Swingers on Swingular - Swingers Forum

OK, we have been hit up a couple times by a couple that I think is a single male, posing as a couple. Now I don't care about the single male part since we entertain single men. BUT........Why lie? This is no way to try to start off a friendship, what would be the plan? What kind of lie would that end up being when no wife shows up?
Is there anyway to tell? Am I just being suspicious?
Anyone?

Its amazing the things people say..

actually happened, we met a "couple" only when they arrived outside the resturant it was just him.. "Oh my wife, got called into work last minute".. he was paying so we had dinner anyways. The next meeting no wife again..

Also had people who say they are couples.. and during later conversations they make up some excuse and reason why there wife is no longer interested.

Like you we do like to entertain single males.. says so in the profile, so we've no idea why people would make up excuses.

Well. Not really defending, but I'm a married guy who plays as a single - and I say so in my profile. But everybody just *assumes* that I'm lying about my wife giving me permisson: I've had some pretty-nasty accusations about that - so I can kind of understand why guys would claim to be a couple - hoping that once you got to know them - that you'd play anyway. Not likely to work, but I can understand how it happens. Also, I can vouch that some wives seem to say "OK, we'll try it" - until suddenly a "maybe" becomes a meeting - and the wife just drops out.

Anyway. Again. Not defending the practice, but I'm honest about my situation and I get fried for being honest - often enough that I can understand why some would try a different approach.

We have also come across this numerous times. One couple the wife did just drop out, but he says she is ok with him playing. But, if that is the case, why does he still have her picture as the main profile picture? After talking with him for about 5 months on and off, I doubt seriously there was ever a wife. LOL

We have also had a lot of emails from the male half of the couple saying the wife is out of town and has given him permission to play alone. Or we have gotten ones from out of town males claiming the wife has given them permission to play while in town.

I am not saying that a wife giving permission never happens, I just want to know if there is a way to tell that they are not cheating. Other than the guy saying, "Oh, you can call her, and she will tell you."

Think I will just stick to the if your married and the wife doesn't play, then we don't either. That's probable the safest thing to do.

On the flip side of that I have met women that do the same thing. Posing as a couple but were not, advertised as a single female but were not, meanwhile Husband/boyfriend thinks she is at home knitting when she is playing. I am also the victim of a cheating spouse. Single males are not the only guilty ones in this.

I guess what is good for the goose....well you all know the cliche. As for me I am single and can prove it. I have the papers and they can be found on public record!

Oh puhleeze URIAH...I'm totally with TEQUILA on this one...

~J~

Alot of time and effort for what? What do they EVER gain?

I'll tell you why they lie. Single or unaccompanied males almost can't get anything going without lying. Many profiles state that they are looking for men but they really aren't. Lack of truthfulness on this website is not just from single men.

I personally do not state anything I cannot back up. People are smart enough to figure out if you are lying, and a liar usually gets worse treatment.

Some men aren't fortunate enough to have wives who swing, or a wife at all. Show some compassion on them.

Fuckin' seriously.

INKYCPL: Thanks for the opportunity to explain *that* one a little - particularly in a forum where you can believe me - or not - and it doesn't change the outcome.

I *do* have permission from my wife - but my stated agreement with her is "Don't ask / Don't Tell". She doesn't like for me to play, but we've agreed (after 26 years of trying every other possibility) that we're better off married to each other, but that I'll always want the playtime and she'll NEVER want the playtime - but it still hurts her for me to even *want* the playtime. So. If you ask to MEET my wife and have her confirm to you that I can go fuck somebody else, it just won't happen. That's really "rubbing it in her face" and hurting her.

I realize that it's very difficult for you to then figure out if I'm just flat cheating or if I really have permission - and I realize that you have lots of choices so you don't "need" to bother figuring out if I'm lying or not - you can simply move on to the next guy. But perhaps the real value of this discussion is again raising the awareness that "labels are useless": Cheater, bi, gay, swinger, liberal, conservative - they are words that try to encapsulate an entire human's vast diversity - in a single word - so most labels miss the mark. Am I married? Yes. Am I cheating? Well. I do have my wife's permission, but she isn't happy about it - so - am I cheating or not? What does cheating even mean? Would I be a better partner for you if my wife and I split up a 26-year marriage just so I can fuck other people once in awhile?

I'm not at all shooting at you personally. I'm just trying to remind us all just how difficult this "mating dance" is - and that even those who appear to be "perfectly-labelled finds" - can begin cheating or lying or could be less-perfect than they appear. And that those whose labels are "bad" - could actually be people you'd really like to know - and fuck. I'm always surprised at how quick we are to be judgemental - in a lifestyle which is supposed to be open-minded. It's like the Puritans who left England in order to get "religious freedom": they didn't really want *Freedom* at all: they just wanted everybody to choose *their* religion. The parallel is that I suspect that many of us "Lifestylers" don't really want sexual *freedom* - we just want everybody to choose *our* idea of "fun sex" - and "The Lifestyle", in particular - seems to actually be "bi-sexual women, and men who like to watch bi-sexual women". Anything else is derided and shunned.

Gee! That was cathartic - even if I didn't set myself up to find any new partners, it felt good to explore that and say it. (smile).

Uriah,

So glad to hear that you are a stud male and in high demand. Wow !! that is sooooooo cool. Seriously though have you ever had sex with somebody of the opposite sex & I don't mean the animal kingdom?

Now thats some funny shit!!!!!!!

We will not play with posers. Nor will we play with marrieds whose spouses do not play. Even if they have "permission."

If you are married how in the hell do you play when your spouse is hurt by it? How is that healthy for your relationship? How is that treating your spouse with the love and kindeness they deserve? To us, that's lower than a cheat. Spouse is aware, is hurt and you proceed to play KNOWING it will cause pain. Is your own ego and orgasm that important that you would willingly and knowingly do something to hurt the one you are supposed to love and honor?

Talk about being fucking warped!

So again no, no posers or marrieds playing without spouses. We aren't interested in helping anyone cheat or hurt their partner.

Ali

Which is pretty much what I was trying to say Don.

They can do whatever they choose. We may not like nor understand it so we choose not to be a part of it. Too much bullshit to get involved with.

Ali

Is it wrong to tie your wife up and make her watch whilst calling her a dirty, deprived, whore? It bothers her, but I like it. What we want as individuals, isn't that what's important? I think we are all selfish bastards by trade. The rest of the goodness comes from our "have-to" be kind, if we're going to hit it from behind...

Am I ever serious? Not usually..

UtHot

B and I are not married but in a committed relationship. We both were married to someone that didn't like sex at all.

Perhaps that is why we have chosen 1) not to do the legal expectation for committed couples and 2) become part of the lifestyle that allows us to explore so many sides of our relationship and personal sexual desires.

With that said B and I have permission to play alone. If someone wants to get the others permission from us all they have to do is ask. If that means that we meet up and have drinks just for that purpose we will oblige the other person/couple. We ask the same of others - its simple respect.

....But we will not play with the cheeting spouse/bf/gf whatever. Honesty is important to us and we feel that if you can't be honest with them there is no telling what else someone is being dishonest about.

S

So than Mr. Don, does that mean that I too can become OB-GYN Kanobi and test the depths of the Ms. with my fleshy speculum? I think both of them would look rather sexy with their ankles pushed past their ears. When your tool has become moist with hot and mine moist with tequila, we can rejoice in celebration for it will be the moment we have arrived!

Ok, if the women read this they're going to call bullshit on it.. LOL. For the record, anyone reading this, I tried to meet the hottie on Tequila's profile and much to my dismay, a hairy greek guy with an attitude showed up. You have to be careful on these sites. Oh, did I mention standing directly behind him, was the hottie in the pictures. Whew!

Don Tami, you know we luv ya!! :-)

I was kidding about the hairy part and the attitude... :-)

Once again, Don has proven there IS a squishy center inside...LOL

Nuttin wrong with Wilson Pickett, Don.

I listen to him quite often. Only I'm on the treadmill, not pulling my pud. Then again, I don't have a pud to pull.

The point here? I don't have one. Feel free to ignore me.

HAHA

Ali

We try and keep it as simple as possible. We provide cell numbers to the people we are going to meet for the first time as we understand that things can happen at the last minute. We do talk to both the hubby and wife prior to meeting on the phone so that will usually eliminate most men that pose as couples. We always ask them to call us if anything changes and we do the same in return. We also talk on the phone just before we leave to meet them to make sure everything is still as planned. That being said, if the male shows up without the wife on the first meeting we will politely tell them that we are sorry that

I totally agree with Tequilla they hit it right on the nose. People will be people just so happens that there are some very horny, and dishonest guys out here. While yes they are making things very bad for the good ones. I being a single male learned from the outset that being honest and upfront will get you everywhere. But ending this, this door swings both ways so don't just bash the single guys because I have run across a few females who pose as singles and are married cheating on there husband. So while more common with the males the door swings both ways. Now that we have that outta the way who wants to party?...lol

Beard just because your wife tolerates your extra marital affairs does not mean you have her permission.i think if you told her about the extras it would probally cause a big to do,therefore she just does not ask.just my opinion and could be way off but think of it this way the military has don't ask don't tell deal going for gays and lesbians but happens if the cat gets out of the bag the soldier is kicked out

Funny how my input on females that also lie & pose was ignored.... hmmmmm DOUBLE STANDARD????

No Rube. No double standard here. It goes the same way for males and females that are less than honest about their status.

Ali

Highway1: I could see it appearing that way, but my wife and I have had extensive, long, deep, talks about the situation - for probably 10 years now. The "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" - is an explicit policy choice arrived at after trying pretty-much every other arrangement. She knows. I've told her about this particular thread, even. We even discussed divorce - just as an amicable way for both of us to start anew, but both of us agreed that we're better off staying together and letting me enjoy my hobby - the one she doesn't share - than screwing up our entire lives just to keep me from being a "cheating husband". It ain't cheating if I have permission.

One more time, I'll smirk at all of the holier-than-thou couples who defend a woman's right to completely control a man's balls: if SHE wants it, then everything is fine. If HE wants it, then he should just bow to his wife's needs and do without. That doesn't seem acceptable to me - and when the rest of you have managed to have *one* total marriage - for more than 25 years - as opposed to hopping from one "permanent life mate" to another - because you can't agree on how to unroll the toilet paper, then I'll give more credence to your advice on how to run a successful marriage. As long as you and your mate agree, that's great, but how many of you have, indeed, stuck it out thru a major disagreement?

Beard you come off as an ass the more you post about yourself.

I've been married to the same life partner for 23 years. I've known and loved him for 29 years.

Have we been through major disagreements? You bet we have. Nobody stays married long term without having faced a few disasters.

You talk about getting laid as a hobby? Have you tried golf? Any kind of hobby that didn't involve your genitals and your wife feeling hurt? You KNOW this hurts her and you persist. You state she wants to stay married. Could it be that after all this time with you she doesn't have the ability to start over? So she stays with you for finacial reasons?

Time and time again you talk about how important it is for you to get your erotic play. You talk about how vital it is to have your fantasies and dreams fullfilled. How important it is to get laid often and by various people.

What about your wife's dreams? Her hopes? The way she feela about her vows? Or does that all go out the window because you don't want some female holding onto you by the balls?

Do you realize what a misogynistic ass you come off as when you post? Or do you just not care?

Ali

Read the entire thread...interesting stuff, then it morphed....in came the large, multi-syllabic words, deep thoughts, the meaning of life, affirmation, dynamics between husband and wife, to judge or not to judge....envisioning episodes of Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil....head spinning....asking self "where are the threads with nasty parts?"

Sorry, no point here, just random thoughts

i am just wondering if you or someone you know had experienced that kind of situation and if so what you did about it ?
and if not, want to know how you found out that member is a single male not a couple?
either or if anything base on a lie it wont last and its not going to have a happy ending..

MILF_AND_DADDY, with seeing and reading your profile and then seeing your postings, you then would appear to be a poser in our eyes. Where you profile says one thing, and then you get another thing. For example, you are looking for, girl on girl, as is listed in your profile, and it reads you are together, yet you say you aren't and go out and meet others that you have communicated with. That is a poser. Guess what we are saying is the profile then needs to be changed to reflect what is really to be for REAL upon meeting or communicating with you. A suggestion would be to get a new profile as the "S-Real" seal you have on the profile now does not apply, and that is misleading to others. Justification does not help other feel you were honest with them and can then be trusted.

It would be interesting to see if others reading this feel the same as we do with regards to your reply to the posting and the initial thread.

In reference to the MILF & Daddy question: We agree, the profile should reflect the current status, because there is a pretty big difference from the situation now as compared to what the profile indicates. However, we don't see the need to get a new profile....just because their situation changed doesn't make them any less real.

Not directed at any particular reply or person/couple, but in general, there seems to be a lot of judgment about others choose to have their profiles. Misleading is one thing, but there seems to be some undue concern if a couple or person decides not to have this or that type of pic, or decides to use a label or description that somebody else doesn't think fits or wouldn't use themselves for that profile, or doesn't say something just the way we'd say it, etc. The profile should be honest, but it isn't an all encompassing depiction...if it says enough to spark an interest, we'll chat the couple up, if it indicates something of disinterest then we wont. Beyond outright dishonesty, we just don't feel it's our place to police how others decide to make their profiles.

I really dont get this topic...sorta. LOL, I advertise as solo eventhough I actually can often play as a couple. I just dont get why a solo guy would say otherwise. Ofcourse that is, they never plan on acutally meeting. My whole purpose for this site is to meet and have fun. Why would anyone say they have a girl and not bring her...makes no sense. LOL, to be honest pisses me off, one of the big reasons decent guys have a tough time meeting decent couples. Help us all!!! Please

Lifetime Member
Location: MELBOURNE, FL
Join Date: Aug 27, 2005
Posted By: BEARD Reply posted on:
Jul 14, 2007 - 9:36 am

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I *do* have permission from my wife - but my stated agreement with her is "Don't ask / Don't Tell". She doesn't like for me to play

you said it ,,She doesn't like for me to play

AND YOU DO IT ANYWAY..

K & A

OK...

Seems like people are attacking the men for being "swingers" when their wives are not involved...How many times have you finally located that ever elusive bi-female and clicked her profile only to find that she is a couple too? Hmmmmm....No one is bitching about that...Double standards abound in life....Because there is an amazing number os men who are "swingers" and the supply far exceeds the demand, they are _______ (insert whatever you wanna call them)...but when a woman does it, it is OK?

Just his 2 cents...you can give me the change later...HA HA HA HA HA HA

Heres how we handle single guys we tell them up front we will meet with you at a place and time of our choosing then they are lucky to get a few hrs. notice this keeps the married "cheaters" away because its too difficult to explain to the wife "where your going" with that little notice.

How do we know it works? Simple the guys who show up with little notice our next question is "can we go to your place"? Nine out of Ten come up with umpteen different reasons why you can't go to their place.

Those that pass the first test (short notice) get to get test # 2 (can we go to your place) it has worked very well for us needless to say we do not meet many single guys this way because they either fail test 1 or test 2.

To those that do answer the questions right we just might meet a second time. It ceases to amaze us the #'s of single guys who "NO show" even though they say "I'll be there".

Cpls we agree to meet at public place and if both don't show we share a drink and say "nice meeting you have your wife give us a call we are looking forward to meeting her" If there is no wife/girlfriend we never hear back. This is some of the things that has worked for us the bottom line is you are not going to stop people from being untruthful all you can do is learn to say "NEXT" .

Norm&Sharon

alright now enough is enough you Utah people need to quit picking on our Florida cheaters and scumbags

I believe we will use that filtering system too...LOL

As to BEARD...Know him personally...He is sporadic in the lifestyle..So he may be on one of his down times...Prolly won't come back and re-visit this convo...

Jesus love me this I know cuz the bible tells me so...lol

I guess that one reason why single guy have a hard time to hook up with other coulpes

Swingers Forum - Posers?