Swingers on Swingular - Swingers Forum - While the Wife is Away The Husband Will Play??

I was just wondering what people thought of this situation in general as I seem to get a lot of these e-mails. The husband will contact me (sometimes acting as if I (Jen) am part of a couple, most of the time acting as if I'm a single female) and tell me that they're wife is out of town or maybe they live out of town but the husband will be in my area and want to know if I'm interested in hooking up. I just don't get that. Swinger or not, unless I've had prior experience with the couple and know better, I would consider this cheating. (I make exceptions if I know that the wife allows seperate playtime.) What do you think about it and what is your typical response? Personally I just let them know that I'm okay with single males, females, and couples, but if you're part of a couple, we play with the WHOLE couple, not just half of it.

We think that is cheating and we will be no party to it!

We get alot of these emails also, we usually don't even reply to them. We find it very suspicious, either the guy is cheating or he doesn't really have a wife. If they are genuine and allow single play, I don't think this is the way to go about it.

I, too, get these emails and can't help but question them. I have drawn a line in the sand, so to speak. If I have met the wife and have had her verbal consent (have even had many "take care of him for me while I'm away" requests) then I might work it out. It's an absolute NO to random new 'Permission to Play' males. It feels like drama in the making and not worth the return.
Mrs. Curious

We established pretty early on in our journey into all this that we can both freely seek our own fun when travelling or while one of us is out of town. Generally, we contact who ever we might be interested in getting together with well ahead of time so everyone has a chance to get to know each other. We'll gladly give whatever verification from whichever spouse is needed in whatever form is chosen.

Yes, we love playing together with others, but the next best thing is hearing about each others experiences after a separate play session. Seems silly TO US (ie. this is our personal feelings on this issue and doesn't necessarily reflect our opinion of others and what they choose to do in their own relationships) to deprive each other when circumstances leave us hundreds of miles away from each other, but that's just how our relationship works.

-SG

Thanks for the responses.

I'm with those that mentioned that seperate play CAN be allowed. I'm okay with that scenario, but I wanna know the wifey or whatever so that I know that it's actually okay.

we have evolved in the past 12 yrs....started out as always together, always same room...I travel every week for work so Michele will entertain guys that we have met. They take a few pics for me and email me

Michele was at a confrence last week and I challenged her to pic up a guy, she exceeded expectations! Had couple and a guy join her the night she was away!

Clay

OK. If wifey is out of town, lets hold off till wifey gets back then.

If we have played with the couple before and the guy or gal is in town and wants to play, maybe. However, not for a first time. Who knows what he/she might be up to. No thanx,

Depending on one's personal choices, there's no doubt that the proverbial line between swinging and cheating can be a thin one.

Ya know, I have traveled out of town alone and could have played with my wifes permission, but when I have contacted a couple I got pretty much the "yea right" response. We have received e-mails just like mine and kinda have responded the same way. So I gave it up and that was ok. So as I would sit in my room in some exciting city drinking alone reading this forum (how pathetic!) I came to the conclusion, I just wanted to hang out with swingers. Its not that I even really wanted to hook up just wanted to meet some locals and who better than with this group?

C.

As I reed throe this form I can see both sides of this problem but as fair as are two cents are worth. As we reed throe the profiles every one of them say how much in love they are. And so dos Ares and as that goes we will just wait till the other one get back in town and play to gather that is the way we think it should be

As far as the "oh sure" response, its certainly easy enough to offer to let them talk to your spouse, get on cam, chat with them on IM or the chat room, etc. for those who live at a distance. If they aren't willing to accept the possibility that you might REALLY be telling them the truth and take the time to find out, keep looking.

Also, if its locals, we like to get together so everyone can talk and get to know each other and discuss the possibility of solo play first so they understand we say what we mean and mean what we say. Generally with locals, we prefer to stick with people we've played with and gotten to know already (personal safety issue), though we certainly do fantasize about each other picking up a total stranger and having a hot night (afternoon, whatever) of wild sex (locally or when travelling) - just seems to be a risky thing to do these days.

-SG

DOGSOLDIER69: The best thing to do in my personal opinion (but that's just my personal opinion and what would work for us) is to let us meet both of you and get to know you first. Then we would know that you were a legit couple and that you actually do allow solo play. Then we would have no problem with it. It's just kinda weird when the first e-mail says "My wife is out of town, wanna fuck?" Makes me wonder and I give them the polite "we play with the whole couple not just half."

We so so so agree that this is a bunch of cheating men or single men wanting to act all honost and trustworthy. So tired of it. Most couples that stay together - play together. Too many issues for it to be real. All you posers GO AWAY!!!!

I just had to comment on this thread.

I am one of those males that has the wife's permission to play alone. Due to medical reasons, she has no interest or desire to play, not with me nor with anyone else. We used to meet people as a couple and then if it worked out I would meet up with them at a later time for solo play. The problem with this is that invariably she would get hit on and after several times of other guys not taking NO for an answer she generally refuses to go out to meet other couples. So I have to ask, how could I post this in my profile so prospective partners would know that I was legit? She wouldn't mind chatting with someone in IM or on the phone but due to past experience would prefer not to meet in person.

OK...Here is our take...

IF the man writes as a couple, then suddenly she cannot make it but he can...NO DICE...He is so full of it, his eyes are brown...

IF he writes to us as a single male, even if his profile says it is a couple...We are OK with it...Why you may ask? It is NOT our responsibility to keep someone else's husband on a leash...He is going to find someone to "cheat" with anyway, so why not enjoy it, IF he is what we are desiring.

Yes, we know, sounds sort of callous, but it is the truth and how we feel about it. ESPECIALLY with men who admit they are married and their spouse does not have any interest in playing OR he has a hall pass with a don't ask, don't tell policy. Why would you want to make sure he can? Are you the one who is going to get in trouble? Oh wait...No drama...RIIIIIIIGHT...We have YET to meet ANYONE without drama...Drama is a part of life...

Val - Great post!

I've been the single guy a few times and would have hated to be lumped into the "cheating men" cauldron.

We pretty much chose to play as a couple. We prefer playing with people who are actually single or with couples. Just ask some simple questions and follow your instinct and intuition if you are approached by solo men and women who want to play.

The two of us do prefer to meet with both parties, even if only one is going to play. I also know that Ms. K_T and I wouldn't play solo unless we were comfortable with the individuals we're playing with.

-K_T

Posted By: VALENCEPARADIGM Reply posted on:
Oct 2, 2007 - 1:47 am

Nothing is for certain. One minute what seems right, can go so horribly wrong without warning. You can cross all your eyes and dot your Ts and still end-up face down in the muck.

So, dear friends, that puts the onus squarely on you. That's why your deity-du-jour gave you these neat little abilities called "Insight" and "Intuition".

OK. That much is true. However, what is your best bet? I can get mugged anywheres I go but which would increase my chances of getting mugged? Walk in the best neighborhood or walk in the slums? That is like saying "I'm going to get mugged anyways so why not walk in the slums?". Well. What are the odds like? I'd say that if you dot all your "i"s and cross all your "t"s, the odds of you getting screwed are way less than if you walk in with a "couldn't care less" attitude.

That deity-du-jour also gave you common sense to avoid the problems that might arise by talking unnecessary risks.

Posted By: JSTJIM72 Reply posted on:
Oct 2, 2007 - 5:51 am

IF he writes to us as a single male, even if his profile says it is a couple...We are OK with it...Why you may ask? It is NOT our responsibility to keep someone else's husband on a leash...He is going to find someone to "cheat" with anyway, so why not enjoy it, IF he is what we are desiring.

Yes, we know, sounds sort of callous, but it is the truth and how we feel about it. ESPECIALLY with men who admit they are married and their spouse does not have any interest in playing OR he has a hall pass with a don't ask, don't tell policy. Why would you want to make sure he can?

Are you the one who is going to get in trouble? Oh wait...No drama...RIIIIIIIGHT...We have YET to meet ANYONE without drama...Drama is a part of life...

Well, it would make me wonder why his profile is as a couple but yet he is writing as a single male. Could he be concealing something else that I might not like? Yes, you can enjoy it till someone comes knocking on your door screaming and yelling. Ask me how I know.

It sounds callous but that does happen to be the process that goes thru everyone's mind. They just find a nice way to sugar coat it. We however, dont' care for the sugar coat.

Sometimes. Been there, done that. Not interested in that. We had her husband or boyfriend all pissed because we played with her and went to a swing club. Why do I want to make more enemies for a lay? Is that lay that good?

These guys that do this are scammers! Its like We are in the airline industry and will be in the salt lake area, bla bla bla, then it turns out that she had to take a alternate flight at the very last minute. Weve also had the wife is out of town we play seperate, you can call if you want, how do these guys show up to someones house and keep a straight face, its just as bad as when a guy shows pics of his cock and its huge! then when everybody takes of their clothes your like WTF , thats false advertisement, i think the next time this kind of shit happens to us iam going to practice my big time wrestling moves on his ass. pitdaddy

We do single play and couple play. the way we do things is if she is single plays I make the plans over the phone and if I single play she does the same then we get together and do our thing. but you can always tell the cheaters when you tell the other half to make the plans that they never call, a few do and that are thr ture single players.
AND NOW YOU NOW THE REST OF THE STORY

AKLIM...Trust me....EVERYONE conceals things that you will not like...It is human nature to put the best foot anf face forward for all to see...

Do you think that you never met someone who smakcs their wife or kids around? BUT because they did not do it in front of you, you had no clue.

Do you think you never met a man who is bi, but does not say so in profile because of the discrimination bi males get?

Do you think that EVERYONE is going to lie about their ability to play alone because ONE lady did to you?

I am not (yes, it is him typing, as she is to busy to participate in this aspect of the lifestyle) saying you cannot avoid certain things, but you cannot avoid all possible avenues of problems...

For the record, in our experience, about 75% of "single" women are not single, but post themselves as such to attract other single women for them and their mates. Our experience has also been that a man who is married or part of a couple tells you that up front, the women do not. But because there are so many men and so few women in the lifestyle, the women do not get the bad rap for it, but the men do.

JSTJIM: I've known that I really liked you two - for a long time now, but you sure make a lot of sense to me. Any human interaction opens you up to someone being other than what they represent themselves to be. It has been my experience in life that very few are actually "evil" and I've done much better in life by trusting people - than not. I have, in all my years, been burned once or twice. But I've had wonderful, marvellous experiences with the others - because I trusted.

Everybody makes their choices and gits what they gits. I prefer to cast the net pretty widely.