got to search him out when the timing was right.
Come up with your own perfect one liner, that isn't wanna fuck, and I think it will take you pretty far.
Mrs. Curious
This reminds me of a couple conversations I've had with Ms. K_T and a few people here. Watching Ms. K_T interact with other women I realized the obvious.
Women enjoy being pursued. But (as stated earlier by several comments) women don't enjoy being a piece of meat, stalked or treated like property. The funny thing is, men like the same things. A huge turn on is knowing you're wanted and engaging in the dance that follows.
We menfolk dance that wire and pray for balance.
Talking, laughing, asking (politely) are really the keys for both men and women. Light touching (hand on the arm, leg...ass) is a signal (when combined with "a look") for reciprocation in most cases.
All of it? Complex as hell, but damn fun when you learn the moves.
(The above post was written before the author had his morning coffee...author is not responsible for any wisdom, insight or typo-tripping.)
-K_T
Women enjoy being pursued. But (as stated earlier by several comments) women don't enjoy being a piece of meat, stalked or treated like property. The funny thing is, men like the same things. A huge turn on is knowing you're wanted and engaging in the dance that follows.
We menfolk dance that wire and pray for balance.
Talking, laughing, asking (politely) are really the keys for both men and women. Light touching (hand on the arm, leg...ass) is a signal (when combined with "a look") for reciprocation in most cases.
All of it? Complex as hell, but damn fun when you learn the moves.
(The above post was written before the author had his morning coffee...author is not responsible for any wisdom, insight or typo-tripping.)
-K_T
I can't get this one girl on here out of my mind, who is it. . . DEVIANTTE. . . HMMMMMMM
Jim 8-)
Jim 8-)
I agree with a lot of the advice given to the guys on this post. However I would like to ask the ladies a question, maybe you can help a shy girl out, . 1: How do you like to be approached by other women, if it's different or the same as by men. 2: How do you tell women are interested, you know are the looking at your super cute shirt or your nice boobs?
. 1: How do you like to be approached by other women, if it's different or the same as by men. 2: How do you tell women are interested, you know are the looking at your super cute shirt or your nice boobs?Well, I felt like I had to put into this thread (big surprise huh?!)
This ones strange to me because I have always felt like men were hiding behind their wives.
I don't like women sexually so......what about me? Where do women like me fit into this? When Bi girls get together the men really don't have to do much....but I'm not going to pretend to be Bi to get with a couple.
I am a very aggressive person, especially when it come to men. Does this mean I want to chase you? HELL NO!
Cat and mouse is a VERY fun game to play, I can't speak for all women but for me, if your not willing to chase me, your not worth my time.
But on the other hand, if you touch my genitalia before I have touched yours, I'm gone. Sorry Charlie! I do like to be chased, but also TAKE THE LEAD. So follow my lead, don't hide.
Anyway....My point, Don't be afraid to let me know your interested, because if I'm not I will certainly let you know, and if I don't think you are I will move on.
And PLEASE do not rely on your wife to bring women to you, that's not her job, if you want something in this life you have to stand up and go get it.
Later,
~K~
This ones strange to me because I have always felt like men were hiding behind their wives.
I don't like women sexually so......what about me? Where do women like me fit into this? When Bi girls get together the men really don't have to do much....but I'm not going to pretend to be Bi to get with a couple.
I am a very aggressive person, especially when it come to men. Does this mean I want to chase you? HELL NO!
Cat and mouse is a VERY fun game to play, I can't speak for all women but for me, if your not willing to chase me, your not worth my time.
But on the other hand, if you touch my genitalia before I have touched yours, I'm gone. Sorry Charlie! I do like to be chased, but also TAKE THE LEAD. So follow my lead, don't hide.
Anyway....My point, Don't be afraid to let me know your interested, because if I'm not I will certainly let you know, and if I don't think you are I will move on.
And PLEASE do not rely on your wife to bring women to you, that's not her job, if you want something in this life you have to stand up and go get it.
Later,
~K~
Thank you classy i have been wondering the exact same thing where do i fit in.
Thanks so much for all of the good advice! The bowling party will be our very first event. This is helping a great deal. So I will throw this in too.... Does anyone have anything else to offer about their "firsts" I don't need details just first party experiances. I do not want to be the new wall flower. But I am quiet and sorta shy....
Mrs. Hotcinimin
Mrs. Hotcinimin
The first is always the hardest. Just rember that you need to go at your own speed and not let anyone pressure into something that you dont want to do. There are alot of awasome people here and i am sure that you will have a great time. when it comes to talking to people just rember that everyone there is for the same thing to meet new people and maybe if you find the right one or couple a little fun afterwards. hope you have a great experiance
mrsmtman
mrsmtman
Maybe everyone should print up a list of rules to hand out:
things like 'I like to be chased' and 'Don't touch my jilly until I touch your willy' and 'I'm too shy to make the first move' as well as the usual: Bi/Straight/Curious .
Hell, perhaps we should just tattoo it onto our foreheads.
If everyone adopts this idea, the next party should have a lot more scoring with a lot less wasted time.
things like 'I like to be chased' and 'Don't touch my jilly until I touch your willy' and 'I'm too shy to make the first move' as well as the usual: Bi/Straight/Curious .
Hell, perhaps we should just tattoo it onto our foreheads.
If everyone adopts this idea, the next party should have a lot more scoring with a lot less wasted time.
no shit UANDUS,
What ever happened to just jumping in the deep end and finding out what happens on your own. Its called life and there is no manual for it. I say just got for it and if you get slapped in the face then you know you went to far, hahahahah!
What ever happened to just jumping in the deep end and finding out what happens on your own. Its called life and there is no manual for it. I say just got for it and if you get slapped in the face then you know you went to far, hahahahah!
Mrs C..... you can whisper in my ear anyyyyy time hehe
Jim <wink>
Uand....you guys crack me up!!! That, my friends, would be a great party ice breaker!!! Don't you think?? Hysterical....
Enjoy Everyone!!
-Te
heheJim <wink>
Uand....you guys crack me up!!! That, my friends, would be a great party ice breaker!!! Don't you think?? Hysterical....
Enjoy Everyone!!
-Te